Six Years (22 page)

“Top drawer’’, I answered, pointing weakly at the bedside table. He extended his arm and opened the drawer with an urgency that made him tremble slightly. He moved things around in my drawer until he grabbed the small foiled packet. His eyes went back to me with a feral intensity that made me suck in my breath again. He was far more intense than I had ever imagined him to be when it came to sex.

He opened the foiled packet and rolled the condom on, all the while never looking away from my eyes, even when I was distracted with the way his muscles bulged for a few seconds while he sheathed himself. He pushed open my legs and they went willingly, opening until I caged his waist between my thighs and I brought both hands to his ass, putting just enough pressure to let him know that I didn’t want to wait any longer. I was so ready for him that it was indecent, even for me.

I could feel his cock hard at my entrance, teasing me but never giving me what I needed. I frowned at him and the jerk smirked! He was evil and even more hot. But soon, he relented and lowered himself, guiding himself into me and pushing in. Hard.

I moaned and clawed at his tight ass, my thighs closing around his waist. I closed my eyes and let the sensations fill me. He didn’t move, waiting for me to acclimate to him or maybe he was afraid to lose it. He was breathing harder in my ear and his tight grip in my hair wasn’t easing.

“Brooklyn,’’ he murmured my name in that throaty voice of his that made me quiver. He began to move then, slow at first but soon fast and hard, not once repentant or second guessing this. He just let it all go and it was more than amazing.

As he started to move, my groans became louder and more frequent. I didn’t know where to grab him to hold on as his thrusts became even more unforgiving and the waves of completion hit me more and more. I was hot all over, our sweat was mixing, our bodies were slipping against each other. Our breathing was loud, almost drowning out the sounds of our bodies moving and the bed squeaking. My ears started buzzing, my eyes closed on their own accord and all my limbs and muscles started contracting.

“Open your eyes. Now,’’ he commanded me and I obeyed without thinking. His voice caught in his throat when I contracted my womb, ready to explode. His fiery eyes bore into me. His jaw was contracted, accentuating it. His lips were just a fine line and the piercing a small spark in the room only lit by a lamp. His nostrils flared again and his movements became more erratic.

“Nolan, Nolan… Don’t stop.’’

He shook his head and accelerated before he gripped my hips and sneaked an arm under me to change the angle, pushing my hips upwards, both of his big hands cupping forcefully the globes of my ass as he thrust into me relentlessly, sweat coating more and more his body and mine.

I arched my back some more and let out a small whimper as an orgasm hit me full force, making it impossible to make more of a sound. My eyes went blind and a small tear escaped my right eye. As soon as my orgasm took a hold of me, Nolan followed with two more thrusts, roaring my names as his hands clasped me even tighter, almost to the point of pain. His eyes closed tight, his mouth open and his cheeks red, he was perfection.

I was boneless, sprawled on the mattress and Nolan was trying to regain his breath while trying not to put all of his weight on me. But I pushed down on his back until he was on me, his chest and hips in full contact with mine. I could feel his heart beating as fast and hard as mine was and I sighed. I was spent and as happy as I’d ever been.

He pulled away to lock eyes with me. His face wasn’t as relaxed as I expected or as happy and it worried me instantly. A streak of knot tightened in my chest.

“Are you okay?’’ He shook his head and blew some hair away from his face. “Was it okay?’’

I frowned and managed to smile at the same time. “Of course! It was…Nolan, it was the most amazing thing that I could ever hope for. Don’t you think?’’

He brushed some of my hair away from my sweaty face, his fingers so soft on my skin that I barely felt them. “It was intense and so good that…’’ He trailed off. “I wasn’t expecting it to feel so intense. You drive me insane, Brooklyn. There’s something in you that I didn’t know was… In fact, I didn’t know anything like this existed before. You make me need you on the most primal level, and yet, I feel compelled to protect you from everything. It’s fucking with my head.’’

I ran a hand along his clenched jaw. “When it comes to these things, most of the time there’s no logic. Don’t try to put on a label on this and just enjoy the ride.’’

He smiled and he relaxed before he kissed me on the lips, deepening the kiss in a sweet and slow dance before he broke it to get rid of the condom. He stood up and went out to the small bathroom in the hall. I put an arm over my eyes and took a deep breath. Sudden fear crept in, right on the edge of this bliss I was surfing on. I tried to ignore it, knowing it was my heart sending me a warning because right now, I wasn’t protecting it. I was wearing it on my sleeve and without really knowing to what extent, Nolan had a good hold on it and one wrong move would break it and along with it, my last dreams.

* * *

NOLAN

It took a while, but finally Brooklyn’s breathing evened out. Her parted lips on my chest kept me awake, unable to tear my eyes off her beautiful face. In fact, I didn’t want to close my eyes. I wanted to stay there, to feel her naked against me. I had never felt anything like this for a woman, and though I had known having sex with Brooklyn would be very different from what I had experienced until then, I hadn’t been fully prepared for the tsunami of emotions that crashed into me. Vulnerability like I had never known, passion like I had never envisioned and a protective need toward her far more intense than I had ever felt for her invaded me completely. And the pleasure…Fuck, the pleasure to be inside Brooklyn was indescribable. She was my perfection and it scared me shitless.

I swallowed thickly and toyed with her hair, brushing some locks away from her face, relaxed from a deep sleep. Like this, with her in my arms, both of us naked in her bed, everything seemed easy, possible. It made me want to hope, to believe that for once something good could come out of Riverdale, but I had been burnt one too many times in this town. I should try and protect her, but I couldn’t at this point. We were too far gone to take things slow now.

Losing her wasn’t an option. It had never been, but now…now I wouldn’t let it happen. I had made a mistake six years ago when I left, but I would never do it again. She held the better part of me in her hands and I didn’t even know I had given it to her. It just happened and being so close to her, being inside of her and feeling, seeing everything she had to offer had sealed the deal. But damn it…these feelings for her scared me. A lo
t
.

I couldn’t look away from the glistening body of Big No. He was mowing the neighborhood gardens to earn some money for his move to New York city to college in a few months. I giggled at the window of the kitchen.

He had taken off his red T-shirt ten minutes ago and now I had a perfect view of his chest and the rivulets of sweat over his skin, making him even more breath taking than usual. Even my girl friend Anna had drooled with me in my kitchen until her mom came to pick her up to drive her to her father’s.

It was quite fascinating to look at him, see him move around with ease, his body impressive compared to the boys of my age. Just watching him made my stomach feel funny and my cheeks burn.

He turned off the mower and with his forearm tried to dry his forehead before he used his T-shirt that was hanging from one of his back pockets. I gaped at him and turned around abruptly. I felt even weirder than usual, not sure that it was that normal to feel so funny while looking at somebody. In fact, I wasn’t even sure that it was that normal to watch a guy so obsessively. Not when you’re twelve at least. I blushed some more and gulped some iced-tea I made earlier, the ice cubes clinking in the tall glass.

I shook my head and put my hair in a tight ponytail. It was so hot today that I craved to feel some fresh air on my neck and not the sweat coating all my skin. It was still early spring, and yet it felt like summer.

Knocks at the door brought me back to the present. I frowned and went cautiously at the door. When I was alone at home I didn’t like to answer the door. Even during the day. For example, three days ago the police arrested two guys in our street who were dealing drugs. During the day! You never knew what to expect on the other side of a closed door and it was one of the few things my parents taught me and Big No was always drilling it in my head as if I could forget.

“Who is it?’’ I asked with a small voice, checking with my eyes to see if I hadn’t forgotten to lock the two locks of the door. That was something I tended to do every once in a while. Not very smart of me.

“Your thirsty neighbor, Little B. Do you have something to drink?’’

I jumped to open the door, my smile bright and big. Big No was looking at me with amusement as he put his t-shirt back on. “I made some iced tea.’’

“Sweet!’’ He skipped in and followed me to the kitchen where he grabbed the pitcher and a glass to pour himself some. As soon as he took a sip, he groaned and closed his eyes. “Fuck, I was so thirsty. That heat is a bitch.’’ I laughed and took another sip of my previously abandoned glass. He re-opened his eyes and cringed. “Sorry for that Little B. I wasn’t paying attention.’’

“You know what, I’d love to have a look at what you’re writing. It must be interesting with the way you talk.’’

I couldn’t say if it was just because the heat had taken its toll on him or if he was truly blushing, but he did look quite embarrassed all of a sudden. “Yeah, let’s just say that you should be older.’’

“Will you let me read something you wrote?’’

He pursed his lips and shook his head before he ran a dirty hand over his buzzed hair. “Nah. I’m just playing around. And I’m not kidding, Little B. It’s not some kid stories I’m writing. Some scenes are not for you.’’

I snorted and turned around. I didn’t want to let it show how hurting his words were. “Have another glass if you want. I have some work to do in my room.’’

And I walked away, not once feeling the need to look back. I was tired of this same old same old. Moreover, he was putting more and more distance between us and I was afraid of what it might mean.

BROOKLYN

Watching Nolan sleep was peaceful and something I never thought I’d ever do. Not that the other times when he fell asleep in my bedroom didn’t count, but it was different. For one, back then he had clothes on.

Right now, the light sheet was barely covering him, leaving one hip for my eyes to see. His chest with barely there hair had me drooling, thinking about how I had my hands and mouth on him, tracing every one of his muscles. I smiled and put a hand to my mouth, careful to not giggle as giddiness made me feel restless. His hair was all mussed and sticking up high on top of his head, probably from the countless times I had played with it in the throes of passion. His scruff was even darker today in the bright light of the first rays of the sun peeking through the half closed curtains. The best part was the hand he had on my stomach, his fingers sprayed over my bare skin as if to have a perfect hold on me and my body. As if to keep me in bed, next to him, as close as possible.

His breathing was calm, deep and it was slowly soothing me back to sleep. I began to close my eyes when a shrill ringtone startled me. Nolan blinked and sat up before he groaned and rubbed his eyes. He looked just like a young boy who had a hard time keeping his eyes open. Quite cute, but when the guy was hot and naked in bed with you, it went straight into drool worthy territory.

“I think it’s coming from your pants,’’ I said with a small chuckle.

He looked at me and nodded, still tongue-tied. He pushed away the sheet and stood up, not even the slightest self-conscious about his body. He fumbled with his pants and just before his cell phone went silent, he found it and answered it with a grunt, not even checking who was calling.

“This better be good, Paul.’’ He turned toward me and smiled at me until his eyes widened and his face slackened. “No shit?’’ He ran a hand in the mess of his hair and I took my fill by looking at him. “Today? But—‘’ He sighed and smiled. “Alright, alright. Need to go.’’ He hung up and laughed, his eyes danced with happiness and it made me smile in return.

“What’s going on?’’

He walked back the bed and sat on my side, his side flushed against my covered leg. I wasn’t trying to hide my naked breasts and he remarked it immediately. His eyes locked on my pert nipples and the light in his eyes turned naughty immediately as a pink hue appeared on his cheeks.

“Nolan?’’

He blinked and looked up. “You’re not going to believe this.’’ He held up his cell phone and waved it between us as an excited tension rose from him, making me dread whatever he was about to tell me. The last time something like this happened was when he announced me that he was accepted in college in New York. “Paul is my agent and he announced me that my first book was optioned to be made into a movie. It only needs my signature and it’ll be a done deal. They already have a team to start auditioning.’’

I gaped at him and threw myself at him, bringing us both down to the floor with me sprawled on him, both of us naked in the stark light of the early morning. I pulled back slightly as his laugh rang. “A movie, Nolan! Holy shit!’’

He dropped his phone and hugged me tightly, breathing in my hair. “It’s so crazy,’’ he whispered near my ear, his breath brushing my shoulder and my back.

“I’m so proud of you.’’

He released me from his hug and locked eyes with me, his eyebrows arching in a silent question until he began to bite on his lip ring. He brushed my hair away from my face and ran his fingers along his jaw. “Really?’’

“Of course, Nolan. You’re a well-known author, you won multiples awards for your books, you’ve built yourself a life out of this hell hole and you’ll have your first book made into a movie! How could I not to be proud of what you achieved in only six years?’’ I drew circles on his left pec with the tip of my index finger. His muscles bulged and he smiled lazily at me.

“Yet, you’ve never even read the dedications in my books.’’

I crinkled my nose and groaned before I hid my face in his hot chest. “I have no excuse anymore, I know.’’

He chuckled and grabbed my head to lock eyes with him. “You okay?’’ The seriousness of his voice and the way his eyes were watching me like a hawk as if to not miss one thing that could pass over my face.

I knew he was talking about what happened between us last night. And again, twice, later on. “I have no regret and I’m really happy right now. I’ve never felt so happy. Do you regret it?’’

He shook his head and tightened his hold on me even if it must be uncomfortable to be on the ground with my full weight on him. “I’d never regret something that good with you, Brooklyn.’’ He caressed my hair. “It was amazing.’’

I kissed his chest and smiled at him, feeling a new horde of butterflies taking off in my stomach. “Good.’’

“I have something else to tell you.’’

“Spill it,’’ I whispered, unable to help the frown hardening my face. Even my body tensed.

“I have to go back to New York.’’

I sat up and jumped to my feet. I needed some space, some time to let my heart go back to its normal beating. The butterflies plummeted and their downfall was painful, awakening what I had felt back when he left six years ago. But above all, I was angry because for just a little while, even if I knew that my feelings for him were nothing close to the fondness he felt for me, I hoped for more. He didn’t love me, he was lusting and he held me in his heart for old time sake and I knew it, but my naïve and hopeful side was creeping in and last night only sealed what I was hoping for. But he was leaving again
.
Agai
n
.

“Great. I didn’t think it’d be so fast, but at least you’re telling me face to face this time around,’’ I said, my words more biting than I wanted them. I was going for aloof and detached, but even that I couldn’t manage, not when I wanted to slap him and yell at him for doing this. But he didn’t do anything wrong. It was so frustrating and really not at all how I was seeing this morning going.

He stood up and tried to grab my arms, but I stepped away and hid my body by putting on a bathrobe I forgot in my bedroom last night after I got ready for our date. His face closed off and he crossed his strong arms over his chest, not even trying to put on his boxer that was on the ground just at his feet.

“Don’t play that fucking card on me, Brooklyn. I just need to go to New York to sign some papers for the movie. That’s all.’’

I gritted my teeth and snorted. It was hard to look at him and face him, but I didn’t hide any longer. “And you’ll be back here? Why?’’

He waved at the air between us. “Why do you think? I’m back and we’re trying to sort things out and I sure don’t want to have you out of my life, no matter what happens in the future. And there’s my mother—I just have too many things here to sort out before I go back to New York for good. I need to leave for a couple of days, that’s all.’’

I wanted to believe him, to drop it and just enjoy this morning with him, but I couldn’t. Not when there was a risk for him to put off his return once he’ll be there. His life in New York was very different from the one I had here. We’re on different speed, different phase in our life and only now I realized what it truly meant. I was just eighteen and for the most part I was very much lost with no idea of what to do with myself. He was a successful author ready to embark on another adventure that was far out of my reach. Damn, I lived in a tiny place and I was eating cheap food just to be able to pay my bills when he had more money than I would ever have.

“Whatever.’’

“What is that supposed to mean?’’ He bent and grabbed his boxer and put it on quickly before he walked to me, forcing me to tilt my head up to keep eye contact. Without my heels I was quite short next to him.

“It mean
s
whateve
r
.’’

His nostrils flared and his lip ring disappeared in his mouth for a few beats. “I’ll be back in a couple of days because I want to be with you. I’m not leaving because I want to leave the day after I had sex with you, but I have too.’’

Then why wasn’t he asking me to come with him? Even if I couldn’t afford not working for two full days, I wanted him to ask me to come with him. I wanted the illusion of the choice. “What do you want me to say?’’

“That you understand and that you’re not mad.’’ He cupped my left cheek. His hand was shaking slightly and I closed my eyes. “I want you to open the door for me when I’ll be back. I want you to kiss me when you’ll open your door. And I want you to text me and answer my calls while I’m away.’’

He kissed my forehead, then the tip of my nose and finally my lips. He didn’t deepen the kiss. Instead, he let me take the lead and I couldn’t not deepen it. My heart ached in my chest. I wrapped my arms around his narrow waist and slipped my tongue in mouth, tasting him again. Soon, I broke the kiss and smiled bitterly.

“When are you leaving?’’

He sighed and played with the sleeves of my bathrobe, tugging until one of my shoulders was bared. He leaned into me and kissed it, running his lips and tongue over my heated skin and goosebumps broke all over my body. It never ceased to amaze me how responsive I was to his touch.

“As soon as possible. I have to get ready at my hotel room, pay for it and then I’ll drive straight to New York. I have a meeting this afternoon with my agent to debrief the whole thing. I don’t want to look like a moron in front of these people who optioned my book.’’

I nodded and let the stone weight in my stomach. The breakfast I had craved when I had opened my eyes was long forgotten. I just wanted to fall back asleep and wait as long as possible before I had to get ready for my noon shift at the bar. Life wasn’t waiting, though.

“You should go, then. I have to get ready for the day too. And I’d like to go see your mother after my shift.’’

He frowned and let me pull away from him. “Are we okay?’’

I nodded and forced a smile to my numb face. It wasn’t painful to smile per se, but it wasn’t genuine and I felt it in every fiber of my body. I hated to lie, to hide things. It’s not me, but I was like any other girl or woman when it came to the guy who had your heart. I didn’t want to chase him away with my thoughts, fears and resentment. After all, it was an amazing opportunity for him and it wasn’t my right to ruin it by acting like a school girl with trust issues, even if these issues were very real.

He grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles before he turned around and dressed, ready to leave. I led him to the door silently and let him kiss my lips, but I didn’t let him deepen it. Instead, I hugged him with all my strengths and watched him drive away from the parking lot and back to his life.

I closed the door and went straight to take a shower and only when the hot water hit my aching and tense body did I let the tears fall, mixing with the water as to not see them falling even if I felt them breaking free from the shield of my closed eyelids. And something happened that I never thought possible.

I regretted sleeping with Nolan.

* * *

NOLAN

As soon as I was in my car after paying the hotel for my stay and I was packed to go, I dialed Paul, my agent. He couldn’t have had a worst timing. The day after Brooklyn and I slept together I had to get back to New York.

“Nolan? Are you on the road?’’ Paul asked me with his usual business voice. I doubted the man knew how to have plain old fun. But even though he was serious to his core and it annoyed me sometimes, he was also very good at his job.

“Yeah, I’m just about to leave Riverdale. I should be there this evening.’’ I glanced briefly at the road sign signaling the end limits of the small town. Driving away was harder than I expected and brought back the last time I took that same road, turning my back on my home town and on Brooklyn. But it wasn’t the same this time around, I would be back soon.

“What dosed off your enthusiasm? You are at the top of your game and you’re about to sign for a big motion film adaption of your book. What’s not to be ecstatic?’’

I sighed and relaxed behind the wheel. I ran a hand over my cheek and cringed when the whisker scraped my palm. I didn’t even take the time to shave in my haste. And I didn’t took the time to reassure Brooklyn. I was feeling all sorts of messed up for leaving so soon after our night together, so I could only guess how she must feel now.