Smoke and Fire (11 page)

It took some doing to get her other arm from beneath her so he could tug it free. Ryder then folded the blazer and laid it over the back of the chair.

He turned back to her and had the urge to sink his fingers into her wealth of dark hair. It was so silky smooth that he'd never tired of touching it.

It wasn't just her hair he longed to touch. It was her. All of her. To have held her, and had her all to himself for a year had been the most amazing time.

If only he could reverse time and remain with her. If only he had known Ulrik broke the spell binding their feelings. If only he had returned to her after Hal and Cassie fell in love.

If only he'd had the courage to embrace the love he felt.

But love—the soul-deep, life-altering emotion—was new for him. It had terrified Ryder, especially since he was the one always in control.

Computers—or any electronics—were easy to manipulate and get to do what you wanted. Ryder was at ease around them. Mostly because they did whatever he wanted.

His feelings for Kinsey, however, were completely out of his control. He couldn't get a handle on them. Even now, years later, he felt as if he was just learning to walk again.

Kinsey was unpredictable and stubborn. She was wildly seductive without even trying. She twisted his insides until he wasn't sure which way was up. All Ryder knew was that with her beside him, the future didn't look so bleak.

“Kinsey,” he whispered and touched her hair.

He shouldn't have dared even that, because now he couldn't walk away. Ryder rubbed his jaw as he contemplated an idea. With as hard as Kinsey slept, she'd never know if he climbed into bed with her.

And he'd be gone long before she woke.

Dmitri walked in at that moment with a tray. There was a covered plate and a bottle of water. He set it on the table near the fireplace and straightened. Then Dmitri looked from Ryder to Kinsey before he turned on his heel and left the room without a word.

Ryder closed the door after him so no one else would disturb them. Then he returned to the bed and rolled Kinsey into his arms so he could lay her head on the pillow.

She sighed contentedly, making his balls tighten.

He should leave. It was the right thing to do. Kinsey was frightened of him, of who he was. She didn't want him touching her or even being too close. It didn't seem right to secretly sleep next to her.

Why then was he walking to the other side of the bed?

Ryder sat down on the mattress and kicked off his boots. He lay back on the bed to stare at the ceiling. This might be the closest he'd ever come to being in his bed with Kinsey.

That thought made his chest ache so badly he rubbed it with his hand. How could he have screwed this up so royally with Kinsey? If only she hadn't seen him shift there might still be a chance between them.

To his surprise, Kinsey suddenly rolled over and snuggled against him. Ryder pulled her closer before he tugged the blankets over her.

He closed his eyes and put every detail to memory. The sound of her even breathing, the feel of her hand on his chest, the warmth of her body.

He wished he had gotten beneath the covers with her, but this was all he dared. Nothing was going to happen. No matter how much he might want it.

Kinsey was a kindhearted person. She didn't hold a grudge long, but then again, he had left her. As well as not mentioning what he really was.

Yet there had been something profound and deep between them. Looking back, he thought she might have been falling in love with him.

If she cared for him once, she could again. It just depended on how far Ryder was willing to go for her.

Besides, Dmitri was right. She was worth fighting for.

Ryder tucked his free arm behind his head and smiled.

*   *   *

Kinsey woke famished. She rolled onto her back and rubbed her eyes. Her stomach was rumbling fiercely. She wondered if she could get to the kitchen without running into anyone when she turned her head and spotted the tray.

She jerked upright and yanked the covers off before jumping out of bed. Kinsey opened the bottle of water and downed half of it. Then she took the lid off the plate and gazed at the array of bread, crackers, and cheese. Without hesitation she began to eat.

After the entire plate was cleaned, she realized her boots were carefully placed beside the chair she was sitting on. Since she couldn't remember taking them off, she wondered who did.

Was it Ryder?

A shiver raced over her as she imagined him touching her without her knowing it. If he was going to place his hands on her, she wanted to be awake so she could remember it.

She looked down at her white T-shirt. Where was her blazer? Kinsey rose and turned around, looking for it. She spied it on the back of the chair.

Someone had obviously undressed her that far. She might not toss them on the floor, but she certainly didn't take that kind of care with her clothes.

Ryder.

She recalled how meticulous he could be with his things. He must have removed her blazer and boots. And she slept through it all.

Kinsey hurried back to the bed and looked to see if there was evidence that he'd stayed with her, but the other pillow had no indentation on it.

She should be thrilled about that. Why then was she disappointed?

You don't want him, remember,
she told herself.
He's bad for me.

Ryder made her forget everything but him. All she cared about was being with him, sharing her life with him. It had taken her forever to remember the person she had been before him, and she didn't want to go down that path again.

A knock at the door startled her. She took a deep breath before she padded across the wood floor and the thick rug to the door. She cracked it open and stared into hazel eyes.

“Good morning,” Ryder said with a warm smile. “Did you sleep well?”

She stepped back to open the door wider and quickly smoothed down her hair. “Yeah. Oh, and good morning.”

“I see you found the tray. I apologize for no' getting you food yesterday.”

Kinsey crossed her arms over her chest and put some distance between them. “I should've said something.”

“Next time, please do.”

“I will,” she promised.

They stared at each other in silence. She liked the shadow of a beard on his face. It made him look even more devilishly handsome.

Damn him. Couldn't he look horrible, just once?

But she knew for a fact he always looked this good.

“There's a bathroom behind you,” Ryder said as he pointed over her shoulder. “You should find everything you need there.”

She nodded. “My bag?”

“In the room as well.”

He started to leave, then hesitated. Ryder turned his head to her. “I doona want you to be scared of me, Kins. I'm the man you knew before. I'm just … something more as well.”

“But I didn't know you before. You kept this from me.”

“It was our rule. We told no one. You'd still be ignorant of it if that Dark hadna attacked you.”

She licked her lips. “I told you everything about me. I held nothing back. You held everything.”

“I told you all that I could.”

“Which was very little. Was anything you told me the truth? What about your parents? Did they really live in the mountains?”

“What I told you about my family was the truth. I merely left out that they were dragons.”

That still didn't make up for the other secrets he'd kept. And Kinsey didn't even know why they were discussing it. There wasn't going to be anything between them again. If all Ryder wanted was for her to say she wasn't afraid, then she could do that.

“I'm not scared of you.”

Sadness flashed in his eyes before he turned away. “I'll be in the computer room when you're finished here.”

She watched him walk out, wondering why he was so upset. He'd asked for something, and she gave it. That should be enough. But she knew it wasn't.

Kinsey dropped her arms and turned around. She found the bathroom and locked the door behind her. As she was turning the water on for a shower, it hit her that she really was in a bad situation.

At least she knew Ryder. How much more awful would it be if she didn't know anyone? It was because of her affiliation with Ryder that she was even in this situation. That should infuriate her.

Instead, it just made her miserable.

It was another reminder that she was alone. The one man who had been her everything turned out to be something else completely.

She removed her clothes. Just before she stepped into the shower, she saw herself in the mirror and the tears that were falling down her cheeks.

It had been well over a year since she cried for what she'd had with Ryder. Being with him brought it all back, shoving it in her face as if it had just happened yesterday.

How in the world would she ever be able to get through it? She wasn't that strong. When it came to Ryder she was as weak as a newborn kitten.

She stepped into the shower, putting her face to the water. The first thing she had to do was wipe away the tears as if they never existed.

 

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Ryder stared at the computer screen without seeing it. Kinsey's unexpected—and entirely too quick—assurance that she wasn't frightened of him told him that she was still very much afraid.

He leaned forward, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. With a shift of his feet, he rolled his chair to the left and focused on a monitor that was running more extensive searches for Ulrik.

“You look like hell,” Dmitri said as he handed a mug of coffee to Ryder.

Ryder merely shrugged and gratefully accepted the drink. He hastily took a sip.

“Where is Kinsey?”

“Showering, I assume,” Ryder replied.

Dmitri sat in the chair Kinsey had used the day before. “Did you tell her where the kitchen was so she could eat?”

Ryder shoved back his chair and stalked from the room, furious that he'd forgotten something so important. He was so wrapped up in his feelings for Kinsey that he repeatedly forgot basic things that she needed—like food.

He made his way to his room and lifted his hand to knock. Then he hesitated. The only way for her to stop fearing him was by being with him more, and seeing that he was just the same as he once was.

Ryder rapped his knuckles on the door. A moment later it opened to reveal Kinsey. She wore a pair of black jeans and a V-neck burgundy sweater that hugged her breasts. She walked to the chair and sat to put on her boots.

“I'm here to bring you to the kitchen,” Ryder said. “I figured you might still be hungry.”

She zipped her shoes and stood. “I'm famished.”

“Follow me,” he said and turned on his heel.

They walked side by side to the stairs. Her hair was down and she wore no makeup, just as he liked it. Kinsey pushed up the sleeves of her sweater to her elbows and kept her face straight ahead, though he could see her gaze darting about at all the dragons decorating the manor.

“There's always plenty of food in the kitchen,” Ryder said, hoping to make her feel welcome. “The mates make sure of it.”

“Mates?” Kinsey repeated.

“Some of the Dragon Kings have found wives. We doona have wedding ceremonies exactly. The women and the Kings are mated for eternity.”

Kinsey descended the last stair. “How many mates are here?”

Ryder kept walking as he said, “Let's see. There's Cassie, Elena, Jane, Denae, Sammi, Shara, Iona, Lily, Darcy, Grace, Lexi, and Sophie.”

“Twelve,” Kinsey said with a nod. “And Con allowed all of them to be mated?”

“Con might be King of Kings, but he can no' stop a King from falling in love.”

“Really?” she asked acridly.

Ryder could've kicked himself. He stopped at the doorway of the kitchen and motioned Kinsey inside. “I think Lexi and Elena have been cooking all morning.”

Kinsey took a deep breath before licking her lips as if she couldn't decide where she wanted to start first.

“About time you brought her to us,” Lexi said as she closed the refrigerator and set the orange juice on the table. “Hi, Kinsey. I'm Lexi. One of the newest women at Dreagan.”

The two shook hands. Kinsey's smile was open and welcoming. “Hello. Are you from America?”

“South Carolina. It's my Southern accent that tipped you off, huh?” Lexi asked with a grin and got a couple of glasses down. A moment later and the smile was gone. “One of my best friends was killed by a Dark Fae in Edinburgh. Idiot that I was, I thought I could track him down myself. Thorn saved my hide several times. I, of course, was too much of a temptation and he fell in love with me,” Lexi finished with a wink.

Kinsey chuckled. “You're making light of what sounds like a dangerous situation.”

Lexi's demeanor became serious. “I tease and joke because it helps. We're at war. But yes, it was a harrowing adventure, and I thank God every day that Thorn came into my life.”

Ryder watched the exchange with interest. He hadn't thought about Kinsey interacting with the mates as a means to help change her mind about him, which was stupid on his part.

Who better to convince Kinsey he wasn't a bad guy than the other mates who'd gone through something similar?

“I heard my name,” Thorn said as he walked into the kitchen and immediately went to Lexi. They kissed and shared private words before Thorn turned to Kinsey. “You're the talk of Dreagan.”

“Am I?” Kinsey asked, glancing at Ryder.

Ryder handed a plate to Kinsey and urged her to choose from the selection of eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, and donuts. He shot a glance at Thorn, hoping he would take the hint and talk about something else.

“That's right,” Thorn said as he took a chair at the table. “We're all verra curious, lass. It's no' every day we get to meet someone Ryder knows.”