Somebody Tell Aunt Tillie She's Dead (Toad Witch Series, Book One)
Read Somebody Tell Aunt Tillie She's Dead (Toad Witch Series, Book One) Online
Authors: Christiana Miller
Somebody Tell Aunt Tillie She’s Dead
Christiana Miller
HekaRose Publishing electronic publication date: April 2011
Electronic Edition
Copyright © 2010 Christiana Miller
All rights reserved.
This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the writer’s imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locales or organizations is entirely coincidental.
Somebody Tell Aunt Tillie She’s Dead
Copyright © 2010 Christiana Miller
www.christianamiller.com
Edited by: Tana Panagopoulos
Cover Design by: Tara Shuler
HekaRose Publishing
www.hekarose.com
All Rights Are Reserved.
No part of this book may be used or reproduced without written permission,
except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Electronic Edition License Notes
This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to site of purchase and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.
PRAISE FOR
SOMEBODY TELL AUNT TILLIE SHE’S DEAD
“Somebody Tell Aunt Tillie She’s Dead
is a fine romp through spookyland, with enough paranormal creepiness to chill your blood. Witches, demons, magic spells, oh my! There’s just enough intrigue and magic spells to keep you on edge, and Miller’s hilarious one-liners leave you begging for more. Highly recommended for fun but scary reading on dark, stormy nights.”
Bonnie Turner, Author,
Down the Memory Hole
“
Somebody Tell Aunt Tillie She’s Dead
is a spellbinding story with magic, drama, romance and the coolest amphibian ever. Christiana Miller has created a witty, talented, sharp-tongued protagonist in Mara, whose journey leads her down a path of broken promises, family secrets, and unimaginable betrayals. This is a spellbinding tale about the families we are born to—and the ones we choose. It captivates from the first page and holds on until the final, shocking conclusion. You won’t want to miss it!”
Barbra Annino, Author,
Opal Fire: A Stacy Justice Mystery
DEDICATION
To my Dad, who whispered the idea for this story to me in my dreams, after his passing, and to Lord Grundleshanks, the late, great, magickal toad.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Big THANK YOU’s go to:
Troy, who inspired me and who thought immortalizing Lord Grundleshanks was a fitting tribute for a magickal toad. To Mark and Griffin, for putting up with having a broke-ass writer in the family. And to my mom, who’s been asking me for years when the book’s coming out.
I also want to thank Mike Campbell for coming up with the title — I will forever be grateful. Jill and Carrie for being my beta readers. My Backspace, Kindleboards and Facebook crews for their continued advice and assistance. And my manager, Leslie Conliffe, for her patience.
But most of all, a big thank you to my children. To my grown-up kids, who have taught me to live life on my own terms. And to my baby girl and muse, who inspires me and teaches me, everyday, how to reach for the stars
.
Los Angeles
At the beginning of this whole, surreal journey, I had no idea you could be evicted from your body as easily as you could be booted out of your apartment. Easier, actually, since there’s none of those pesky laws in place to protect you. But it all started out so innocently… With a streak of bad luck.
One of the problems with being a witch is when you ask the universe a question, it generally gives you an answer. Or just enough of one to ruin a perfectly good week.
But since it was my birthday…
And since I was an eternal optimist…
And mostly ‘cause I was stuck at the longest red light in the history of traffic, with nothing else to do…
I dug my tarot deck out of my purse and pulled three cards for the coming year.
Death.
Three of Swords.
The Tower.
Transformation. Sorrow. Change through destruction.
Happy birthday to me.
Damn it. I shouldn’t have looked. You’d think I’d know better by now. Damn tarot cards always suckered me into peeking into my future and I just about always regretted it. Because the hell of it was…
They were usually right.
After a quick stop at Trader Joe’s, I was finally home. I propped the grocery bag on my hip, wrestled open the wrought iron gate and placed my hand on my mailbox.
Mara Stephens, Apt 1-C
.
I stood for a second, hoping my unemployment check was in there and tried to read the vibes. This was a game I always played with myself — a small psychic exercise to keep my ‘
sight’
sharp. But I didn’t feel any sense of urgency or hope. Just a whopping dose of dread.
Great. So my guess was no check, but at least one major bill I’d have to pay. I unlocked the box and quickly sorted through the mail. Sure enough — a sale flyer from the Crooked Pantry, a birthday card from a temp agency and a pink notice from the Dept. of Water and Power.