Slave Girl (7 page)

Everybody kept sayin’ Uncle Heb was free at last. Why do we have to die to be free? Why can’t we be free and live?

Wednesday

For the first time as long as I can remember, Aunt Tee didn’t fix fried chicken and whipped potatoes today. I wasn’t the onlyest person to notice it, either.

Thursday

I’ve been tryin’ to piece together all that’s done went on for the last few days. No time to grieve, ’cause our work aine never stopped. Mas’
Henley wants his food served on time and the Missus wants her house cleaned, her bed made, her water brought up for baths and on and on and on – no end to the work she thinks up for us to
do.

Aunt Tee misses Uncle Heb so much, she just shakes with hurt. Then she sings a lot –

Nobody should have to live as a slave. If a slave can be an abolitionist, then I want to be one, ’cause I hate slavery and I want it to end.

Friday

Whenever I write the word F-L-O-W-E-R I will think of that kindly old man who grew beautiful roses and told the best stories ever.

After the dinner meal, Spicy and I walked through Uncle Heb’s flower beds all the way down to the river. The sunflowers were turned toward the evenin’ sun. I remembered Uncle Heb
called me his little Sunflower Girl. He said my face always looked like it was facin’ the sun – full of brightness. I squeezed Little Bit, my birthday doll, which I’ve come to
carryin’ ’round in my apron pocket. I like the feel of the smooth wood on my hand. That would please Uncle Heb. My thoughts made me smile. Spicy found a four-leafed clover. It’s
s’posed to bring good luck. We sure could use some ’round this place.

Saturday

Spicy and me took Miz Lilly’s bath water up to her room. She sent Spicy out, but she asked me to stay and fan her for awhile. Iobeyed.

“Clotee, things are goin’ to change ’round here. But, I’m takin’ care of you. Don’t you worry. Just promise me you won’t say a word ’bout your
talk with me ’bout William. I never dreamed that he would do somethin’ so stupid. STUPID!”

I think Miz Lilly is worried that if Mas’ Henley finds out I had warned her ’bout William’s plan to ride Dancer and she’d done nothin’ to stop him, he would be
really, really mad with her. Now she’s tryin’ to still my mouth with favours. What is gettin’ ready to change ’round here? And how is Miz Lilly gon’ help me? None of
this makes me feel very good in the stomeck.

Two weeks later

I saw the calendar in Mas’ Henley’s office. We in August already. August 10, 1859. So much has happened since last I wrote in my diary. I knew somethin’ was
comin’, but didn’t know what. Mas’ Henley done changed everythin’ – everythin’. Nothin’s the same.

First, he moved Aunt Tee out of the kitchen. Say he cain’t trust her to cook for him no more, ’cause of what happened to Uncle Heb. He put her down in the Quarters to look after the
babies. Then to make it worse, he done brung Eva Mae up to the kitchen to be his new cook.

There’s more. Missy is takin’ Spicy’s place, ’cause Spicy’s been sent to the fields. I get to stay in the kitchen, doin’ what I been doin’. I guess
that’s what Miz Lilly meant when she say she was gon’ take care of me. I’d just as soon go to the Quarters with Aunt Tee than to stay near Miz Lilly.

Spicy aine sorry to be goin’ to the fields. She say she’ll miss talkin’ to me all hours of the night. I will miss spendin’ hours talkin’ to her under the stars. I
will miss her stumblin’ and fallin’, then laughin’ ’bout it. Things will not be the same up here in the Big House without her.

Aunt Tee is who I worry ’bout. This is the thanks she gets after all those years of service. Mas’ers don’t care how long and hard we work for them. They own us, so they can do
whatever they want to us. That’s the worse part of bein’ a slave. Never havin’ a say in what happens to yourself.

Third Monday in August

Everybody knows that Eva Mae aine half the cook Aunt Tee is. But she likes to think that she is.

It hurt me when Miz Lilly wouldn’t let Aunt Tee take the old iron bed she and Uncle Heb had slept in for years. The bed had been a gift from Miz Lilly’s grandfather to Uncle Heb for
his years of service. Now Miz Lilly done gave it to Eva Mae and Missy to sleep in. It’s not right that Aunt Tee should have to sleep on a pallet at her age. When we abolitionists end slavery,
everybody will have a bed to sleep in. Wonder will I ever get to meet a real abolitionist?

Next day

A horse and buggy turned into the front gate, gallopin’ at full speed. Whenever I write the word S-T-R-A-N-G-E, I will remember seein’ Mr Ely Harms bouncin’
’round in that buggy, comin’ up the drive. The tutor is here and I can’t wait to find out ’bout him.

Monday again

The tutor’s been here a week. He’s a little freckled-faced man with a shock of red hair that sticks out of the side of his hat. He looks like he’s been pieced
together from parts took from other folks. His teeth got a big gap in the middle and his legs and arms seem a bit too long and too thin for the rest of hisself. I can’t guess his years, but
he’s got young eyes that look at you over cloudy glasses that sits on the tip of his nose. I’ll guess and give him ’bout 25 years – give or take one or two.

Miz Lilly fluttered on and on ’bout how sorry she was that nobody – nobody – had told Mr Harms not to come ’cause of William’s bad fall. Mr Harms used a lot of fast
words – real fancy-like. And by the end of supper, he had Mas’ Henley and Miz Lilly set on him stayin’ on here at Belmont.

I was glad, ’cause if William’s studies stop, then so would mine. Trouble is, what sort of tutor was Mr Harms gon’ be?

After the dinner meal that same day

Things in the kitchen be a big mess! Eva Mae got her own way of doin’, her own recipes. When I try to show her somethin’ she tells me to shut up. “I’m
the mistress of the kitchen, now.” So, I decided to just let her alone – do what I’m s’posed to do and keep my mouth shut – just like she say.

Week later

Dr Lamb came by – say William was well enough to start studyin’ – an hour or so a day, and added it would be good for the boy. The first lesson time with Mr
Harms was today in William’s bedroom. I was standin’ in my place ready to fan.

“Why are you here?” Mr Harms asked, lookin’ at me over the top of his glasses.

William s’plained that I was a fanner. Mr Harms say they didn’t need a fanner. My heart sunk down to my toes. My learnin’ would have ended right then, too, if William
hadn’t gone to whinin’ ’bout how it was too hot. He let me stay. I never thought I’d be glad to hear William’s whinin’.

Few days later

I went down to Aunt Tee’s cabin in the Quarters after the last meal. That gave me a chance to visit with her and Spicy. She’s holdin’ her own, but it’s
got to be hard on Aunt Tee, losin’ first Uncle Heb and then her job.

They live in a real small cabin now with a dirt floor – no windows, only a door that don’t shut all the way. Yet, everybody in the Quarters is seein’ after Aunt Tee. All them
years Aunt Tee took care of them and they children, now they payin’ her back with love and kindness. Aine none of them got much, but what they got, they’s willin’ to share.

I slipped out a piece or two of day-old bread and a few leftovers for her to fill out their meal. I told them how Missy and Eva Mae had changed. They are thick with Miz Lilly, grinnin’ and
smilin’, gettin’ in with her. Before I left, I told Aunt Tee ’bout my warnin’ Miz Lilly ’bout William and her not listenin’. “She’s scared I’ll
tell Mas’ Henley.” Aunt Tee agreed. She took me to her heart. “Be careful, chile. Miz Lilly aine gon’ stand for you to have nothin’ over her head. She’ll keep on
’til she find somethin’ on you to use – to get rid of you – to keep you down. She’ll use them two in the kitchen to help her. To win favours, Eva Mae and Missy will
tell everythin’ they know and then make up some. Be particular, and watch as well as pray.”

Now I’ve got to be very, very careful ’bout my readin’ and writin’, ’cause now Miz Lilly is lookin’ for somethin’. Now I know how Daniel must have felt
in the lion’s den.

Thursday night

Woke up after dreamin’ ’bout Mama – all in a sweat. It was unlike any dream I’ve ever had ’bout her. She was standin’ beside Mr Harms. He was
smilin’ at me, all the while Mama was sayin’, “It’s gon’ be jus’ fine, baby girl. It’s gon’ be jus’ fine.”

Rufus say, God talks to us in dreams. If that’s so, then I wonder what God is tryin’ to tell me?

Last Monday in August

Calendar say it’s August 29, 1859.

Mr Harms brought a book to study time. William wouldn’t read it. Mr Harms never said a word. He opened the book and he started to read. “Long ago, in a far away place called Greze
there lived a great hero named Herquelez.”

I knew Mas’er John Hamby’s slave named Herquelez who lived on a nearby plantation. He was powerful strong, too. But this was not a story ’bout him.

Mr Harms told us how the long-ago Herquelez killed a big serpent. Then the teacher-man stopped, closed the book and walked away without sayin’ another word.

“There’s more, right?” William called out.

“Tomorrow,” said Mr Harms.

I can’t wait to find out more, too.

First day of September

There was a big race up in Winchester last week, and Hince won. Soon as he got back, he came to the kitchen to see me and to tell me all ’bout his win. First thing, Missy
come sidin’ up to him – like he came there to see her. He asked where Spicy was, right in front of her. I gladly told him.

Monday

Mr Harms starts each day by sayin’ the day, month and year. Today is Monday, September 5, 1859. So, now I can keep better track of time.

Tuesday, September 6, 1859

William has taken to Mr Harms like a bird to berries. I declare, the boy is reading now and liking it. I’m learning a lot, too. I’m adding “ing” to my
words now, ’cause Mr Harms made William stop saying, “talkin’”, and “walkin’” and “singin’”. It is talking, walking and singing. I
remember to write my ings, but I still forget to say my ings.

Wednesday, September 7, 1859

Mr Harms has taken charge of William’s days. Two men from down in the Quarters comes up every morning and helps William get bathed and dressed. One brings William down for
breakfast in his rolling chair. Afterwards, we have our study time – in the cool of the morning – just hot enough to need a fanner, which is still me. Then it’s time for lunch.
William eats with Mr Harms most of the time. The rest of the day William listens to Mr Harms read to him, or they play card games, or a game called chess. William spends the evenin’ with his
mother and father – but most time they spat ’bout one thing or another, so he goes off to bed.

Thursday, September 8, 1859

I slipped out late last night. Came out to write in my diary. I heard a twig snap. Someone was coming. I called to see who it was. Missy answered, asking, “What you doing
out here?”

I was sitting on my diary. I told her it was too hot to sleep, so I’d come out to look at the stars.

“Why do you always come back here behind the kitchen?”

She was digging for a bone. “I like it back here. I can see the river and the stars.”

My hiding place behind the kitchen is no longer safe. I have to find a new place, safer, and real soon.

Friday, September 9, 1859

Since Uncle Heb’s been dead, the garden’s been looking real pitiful. I pulled a few weeds from ’round the roses. But it just aine the same. I miss him and
sometimes turn ’round to say something to him, but he’s not there. He never will be there, just like Mama.

Oh, yes, I learned from Mr Harms that it’s around and not ’round. It’s something and not somethin’. I’ve got more out of Mr Harms’ lesson than I ever did from
Miz Lilly.

But there’s something real different about Mr Harms, and I cain’t put it to words yet. He never even looks at me. Treats me like I’m not there.

Saturday, September 10, 1859

I was digging through some of the trash in Mas’ Henley’s study, looking for things about abolitionists and the Underground Railroad. Nothing. I cain’t find a
thing to help me understand my list of words better. So, when I just wrote F-R-E-E-D-O-M, it still don’t show me no picture. But I’m keeping my eyes open.

Sunday, September 11, 1859

Aunt Tee been so sad since she been turned out of the kitchen. I would do anything to help make her laugh and be happy again. I guess that’s why I did a very foolish
thing. I went down to her cabin to visit. After we’d talked, I used a stick to scratch writing on the dirt floor. C is for CAT.

Before I could blink my eye, Aunt Tee had slapped me so hard I had to hold onto the table to keep from toppling over. Miz Lilly aine never hit me that hard. She rubbed out the letters with her
foot. At last, my head stopped swimming and the spots before my eyes cleared up. There wasn’t no anger in Aunt Tee’s eyes, only fear.

“Do you know what happen to slaves the mas’er finds out got learnin’?” she whispered sternly.

I knew they got beaten, or much worse they got sold to the Deep South. I couldn’t make her understand that I was trusting her. I knew she wouldn’t tell on me.

“I don’t wanna be trusted,” Aunt Tee say, near tears. “Look at what trust got me. I b’lieved Mas’ Henley would do right by me, ’cause I’d done
right by him. Not so. Look at me now. Trusting got me here. Who teached you, chile?” I was scared to say – and real sorry I’d told her about any of it. I decided to hold back on
all the truth. “I teached myself just a few words.”

Aunt Tee sucked in her breath and clicked her teeth. Her face was clouded over with worry. “Don’t bring trouble to yo’ own front door,” she say, biting her lip, the way
she did when she was real worried. “Don’t you tell another living soul that you got this little piece of knowing. You hear me?”