Sidelined (4 page)

“Thank you, Jesse.”

I had the strangest inkling my other friends wouldn’t let this go so easily. And Jude. Well, we weren’t on the best terms since the night before when I’d asked him if I could get some education. We were talking but still sort of strained.

Jesse tilted his head to one side. “You okay?”

I shrugged. “Can we… well, I know you can’t walk too far but I’m not ready to face everyone yet.”

“I get it. They were giving you the look they gave me last year, like,
‘Is he really going to be able to stay away from that bitch?’
Come on.”

He took a hold of his crutches again and we circled Freya’s building and stepped into the small communal garden at the back of the property.

I’d never been inside the garden before. I’d seen it from Freya’s apartment but the sea behind always distracted me so I never took much notice. The garden was cute. All terracotta slabs and palm trees.

“You wanna tell me what’s up?” Jesse asked as we sat down on one of the benches.

“How can you tell something’s up?”

“I have magical powers.”

I laughed in spite of my feelings that my world had started to crumble around me.  How could I explain I’d started to feel like an outsider in my own life? Like I wasn’t living anymore, just existing day to day.

“Last night I asked Jude if I could take a make-up course so I can get a job so I don’t have to rely on him as much. He didn’t take it too well.”

I guess that’s how.

“Why not? Sounds like an awesome idea. You get to do something you love, and you won’t be stuck at home all the time. Win-win.”

“Right. But Jude… well I’m not sure if he’s against it but because Leah suggested it he’s got the idea I’m pressing this thing because she said I should.”

Jesse gave a knowing smile. “He’s still not over the Leah/Miguel thing, huh? I guess you wanting to do this came a little out of nowhere, though.”

True. I’d never talked about learning or getting a job. It surprised me, too. I hadn’t realised how much sense it made until Leah said the words. Me. Make-up. People! I’d meet new people, maybe some more my own age. I loved the friends I already had so much but most other people had friends they knew before or outside of the Warriors. The few friends I’d made in whatever town I happened to live in as a teenager forgot about me as soon as my cab drove out of sight.

“Is everything okay between you and Jude?”

I nodded slowly. “I think so. Yeah. Sometimes I get frustrated when he treats me like a bimbo who can’t make up my own mind.” I paused. “Did I ever tell you how I met Jude?”

Stupid question. I knew I hadn't told him. Will, Miguel and Freya were the only ones who knew, and only because they'd been Jude's friends the longest. Even Leah hadn’t heard the whole truth yet. I actually suspected more people on the team had heard a little of the story, and what they didn't know they filled in - often incorrectly - for themselves.

My biggest mistake was telling Taylor. My stomach clenched as I remembered how she’d used my past as a way to hurt me when everyone turned against her after what she did to Radleigh. I’m not ashamed to admit I cried over some of the things she said and it terrified me how she had the power to spill who I used to be. Having people draw their own conclusions was one thing; I didn’t need their approval anyway. But if they knew the truth? Things would go one of two ways. They’d look at me with pity, or the real story would “confirm” their assumptions about me.

Jesse wasn’t like that. Not like Taylor or the other people making blind guesses about me and my reasons for being with Jude.

Jesse shook his head. “I don't think I ever asked you.”

“When people ask, I say I met him at a party. That's not true.”

He sat up straighter, possibly sensing my slight discomfort. Why couldn’t Jude be so in tune with me? Jesse picked up on emotions the way cats pick up scents. Instinctively and fast.

“You don't have to tell me. Not if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“I want to tell you. It’s not a pleasant story, though.”

“Okay.” He shuffled towards me a little. “If you want to stop or change your mind, that's okay.”

I took a deep breath, doubting myself for a split second.
Jesse will not judge you. He’s a sweetheart.
Even so, explaining my past meant giving a small piece of myself to the person listening. I’d kept those pieces locked away for years. Sharing my memories meant I had to open up in a different way, a way that would surprise a lot of people if they had any idea what I hid inside me.

“I didn't grow up in a very conventional way. I mean, I did for part of my life. My parents... I loved them so much. I think the reason I'm usually so upbeat is because of them. You know how you call me sunshine?” Jesse nodded. “Well, they were sunny people. Especially my mom. But when I was twelve, my dad got sick. He had cancer. He died two years later, and Mom fell apart. Her eyes didn’t sparkle anymore, like someone had turned off the light behind them.” The memory of how her brown eyes dulled after my dad’s death brought a chill to me. I hated how that was the first thing I remembered when I thought of her, when she used to be… well, like me. A lovable ditz. “I tried so hard to bring her out of it, to get the light back. I couldn’t. Exactly one year after my dad died I found her hanging from the light fitting when I got home from school.”

Jesse drew in a sharp intake of breath and reached for my hand. I shook my head, trying to pull away but he wouldn’t let go. His fingers closed around mine and held tightly while I attempted to force the image of my mom’s lifeless body out of my mind. It hadn’t told this story in so long. So long since I saw her like that. The image haunted my nightmares for years.

“I didn’t know what to do,” I went on, swallowing down the lump in my throat. “So I screamed. I kept on screaming until the neighbours called the police. I had nowhere to go so I got shunted around to foster homes until I was seventeen. Some of the homes I stayed in were great. They helped me deal with what I’d been through. Some of them didn’t care, didn’t even talk to me. At seventeen, I ran away from my last foster home and started living rough.”

Jesse’s eyes widened the way I imagined everyone’s would if they heard about my life. I didn’t want any pity; that was one of the reasons I never talked about it. People looked down on me already, or treated me like a small, lost child. Inside, part of me
was
still trapped in my house of horrors as a fifteen-year-old, but living alone so young made me grow up faster than anyone should.

“Where did you go?”

“The scary parts of the city. Places where grown men don’t want to go alone.”

“Weren’t you scared?”

I nodded. “Every day. I kept to myself for a few weeks. I went to shelters for food, and stayed there some nights. After a while I made… friends. Not the kind of friends I wanted or needed, though. They took me in. There were six of us, two guys and four girls. Didn’t take me long to realise the girls were hookers, and the guys expected me to join them. I refused to go down that road so they had me ‘help’ in other ways.”

Jesse’s hand grew cold in mine but he didn’t let go. I looked up at him with a sad smile. “You want me to stop?”

He shook his head. “Not unless you want to.”

“I’m okay. I can keep going.”

He squeezed my hand again and I continued, “I didn’t stay with those guys for long, because of Jude. Even if it weren’t for him, I’d have gotten away somehow. I hope. They wanted me to steal cars for them. They made me watch them, learn how to do it. My first big night, we were in an underground car park. It was real late and a Dodge Viper was the only car left. God only knows why anyone with a Dodge Viper would be dim enough to park in such a crappy place. It should have been easy but I couldn’t. The two guys yelled at me, threatening to kill me if I didn’t, but no part of me is a thief. When I refused, they dragged me into the middle of the car park and started hitting me.”

I closed my eyes, transporting myself back to that day. The day that changed my life.

“You’re gonna pay for this!”

DJ, the huge bulky guy with a bald head, punched me square in the jaw, stunning me so I couldn’t even scream. I felt my jaw crack and hoped to God it wasn’t broken. Who would fix the broken jaw of a girl with no cash? Lew, the one person in the group I’d been idiotic enough to trust, hit me in the stomach, and this time I cried out, doubling over. DJ laughed.

“You think you call the fucking shots around here? We’ve taken care of you for weeks and you’ve given us nothing!”

I screamed as he took a handful of my hair and pulled me up to look into his blazing eyes. “You’re a worthless piece of shit and you will pay for everything we’ve given you.”

He slapped me across the face while Lew grabbed my waist. “Wanna have some fun with her?” he asked.

“That’s exactly what we’re gonna do.”

“No,” I murmured, breathless from being hit so hard. “Please.”

Lew promised I’d be safe. Promised nothing would happen to me as long as I did this one thing, but I thought he’d understand. I thought he cared. I was an idiot for thinking I meant anything more to them than someone to help with their criminal activity.

Stupid, Bree! They tried to pimp you out, remember?

But Lew had been sweet. Got DJ to back off when he got too heavy with me.  It was all a ploy. To soften me up, make me trust them so I’d do whatever they asked.

DJ pushed me back into the parked car, causing a sharp pain to shoot up my back. He held me in place while Lew punched my stomach hard again then gripped my throat. I trembled so much I couldn’t move. Couldn’t stop them. Everything hurt, and as his hand tightened around my neck, I prayed he’d just kill me because I didn’t want to suffer anymore. I looked into his blue eyes, hoping to find some kindness. Hoping to find something in him that had been genuine, to show me I wasn’t wrong.

Instead, he spat in my face, hitting me while DJ tugged at the waistband of my jeans. I tried to fight but all strength had gone, shutting down from the pain. Rough hands grabbed at my bare hips, and vomit crept up my throat as he fumbled with his zipper.

“No,” I said, tears finally falling down my cheeks. “No, please.”

I shook so hard, trying to find the strength to fight. To push through the pain. I couldn’t. Every blow, the sensation of Lew’s hands creeping up my shirt while DJ kicked my ankles apart was another strip of my drive and determination being torn away from me.

“Hey!”

The hands holding me loosened, and a stronger person would have let the adrenaline kick in and run. Not me. My legs barely held me up. In fact, DJ pinning me to the car was the only reason I remained on my feet.

I heard footsteps running across the empty parking lot and I squeezed my eyes closed. Whoever shouted had spared me for a few minutes longer, until they pummelled him into the ground and came back to finish what they started.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

I didn’t want to see what happened next. Instead of shouts and the sound of fists flying, I fell to the floor as Lew and DJ released me, and two sets of footsteps sped away.

“Whoa,” the strange voice said, trying to catch me. Too late. I’d already hit the ground, still vibrating with fear and sobs, jeans around my knees.

Fingers touched my cheek. I tried to pull away from him, tried to struggle out of his reach.

“No,” he said, gently. “It’s okay. I won’t hurt you, I promise.”

The softness of his voice forced me to open my eyes. In front of me was a sandy-haired
man, staring at me with nothing but concern. Not even disgust at the state I must have been in.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“B…Bree.”

“Bree. I’m Jude. Jude Collinson. I’m going to take you to the hospital.”

“Wow,” Jesse said as I paused for breath. I didn’t realise I was crying until I stopped talking, and Jesse shuffled over as close to me as possible. “Come here.”

I collapsed against his chest and he held me close, stroking my hair. “You are braver than anyone I’ve ever met, you know that?”

“I made bad decisions. That’s all.”

“You were seventeen, Bree. And you had nobody in your life to show you how things are supposed to be.” Jesse paused. “Those guys… they didn't…?”

“No. Jude arrived before they got too close.”

“Thank God. This is a crazy story.”

I chuckled, wiping my eyes. “That’s why I don’t tell it very often.”

“What happened after Jude found you?”

“He took me to the hospital. I thought I’d never see him again after he left. The next day he came back and brought me flowers. He stayed for a while. Said he couldn’t stop thinking about me and wouldn’t have felt right if he didn’t check on me. Pretty generous for a guy whose car I was supposed to steal, huh?”

Jesse laughed. “I think anyone with a heart would have done the same, regardless of why you were in the parking lot.”

“He came to the hospital every day. I was grateful and all, but the last men I trusted tried to rape me. Jude never told me who he was. I found out by accident when I saw him in the sports section of a newspaper one of the nurses brought me. The fact he had so much money and fame scared me more. I didn’t want to be his charity case, and I didn’t want his reputation ruined when people found out where I came from. Because I always thought people
would
find out.”