Sinners 01 - Branded (11 page)

“Alyssa?” She doesn’t answer me and the fear of the unknown seeps into my bones. My
palms sweat and my heart thumps with anxiety, so I stay behind the curtain. “I’m Lexi.”
Still nothing. I bite my lip. “The nurses asked me to come check on you and see if
there’s anything I could do for you.”

Please don’t die on me. Please don’t die
. I clench my eyes shut, grab the sheet, and move it to the side. I exhale, pushing
out all the fear that’s trapped in my chest, then open my eyes and look at her.

I gasp.

Alyssa’s eyes snap open. She gives me a blank stare and makes no attempt to talk as
she turns her head toward the window.
Her skin’s so thin it’s almost transparent, and her dry, cracked lips are the faintest
shade of pink. She has crystal-blue eyes that contrast the dark circles underneath
them, and her dirty-blond hair lies in silky threads across her makeshift pillow.
Enclosed around her neck is a yellow brand for greed.

She glares at me. Her body trembles as her fragile finger points toward the door.
“Get out. Now. Leave me alone.” She pulls the cover over her head.

I can’t believe it.
Alyssa’s just a child.

She lies in a bed that swallows her whole and she curls up with a thin white blanket.
Her head rests on a rolled-up towel and her eyes remain closed.
I’m unable to look away, but out of the corner of my eye, I spot the folding chair
across from her bed. I tiptoe over to it, slide down, and as soon as I sit, the darn
thing makes an awful squeaky sound. I jerk forward. I feel light-headed as reality
settles in, and I feel my insides squirm in panic.
My eyes blur with heartbreak. I close them, and after a moment, the sensation fades,
and I glance her way one last time.

I bolt from the room and close the door behind me before sliding down the wall, pulling
my knees to my chest in exasperation. It’s not the kind of patient you want to take
care of—ever. What hell this girl must be going through, knowing she’s going to die
alone, just like the lady down the hall. Pain squeezes my chest tight.

The dark room envelops me. When I look up, he stands at the foot of the bed. His face
is hard and cold. I try to scream, but nothing comes out. Knowing I can’t call for
help, he sits next to me. His hot breath overpowers my sense of smell, and the callouses
of his hands scratch my skin as he touches my arms. I cringe, but his arms wrap me
up like a small child. I tense up and wait—the unknown, always the unknown. I don’t
want to die, but at the same time, I wish I were dead
.

“Lexi, can you hear me?”

I open my eyes and Sutton hovers over me with a worried expression. He reaches around
my shoulders and helps me up. “You’re drenched with sweat. Are you all right?” He
glances around for a nurse. “Amber, please grab my stethoscope and blood pressure
cuff. At the nurse’s station.” The auburn-haired nurse Cole often talks to grabs his
things and hands them over with a sour face. “Did you eat anything today? It could
be your blood sugar—”

“I’m fine. Trust me. I get these dizzy spells occasionally and sort of check out for
a while, but I always come around.” I pinch the bridge of my nose as I try to focus.
“Please just let it go.”

His expression softens as he kneels in front of me. “I can’t let it go. I’m a doctor,
remember?” He pushes his hair off his forehead. “I’ll find a way to make them stop.”

I know he can’t, but I’m not going to explain that to him, so I quickly change the
subject. “Why can’t you help her?” I ask, pointing to Alyssa’s room.

He furrows his brow and releases a long, deep sigh as if reaching for an explanation.
“She has an incurable virus. I have scientists working on finding the cure as we speak,
but they’re nowhere close to finding one. I’ve already allocated too much pain medication.
There’s not much else I can do.” He pauses to wipe his forehead with his hand. “How
do you tell a thirteen-year-old she’s going to die? How do you tell her there’s nothing
you can do to save her life?” He balls his hands into fists and then relaxes them
like he’s releasing his pain. “I hate failing, and I’m failing her in every way possible.”

My heart breaks for him. I see the pain in his eyes when he speaks about her and wish
there was something I could do to make it all go away. I know what it feels like to
be a failure. It haunts you constantly.

“Can I get it?” I ask.

“No.” He shakes his head and gives me a distant look.

“Then how did she get it?”

“Look, you can’t get it, all right? So try not to worry about it.”

“Okay. Doesn’t she have family?”

“We’re all she’s got.” He leans against the door.

“Tell me what I can do to help, and I’ll do it.”

“I need you to be there for her. Be her friend.”

“Anything but that,” I say, shaking my head nervously. “I’m not the right person—”

“You’re exactly the right person.” He pats my arm.

“But she hates me. She told me to get out and leave her alone.”

“Because she’s scared. She came here without her family and she’s afraid to let anyone
in.” His face softens. “Reminds me of someone else I know. Now, go say good-bye.”

Is he referring to me? He doesn’t know me.

I knock, but silence greets me as I nudge open her door. I stop behind the hanging
sheet, unable to move any farther. “I’m leaving now, but I’ll be back in the morning.
Would it be all right if I brought something for you?”

“Whatever,” she says.

I don’t respond as I leave.
Sure, we’ll be great friends.

Cole sits on the nurse’s desk with his back toward me. Zeus trots over, licking my
hand and bringing a subtle smile to my face.

“Nice to see you too. How was your day?” I wipe the slobber on my pants.

Just as I near the desk, Amber reaches around Cole and covers his eyes.

“Guess who,” she says.

“I don’t know,” he replies with annoyance. He extracts her fingers from his eyes and
pulls her around to his front.

“Heard you had a good night… hot stuff.” Her haughty laugh is annoying.

How fake can she be?

He laughs. “Yeah, yeah. Who told you?”

“Your boys. Maybe next time you’ll remember to invite me.” She gives him a coy look
while she plays with the large curl of her ponytail.

“Nah.” He punches her arm playfully, and she wraps her arms around his neck.

“You wouldn’t have to pay me,” she says. “For you, I’ll do anything.”

Cole shoves her away and looks angry. “I don’t mind kidding, but now you’re crossing
the line. Back off.”

“Just messin’ with you. Lighten up already.” Her eyes meet mine and her air of innocence
doesn’t fool me. “But seriously, if you want me to come over, let me know,” she says.

Can she scream “I want to die” any louder? Did she not see the execution?

Cole leads me to the stairway in silence since the elevators malfunctioned halfway
through the day. Eight flights down and still nothing’s said between us. Zeus’s nails
click on the concrete as we descend, and I’m grateful for the noise.

His hand touches the small of my back when he leads me to the door of the Jeep. I
stiffen and he removes it.

“We’re taking the Jeep?” I ask.

“For now. Just get in.” His brusque voice reminds me of how mean he was last night,
ordering me around like some lowly servant.

So I lift myself in, holding the door handle, then strap the seatbelt on tight while
averting my eyes. All day, I pushed the thought of him, his buddies and the prostitutes
out of my mind, but now the memory comes up fresh and sharp. Anger flows through me
like a bursting dam.

Why does he act all nice and then treat me like crap? Why does he bother saving my
life if he’s going to treat me like trash on the street? He doesn’t make any sense.

He puts the Jeep in drive and we traverse back to our quarters. The entire time I
stare at the bleak, colorless monotony that’s become my life. The humid breeze plays
with my hair, but it doesn’t bring much relief. I feel Cole’s eyes boring holes into
the side of my face and try to ignore it, regardless of how many questions I want
to ask.

I’m scared too. I saw the execution the same as he did, but there’s no excuse for
being hostile now.

I’ve only been here a week and I’m already exhausted with trying to read his signals
and dance around his moods. At times, I want to explode like a bomb or give in to
my animalistic instincts like the others.

But my father raised me better. He’d be disappointed if I became what I’ve been labeled.
And I won’t give the commander the satisfaction of ruining me.

After Cole retires to his room, I let my hair down, giving my scalp a rest from the
ponytail. My long tendrils hang freely over my brand as I stand in front of the mirror.

“Sorry about last night. If I don’t treat you that way when they’re around… they’ll
start asking questions. I can’t have them doubting my ability to follow through with
my orders.”

His voice startles me and I spin around to face him. His tired eyes meet mine. His
face is apologetic. “And when they’re not?” I ask. “What about the camera in my room?
Aren’t you worried about them watching you talk to me right now?”

“I’m the one watching you on camera, not them. And from now on, in private, we’ll
be civil.”

I nod my head and turn away still feeling uneasy.

“You should be thankful I’m apologizing at all,” he says.

My eyes snap to his in disgust. “I trusted you with my life.”

“And I did my job.”

“So that’s how it’s going to be?” I ask.

“That’s all it can be.”

Okay, then.

Days pass in the same manner. Cole escorts me in silence. I nurse Alyssa, fold linens,
and keep a low profile. Alyssa loves the pillow I gave her, so she’s been a little
more receptive of my presence, but she still only gives me one-word answers when I
ask her how she’s doing. Every night, Cole leaves me food to eat, but neither of us
speaks. After our last exchange, I lost a lot of respect for him. It makes me uncomfortable
so I don’t ask him about the papers he had or if I’ll ever be free from surveillance.

I know he can’t enjoy watching me do nothing every night.

I lie on my mattress and run my hands through my long hair. The loneliness is driving
me crazy, so I start talking to Zeus, which, to tell the truth, is kind of nice. He
at least pretends to care, or seems to anyway.

Thursday. The day means nothing as usual. The head nurse, whose name I finally found
out is Bertha, rushes around with the dark-haired nurse. The eighth floor seems particularly
swamped today, so there’s no time for questions. Left to my own devices, I’m determined
to develop a deeper relationship with Alyssa.

Our interactions have been limited to her basic needs for the most part. I change
her linens, give her baths, and attempt conversation with her while getting nowhere.
She’s like an armored battleship ready for war. I tiptoe around to keep from disturbing
her whenever possible. However, her situation still pricks me. She must feel so alone
and deserted.

How can I get her to let me in, to be her friend?

This time I don’t knock. I pull open the curtain, go to the window, and open the blinds.

“What’re you doing? I’m tired and want to be alone,” she snaps. It’s the longest string
of words she’s put together since I started taking care of her and I don’t want the
opportunity to pass. I drag the chair across the room and next to her bed. “I know
what it feels like to be alone and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I’ve been trying
to help you. Can’t you see I want to be your friend?” I plead from my heart.

“Why? What’s the point?” The bitterness in her voice cracks with weakness, so I gingerly
reach out and wrap my hand around hers. It’s cold and lifeless.

“Because I need a friend.” I squeeze her hand slightly, praying for an intervention.

Tears flow from her eyes as she leans her head back into the pillow.

“I don’t want to be this way.” Tears slip down her face. “I don’t want to die. I don’t
want to be alone. I… just hate it here. I hate everything.”

Tears pool on the rims of my eyes as I focus on her.

“I’ll stay with you. I won’t go anywhere. I promise.”

“I think I’ve been here five years. Maybe longer? Sutton’s the closest thing I have
to family.” She clenches and unclenches her fists.

She sits up and wraps her thin arms around me. She starts to shake as she sobs, so
I hold her. I wish there was more I could do for her—anything.
I want to make her remaining days as wonderful as possible, but how does a child enjoy
her time when she knows Death parked himself just around the corner?

“What can I do?” I ask.

“Don’t let me die.”

Her words tear my insides to shreds. A hopeless feeling overcomes me and I want to
scream at the top of my lungs “Take me! Take me instead!” I would, without a doubt,
trade places with her if I could. I know it’s impossible, and the loss of that control
throws me into a frenzy. There’s no way she deserves to be here. I don’t even know
where to go or who to blame, but there has to be someone.

“I’ll be right back.”

I run down the hallway and into the linen closet. I ball my fists and pound on the
door. I grab the sheets and chuck them over the laundry bins and all the way to the
trash cans on the other side. Burying my face into a blanket, I let out a scream that’s
been balled up in my chest for way too long. Towels fall off the shelf. I pick one
up and throw it, then another and another until they form a disheveled pile. I push
the bins out of my way and bolt to the supply closet.

I run my arm down the line of supplies, sending them to the floor. I pick up an IV
pole and swing at the wall. I pound harder and harder until it breaks in half, sending
one part into the mirror, shattering the glass into tiny fragments on the tile. I
dig my nails into my palms.