Slow Hand (19 page)

“Now who's playing?” She bucked her hips with a whimper. “I want you now, Wade.”

“Do you?” He retrieved a condom from his pocket and quickly sheathed himself. “Seems this is the only part of me you really want. If that's the case…” He jerked her hips to the edge of the tailgate, then spread her wide, gritting his teeth as he thrust to the hilt. “Be careful what you wish for…” If she wanted a frenzied fuck on the truck bed, he wasn't about to deny her…or himself.

He drove into her, fast and punishing. She urged him on with whimpers and moans, squeezing his ass with both hands, meeting him with every grunting, panting, flesh-slapping thrust. Wade pounded into her, using raw sensation to dull his equally raw emotions. She squeezed harder, forcing him deeper. The moment her climax began, he pumped to his own, pulling out the moment he'd shot his load. Wordlessly, he disposed of the condom, helped her up, and then handed her the jeans and boots she'd discarded. No kisses, no tender touches, no endearments. It was manic, mindless, and ultimately empty and unfulfilling. For the first time he was left wanting more—and hoped she felt it too.

Her hurt expression as she wiggled back into her clothes told him she did. “You must know this isn't how I wanted it to be.”

“I didn't perform up to your expectations this time? Sure sounded like you were enjoying yourself.” He felt a slight pull of conscience at the lash of his words.

“Why are you doing this? I thought we'd agreed—”

“We agreed to nothing. I offered to stay and you told me to go. Your message was pretty damn clear. Have you changed your mind?”

“No.” Her blue-green eyes met his. “I'm going to take care of my father and then I'm going back home.”

“So I don't even factor into your equation?” He waited, needing an answer. “For the last time, Nikki, I'm asking you not to go.”

“Why are you making this so difficult?”

“Because I want you to stay.”

“I told you I can't just blindly leap into something when we've known each other less than a week. How can you even expect it?”

“You can't always play it safe, Nikki. Some things in life are worth a gamble.”

She stared back at him, her eyes flickering with emotion. “That's easy for you to say, when you aren't the one giving up anything.”

“But you don't have any real ties. I do. You know that. I have to stay here at least until the ranch is sold. After that maybe I'll want to make some changes too. I've got a life to live too, Nicole and I'd like you to be part of it.”

“I told you I need to think. Why can't you understand that? Things have happened so fast my head is spinning.”

“That's the difference between us. I don't have to think about ‘us.' I'm willing to take the chance.”

“Because you have nothing to lose!” she insisted.

“In reality you don't either,” he insisted. He jerked his head toward the cabin. “Take a good look. This wasn't a bad haul for you, Miz Powell. You came to Montana without a red cent, and will leave shortly with a net worth in the millions.”

Anger flashed in her eyes. “I can't believe you said that! You make me sound like some gold digger when you know damned well I had no knowledge of my father's estate. Please, just go, Wade. Let's not let this get any uglier than it already has.”

Nikki spun on her heel, leaving him staring after her.

“Now it's over,” he muttered with a shake of his head. Part of him ached to follow her inside but he was done making an ass of himself.

Chapter 17

Desperate to focus on anything but Wade, Nikki busied herself inside the house, opening drawers and cupboards, seeking clues about her father's life, hoping to learn something about him but discovering very little to reveal the true man. She didn't find any books, which led her to conclude that he didn't read anything beyond his outdoor magazines. But she pretty much knew that already. She was, however, surprised to learn that he didn't own a cell phone or a computer but perhaps shouldn't have been. The old VCR should have clued her into his lack of interest in electronics.

In the bedside nightstand she found a bundle of greeting cards and letters that made her eyes blur. There were over a dozen unopened cards postmarked between 1993 and 2005. All were sent in the month of July—her birth month—and all were stamped return to sender. Once more, she felt an overwhelming choking sensation. He hadn't lied.

She wanted to rant. She wanted to cry. More than anything she wanted a pair of strong arms around her and a broad shoulder to cry on—Wade's shoulder. Wade's arms.

Their last exchange was bitter. She told herself the rift was all for the best; it made parting easier. Another big fat lie. Nothing made leaving him easy. Although she'd been the one to push him away, she still couldn't believe he'd driven off.

What
did
you
expect? It's what you told him you
wanted.

Maybe Wade was right that she wanted to have her cake and eat it too, but she wanted him to be more patient, to wait for her. To prove he really cared. If he did care, he would wait, wouldn't he? But he'd made it clear he wasn't about to be left dangling in uncertainty. Why did it have to be all or nothing with him? The question made her chest ache.

Later that afternoon, Nikki drove into town, checked out of the motel, and then bought a few groceries. She filled the evening hours going through more personal effects, and boxing up clothing and other household items. It was an emotional process, but she needed the time alone to figure out her feelings. When she finally crawled into bed, she'd come to only one conclusion—she missed Wade.

The next morning she was sitting on the front porch, lost in her thoughts and sipping instant coffee when a brand-new Cadillac Escalade came up the gravel drive. Her brows pulled together in a frown when Allison Evans climbed out. She shaded her eyes against the bright morning sun to survey the vast grassland and then approached Nikki with a smile.

“Nice spread you have here.”

“Thanks. It was my father's place and an unexpected bequest. To be honest, I was shocked. I had no idea about any of it.”

“So I heard.”

So he'd returned to the ranch after all. The knowledge that he'd discussed her with his ex-lover galled Nikki to no end. She wondered what else they had talked about—and if they had done more than just talk. Had he already taken up with Allison again? The thought made her stomach knot. “I guess word spreads fast around here,” Nikki replied dryly.

“Wade sent me out here,” Allison explained. “He called last night to say you'd asked him about the property value.”

Nikki breathed only slightly easier to hear he'd called Allison. At least they hadn't spent last night together. “So you came as a favor to Wade or just out of idle curiosity?” Nikki asked.

Allison laughed. “My curiosity is never
idle
. I thought I'd come out and take a look while I'm still in town in case you wanted to sell. Have you decided what you're going to do with it yet?”

Nikki hadn't known what to expect from Allie, but didn't sense any of the underlying antipathy she'd felt the first time they'd met. Once again, Wade was right. To Allie, Nikki represented a sizable commission and now she was all business.

“I suppose the wisest thing would be to sell. What else can I do? I don't have any use for a hunting retreat.” She feared committing herself, but by sending Wade away she already had. “Yeah, I guess I'm going to sell.”

“If that's what you want, I'm your best bet. I can get you top dollar for the place,” Allie replied with a confidence that made Nikki's heart sink. “I haven't had a chance to pull the plat yet, but I'll get it as soon as I return to my office. It's over twelve hundred acres, right?”

“So I'm told.” With a feeling of emptiness, Nikki gazed out at the vast expanse of green.

“The property goes all the way to the Ruby River here?”

“Yes. According to Wade I have a full mile of river frontage,” Nikki answered.

“Really?” Allie's smile brightened to blazing proportions. “Forget the grazing lands, Nicole. I can call you that, can't I?”

Nikki nodded.

“The river is your gold mine,” Allie continued. “There are people who fly in from as far as Asia for the fishing in those waters.” Allie pulled an iPad from her purse and made some notes. “What would you say if I told you that with a few phone calls, I could probably get you more than double what the grassland land is worth for this quarter section alone?”

Nikki was astounded. “You're kidding, right?”

“Not at all. I have two people in mind. Both are Japanese angling enthusiasts—and highly competitive with one another, which will likely drive your price even higher.”

“What about the grazing lands?” Nikki asked. “I can't believe all this native grass has been wasted. Surely it should be put to use for cattle.”

“That market is really soft right now. Of course you can sell off some of the pasture separately if you like, but you're probably better off leasing it out until the market improves. You might also look at it as an opportunity to reduce your tax burden. Wade could advise you best on the tax benefits.”

Although Nikki might not like her very much, she had to confess a certain amount of respect and admiration for the woman. She knew her clients and her business, and would surely get Nikki the best price for the property. Nikki offered her hand, feeling much as if they'd reached a truce. “All right, Allie. I'm ready. The sooner I do this the better. Let's write up the listing contract.”

The rest of the day passed in a blur while Nikki concluded the exhaustive and mind-numbing process of boxing up personal effects and slogging through all the bills, paperwork, and tax records that were needed to settle her father's estate. Though she'd tried to keep her mind busy, her thoughts kept returning to Wade. She already harbored deep regrets about yesterday, but what could she have done differently? At least a dozen times she paused and picked up her phone, only to set it down again. What was the point?

She'd wanted time alone to think, but he still invaded almost every waking thought. By Thursday morning, she was almost desperate to see him. Carting the load of documents to his office seemed the best excuse. Once she'd located the bulk of what she needed, Nikki drove to Virginia City. To her dismay, it was Iris not Wade who met her inside. She struggled to mask her disappointment.

“I have a bunch of records that Wade will need to file my father's taxes and close out the estate.”

“I can take those,” Iris said.

“Where is Wade?” Nikki tried to sound casual, but suspected she didn't fool Iris.

“Gone back to Bozeman,” Iris said. “He said he had a number of important appointments to keep. To be honest, I was surprised he stayed around here this long. It isn't his habit, but then I suppose he had a personal reason.” She gave Nikki a meaningful look.

“Do you expect him back soon?”

“Not until his next court day.” Iris consulted her desk calendar. “That would be in two weeks.”

Nikki's heart sank to the pit of her stomach. She couldn't believe that he'd left without even a word of farewell after he'd practically begged her to stay. She bit her quivering lip, willing back the anger and the hurt that threatened to burst from her. She didn't know what she'd expected when she came to his office. Part of her had hoped…she didn't even dare admit what she'd hoped…but this was certainly not the way she'd pictured it all ending.

She told herself his actions only proved she'd made the right decision. If he'd really cared about her, he would at least have said good-bye. Now, other than an occasional business-related phone conference, they were unlikely ever to cross paths again.

“Do you have everything you need from me now, Iris? Is there anything I need to sign before I go?”

“Actually I do,” Iris replied. “Allison Evans faxed over some paperwork.”

“Is that it?” Nikki asked after signing the listing contract.

“Yes. I think that's everything for now,” Iris replied. “From this point we should be able to take care of all the rest by email, fax, or FedEx.”

“How long should it take?”

“Probably three to four months, but Wade could tell you better.”

“I don't believe I'll be seeing Wade again,” Nikki said tightly.

“Then here's his card in case you have any other questions.” Iris pressed it onto Nikki's palm. “Maybe you should go ahead and give him a call before you go?”

“I don't think there's anything that can't wait until I get home.”

“That so?” Iris replied with a sad shake of her head. “More's the pity.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“I thought maybe the two of you—”

“No,” Nikki said. “There's no chance of that…not anymore.”

* * *

After leaving Wade's office, Nikki drove into Sheridan to collect her father's ashes from the mortuary, and then returned to the cabin for the very last time. A huge “for sale” sign greeted her at the end of the drive. Allie certainly hadn't wasted any time. Although Nikki knew she'd never return to this place, her throat still tightened at the finality.

She didn't go inside this time but unloaded a box and headed straight to the river. On the bank she set down the box and unpacked the urn. Struggling for balance, she hopped from rock to rock until she reached a large boulder in the middle of the river. Although his will hadn't specified, Nikki knew intuitively that this was what he would have wanted.

She sat in a reflective silence before slowly sprinkling the ashes into the Ruby River.

“Good-bye, Daddy,” she whispered, closing her eyes in an effort to lose herself in the peaceful sounds of rushing water. But rather than finding comfort, she felt doubly bereft. It was as if she mourned not only the passing of a father she'd barely known, but a love that
might
have been.

She consoled herself that soon this entire episode of her life would all be a distant memory. By this time tomorrow, she'd be landing at Hartsfield-Jackson International. Given time, Wade's image would eventually fade from her mind, but his mark would remain branded on her heart.

* * *

Nikki's thoughts were still filled with Wade when she boarded the plane in Bozeman Friday morning. Although he'd made no effort to contact her again, a secret part of her fantasized that he'd show up at the airport at the last minute and sweep her into his arms like a scene from a sappy romantic movie.

When he failed to appear, reality stuck her hard—it was truly over. Once more, he'd had the last word.
Damn
him
to
hell!

She congratulated herself again for being strong, for saving herself inevitable heartbreak. But why was it so hard to breathe?

She arrived back in Atlanta late that afternoon, thankful that her return flight wasn't as traumatic as the one that had taken her to Montana. After an uneventful landing, Nikki collected her bags and boarded the MARTA for Decatur. Although bustling with people, it seemed so lifeless. Lost in her thoughts, she stared sightlessly out at the urban landscape; the towering skyscrapers, the graffiti-covered concrete walls, and the bumper-to-bumper commuter traffic. She realized she missed the mountains and two-lane highways, and came perilously close to missing her transfer station.

Arriving in Decatur, she walked four blocks, passing St. Agnes College, several quaint coffee shops, and the bohemian boutiques she'd frequented in the years since she'd left Toccoa. She'd always liked Decatur, but now she viewed everything with emotional detachment. It was quaint, affordable, and convenient, and she'd always felt at home in the college town, but she'd never thought she'd still be living in the same college apartment at almost twenty-nine. She'd assumed she'd be settled in a nice little house in one of the better burbs by now, maybe even with a couple of kids. Why hadn't she moved on? It seemed all her friends had.

She'd doggedly insisted her life was here, but what had she really returned to?

What kept her rooted to a job she hated under a boss she despised?

Was it fear of losing control as Wade suggested? Fear of dependency on another? Was this really why she'd walked away from Wade without giving it a real chance? When had she become such a coward? Her life had followed the same patterns for so long but change had come to her whether she'd wanted it or not.

She could hardly believe how radically her circumstances had altered almost overnight. Soon she'd have financial security she'd never dreamed of. Although she wouldn't have full access to the money until the estate closed, she was already able to draw enough to pay her bills. Before long she'd be able to replace her POS car, pay off all her credit cards, student loans—and even quit her job if she wanted to. Maybe she'd go back to school to get her MBA or look for a new job.

But then what? The question lingered in the back of her mind. She hadn't a clue.

Life was all about choices now. She could start over again. How many people ever got to do that? What did she really want? It wasn't the big house in Dunwoody and a shiny new SUV. Expensive jewelry and designer clothes wouldn't satisfy her. She'd never been the materialistic type. Travel to exotic places didn't interest her, probably because she hated to fly.