Si in Space (4 page)

YOU AND JOHN LUKE SPRINT
from the bathroom to the small, round room that gives you access to the ship’s computer system. Commander Noble pointed out this room when you first boarded the ship, but you never thought you’d need to enter it. Even though the lights are steadily shutting down throughout the spacecraft, the screens in this room are still blinking and pulsing. There’s a single chair in the middle.

“You know more about computers than I do,” you tell John Luke.

“Not these computers.”

“Hey, all you gotta do is shut this thing down.”

Both of you are glancing frantically from screen to screen. You don’t have the first idea how to do this.

“Hello, Robertson men,” CLINT says.

The door behind you closes. You try to open it, but it won’t budge.

“Hey, CLINT, come on. We just wanted some alone time.”

“Listen, bud, I know what you two are trying to do.” CLINT says this in the most awesome, best Clint Eastwood way yet.

“Look, we don’t want to harm you,” you say. “But now that we’re talking, we’re just wondering
 
—like, is there an Off button anywhere?”

“I’m not just gonna let you walk out of here.”

At that moment, you see a red button. And hey
 
—it’s red and it’s a button, so why not?

“John Luke,” you mutter out of the corner of your mouth, “press that red button. See what it does.”

You hear CLINT laugh at you. “Go ahead; make my day.”

John Luke obeys you, and immediately smoke drifts into the room from every direction.

“Only fools press the red button,” CLINT says.

“What movie is that from?” you ask, feeling strangely groggy.

“It’s called
Time to Sleep Forever
. And it’s playing right this very moment.”

Your eyelids grow heavy and your face feels droopy, and you sure hope this is all a bad dream.

THE END

Start over.

Read “Look at the Stars: A Note from John Luke Robertson.”

WOO-EE
 
—
that was some bad dream last night. The worst part wasn’t the spinning, either, but seeing your tea cup drifting off bye-bye toward the moon. It was more than you could take.

But that was a nightmare, and now you’re about to be living a dream. A dream come true. You’re primed and ready, sitting in the equipment room, all set for your first mission out to space!

So . . . they say in space no one can hear you scream.

Okay
 
—really? ’Cause something tells you that’s not true.

Some kids dream of growing up and becoming an astronaut, of exploring the moon or taking a spacewalk. But you? You’ve always dreamed of getting out in the middle of dark, star-speckled outer space and screaming as loud as you can. Then seeing if someone else can hear it.

Today you might get that chance. The moment has come: you’re preparing to go into orbit. In about two hours.

Hey
 
—the countdown is T-minus two hours. That’s what the voice on the intercom just blared out.

You’ve already put on your space suit. It has all sorts of cool features, including a pocket for your trademark cap.

This is really happening! It’s gonna be Ground Control to Major Si.

Windows lining the room show off the glorious spaceship named the
DC Enterprise
pointed toward the heavens. It’s a sleek, shiny silver and has the shape of a
 
—well, frankly, you think it looks like a duck beak. It’s long and oval and . . . See here, Jack. It’s supposed to resemble a duck. It’s the
DC Enterprise
, and the
DC
stands for “Duck Commander,” of course.

It’s called sponsorship. You got M&M’s sponsoring NASCAR. You got Arby’s sponsoring roast beef sandwiches. So now you got Duck Commander sponsoring tourists in space.

It’s expensive blasting out to space! So half of this expedition is funded by yours truly. Well, not
you
specifically, but the business. And funding is needed, especially when the ship is being readied for commercial flights over the next five years.

Look, if Duck Commander can sponsor a NASCAR race (just like M&M’s can), why can’t they do the same for a race into space?

This is no old-fashioned space shuttle, either. You could fit several space shuttles into the
DC Enterprise
, especially with its multiple decks on top of each other and all its different compartments inside.

You feel some air blasting into your suit while Willie’s worried face studies you.

“You ready, Uncle Si?”

“Ready and able and willing,” you tell him.

Yeah, even behind the big ole beard you can see your nephew’s concern.

Hey, they’re just jealous ’cause I’m finally doing something no other Duck Commander’s done.

Your family says you sometimes act like you’re orbiting Earth, and now you really get the chance to do it!

You head into the room where astronauts go before they actually shoot up into space. These official guys are making sure your gear is in place and seeing if you’re gonna wimp out. But there’s no wimping out, Jack!

You’re gonna be blasted up there like something out of
Moonraker
. You’re gonna get to see the dark side of the moon. And who knows? Maybe it’ll be brighter there than they say.

“I still can’t believe they’re letting
you
go into space,” Willie says. “Wait
 
—I can’t believe
John Luke
is going with you.”

John Luke is nearby, already wearing his suit too. Korie is standing next to him, her anxious look matching Willie’s.

The officials have allowed only two civilians to be in here with you guys, so naturally they’re John
Luke’s parents. And since Duck Commander is partially funding this spaceflight, it’s only fitting that Willie and Korie are here representing the company as well.

“You’re just jealous that we’re going up there,” you tell Willie.

“They asked me first,” he says.

“Hey, you turned it down first.”

“Who woulda run Duck Commander while I was gone?”

“Jase can do a good job.”

Willie snorts. “Yeah, if you’re putting on a circus. I have a business to run.”

“Look, man
 
—I’m focusin’ here. You see this face? It’s called
focusin’
.”

Willie shakes his head and walks up to John Luke to check out his suit. “How you feelin’, John Luke?”

“Good,” he says.

“You look a bit pale. Have you eaten anything since you puked this morning?”

“I’m fine.”

You feel a little bloated yourself since eating four of those beignets at the brunch earlier. Guess the cooks figured since you’re from Louisiana, they needed to have some New Orleans food, so there the pastries showed up. Talk about cliché. Cliché with beignets! But you had to be nice and sample a couple. And maybe even a couple more.

Everyone talks for a while as a group of engineers and tech
guys come and check you out some more. They make sure your headset is working with its microphone and earphones.

You won’t be landing on the moon or heading to Mars
 
—but maybe that’s down the road. A crew will be doing the hard work today, and you and John Luke will be along for the ride.

You’ve already met the crew of seven and know your lives are in good hands with these top-notch men and women. You have a list of names written out on a piece of paper so you don’t forget who they are:

• Mitch Noble.
  Commander of the ship. This is his sixth spaceflight (four with space shuttle
  Discovery
  ). Looks like he could be president someday. Has a thin brown beard, the way yours looked twenty years ago. He’s an all-American, apple-pie nice guy.
  
• Ben Parkhurst.
  Pilot. Third spaceflight. He’s almost as funny as you and has a joke for everything you say.
  
• Jada Long.
  Chief engineer. Fourth spaceflight. Very methodical, like a machine.
  
• Wade Turney.
  Mission specialist. A tiny, silent guy. You haven’t spoken much to him.
  
• Kim Sampson.
  Mission specialist. Looks like a regular, likable lady who just so happens to be an astronaut.
  
• Franco Herrer.
  Warrant officer. You don’t want to mess with this guy. All muscle. A bouncer heading to space.
  
• Ashley Jones.
  Science officer. A charming, pretty blonde who’d fit right alongside all the Robertson ladies.
  

These are the people you’ll be heading to space with.

Soon Willie and Korie are hugging John Luke. Willie hands you your trusty Tupperware tea cup.

“You can’t leave without this,” Willie says.

“Got that right.”

“Just bring John Luke back home in one piece, okay?” Willie looks as if he still can’t believe he’s asking
you
to do this.

“Come on
 
—I went to ’Nam and made it back. Space ain’t got nothing on me.”

As you and John Luke walk down the hallway to head to the van that goes to the launchpad, you start singing a song. “‘Fly me to the moon, and let me shake among the stars.’”

“I think it’s ‘play among the stars,’” John Luke tells you.

“Well, I’m gonna be shakin’ and playin’.”

The astro van drives you to the massive
DC Enterprise
, which is strapped onto three blisteringly big rocket launchers. This is like something you might have built when you were a kid, something two feet tall that wouldn’t go three feet off the ground without exploding.

I’ll keep that little story to myself.

Soon you and John Luke are going up the elevator and walking into the spaceship. The astronauts are already seated and busy in their designated areas. Maybe they’re really work
ing on their computer consoles. Maybe they’re playing Candy Crush. Who can tell for sure? All you know is the hatch closes behind you, and there’s really no going back now.

You can’t choose to get off this sucker.

“Space, here we come,” you call out to John Luke.

You proceed down a corridor leading to the back, where you two will be seated. It’s far away from the bridge, where the commander and the pilot will be. Below you, in the lower level, are the sleeping quarters and maintenance rooms.

You give John Luke the thumbs-up signal.

Soon everything is shaking and you can feel the blasters beneath the ship swaying, and then you feel throttled alive as you boom out to the great beyond.

You quickly pray that you’ll both be safe and will make it back home.

Want to play it safe? Do things go smoothly during takeoff?
Go here
.

Want to live life on the edge? Do things suddenly get rough and dangerous?
Go here
.