Slow Hand (18 page)

Yet.
Nikki latched onto that word and held it tight as she pulled once more out of his arms. “Why try to turn this into something that could never work out? Your life is here and mine is a couple thousand miles away. For all that, it might as well be in the next galaxy.”

“It's not so complicated, Nikki. You've just said so yourself. People do it all the time. Move to new places. Start over. Just look at Bill and Paula.”

“The couple from the restaurant?”

“Yeah. They had a life in Hawaii. Now they have a new one in Montana. Doesn't sound like there's much to hold you in Georgia, is there?”

“How can you expect me to just walk away from my entire life?”

“Why can't you trust in this, Nikki? Why can't you trust
me
?”

Trust. How many times had she made that mistake before—trusted pretty words and promises? Though she wanted to believe Wade, she couldn't suppress the doubts. Nikki clenched her teeth, her protective instincts kicking in full force. Why would he want her when no one else ever had?

“Maybe because it's too good to be true. Damsel in distress is rescued by a charming cowboy in his not-so-gleaming white pickup and they live happily ever after?”

“Why not?” he said.

“Because it's a fairy tale, Wade. I don't believe in fairy tales.”

“Bullshit,” he hissed and spun her around. “Don't try to feed me that line. You think whatever this is comes along every day? I've sure as hell not experienced it. You can't just ignore it and
hope
it goes away, 'cause I won't let you, and it won't anyway. We fit. Can't you see that?”

Hope
it
goes
away?
In time she hoped it would, but right now the ache in her chest was excruciating. “You say all these things
now.
Maybe you even mean them
now
, but it will all change. I already know it can't last. Feelings always fade with time.”

“Why do you want to believe that? Why are you fighting me when all I want to do is
prove
this is real? That I
want
you?” He made an exasperated sound. “Damn it, Nicole! Do I look like a man who doesn't know his own mind?”

“But it can't work,” she insisted. “I have no family here, no friends, and no connections. I'd only have you and I don't like the idea of being totally dependent on one person.”

“Because it requires trust?” he said. “How can you be so cynical? Hell, if anyone has cause for cynicism it's me. Yet, here I stand with open arms.”

He spread them wide and her heart slammed in her chest. It was all she could do
not
to throw herself into his arms, but this whole idea was crazy. Common sense held her back.

“Please,” she pleaded. “Let's not ruin this with pointless arguments. I'm going to take care of my father and then I'm going back home to Georgia.”

“Are you sure that's what you really want?”

No. It wasn't what she really wanted, but she'd made far too many mistakes from emotional decisions. It would be so easy to let go…to let herself believe in him but she refused ever again to let her feelings overrule her good sense.

“How can I possibly know what I want?” she replied. “For the first time, I'm going to have the freedom to do whatever I like. Now I need time to figure out exactly what that is.”

She ventured to the window to look out over the shimmering river. “I think I'll bring his ashes back here to the river. It's what drew him to Montana, after all. I can't help feeling it's what he would have wanted.”

“He didn't state a preference so the choice is yours.”

She turned back from the window and announced, “I'm going to check out of the Moriah and stay here for a few days.”

“Here?”

“Yes. I might as well. The electricity is still on, isn't it?”

“Nothing's been disconnected yet,” Wade replied.

“Then it makes no sense for me to pay for a motel. It'll still be a couple of days before I get the death certificate so I'd like to use this opportunity to go through his personal effects. It's going to take some time and I only have a few days to do it. When the death certificate arrives, I'll go back to Sheridan and take care of the arrangements for his cremation.”

“If you stay here, you won't get anything else done,” he argued. “There's no Internet connection and the cellular signal is iffy at best.”

“Then I'll sort through everything I find over the next day or two and bring it all back with me to your office.”

“You don't have a car,” he argued.

“What about my father's truck? I have my license now. Can't I have use of it?”

“Yeah. You can use it. The truck is fully insured.” Wade retrieved a set of keys and wallet from his pocket and dropped them in her hand.

“Thank you, Wade.”

“Please, Nikki. Come back to the ranch with me tonight and I'll help you with all of this tomorrow.”

“With Allie there?” She snorted. “Yeah, right.”

“I told you there's nothing—”

“I believe you, but it would still be awkward as hell.”

“Then I'll stay here with you.”

“No,” she said softly. “I have a lot to do and so do you. I've already monopolized far too much of your time. Besides, I need to be alone to think about everything.”

“Are you
telling
me to leave? If that's what you really want, say the word.”

She didn't answer straight away. “It's probably for the best.”

“I'm not comfortable with you staying here by yourself, Nikki. It's too remote.”

She bristled at that. “Since when did you become my keeper?”

“I'd say about the minute I laid eyes on you, sweetheart.”

“Really?” She spun on him, hands on hips. “I've been taking care of myself just fine for the past decade—thank you very much.”

“Do you really like it that way?”

“Yes,” she spat. He held her gaze and probed deeply. “Well, not always,” she finally confessed.

“Then why are you doing this?” he asked.

“Doing what?”

“Pushing me away when I only want to help you. I get the feeling you've been trying to sabotage this thing between us from the start, and I'll be damned if I can figure out why.”

Was it true? Was she subconsciously trying to sabotage herself just to prove she was right and he was wrong? At a loss for reply, she opened her mouth, and then closed it again.

Wade walked out shaking his head and cursing under his breath, the door slamming behind him. Nikki shut her eyes to that vision, his expression of pain and frustration.

She stood with her back to the door, fighting the well of tears, listening for the car engine and the crunch of gravel beneath his wheels. Minutes later, she was surprised instead by the crash of splintering wood.

What
the
heck?

She cracked the blinds to find Wade standing beside a wood pile, shirtsleeves rolled up and ax in hand. Any other man she'd ever been involved with would have torn out of the drive in a cloud of burning rubber after such an argument, gotten drunk, and then looked for someone new to screw.

Wade wasn't any other man.

She tried to tear herself away, but her feet were nailed to the floor, and eyes glued to the window. After a few more stokes of the ax, he slammed it into the block to pull off his shirt. He threw it down and then yanked the ax head back out of the block. This was a side of him she'd not yet seen—the angry outdoorsman. Watching the play of his flexing muscles, Nikki's mouth went dry. God, he was one gorgeous man. Wade was everything she thought she could never have. What kind of fool was she to be inside feeling sorry for herself when he was still here and still hers…for three more days.

* * *

Wade had to leave the cabin before he exploded. The last thing he needed was to act like an asshole, make a big scene, and give her a legitimate reason to mistrust him. He'd then have about a snowball's chance in hell of getting her to stay. By the way she was pushing him away he knew he was already on shaky ground. It seemed all he'd done was piss her off by pushing her.

Why the hell was this happening? He'd just bared his damn soul to her. He'd
never
done that before, yet she seemed all too prepared to walk right out of his life. Now he felt like a real jackass, but he was desperate to buy more time with her. The thought of her leaving in three days nearly had him in a tailspin.

In retrospect, maybe he should have given her some time to sort out her feelings about her father before springing anything else one her. He should have waited instead of pressuring her for decisions she wasn't yet prepared to make. She didn't need the added stress of his emotions right now. He took in a ragged breath and exhaled on a curse. “Fucked that up good, didn't you, cowboy?”

He was frustrated as hell and even more pissed off at himself. Hell, what he really wanted was a stiff drink—a mighty dangerous thought after two-and-a-half agonizing years of sobriety.

He needed to blow off steam something fierce, but couldn't leave her here alone. Desperate for something,
anything
to occupy his mind and body, Wade paced the yard until spotting an ax lying against the wood shed. It'd been a helluva long time since he'd split a log, but under present circumstances, it seemed the ideal therapy.

Discarding his jacket, he rolled up his sleeves, and picked up the ax. His actions were thoughtless and methodical. Standing the log on end, he raised the ax, and then slammed it down with splintering force. Mechanically, he stacked the two pieces, then grabbed the next log. It was mindless work, but he threw himself into it with a vengeance, relishing each blow of the ax, until his muscles screamed and his lungs burned. He'd no doubt regret this like hell in the morning, but it felt damned good right now.

He didn't know how long he'd been at it before he noticed her leaning against the pickup, watching. Judging by the four-foot-high wood pile, it must have been at least an hour. Although the temperature probably wasn't much above fifty degrees, he'd long since shed his shirt. He paused to wipe the sweat from his brow. Their gazes met briefly, silently, before he focused back on the task. Slamming the ax down again with a crash, he threw two more logs onto the pile.

“I'm sorry,” she said.

“For what?” He paused again, leaning on the ax handle. “I should be the one to apologize for making demands you're not ready for. I guess I'm just used to going after what I want.”

“And also accustomed to getting it?” she supplied.

“Yeah,” he confessed. “I'm ruthless when I want something, Nikki. And I want you. I don't like being thwarted.” He took up the ax again.

“It wasn't fair, Wade. I have so much to think about. I'm feeling very overwhelmed. Why does it have to be all or nothing with you? We don't exactly live in the Stone Age, you know. There's cell phones, texting…and airplanes.” He noticed she spoke the last word with a grimace.

“So what are you suggesting? Weekly Skype sex?” He drove the ax down again, planting the ax head solidly into the chopping block and then snatched up his shirt.

“That's exactly my point, Wade. How can you expect me to give up my life when I don't know if there's anything more between us than just great chemistry? Can't we just wait this out a bit and see?”

He went to her, pinning his arms on either side of her. “Do you intend for us to see other people?”

“No. Do you?”

“I'm not the one who's ambivalent.”

“I just need some time to think.”

“How long?” he demanded. He knew he was being an asshole. Again. But he was damned if he'd make it easy on her.

“I don't know.”

“You complain that I want all or nothing, but you seem to want it
both
ways
. You can't have your cake and eat it too, Nikki. I'm not interested in a protracted long-distance relationship.”

A hurt look flared in her eyes. “So
you
want to see other people?”

“No. Damn it! That's not what I'm saying. I'm looking for your trust. I want you. Here.”

“I want you too,” she admitted softly. He recognized the flicker of lust. “
Want
isn't a problem for me. That part isn't an issue at all.” Her gaze met his, and then tracked lower, sweeping slowly over his torso. An unmistakable look of hunger flared in her eyes. Her hands followed her gaze, sliding down his sweat-slickened chest and abs to toy with his belt buckle.

“That isn't how I meant it,” he said.

She licked her lips then traced his fly with her fingers. “But I did. We still have three days together, Wade…”

He knew what she wanted and was resentful as hell that she'd initiate sex when they hadn't resolved anything. “Don't play with me, Nikki,” he growled. “You're running hot and cold and I don't like it.”

Her gaze flickered up at him with uncertainty. “So you don't want to?”

He was growing rock-hard despite himself, which only pissed him off even more. Yes, he wanted her. He didn't think he'd ever stop wanting her. As if reading his thoughts, she pulled his head down to kiss him greedily, drawing his tongue into her mouth. The contact sent a jolt of molten lust through him. His frustration suddenly found a new outlet.

He lifted her, guiding her legs around his waist. She clung to him with feverish kisses as he walked around to the back of the truck, removing one hand from her ass only long enough to drop the tailgate. The minute he set her down, they went to work on buttons and zippers. He pulled off her boots, tossing them on the ground, then kissed and licked down her belly as she wriggled out of her jeans. His mouth wandered over her thighs, before stopping to suck her through the thin fabric of her panties.