Somebody Tell Aunt Tillie She's Dead (Toad Witch Series, Book One) (34 page)

While Lucien was reading the paper and getting up to speed on modern day problems, language and viewpoints, Lisette walked down to the cemetery to get her single, perfect rose.

Seeing the cemetery through Lisette’s eyes was quite an experience. For her, it had been her home and her prison, for centuries. And she knew everyone who was buried there. As we walked in, I could see all their spirits. Talking, laughing. Until they saw Lisette and a hush settled in among them.

A young woman came up to Lisette, furious and barely containing it. She looked like my mom, but a lot younger than the last time I saw her. “Lisette, you can not do this. It’s anathema.”

“Katie, I appreciate your feelings, but you have no say in what I do.”

“The hell I don’t. You release my daughter, immediately.” Holy crap, it was my mom. I guess it’s true — when you die, you can pick whatever age you want to be.

“You don’t have the strength to stand against me and you lack the stomach to destroy the body I’m in. Please remove yourself from my presence.” Lisette was icy and commanding. There wasn’t a single spirit there who didn’t cringe and back down in front of her.

When we got back to the cottage, Lisette went looking for a vase and the one she ‘found’ was Tillie’s.

“Oh my goodness. What’s in here?” she said, her nose crinkling up with disgust. “Is that a mirror? And dirt?”

“I guess. I don’t know. I bought it used. I was about to clean it up, polish it and put it on the mantle, when some body-grabbing ghost rudely interrupted my plans.”

She felt like she wasn’t quite buying my story. So I pushed her harder, tried to distract her.
“Who’s Matthew Gilardi? And why did he kill you?”

“None of your business,” she snarled back at me.

Annoyed, she dumped out the mirror, dirt and bark from the vase and then washed and dried it. The flower looked lovely on the mantle, displayed in the gleaming vase. And I hoped that Aunt Tillie had managed to escape. If there was anybone who could be a thorn in Lisette’s side, it would be Aunt Tillie.

Chapter Forty-Three

That night, while Lisette was asleep, I asked her again about Matthew Gilardi. This time, it got through her defenses and went straight into her subconscious, because she was suddenly dreaming about him.

Lisette’s baby was in her crib, holding on to Lisette’s head with one hand and a blankie in the other. The head vanished and the baby started crying. Lisette walked in the room — whole and alive — and she picked up the baby. They sat down in a rocking chair and Lisette started nursing her.

I sat down on a bench facing them. “Who’s Matthew Gilardi?”

Lisette never looked up at me. She continued looking at the baby’s face while she answered. “During the Beltaine festival, when the Horned Lord descended into the men, he descended most successfully into Matthew Gilardi. And Matthew, who never had relations with women if he could help it, impregnated my mother with a child of the Horned One.”

Suddenly, we were in a different house, sitting in front of a fireplace, and Lisette looked to be about four years old. She was using a mortar and pestle to grind up some herbs.

The grown-up Lisette stood next to me, watching the child. “Ever since I can remember, Matthew Gilardi has been part of my life. When I was a child, I showed promise in the Cunning Artes, so he took me under his wing. While my mother taught me how to work with herbs and use them for healing, Matthew taught me how to use them for cursing.”

The child threw the herbs in the fire and the flames turned blue. ” He taught me how to communicate with spirits and, most importantly, how to master Fate. He taught me how to navigate the realms of the Otherworld. I was his prodigy. He passed his legacy to me.”

“But he killed you.”

“Things change.”

Random images came flashing at me…

Lisette rolling around on a large bed, covered with hides, with a young red-headed boy, who looked about seventeen. Even though the night was cool, a roaring fire and physical exertion kept them warm…

The same boy, now the young King of Scotland, riding off with his troops, Matthew Gilardi at his side…

Lisette, looking at a reflection of her naked body, caressing her burgeoning stomach…

The triumphant return of the boy-king, who had now become a battle-tested man…

Lisette and I walked through the courtyard of the castle. It was a crisp day, the leaves just starting to turn color.

“I was Prince James’s mistress, able to travel the castle at will. It was understood that once he took a queen, my freedoms would be curtailed. But I thought my news would change things. There was a great deal of turmoil and threats of toppling the monarchy. The old rules didn’t apply anymore, and I was about to give him an heir. His first-born. And we were in love. Little did I know I wasn’t the only one he had in his heart.”

Lisette ran through the courtyard and inside the castle, and I followed. She whispered to me as we climbed the stairs. “I was ridiculously excited that James had returned and looking forward to sharing my news with him. I searched high and low and finally found him up in the parapet. But he wasn’t alone. Matthew was there with him.” Lisette ducked into the shadows and listened as Matthew vehemently argued with James.

 ”She is bewitched, I tell you. I have seen her do things no good Christian woman would even be able to think about.”

“That is quite possibly the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever heard, Matthew.” James said, stretching out his long legs.

“My liege, I have spent a lifetime studying this blight on humanity. Please don’t dismiss it so lightly. Test her yourself. See if I’m wrong.”

“Your idea of testing is a bit overmuch. If she is not a witch, the test will kill her. If she survives your test, she’ll be put to death as a witch. It’s a ridiculous situation and I won’t hold with it.”

“My prince, I seek merely to protect you, to open your eyes to the truth.”

“Come, come. You know I adore you both. Stop trying to sell Lisette to the wolves. I’ve given you the title of Witchfinder General, but not so you can use it to control my bedroom.”

“If you wish to stay blind, that is your choice. I will honor your wish, no matter how misguided I believe it to be.”

“Don’t pout, Matthew. There is enough of me to go around. There is no need for you to execute your rivals.”

Matthew laughed and the two men embraced. An embrace which quickly grew passionate.

Lisette turned to me. “What was I supposed to do? Matthew and I were rivals for the love of this ambiguously sexed boy. More than just rivals. He was preparing to sacrifice me as a witch.”

“Aren’t you both witches?” I asked. “Wouldn’t he be sacrificing himself as well?”

She shot me a look that let me know — in no uncertain terms — that I was a na•ve idiot. “Matthew never has only one agenda where two will do. He is sewing seeds so that I am discredited. So I can never reveal the secrets of the new Witchfinder General and be believed. Whether I tell people he’s a witch, or whether I tell them he’s seducing the Prince. Once I’m accused, nothing I say will be believed.”

“But he’s your father.”

“This position gives him the type of power he’s always dreamed of. He’s got the ear of the king. Anyone who crosses him can be arrested, tried and put to death — all on his word. At the same time, his own actions are hidden, so he stays safe. What small price is the life of his daughter, in the face of all that?”

As she fell into a deeper, dreamless sleep, I retreated from Lisette’s subconscious and went off to think. Not that I could go far, but I was able to find a small, quiet corner in Lisette’s mind where I could relax. She’d had quite a life. If she hadn’t so rudely taken over my body and — even more rudely — been making plans to permanently evict me from it, I would have wanted to get to know her better. I mean, yeah, somewhere along the line she sold her soul to the Devil, but I almost understood how she got to that point.

As I was brooding, I saw Tillie appear in my mind’s eye. “I told you she was trouble.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t feel sorry for her.”

She sniffed. “You’re an idiot.”

I nodded. “Probably. But are you going to help me or not?”

“Help you? I should kill you. You gave her two bodies.”

“I’m trying to get them back.”

“Can the evil one hear us?”

I cast an anxious glance over at Lisette, but she was deep in her dream. “I don’t think so. She’s reliving her death right now.”

Tillie paused and listened in. “Oh, that was a loud, bloody mess. Well, that should drown out anything else in her head, as long as we’re not too loud.”

“Thank the Gods.” I sighed, relieved, and told Tillie about my plan. “We don’t have a lot of time. If anything goes wrong…” I was going to be completely screwed. But I didn’t need to tell her that. She already knew.

 She raced off to do her part, leaving me alone with Lisette.

“Gods speed, Tillie.” I whispered.

Man, I longed for the days when my only problem was being evicted from my apartment. Facing imminent eviction from my own body gave me a whole different perspective on the past.

Chapter Forty-Four

The next few days passed in a blur of sex and food. Every position, every imaginable (and some not-so-imaginable) sex act. And then, Lucien found the wonderful world of the internet and hooked up with a polyamorous group in Trinity Harbor. It made me wonder what exactly Paul did in his spare time.

But still no word from Aunt Tillie. And every day, Lisette grew stronger.

We were running out of time.

A week before the dark moon, Lucien woke Lisette with breakfast in bed. A tray with coffee, eggs, bacon and hash browns. That must have been Paul’s doing. Somehow, I don’t think hash browns had been invented when Lisette and Lucien were alive. Next to the coffee was my brass vase with fresh roses.

Lisette sat up and clapped her hands, delighted. “You spoil me.”

After breakfast, he drew a milk bath for her. With rose petals. Talk about decadence. I hoped Paul was paying attention. If we ever got our bodies back, I wouldn’t mind a little pampering in the bath department.

Lucien washed Lisette’s long hair, massaging her scalp. After the bath, he dried and brushed Lisette’s hair and then gave her a slow, long, full-body massage with scented oils. I completely lost track of time, luxuriating in the silky feel of the oils as my body’s kinks and knots got worked out.

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, the massage was over.  “Wear something special. I have a surprise for you tonight.” Lucien said, kissing the back of Lisette’s neck.

He left and Lisette searched through my closet until she found my green, witchy dress. “Perfect.”

She put it on and looked at herself in the full-length mirror on the closet door. She looked great. My body looked great. All the non-stop sex must have melted some pounds off, because my dress had never fit so well before.

Lucien’s big surprise turned out to be a polyamorous party at a swanky house in Trinity Harbor. Right on the shore of Lake Superior. When we walked in, Lisette’s outfit turned heads in every room she entered. She was making a bigger splash than I ever did in the same dress.

But when we walked into the dining room, even Lisette got upstaged. Waiters walked around with full trays of drinks, completely naked. There was even a nude cigarette girl sporting a tray of candy cigarettes. And dinner was an enormous sushi feast, tastefully arranged on the naked body of a young woman.

Lisette and Lucien cheerfully jumped into the spirit of things. Lisette was a wild child and her sense of fun and sexual adventure seemed to inspire this houseful of people. Soon, everyone who was in the dining room was naked and smearing each other with chocolate and wine and squishy fruits and anything else that was available and licking it off each other with abandon.

As Lisette strolled through the house, still naked, she noticed that there was a large hot tub out back, the water steaming in the cool night. She looked at Lucien and clapped, delightedly.

“Anyone want to join me?” she winked as she slid open the glass door and walked out to the hot tub. Lucien was right behind her, sporting a large erection.

Soon, it seemed everyone who wasn’t otherwise occupied in the dining room, was in the hot tub with them. Naked, some of them food smeared, looking at the stars. Oddly enough, even though they were all nude, everyone seemed to be on their best non-sexual behavior. So Lisette stood up, using the cold air to make her nipples stand out even more. She not-so-accidentally brushed them against the cheek of a woman who was staring at her.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Lisette said, batting her eyes.

“No, anytime, really.” The woman barely managed to croak the words out. So Lisette took her at her word and within minutes, the hot tub was full of naked guests who had taken a major turn for the horny.