So Much Trouble When She Walked In (20 page)

When
Max put the fork to her lips Silken opened her mouth and let him lay the
succulent meat on her tongue.  The sweet tang made her shudder, her taste buds
shocked by the sudden stimulation.  She hadn’t eaten in eight hours and as she
swallowed the first morsel her stomach growled.

With
Max’s help Silken got through almost half the meal but as soon as the food had
taken the edge off her hunger she pushed his hand away.  She had more important
things to do than worry about her stomach.

She
had to know what was happening to Suave. 

***

It
took another twenty-four hours and a second round of tests before the doctors
came back with a diagnosis.  Suave’s symptoms were the manifestation of a
disease of the nerves, brain and spinal cord.  They determined that she had
Multiple Sclerosis.

“What?
 How could that be?  Suave’s been strong and healthy all her life.”  Silken’s
eyes flew from the ER doctor to the neurologist.  “She eats healthy, too. 
She’s practically a vegetarian.  How could this be happening to her?”

The
neurologist drew in her breath and her face was grim.  “We did the second set
of MRI’s with contrast.  The ink allowed us to see the lesions on the brain for
the first time.  Those lesions plus the symptoms she’s been experiencing make
it close to certain that what your sister has is MS.”

“But
isn’t that a disease that can paralyze?”  Silken felt like they’d just dropped
her heart inside a lead box.  She was glad Suave wasn’t in the room.

“Yes.” 
The ER doctor folded his arms across his chest.  “And that’s why we have to
proceed cautiously in handling this patient.  Severe stress can exacerbate the
condition.”  Then he frowned.  “I meant to ask you, has she been under any
undue stress lately?  That’s the primary trigger for this disease.”

Those
were the worst words the doctor could have said to Silken because it made her
realize that what Suave was going through was all her fault.  Because of her
selfish behavior, focusing on her wedding and leaving all the work pressure on
her sister, she’d put her under stress and made her sick.  And this time, she
wasn’t sick with anything as benign as the flu.  She’d heard about MS and that
it was a disease that made you progressively disabled over time and there was
no known cure.  How could she have done that to her beloved sister?

That
night after Suave had been discharged and Silken took her home to bed, she sat
by her bedroom window staring out into the night.  There was no way she could
sleep.  Not tonight when she had so much on her mind.  Starting the following
week Suave would have to begin getting daily injections in the large muscle in
her leg.  According to the doctors, this was her only hope of slowing down the
disease.  The sad thing was, the drug was only thirty percent effective but the
list of side effects was long, the worst of which was damage to the liver.

Silken
sighed.  From here on Suave would be faced with a difficult life, with the best
case scenario being that they kept things under control and staved off disability
for several years.  The worst case?  It could be as bad as ending up being
bedridden and suffering from depression and cognitive impairment.

And
who would be there to care for Suave if that ever happened?

Through
her tears, Silken stared up at the crescent moon glowing in its inky-blue sea. 
“Oh, God,” she whispered on a trembling breath, “why didn’t you let it be me?”

CHAPTER
TWENTY

“You’re
not serious.”  Max felt like he’d just been hit by a freight train.  “Our
wedding is in two weeks.”

“Was.” 
Silken’s shoulders sagged and her voice sounded old, like she’d already lived a
thousand lives.  “I can’t marry you, Max.  Not under the circumstances.”  She
shook her head then looked away.

Max
felt like she’d grabbed his heart and ripped it out by the roots.  Fighting for
composure, he reached out and took her hand in his.  “Silken, I know you love
your sister and I respect you for that but how can you say that?  This
decision, it will affect the rest of your life…and mine.”

Her
face still averted, she drew in a deep breath then let it out slowly.  “I’m
sorry but it can’t be helped.”  Then she sniffed.  “You’ll move on, find
someone else and I…I’ll survive.”

“Look
at me, Silken.”  He was not going to take that from her, not when he couldn’t
see her eyes.  He had to know if she truly meant what she was saying.  “Tell me
you don’t love me and I’ll walk away.  But as long as you love me, as long as
there’s hope, I can’t let you go.  Not like this.”

For
a long time he stared down at her lowered head then, slowly, she lifted her
face and looked into his eyes.

And
as he looked back at her those eyes he’d grown to love so much were now deep,
dark pools of sorrow.

“Let
me go, Max,” she said, her voice gone cool and distant.  “I can’t…I don’t love
you anymore.”  

***

“I’ve
been doing a lot of research,” Suave said, her face glowing as she walked into
Silken’s room, “and there’s hope for me yet.”

Silken
smiled, not wanting to burst Suave’s bubble but not wanting her to hang on to
false hope, either.  “What did you find out this time?”

“Remember
I told you when I was browsing on the net last week that I found this book
written by a lady in the UK who’s had MS over thirty-five years?”

“Yes?”
Silken was watching Suave’s face and there was such hope, such excitement there
that she couldn’t help feeling excited herself.  “And?”

“I
got the book day before yesterday and I’ve finished reading it.  Do you know
that after thirty-five years she’s still active and mobile and most people
don’t even realize she has MS?”

Now
that caught Silken’s attention.  “How is that?  Did she try an experimental
drug?”

Suave
shook her head and she was beaming.  “That’s the great part.  It’s not like
she’s pushing a miracle drug.  She doesn’t speak against using prescribed drugs
but she says a big part of managing the illness has to do with diet,
supplements and exercise.  That’s stuff we can control all on our own.”

Silken
frowned.  “But how?  Could the answer be that simple?”  And then her frown
deepened.  “And why didn’t the doctors tell us about this?”

For
the first time since her illness a flash of something akin to anger crossed
Suave’s face.  “If it’s not a drug it’s not worth mentioning, as far as some of
these medical doctors are concerned.  That’s why it’s important to do your own
research.  Thank God for the internet.”

“So
who’s this miracle woman?  Can I see the book?”

“Sure. 
Give me a sec.”  In less than a minute Suave was back, a thick white book in
hand.

Silken
took it from her.  “Managing Multiple Sclerosis Naturally”, she read as she
stared at the cover.  She flipped it over in her hand and began reading the
back material.  “Are you sure this is good information?  Is this woman
credible?  What kind of doctor is she?”

Suave
rolled her eyes.  “Are you even listening?  She’s not a doctor but she’s
probably the best advisor you could want.  She’s been living with this thing
for over three decades.  And besides,” Suave took the book from her hand and
began to flip through the pages, “the lady’s done her research.”  Then she
smiled and clutched the book to her chest like it was a treasured Bible. 
“Anyway, I’ve got nothing to lose.  I’m heading out to the drugstore to stock
up on my fish oil with omega 3, my vitamin D and my vitamin B12.  I’ll catch up
with you later.”  She was almost out the door when she stopped and turned back
to Silken.  “Oh, and by the way, you thought I was a health nut before?  Now
I’m really going to go overboard.  Judy says the trick is to consume no more
than fifteen grams of saturated fat per day.  That’s my new rule to live by.” 
Then she smiled.  “I think I’m going to send Ms. Graham an e-mail.”

Humming
to herself she walked out the door, looking and sounding happier than Silken
had seen her in weeks.

Long
after Suave had gone Silken sat on the bed, staring at the bedroom wall.  This
was the best news she’d had in such a long time.  She was happy for Suave.  Her
sister’s future did not have to look grim.  There was actually something she
could do to slow the progression of this disease, maybe even halt it if she was
lucky, and she didn’t even need a doctor’s prescription to do it.

And
yet, although she should have been hopping up and down with crazy joy, what she
felt was relief…but she also felt numb…and she felt drained.

The
last several weeks had been difficult, shuttling Suave from her primary care
physician to the neurologist to the X-ray department and to the lab as more and
more tests were ordered for her.  And even as they did all that, the numbness
and dizziness did not go away, and they were even exacerbated by bouts of
nausea.

It
was only during the last week, after Suave read something on the internet about
taking fish oil supplements, that she tried it and began to feel better.  And
now that she’d found the new ‘bible’, Silken was sure she would go all out with
her supplement regime.  She was looking forward to her sister feeling like her
normal self again.  As Suave had said, it was no fun walking around feeling
like you were on the deck of a ship being buffeted by the waves.  Silken
couldn’t even begin to imagine living with such a feeling of imbalance.

But
now maybe she could rest a little easier knowing that there were more options
to explore.  And maybe finally she could get some sleep.

Since
Suave’s diagnosis Silken had not had a good night’s sleep for more reasons than
one.  She’d been fretting about her sister but she’d also been in mourning…for
the loss of the love of her life.

Since
she’d broken off her engagement with Max he’d spoken to her a few times, but
only to find out how Suave was doing.  Still, she could detect no resentment in
his voice, only a cool distance and a formality that told her everything
between them was different.

Not
that she’d expected otherwise.  She was the one who had made things different. 
She had no-one to blame but herself.

Her
wedding day had come and gone and here she was, six weeks later, the ‘almost’
bride.  At the thought of what could have been Silken pulled her legs up onto
the bed and wrapped her arms around them.  She dropped her chin on her knees,
fighting the urge to cry.

She
knew she had no right to be depressed.  Nobody had forced her into the decision
she’d made.  She’d gone and made that move all by herself so now she had to
live with it.

But
knowing it had been her call wasn’t making things any easier.  She missed Max
so much it hurt.  Literally.

And,
what made it worse, she hadn’t been honest.  Not with Max and not even with her
sister.  She’d told Max she didn’t love him and nothing could have been further
from the truth.  And Suave, even when she’d practically gone into shock when
Silken had told her the wedding was off, she’d simply told her they’d had an
irreconcilable fight and that they’d both agreed to go their separate ways.  She
could never let her sister know the real reason for the cancellation of her
wedding plans.

That
evening when Silken saw Suave laying out her supplements on the kitchen table,
her face glowing with excitement, she knew that the sacrifice had been worth
it.  She had stayed by her sister’s side during the worst period of her life,
when she’d been numb, unbalanced and mentally confused.  Now it looked like she
was on the road to recovery and Silken could not have asked for a better
blessing.

After
that, life took a turn for the better for Silken and Suave.  The low fat diet that
Suave was following made her so vibrant, energetic and upbeat that Silken
decided to try it herself.  She was pleasantly surprised to find that she was
sleeping better and feeling generally in a much better mood.  Things were not
perfect, by any means, but her outlook on life had shifted from depression to a
generally more positive outlook.

And
then, as if this was their time for a miracle, Suave got the best news of her
life.  She’d gone for her regular visit with her GP that afternoon and even
before she returned to office she called Silken, so excited she was stuttering.

“I
can’t believe it,” she shouted into the phone.  “The latest test results came
back and the lesions on my brain, they're gone.”

She’d
rushed back and burst in through the office door.  Silken was waiting for her
and as soon as she stepped in she ran to meet her.

“What
were you telling me on the phone?” she asked, her eyes searching Suave’s. 
“You’re healed?”

“No,
not healed,” Suave said, laughing almost hysterically.  “Even better.  It looks
like I never had MS in the first place.”

That
stopped Silken in her tracks.  She stepped back and stared at Suave’s flushed
face.  Was she sick again?  Was she hallucinating this time?  “Uhm, are you
sure you know what you’re talking about, Suave?”  She took her by the hand and
led her over to her desk.  “I think you’d better sit down.”  She pushed her
down onto the office chair then placed a hand on her sister’s forehead. 
“You’re not having a fever, are you?”

“Silken,
will you stop being such a mother hen?”  Suave laughed and pushed her hand
away.  “Just shut up and listen, will you?”

Silken
did as she was ordered.  She pulled up a chair across from Suave and listened
open-mouthed as her sister explained what had happened.

“A
misdiagnosis,” she said triumphantly.  “That’s what it was.  I didn’t have MS. 
I was deficient in vitamin B12.”

Slowly,
Silken shook her head.  “But that makes no sense.  What about the symptoms?  Weren’t
those signs of MS?”

“As
it so happens, the symptoms of MS and vitamin B12 deficiency are very similar,
right down to the lesions on the brain.”  Suave pushed forward in the chair and
leaned toward Silken.  “Do you know how they figured out they’d made a mistake?
 My last MRI on the brain.  Not a single lesion to be found.”