Slave Girl (9 page)

Later

Aunt Tee and Spicy don’t think I should trust Mr Harms all the way. But he hasn’t done nothing to make me not trust him.

I have looked at the one-eyed man’s picture over and over. He don’t look at all like Mr Harms, but for after all that’s been happening, I think Mr Harms might know the one-eyed
man. Mr Harms isn’t from the Philadelphia, the New York or the Boston. He’s from Virginia. Can a southern mas’er be an abolitionist? Mr Harms said in his note that he would speak
to me. Maybe I’ll get answers to some of these questions then.

Monday, October 17, 1859

“Will you teach me to write my name?” Spicy asked.

I’ve never really thought about teaching anybody else how to write. I’ve always been the one learning. I used the poker to write letters in the ashes. Spicy and Aunt Tee looked on
with wondering eyes. For the first time I been able to share my secret with somebody. I love seeing them smiling at the letters that makes up their names. I feel warm and good inside. What good is
knowing if I cain’t never use it to do some good. Spicy made an S. And Aunt Tee made a T. We’ve had our first lesson.

Tuesday, October 18, 1859

Mr Harms knows that I know that he knows I can read and write. But he has not said a word to me about it. Treats me the same as always. When will he speak to me?

Meanwhile, Miz Lilly aine back yet, so our housework is not as hard, but Mas’ Henley’s been around all week in his study. I couldn’t get ink out. But Aunt Tee helped me make a
mixture of charcoal ash and blackberry wine. It makes a good ink until I can do better.

Wednesday, October 19, 1859

The days are getting shorter, and it’s cool in the mornings during study time. Today Mr Harms changed the study time to early afternoon when it is still hot enough to need
a fanner. I would say thank you, but I dare not. He say he will speak to me, so I got to wait.

Sunday, October 23, 1859

Mas’ went to fetch Miz Lilly from Richmond. We had the whole day to ourselves again. Trouble is, William wanted to come down to the Quarters to the meeting. Mr Harms
thought it was a good idea. ’Course, we didn’t, but what could we say?

At the meeting, Rufus talked about the three boys in the fiery furnace: Shadrach, Meshach, Abedego. Then Rufus sang a song. We all joined in. I looked over at William and Mr Harms and they were
singing and clapping their hands, too.

We shared a table the way we always do after service. Mr Harms took William back to the house in his rolling chair. I stayed to be with Wook for a little while longer. All the
smile is gone out of her eyes. I rubbed her feet, because they were so swollen. That’s when she broke down and cried, saying she hated her husband, Lee. He had got a pass to visit, but came
just to say he didn’t love her. Lee wants to marry somebody else.

Monday, October 24, 1859

Miz Lilly is home. Lord have mercy. Mas’ and Hince left the same day for races in Charleston. We all been busy washing and ironing her travel clothes – scrubbing,
scrubbing. Nothing suits her. And she aine stopped going on about how filthy the house is.

Tuesday, October 25, 1859

I caught Miz Lilly in her room at a good time, and asked her if I could stay with Aunt Tee in the Quarters ’stead of in the kitchen.

I knew just how to get what I wanted out of her. I say to her, “Miz Lilly, I was thinking if you let me stay with Aunt Tee down in the Quarters, I can watch and know if somebody’s
talking runaway talk.”

She studied on that notion. “You’ve never told me one thing about anybody. Why now, Clotee?”

I had to think fast and talk straight. “I figure if I help you, then you’ll give me nice things like you do Missy.”

That fooled her good! She let me stay in Aunt Tee’s cabin, but I still got to work with Eva Mae in the kitchen and help Missy with the housework. It’s a little bit like the way it
used to be – Aunt Tee and Spicy and me talking all hours of the night. Now, I’ll be able to write more often and not cause suspection. It’s no where near as warm or as nice as the
kitchen. When I write H-O-M-E, I see here in the cabin. Home aine a place – it’s a feeling of being loved and wanted. Wherever Aunt Tee and Spicy are that’s home to me.

Friday, October 28, 1859

Been working all week. Today is the first time I’ve had a minute to write. Most nights I just fall asleep on my pallet, next to Spicy. We all too tired to talk, but
it’s so good being back together again under the same roof – even though it leaks.

Saturday, October 29, 1859

Aunt Tee has found a way to be useful again. She made herself a job. All the hands in the Quarters work so hard, they be too tired to cook in the evening. So, she’s done
started cooking for everybody. Whatever the folk can rake together, they bring it to Aunt Tee. She adds it together to make a bigger pot. They come home in the evening to a big pot. Today they had
rabbit stew, wild turnips and ho’cakes fixed by the best cook in Virginia.

After last meal the same day

I picked up pieces of talk at dinner. Mr Harms was telling Miz Lilly about the Bible he’d found, but he said he found it down by the river. “Yes, Eva Mae told me
you’d found a Bible and that you were trying to say it belonged to her or Clotee. Why would you think it belonged to one of the slaves and not a member of the Big House?”

“Slaves steal so badly,” said Mr Harms. “When anything is missing or lost, I always begin with the house slaves. They are the ones most likely guilty.”

Mr Harms was sounding like a mas’er. But when I looked closer, the Bible he showed Miz Lilly wasn’t Spicy’s at all. Mr Harms was helping Spicy and me, but at the same time
finding favour with Miz Lilly. I felt myself smile inside.

Then Mr Harms asked if Miz Lilly knew that William has some feeling in his toes? She didn’t know – she never takes time to know about such things. Mr Harms asked if he could use hot
water treatments on William’s legs. Say he’d learned the treatment from a doctor over in Washington.

“Only if Dr Lamb says it is all right.”

Then, he asked for Missy to help him with the treatments. “No,” said Miz Lilly, “Missy is attending to me. Use Clotee.”

Mr Harms knew just how to charm Miz Lilly. If he had asked for me, she never would have let me help. What is Mr Harms up to?

Monday, October 31, 1859

It’s shoe-wearing time again. I hate putting on William’s old hard shoes.

Eva Mae, Missy and me just about harvested everything from the house garden and preserved, pickled or dried it. The collards are ready to be picked, but Aunt Tee say wait til’ the frost
hits them, first. This is my favourite time of the year, when the summer heat gives way to fall coolness. I can finally get a good sleep.

Wednesday, November 2, 1859

Hince and Mas’ Henley came back home winners. They also had a fine new horse, a beauty named Canterbury’s Watch. He’s not as spirited as Dancer, but Hince says
he’s a strong runner – steady. Hince calls him “Can”, because he “can run”. Miz Lilly came out on the porch, took one look at the horse, stepped back inside and
slammed the door.

It was good to have Hince home. Although he spends most of his time with the horses, I miss hearing him laughing and how the sound floats up to the kitchen from the stables.

I told him I was staying in Aunt Tee’s cabin down in the Quarters, but I still work up in the kitchen and Big House. “I’m glad you with Aunt Tee,” he said.
“Somebody to see after her.”

Then Hince s’prised me with a piece of red satin ribbon. It was as grand as anything Miz Lilly owned. And it was all mine. Didn’t have to slip and play with it. Hince say he had
bought it with money he won, betting on himself.

“I was going to wait until the Big Times to give it to you, but I couldn’t wait. How do you like it?”

The word came straight from my heart and burst out of my mouth. “Beautiful!” Whenever I write B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L, I will see my red ribbon. It makes me feel pretty and like I want to
dance and dance.

Sunday, November 6, 1859

Hince bought Spicy a measure of cloth and Aunt Tee a comb for her hair. All three of us wore our gifts to meeting. All the women in the Quarters was jealous – but Missy
was so mad, she didn’t stay through the whole service. Rufus talked on love.

“Love is not jealous,” he said, winking at the three of us. I should have been ashamed of being so proud of my red ribbon, but I wasn’t. I just held my head higher.

Monday, November 7, 1859

Missy come in the kitchen waving a white handkerchief with purple and yellow pansies on each corner. Lord, who has that girl gone and told on?

Tuesday, November 8, 1859

Missy told Miz Lilly all about the gifts Hince had bought us – mad because he didn’t bring her nothing back. Miz Lilly took it straight to Mas’ Henley.

Mas’ Henley rang the plantation bell. All of us come running to the front of the house. Mas’ Henley lead us to the stables. Oh, no. Somebody was getting ready to get a beating.

When Mas’ grabbed Hince, my breath cut short.

“How’d you get money to buy gifts?” he asked Hince.

“I used the eating money you gives me to bet on myself to win – and I winned,” he say, not feeling like he’d done no wrong.

Mas’ Henley reached and got a buggy whip. “Where’d you get the idea that you could slip behind my back and place bets?” He told Hince to lean over and hold on to the
wagon wheel. Hince couldn’t b’lieve he was getting a whupping. Neither could I.

“But Mas’, I didn’t slip. I placed the bet, free and open.”

Mas’ Henley beat Hince. Gave him ten hard licks while we all was made to watch. I closed my eyes and balled my hands in a fist so tight my fingernails dug in the heel of my hand. I wanted
to holler out when I heard the swish of the whip hitting my brother-friend’s back.

Everybody knew Hince was Mas’ Henley’s bread and butter – filled his pockets. If Hince got a beating, then what would ol’ Mas’ do if we got caught doing anything
– anything. It didn’t have to be wrong – just something he didn’t like. Mas’ Henley promised never to give Hince eating money when they was out on a trip. Say he could
starve to death.

Wonder how Missy feels about herself, now? Was getting Hince a whupping worth that ugly handkerchief? We used to let Missy get away with fighting and hitting, because we thought she was pretty
and all. I even wanted to be like her. But if being pretty means being that ugly inside, then Lord let me stay plain. Aunt Tee always say what go around, come around. Missy got it coming for what
she did.

Wednesday, November 9, 1859

Aunt Tee took care of Hince’s wounds. The buggy whip cut his skin, but not as deep as a cat-o’-nine. Hince was shamed, at first – shame of being whupped in
front of everybody. Being a winning jockey didn’t help him none. Mas’ Henley beat him just the same.

Spicy and me tried to cheer him up by talking about Mas’ Henley in the worse way. He felt some better. I could see it in his face.

One day when the abolitionists come they will stop all this beating. I wonder how far off that day is?

Friday, November 11, 1859

It rained all day – a slow rain. Turned cold afterwards. Miz Lilly called me to her room. Then we went up in the attic. There were all kinds of boxes up there –
things I’d never seen before. Dresses, coats, hats. It smelled of ol’ and the dust made me sneeze.

Miz Lilly opened a creaky trunk and pulled out a pair of shoes and a dress that musta b’longed to her daughter. She handed them to me. I had never had no real shoes or a pretty dress. Just
the plain white pull-overs Aunt Tee stitched up for me.

“Your mama made this dress for my Clarissa when she was a girl. Now you can have it.” I quick put the shoes on. They were a little big, but much softer than William’s big
shoes. My toes had plenty of room and the sides weren’t rough and hard. I put the dress on. It felt like it had been mine all along, because Mama had made it. I buried my face in it and tried
to smell Mama, but it just made me sneeze more. Miz Lilly was almost a person, but I had to keep my wits about me. She wasn’t nice just to be nice. She was up to something.

When I showed Aunt Tee and Spicy what Miz Lilly had give me, they looked at me with wondering faces. “I didn’t tell her nothing. Honest!” They b’lieved me, but warned me
to be careful-like.

Saturday, November 12, 1859

This study season would have been over for me, because its been too cold to fan. If it hadn’t been for those hot water treatments Mr Harms is giving William, my learning
would have ended like before. But Mr Harms got me helping during study time. Still not a word from Mr Harms. He sees me every day, but he walks right by me. I might as well be a shadow person.
Wonder will the treatments really do William any good?

Sunday, November 13, 1859

I just hurried back to Aunt Tee’s cabin to write what I just seen.

I was going back to the kitchen from the Quarters a while ago, when I seen Mr Harms going into the woods. I followed him all the way down to the river, being quiet as I could. He put his hands
to his mouth and made the sound of a bird. In a few minutes, I heard the same sound. Then out of the river mist stepped a ghostly-looking man. As the moon slipped from behind a cloud, I got a good
look. He was the one-eyed man in the picture – the abolitionist – no ghost at all, but in the flesh.

My heart was beating in my chest so hard, I was sure they could hear it. I wanted to run out and tell the one-eyed man that he was my hero – like the long-ago Herquelez that Mr Harms had
read about. I wanted to tell the one-eyed man that I was an abolitionist too, and that I wanted to get rid of slavery just like him. But I decided just to watch and listen.

I know now that Mr Harms is in with the abolitionists for sure. That means that not all abolitionists are from the Philadelphia, the New York or the Boston. They come from everywhere –
even from the south – even from Virginia. If Mr Harms was an abolitionist, then what was he doing here at Belmont? Might it have something to do with slaves running away on that railroad
that’s underground?