Sidelined (6 page)

She nodded, slowly. “I guess that’s a good thing. But I seem to have a thing for sleazy, horny guys.”

“Because they show confidence. All girls like guys who are confident. As you found out, being confident doesn’t always equal being nice.”

Kayla smiled. “You’re really smart, Bree.”

My eyes bulged a little then I threw my head back and laughed loudly. Nobody had ever called me smart before. Ever.

“I’m not that smart.”

A smart person wouldn’t be imagining a different life than the perfect one she already has. Wouldn’t be thinking about a friend as if he was something more.

“You’re smart about boys. I bet you had loads of boyfriends in high school.”

I shook my head. “Like I said, I never stayed in one place long enough to bond with anyone. There was one guy when I lived in New York for a while but other than that I didn’t really date in high school.”

“So when did you start dating?”

“When I met Jude. It was the first time I settled in one place.” Another pause, a beat of silence that made me grin. “I hear what you’re thinking. I was still a virgin on my wedding day. How’s that for prudish?”

This time Kayla’s eyes bulged but she quickly recovered. “It’s not prudish. It’s sort of sweet. How did you… I mean…”

She was too cute. I couldn’t believe I was talking to a teenager about my reasons for not having sex until after I got married, but she was at
that
age. The age of curiousness, and still too young to ask her mom for advice for fear she’d flip out and put locks on her bedroom door to ensure she wasn’t out banging any boy who asked.

“I didn’t exactly
decide
to do things that way,” I told her. “There were a lot of reasons I wasn’t ready to sleep with Jude right away. I needed to learn to trust him. He proposed a year after our first date and I knew I wanted to marry him. I really trusted him by then, and I thought, since I’d already waited so long, why not do things traditionally? A lot of my life hasn’t been traditional, so I asked Jude if he minded waiting and… he didn’t.”

In honesty, it must have killed him. Not because I’m super hot and irresistible, but because he’s a guy. He waited a long time for me to be ready, and he did so without complaining or pushing me to change my mind. That was what Taylor had referred to when she said I did what I had to do to get him. Like withholding sex was just a ploy to keep him interested. It wasn’t, and it wasn’t a test either. If he had asked me take the step sooner, I probably would have. The fact he respected me enough to hold out until the wedding only made me love him more.

“Wow. He sounds awesome.”

He was. When he used to listen to me.

I pushed away the nagging voice in my mind because I knew better. He still listened, and he was still the same guy who waited for me. Lately, he’d just chosen to pretend he didn’t hear me.

“Awesome guys do still exist,” I said. “Finding them… well, that’s the hard part.”

Chapter
6 – She Sounds Absolutely Tedious, Darling

I stayed with Kayla for a while after our talk. We changed the serious tone by painting each other’s nails and listening to music. When I left, her mood was way more positive, and I told Jesse we’d talked things through without telling him what had happened. Ew. A brother did
not
need to know that about his sister.

Talking to Kayla about how Jude waited for me did nothing to ease my confusion. In fact, the conversation made me wonder what I’d missed out on. It’s not normal to only have been with one man my whole life, right? Aren’t people supposed to experiment? I thought there was actually some kind of law that girls in college must hook up with each other just to find out what it’s like. Not that I went to college. Or ever had any desire to kiss a girl. But what about other men? Sex with Jude was great… really great. But compared to what? I mean, what if I fancied trying something different in the bedroom? Leah and Radleigh had been through the Kama Sutra several times, and probably invented their own positions, too. Jude wasn’t very adventurous. Actually, neither was I. I didn’t even know if I wanted to be. The idea of not finding out was as scary as the idea of a lifetime spent rotting away, surrounded by piles of shoes and clothes I didn’t need.

I went straight back home to keep working on my plan to prove to Jude how serious I was about make-up. The last thing left on my list of things to do was decide what sort of job I wanted.

Thankfully, Freya came to my rescue a few days later. One of her friends worked as a make-up artist for a photographer in downtown L.A, and they offered to let me hang out with them for a day to see how things worked.

I would happily have given Freya a frenchy for setting it up for me but, you know, Will wouldn’t let me.

Since Jude had basically decided to treat my enthusiasm for all things make-up like a passing fad and refused to discuss it in any detail, I’d spent more time talking to Leah, Freya and Jesse. Not all at once, obviously. The three of them were super supportive, even Jesse who had absolutely no interest in which colours were hot at the moment.

On the day of my “work experience,” I thought I might explode with excitement. I think I scared Tanya, my “mentor” with my eagerness to get started. The downtown studio of Nick and Tanya Sawyer was pretty small, but well equipped with huge cameras and those umbrella things. I never understood what they were for.

Tanya’s make-up room was a dream. Boxes and boxes were lined up on the counters. I got light-headed with glee when I noticed a palette of eye shadow open on the side.

So many colours.

Tanya grinned. “I still get excited about this stuff and I’ve been doing this for four years.”

“God, I would kill to have a make-up collection like this!”

“It’s not cheap but it definitely pays to work with the best. Nick wants the people he photographs to look incredible. I’d feel like a phony if I plastered them in cheap stuff.”

I nodded. I only used the best myself but I didn’t want to sound like some rich bitch who looked down on people who had a smaller budget. I remembered when I could barely afford toothpaste, much less a decent eyeliner.

“So, how do you decide what kind of make-up to do?” I asked. “Do people tell you what they want or do you do whatever you think will work best.”

Tanya gestured to one of the chairs in the room and we both sat down. “A mix of both. It also depends on what the photos are for. We do a lot of headshots, and for that, the client always wants the make-up laid on thick. That’s not always the absolute best look but it’s what they need to get hired so…” Tanya trailed off with a shrug. “Sometimes people come in for fun shoots, too, and they want glittery false eyelashes, and sometimes even actual face-painting.”

I giggled. “Sounds fun.”

“It is. Mostly, though, people don’t know what will suit them. That’s my favourite kind of work to do because I get to show them a different way of seeing themselves.”

A buzz of excitement zipped through me because I knew what she meant. It was how I felt the day I did Kayla’s make-up.

“Oh, you want this bad, don’t you?” Tanya asked, laughing.

“Yeah. I haven’t wanted anything this much in a long time. I want to prove I can do it.”

“Okay. Well, you can watch me in the beginning to see how things work and then I’ll let you try working on a few of our clients. As long as you don’t mind me giving you some guidance along the way?”

“Not at all.  I want to learn as much as I can.”

Best. Day. Ever.

Tanya was so cool and so generous with what she allowed me to do. Every time a new client sat in front of me, she asked me what I would choose to do. I chose people’s make-up based on their skin colouring, their eye colour, and what they were wearing. I had no clue if that was the correct way but the method had never failed me before. Tanya agreed with a lot of my ideas and when she didn’t she kindly explained things that would work better.

By the end of the day, I knew. That was my future career. I’d met some awesome people and Tanya said I’d worked really well with the clients. She and Nick offered to help with anything I needed, and said I could go in and help anytime to gain a little experience. I couldn’t wait to tell Jude about it. He hadn’t entirely come around to the idea of me doing make-up yet. It sucked that he didn’t trust me to make my own decision but I
would
get him on my side. I had to.

I was still skipping around the house, high on being at home since I hadn’t been stuck inside all day, when the doorbell rang.

I ran to the door and flung it open, only for my good mood to deflate when I saw Taylor in front of me.

“Hey, Bree.”

She looked at me with the kind of Bambi eyes that would have men rushing to her side but to me, they were just… eyes.

“Bree, please can you hear me out?”

“Nothing you can say will change anything.”

“Please. Bree, I need someone to listen. Is that so much to ask?”

In true Taylor style she’d managed to utter the sentence that struck a painful chord with me. What harm would be done if I let her speak?

“You have two minutes,” I told her.

“Thank you.” Her shoulders sagged with relief. “I’ve been the worst friend ever. The worst
person
ever but I only ever wanted to fit in with you. You and your friends were always so cool and respected and I was an outsider.”

“You weren’t an outsider, Taylor. We included you.
I
included you.”

“I wanted to be
like
you,” she insisted. “You’re beautiful and you always have amazing clothes, and a gorgeous house and… I just went about it wrong.”

“There isn’t even a word to describe how awful you were.”

She nodded. “I know. But before I lost my mind, we were friends. And we had the best times. I’ve never had a friend like you before. I want another chance. That’s why I…” she paused, her cheeks colouring.

“Why you what?”

She sighed. “The day I saw all of you outside Freya’s apartment… I followed you.” I opened my mouth to speak but she rushed on. “I wasn’t stalking you or anything. I just hoped I could find a second to talk to you face to face. Everyone was there, and I freaked out, and… Bree, don’t you even miss me a little bit?”

I missed her before. Right after it all happened. Even after she hurt me by using my past to taunt me. I got over it. I got over the way she treated me, and no. I didn’t miss her anymore. Not really.

“I’m giving you three seconds to get off my property.”

I started at the sound of Jude’s voice. Ha. Perhaps Taylor had hypnotised me. I hadn’t heard the gate open, but Jude strode towards us with annoyance written over his face.

“I-”

“Yeah, I don’t care.” Jude cut her off. “Get out of here, and leave my wife alone.”

Jude nudged past her and gently moved me out of the way before slamming the door in her face.

“Jesus, Bree. I thought you were finished with her.”

A look of impatience was on his face again, like I was a bad kid and he was my parent.

“I didn’t invite her.”

“You were talking to her.”

“Yeah. Because the only way she’ll leave me alone is if I listen to what she has to say.”

Jude shook his head. “You’re too soft on her. She doesn’t deserve to have you as a friend. You need to stay away from her.”

He was telling me who I could talk to now? Even though I’d already told him I’d made my decision?

My frustration from the last few weeks bubbled up inside me again, more furious than before.

“Aren’t you even going to ask about my day? Remember? I worked today. My first day, and all you can do is tell me I can’t talk to Taylor?”

“You said you didn’t want to talk to her.”

“I don’t care about Taylor!” I shouted. “Today I actually did something I care about but that doesn’t matter to you, does it? What were you thinking? I’d go, get it out of my system, and that would be it? That I’d be scared by a day of work?”

“You didn’t give me a chance to ask.”

“Because you were too busy telling me what I can’t do!”

Jude shook his head and started towards the stairs. “I’ll talk to you when you’ve calmed down. I’m going for a shower.”

“Stop ignoring me!” I yelled at his retreating back. “You just told Taylor to stay away from ‘your wife,’ well you know what? That’s not all I am!”

Jude turned back to me. “What’s with you? You’ve been jumping down my throat the last few weeks over nothing.”

“You think the things I want are nothing? That’s great. Really great.”

“Come on, I never said that. All I asked was that you make sure you’re doing this for the right reasons.”

“What does that even mean? Isn’t not wanting to be stuck in this house a good enough reason? You get to leave! You go to work, and you-”

“You’re not stuck here. You’re free to come and go when you want.”

I wanted him to yell. I wanted him to stop being so reasonable and yell at me but he wouldn’t. He never raised his voice. He’d never needed to because we’d never argued. We used to joke maybe there was something wrong with us because we never fought over anything. We fit together in every way, and if anything bothered either of us, we talked it through.

Why was me wanting a job the first bump in our usually smooth road? When I asked him why, he kept saying the same thing over and over.
I want you to be sure
. Like I’d be signing my life away if I committed to a couple of classes.

He’d sucked the happy right out of my day with his lack of interest and his telling me what to do. I had to get away.

“I’m going out,” I said. “Right now.”

I picked up my purse which I’d left by the door, and although Jude called my name, I walked out.

Taylor was still standing at the end of our driveway.

She leaned back against one of the stone pillars, her head down. Was this a flash of genuine sadness?

Honestly, I didn’t care whether she was being real or fake. I just needed a drink.

“You wanna go to Genie’s?”

Her head snapped up. “You serious?”

“Hell yeah. I’ll buy you a coke.”

Taylor continued to stare at me with uncertainty but when I gave her an encouraging smile, her eyes brightened. “Okay.”

Genie’s was my favourite place to hang out. Since it was close to Freya’s apartment, she and I often went there for drinks after work, or before going out to a club. The bar was casual, mostly filled with surfers and sun worshippers so it didn’t require any kind of dress code. In fact, if you wore more than a bikini in there during the day, people stared because you’d overdressed.

Taylor and I grabbed our drinks; coke for her, juice for me. I desperately wanted a cocktail but I wasn’t so good at handling my drink yet. Even though I was totally pissed with Jude for being so dismissive about my day,
I’d
dragged Taylor along. I figured I should show some level of responsibility.

On the other hand, alcohol would have helped lessen my guilt about being with her.

Genie’s wasn’t too busy and we easily found a place to sit. Right by the door so I could get away if I needed to.

Taylor stared at me across the table, turning her coke glass around in her hands. “Why the sudden change of heart about hanging out with me?”

I'd never seen her looking so unsure. Like I was the one to worry about. I'd always been kind to her, even slightly more than everyone else after what she did. I suppose when someone has an ulterior motive for every action it's easy to think everyone else does the same. Not me. I'm a what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of girl and I assumed everyone else to be the same, which was the reason she'd found it so easy to play me in the first place.

“I haven't had a change of heart. I'm here because I had to get away from Jude and you hadn't left yet. Plus, doing something I shouldn't seemed like a really good idea.”