Slumber (31 page)

I didn’t need to be a scholar to interpret the dream.

We reached Caera in record time, not stopping enough to make time for incidents. I was exhausted by the time Vojvodkyna Winter welcomed us into our home.

Taking in my bedraggled state, she was even kind to me. As she ushered me to the guest suite herself, ordering a bath and food tray for me, I forgot to be jealous of her. I even came to the conclusion, that as before, I may have judged her too harshly.

*

The next morning as the maid’s giggled in the halway al my good feelings toward Winter flew out the window. It was easy in a household as large as Winter’s for the gossip to reach my ears. Wolfe had been seen leaving Winter’s bedroom early that morning. I stumbled when I heard the gossip, the pain of that knowledge hitting me in the chest with the force of a sledgehammer. I turned on my heel, no longer hungry for breakfast, or able to stand the sight of Wolfe and Winter together. I could barely draw breath; my whole body ached with the grief. With the betrayal.

But he wasn’t mine to betray me.

Sniffling back sily tears, that were best not wasted on him, I drew on my traveling cloak and clutched the pack with the Somna Plant inside. It was time to leave.

***

Chaeron and the others seemed confused. Before Caera, Wolfe had been the one not talking to
me
. Now every time he passed me an icy blast would burst out of me, my looks so queling they made everyone flinch. Wolfe caught my looks and frowned, his eyes asking Chaeron if he knew what had upset me. With no answer, he grew even more indignant. I imagined the Lieutenant and the Guard were just as exhausted with Wolfe’s attitude, and my own, as much as they were of the journey.

We crossed into Raphizya, stopping in Ryl to stay with Matai’s cousins again. This time I met Mr Zanst, who welcomed us into his home just as warmly as his wife had. From his dark good looks to his charming stoicism, he reminded me much of Matai… and I longed for home. Mrs Zanst was so worried for me I felt terrible for deceiving her, for having been foolish enough to be kidnapped by the Iavi in Ryl. She asked me if I had been treated badly, and I assured her that Wolfe had come to my rescue and kept me safe.

After a wonderfuly, civilised and pleasantly refreshing evening with the Zansts (perhaps because Wolfe stayed away), the Guard and I set off for Peza. It rained the entire journey and I wasn’t sure if it was because my body had hardened with its recent experiences, but I escaped the cold that seemed to be sweeping through the Guard. Mayhap because of their position distant from the Guard, Wolfe and Lieutenant Chaeron managed to get by unscathed also. Stil, I was glad to reach Grof Kril Rada’s home. I’d never heard supposedly strapping and capable men complain so much about a little cold.

I wasn’t the only one happy to see me in Peza. Grof Kril came bounding out of his mansion with Strider, the wolfhound, at his side. Strider seemed to remember me and my generosity at the dinner table and licked my hand when I reached out to pet him. Grof Kril was grinning at me so brightly I was taken aback. We hadn’t exactly left on the best of terms.

“My Lord.” I bobbed a curtsey.

“You are a vision, Lady Rogan.” His grin grew even brighter if that was possible. There was no flirtatiousness in his tone, nothing seedy. He seemed genuinely
happy
to see me.

I was completely bemused. “Thank you, my Lord.”

Seeming to catch my confused look, Groff Kril laughed. “Come, I want you to meet someone.” As I took his arm and folowed him inside, forgetting Wolfe and Chaeron at my back, a suspicion grew.

No. It couldn’t be. Could it?

The door was swept open by the butler, my heart pounding in my chest, praying my suspicion was correct.

As soon as we stepped inside I saw her. I broke out into a choked laugh. “Ariana?”

The pretty young woman came forward at a hurry, her grey eyes brimming with happiness. “Is this her, Kril?”

“This is she.” He spun me around, gripping me by my upper arms. “How can I ever repay you for writing that letter, Lady Rogan?” Ariana joined us, puling me into a hug, joyful tears filing her eyes as she told me al about receiving the letter; how she couldn’t believe the Handmaiden of Phaedra had written to her; how she so wanted to believe me about Kril’s love for her; how she’d left her life behind and took a chance on what I had confided.

Grof Kril and Ariana married three days after her arrival in Peza. She was now Grofka Ariana.

Exhausted and incredibly elated that I’d done one other thing right on this quest of mine, I felt tears wel up in my eyes.

“Lady Rogan, are you alright?” Grof Kril asked anxiously, seeing my dark eyes shine.

“I’m fine,” I whispered hoarsely. “I’m just delighted for you and… so very tired.”

“Oh.” Ariana looked aghast. “Here we’ve been monopolising your time when you must be so weary from your journey. How il-mannered of us.”

“No, no,” I rushed to assure her. “I am so pleased to meet you, Ariana, and I am so happy I had a hand in bringing you and Grof Kril together. It’s just been such a long trip.”

I was struggling now to keep my tears in check.

With a perceptiveness that bothered me, Grof Kril straightened his spine in alert. “Nothing untoward has happened to you, Lady Rogan?”

“No, no. Please… I just need to rest.”

“Kril, stop pestering the poor girl,” Ariana admonished gently. She took my arm. “Come, I shal show you to your room.” Ariana left me in the suite I’d stayed in my last visit and rang the servants to send for a supper tray. With one last grateful hug, she swept from the room and I flopped down on the bed. I was glad the Grof had gotten his happily ever after. At least someone in my life had.

The food arrived, and delicious though it was, I barely tasted it as I shoveled it down. I kept seeing Winter at the door to her mansion, waving her handkerchief at Wolfe with that knowing, intimate look in her eyes.

I slid back on the bed and rested my head against a fluffy gold brocade pilow, wiling the nightmares away tonight. I’d give anything for a restful, dreamless sleep.

My eyes were just closing when I heard the handle on the door turn, someone entering without knocking. I bolted upright at the impudence, my heart spluttering when the intruder revealed himself. Wolfe. He closed the door behind, turning the key in the lock.

I glared at him as he leaned back against the door, his eyes washing over me inscrutably.

“Grof Kril and Grofka Ariana are so sickeningly happy, I had to get away from them.” He smirked.

I was surprised by his even tone. There was no ice in his eyes. No growl in his words.

“Get out,” I snapped, feeling the hurt rol over and over me again in crashing waves.

Wolfe’s expression hardened. “No.” He shook his head and pushed away from the door, striding towards me. I felt my pulse race at that familiar languid walk. “I’m fed up of fighting with you. It’s exhausting. I keep waiting for you to come to your senses… but I realised something today.” I continued glowering. “What was that?”

He stopped in front of me so I had to crane my neck back to meet his eyes. “You never just come to your senses, Rogan. You have to have them shaken into you.” He reached out to touch my cheek and I jerked back, ignoring his wounded look as he dropped his hand. “I love you, Rogan.” Al the pain and anger I felt brimmed over in my eyes. “Then why did you bed Winter when we were in Caera?” I choked back a cry.

Wolfe looked surprised, sitting down beside me, trying to clutch my hands and pul me to him. “Rogan, I never bedded Winter. I never touched her. I shared a room with Chaeron that night; you can ask him, you know he won’t lie to you.”

I glanced up at him sharply, my heart pounding. “What?”

“I was nowhere near her. The last time we were in Caera, I told Winter there would never be anything between us again because… because… because I love you.

I’m in love with
you
.”

I trembled; hope desperately clambering its way back inside me. I tried to shake it back out. I was so confused. “The servants were gossiping about you leaving her bedroom in the morning.”

Wolfe sighed in exasperation. “Winter likes to use her servants for her little games. She wants me back, Rogan. She’s trying to put up a wal between us.”

“You refused to converse with me anyway. There was already a wal.”

He slid a hand down my cheek and around my neck, forcing me to look at him. I shivered at his gentle touch. “I was terrified, Rogan. Every time I think about what could have happened… what did happen… I-”

“Wolfe, don’t,” I urged, shushing him. I reached for his hand on the bedspread and slowly threaded my fingers through his. For a moment we gazed at our hands so entangled together. His skin felt warm and rough against mine. Safe.

“I don’t want a wal between us ever again,” Wolfe whispered.

I looked up to find his eyes on my face. There was pain there I had never seen before, and I know it was fear that I would turn from him. I knew… because I knew him.

I
knew
him.

Slowly, my breath hitching and faling, I leaned across the space between us and pressed my lips to his. Wolfe sat tense, unmoving as I kissed him softly, almost as if he were afraid to touch me.

I puled back.

I knew him. “He didn’t hurt me, Wolfe. He didn’t… rape me.”

Wolfe swalowed, his eyes glistening. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

Tentatively, he lifted our clasped hands off the bed and kissed my knuckles.

“Are you going to seduce me, Wolfe, or am I going to have to seduce you?” I grinned a little shyly.

Wolfe’s eyes darkened as his lips curved into that wicked smile. “I’m happy with either scenario.” In the end… we seduced each other.

I had never been shy. Mindful of the proprieties, yes, but not shy. And with Wolfe, I felt al my inhibitions melt out of existence, no longer caring I was younger and inexperienced in comparison to the women he had been with previously. His declaration of love made me bold. Certain. I kissed his throat, loving the vibration of his groan against my lips. I leaned back and gazed up into his eyes. I realised something wonderful.

He knew me
.

Gazes locked, we slowly undressed one another, leisurely, deliciously, savouring our connection…

…When I was naked under him, I felt no fear, just want. I stroked my hands over his strong chest, felt the brush of his thighs against my own and trembled with the want.

And consequences be damned, for once I was taking what
I
wanted.

Wolfe looked down at me with such love I almost cried. I noted the spark of uncertainty in his eyes and deliberately brushed my hand over the scar on his lower abdomen that represented so much of the strife between us. With my eyes I told him I didn’t care about any of that anymore. I had finaly put the past where it belonged.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and Wolfe groaned, making me gasp at the feel of him nudging against me. He’d kissed every inch of my body, shown me things I had never dreamt of, made me blush from the top of my head to the tip of my toes, but this was different. This was irreversible.

“Wolfe!” I gasped, as he pushed inside me, a flinch of pain making me stiffen.

He stopped moving, a bead of sweat roling down his forehead with the effort. “Did I hurt you? Are you alright?” he asked franticaly.

I tried to smooth my expression to ease his anxiety. And then something changed. The pain was dissipating. I shifted under him and my eyes widened at the pleasurable rush that burst throughout me. “Mm,” I bit my lip. “No, I’m alright. Don’t stop.” Wolfe began to move again and I cried out, this time in amazement. I tightened my hold on him, swearing I would find a way to never let go.

I had never known I could feel this close and connected to anyone. We lay together after our lovemaking, his arm around me, my head on his chest. His heart thumped under my ear, not quite steady.

Despite what I had sworn to myself as he loved me, I felt reality creep in quickly. My plan had never been to marry. The reason? If I were honest with myself it was because I was trying to keep the people in my life that I cared about to a minimum. That way there was less heartbreak when they were taken from me. I didn’t want to love someone as much as I loved Wolfe and have to deal with the pain of losing him, or have children and fear losing them too. I’d wanted romance, passion, but not love. And I loved Wolfe. My earlier excuses that I couldn’t be with Wolfe because of who his father was no longer seemed to stand. L, in al her pragmatism, had knocked that wal down so I couldn’t hide behind it anymore. But I had other reasons not to be with Wolfe. I did! I had never planned on being puled into the bonds that would make me a society wife and take me away from Haydyn. She needed me. Now more than ever she needed me. Perhaps I could have Wolfe for a little while.

Without marriage. We could be happy with that… I tried to convince myself.

For now, as we lay together, I wouldn’t say anything to break the spel.

I shivered at the goosebumps spreading up my arm in the wake of his fingertips stroking my skin. “This is nice,” I whispered.

“Mm,” Wolfe murmured and pressed a kiss to my temple. I snuggled deeper against him.

“Thank you for coming after me into the mountains, Wolfe. I should have said that before.” I felt him smile against me head. “You’re welcome.”

“So… you have psychic abilities now?”

He chuckled. “How long have you been waiting to pester me with questions about that?”

“Since the night at the Moss’.”

He huffed. “I didn’t say anything because I don’t want people to fear me.”

“Because you’re this astonishingly, inconceivable, al powerful mage?”

“Yes.”

I snickered this time and shook my head. “No one would be afraid of you, Wolfe. You’re too kind to people for them to fear you.”

“I can be fearsome if I want to be.”

I hid my smile. “I know.”

“I can be plenty fearsome.”

“Oh I know.”

“I can-”