Shmirshky (9 page)
Authors: E
I have included a section at the end of this book entitled “My Shmirshky Journal.” Use these pages to begin writing about
your
experiences. You can pass the book and your wisdom along to your friends or family. Think of it as a family heirloom, shmirshky style.
Writing might feel a bit strange at first, but don't worry, that's normal. Initially, I found that expressing myself in written form was very scary. Over the years my children had bought me the most beautiful journals. I always put them by my bed, hoping that one day I would feel comfortable enough to pick one up and begin writing. Every time I glanced over at the empty journals piled neatly on my nightstand, I made a mental note to write in one of them. Instead of collecting my thoughts, all they seemed to do was collect dust.
Then it happened. It was time. I sat down and started writing about my PM&M experience. My hand was cramping and my fingers couldn't write fast enough, so I moved to the computer to type. Thoughts, feelings, and questions started to pour out of me. I just let myself go. I wanted to get it
all
down. Writing helped to ease the loneliness and sadness that I was experiencing. Writing was just like talking, and I'm happy to report that I can do both now. Go ahead, get in your comfy robe and give it a try! Your PM&M story could be a great gift for the shmirshkies and erlicks in your life. If you feel like chatting, go to shmirshky.com and join in the conversation. I am happy to listen, laugh, cry, and learn with you as you too embrace PM&M in the pursuit of hormone happiness.
To my SB:
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my most cherished erlick, my husband, David;
my remarkable son, Jack, who collaborated with me on
Shmirshky
and is my Shmirshky Universal partner and so much more! Thank you for contributing your extraordinary blend of writing talent and comedic genius;
my most treasured shmirshky, my sounding board on all things shmirshky, my daughter and dearest friend, Sarah;
my loving mother, who always has my vaccination records handy;
my father, who is always with me;
and my beloved BFF, Marcia.
To my
Shmirshky
Magellan, Ellen Archer, for discovering
Shmirshky
and bringing it to the world.
To my
Shmirshky
editor, Barbara Jones. I would never put my
Shmirshky
in anyone else's hands (except David's).
To my
Shmirshky
literary agents, Trena Keating and Sally Wofford-Girand. What can I say, you lit up my life.
To the rest of the amazing Hyperion/VOICE team of special operatives: Anna Campbell, Marie Coolman, Brenda Copeland, Molly Frandson, Caroline Grill, Maha Khalil, Kristin Kiser, Sharon Kitter, Laura Klynstra, Joan Lee, Allison McGeehon, Claire McKean, Karen Minster, Mike Rotondo, Sarah Rucker, Jill Sansone, Katherine Tasheff, and Betsy Wilson.
To my SS, Ivy Van-Allen. You and your Jack inspire me!
To my
Shmirshky
design guru, Marika van Adelsberg. You make my
Shmirshky
look so good.
To my original
Shmirshky
book doctors: Jack Dolgen (Chief of Surgery), Gregory Dobie, Rachel Haimowitz, Sarah Hagan, Ceebs Bailey, and Shaina Friel.
To all my helpful shmirshkies and erlicks: Leo Ammann, Wanda Aurich, Nate Becker, Jenny Bennett, Abigail Berman, Judy Berman, Arik Betesh, Tony Bever, Marlena Bittner, Melanie Bivens, Michelle Blincoe, Lynne M. J. Boisineau, Sarah Bro, Denise Brodey, Jennie Brook, Gail and Ralph Bryan, Chris Burns, Tina Byrnes, Carin and Hillary Canale-Theakston, Cristina Castillo, Kris Chang, Linda Chester, Michael Claggett, Robyn Cohen, Gayle Cole, Ruth Corech, Ian Corson, Jay Corson, Marc Dahm, Nia Davis, Janice Dodge, Jonathan Dolgen, Lauren Dolgen, Susan Drescher-Mulzet, Dr. Daniel Einhorn, Emily Einhorn, Dr. James Evers, Marissa Faith, Eric J. Feig, Michele Ferrebeuf, Carolina Finch, Laurent Fischer, Elaine and Murray Galinson, Cindy Gallop, Joe Gartner, Morris Gearring, Katherine Gehl, Christine Givant, Curtis Gwinn, Francesca Harewood, Karen Hensler, Deb Hubers, Tiffany Hughes, Harrison Hurwitz, Steven Hyde, Bonnie and Peter Jones, Larry Katz, Robin Kay, Wendy Kelman, Dr. Joseph Kennedy, Derek Kent, Jillian Kirk, Robin Kirk, Kathryn Kogge, Lorna LaRiviere, Whitney Lasky, Ina Manaster, Doug Mand, Dr. Michael Maywood, Ken McClellan, Brian McDonough, Jane McPherson, Pauline Metzler, Mike Monaghan, Mark Mulzet, Priscilla Nicholas, Melanie and John Nogawski, Kathleen Pacurar, Adam Pally, Nicole Pearl, Laurel Pfannenstiel, Steve Poe, Toni Pollack, Julie Potash, Mike Pruter, Jillian Puglisi, Dr. Ted Quigley, Mojgan Rady, Mike Regan, Patti Regan, Tanya Rietz, Kristen Rodack, Juju Rodriguez, Marian Rosenberg, Verne Rosenfield, Ryan Rossiter, Kathleen Santin, Phyllis Savage, Char Self, Suzan and Gad Shaanan, Debbie Shiflett, Gail Shoultes, Ben Sinclair, Marcia Skidmore, Andrew Spurgin, Angela Stanley, Dale Steele, Mimi Tackaberry, Gayle and Phil Tauber, Susan Topol, Greg Tuculescu, Beth Vesel, Maria Villalobos, Lauren Weissman, Pamela Whitcomb, Amy Wiborg, Kitty and Keen Wolcott, Hilda Wynn, and Greg Zola.
To my cozy robe, coffee cup, and martini.
To my PM&M!
Term: BFF
Definition:
Birthday Friend Forever
Term: erlick
Definition:
Penis; man; male; dude
Term: erlickogram
Definition:
Luckily for the erlicks, this doesn't exist!
Term: FF
Definition:
Fucking Fabulous!
Term: Gay Husband
Definition:
This is someone who not only gives you all the love and support of a husband but also enjoys shopping and getting mani-pedis,
and
knows how to throw a fabulous party.
Term: HS
Definition:
Hot Shmirshky; a shmirshky feeling the hot flashes!
Term: “I'm fine”
Definition:
The motto of the shmirshky cover-up; what you might hear shouted out from under a bush: “I'm fine!”
Term: M
Definition:
Menopause
Term: MTZ
Definition:
Menstruation Twilight Zone
Term: PM
Definition:
Perimenopause
Term: PM&M
Definition:
The entire time in a shmirshky's life when she's going through the menopause experience (that includes the pre, the peri, and the post!)
Term: PM&M Prep Kit
Definition:
Sticky notes; tweezers; a hand fan; your My Shmirshky Journal; your SB on speed dial; a change of clothes; a whole lot of patience, love, and understanding; and a tampon (just in case)
Term: SB
Definition:
Shmirshky Board: you know your SB members, you probably see them every day!
Term: shmirshky
Definition:
Vagina; woman; female; babe
Term: Shmirshky Party
Definition:
Whenever shmirshkies share their experiences with each other. This often includes cocktails, laughter, and love. Visit shmirshky.com to find fun tips for your next Shmirshky Party.
Term: Sisterhood of Shmirshkies
Definition:
All the ladies near and far
Term: Sumo
Definition:
The hypercritical voice inside your head
Term: SUMO FREE
Definition:
A great way to be!
Term: think inside the box
Definition:
When you're in PM&M, you've got to think inside the box! Think about how you feel, listen to your body, and recognize your needs. Prioritize and trust yourself as a shmirshky. Sometimes erlicks need to think inside the box as well, albeit in a different way than they usually do.
Term: acupuncture
Definition:
A practice developed in China of inserting fine needles through the skin at specific points to cure disease or relieve pain.
http://nccam.nih.gov/health/acupuncture/introduction.htm
Term: Alzheimer's disease
Definition:
A form of dementia. It's a progressive, degenerative brain disease that affects one's capacity for memory and thought.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000760.htm
Term: bioidentical hormones
Definition:
A bioidentical hormone is identical to the hormone produced in your body. It may not have originated in your body, but it has the same chemical structure and even goes by the same name. Most important, it has the same biological function.
http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=98553
Term: bone density
Definition:
The measure of calcium and other minerals in your bones.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/007197.htm
Term: CA-125
Definition:
Cancer antigen 125; best known as a blood marker for ovarian cancer. It may also be elevated with other malignant cancers, including those originating in the endometrium, fallopian tubes, lungs, breasts, and gastrointestinal tract.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/007217.htm
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000889.htm
Term: cholesterol
Definition:
A waxy substance produced by the body. It is needed to make hormones, skin cells, and digestive juices.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003492.htm
Term: cholesterol/HDL
Definition:
The ratio of total cholesterol to HDL.
http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=4503
Term: colonoscopy
Definition:
An examination of the large colon and part of the small bowel with a curious little camera they stick up shmirshky and erlick's next-door neighbor. (Is this more fun than a Pap smear? Have one of each and then decide.)
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003886.htm
Term: compounding pharmacy
Definition:
These pharmacies create medication formulas, specifically designed for a particular individual's needs.
http://www.iacprx.org/site/PageServer?pagename=What_is_Compounding
Term: DEXA
Definition:
Dual energy X-ray absorptiometry; a test to measure the bone density (strength) of both the hip and spine.
http://www.osteopenia3.com/dexascans.html
Term: DHEAS
Definition:
Dehydroepiandrosterone sulfate; a hormone that is easily converted into other hormones, including estrogen and testosterone. DHEAS is the sulfated (S) form of DHEA in the blood.
http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=25613
Term: early menopause
Definition:
Currently the cutoff for early menopause is forty-five, which means a shmirshky has been without her period for twelve consecutive months at the age of forty-five or younger. This can happen naturally or as a result of surgery.
http://www.menopause.org/Portals/0/Content/PDF/A.pdf
Term: endocrinologist
Definition:
A medical expert specializing in the diseases of the endocrine system (glands and hormones).
http://www.hormone.org//files/08/90/72/f089072/public/endocrinologist.cfm
Term: endometriosis
Definition:
A condition in which the tissue that behaves like the cells lining the uterus grows in other areas of the body (usually in the pelvic area, outside the uterus, on the ovaries, bowel, rectum, or bladder).
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000915.htm
Term: estradiol
Definition:
The most important form of estrogen produced in the body.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003711.htm
Term: estriol
Definition:
The weakest of the three main types of estrogen.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/estriol
Term: estrogen
Definition:
The primary female hormone. Estrogen is responsible for the development and maintenance of female reproductive structures.
http://www2.merriam-webster.com/cgi-bin/mwmednlm?book=medical&va=estrogen
Term: estrogen dominance
Definition:
When there's too much estrogen relative to progesterone in a shmirshky's body. Heavy bleeding and sometimes even cancer can result from this.
Term: estrone
Definition:
One of the three most common types of estrogen secreted by the ovaries (the other two are estradiol and estriol).
http://www.labtestsonline.org/understanding/analytes/estrogen/test.html
Term: FDA
Definition:
The Food and Drug Administration; a federal agency that oversees the safety regulations of most types of food, supplements, drugs, vaccines, and medical products.
http://www.fda.gov
Term: FSH
Definition:
Follicle stimulating hormone; a pituitary hormone that stimulates the growth of the ovum (the egg and surrounding cells that produce ovarian hormones). This is one of the measures that can indicate if you've entered M (although it's not a definitive determinant because your levels can fluctuate).
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003710.htm
Term: Grave's disease
Definition:
An autoimmune disorder that affects the thyroid gland and leads to thyroid hyperactivity (hyperthyroidism).
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000358.htm
Term: gynecologist
Definition:
A doctor specializing in the business of the shmirshky.
Term: Hashimoto's disease
Definition:
Also called chronic lymphocytic thyroiditis. The immune system attacks the thyroid gland, which causes inflammation and leads to an underactive thyroid (hypothyroidism).
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000371.htm
Term: HDL
Definition:
High-density lipoprotein; the “good” cholesterol.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003496.htm
Term: HRT
Definition:
Hormone replacement therapy; also called HT (hormone therapy or hormone treatment). HRT is a supplement of hormones to treat the symptoms of PM&M. The hormones are commonly estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/007111.htm
Term: hyperthyroidism
Definition:
Hyperthyroidism, or an overactive thyroid gland, is usually caused by the autoimmune illness called Grave's disease. In this condition, the body's immune system produces an antibody that stimulates the gland to make an excess amount of T3 and T4, the two forms of thyroid hormone. (The 3 and the 4 refer to the number of iodines in that form of the hormone.) If you're a “hyper,” you may experience some of these symptoms: enlarged thyroid gland (goiter), bulging eyes, sudden weight loss, rapid heartbeat, increased appetite, nervousness and anxiety, irritability, tremor in the hands and fingers, sweating, changes in menstrual patterns, increased sensitivity to heat, more frequent bowel movements, and difficulty sleeping.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000356.htm
Term: hypothyroidism
Definition:
Hypothyroidism is usually caused by Hashimoto's disease. The thyroid gland doesn't produce enough thyroid hormone, which slows down the body's metabolism. If you're a “hypo,” you may experience weight gain, increased sensitivity to cold, dry skin and hair, slow pulse, low blood pressure, constipation, depressed mood, muscle aches/weakness, hair loss, low energy, and all kinds of sluggishness.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000353.htm
Term: hysterectomy
Definition:
An operation in which the uterus is removed.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/002915.htm
Term: incontinence
Definition:
Incontinence refers to the loss of bladder control. For shmirshkies, this can mean anything from mild drips to full-on floods.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/urinaryincontinence.html
Term: LDL
Definition:
Low-density lipoprotein; the “bad” cholesterol. Too much LDL in the blood can clog your arteries.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003495.htm
Term: male menopause
Definition:
The term
male menopause
is a bit misleading, since erlicks don't have a menstrual cycle. What male menopause typically refers to is the decrease in testosterone levels in middle-aged men, often resulting in menopause-like symptoms including fatigue, depression, physical weakness, and a lower libido.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/male-menopause/MC00058
Term: mammogram
Definition:
An X-ray picture of the breasts. It is used to find tumors and to help tell the difference between noncancerous (benign) and cancerous (malignant) disease.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003380.htm
Term: menopause
Definition:
The time in a shmirshky's life when her period stops.
73
The term
menopause
is often casually used in reference to the perimenopause experience; however, technically, menopause is the point in time when a shmirshky has been without her period for twelve consecutive months.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/menopause.html
http://www.menopause.org/Portals/0/Content/PDF/A.pdf
Term: natural hormone
Definition:
A hormone originally derived from a plant or animal source.
Term: osteoporosis
Definition:
A medical condition in which the bones become brittle, typically as a result of a hormonal deficiency or reduced calcium or vitamin D levels. Shmirshkies in PM&M experience a decrease in estrogen, which can contribute to osteoporosis.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000360.htm
Term: Pap smear
Definition:
An examination of cells scraped from the cervix. This sampling is then examined under a microscope by a pathologist to determine if any of the cells are cancerous or precancerous.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003911.htm
Term: perimenopause
Definition:
A time in a shmirshky's life that no one ever mentioned to me, probably because I would have requested a sex change immediately. Typically, perimenopause is the six- to ten-year symptom-laden span of time before a shmirshky finally stops getting her period for twelve consecutive months. Often when people say, “I'm going through menopause,” they are describing the perimenopausal part of the journey.
http://www.menopause.org/glossary.aspx
Term: PMS
Definition:
Premenstrual syndrome; the symptoms that shmirshkies often get before their period arrives. Symptoms may include bloating, constipation, cravings, sore breasts, headache, and feeling unusually emotional, irritable, tired, anxious, or depressed, just to name a few. (Sounds like fun, right?)
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001505.htm
Term: postmenopause
Definition:
Yet another time in a shmirshky's life that is not discussed. Postmenopause begins about five years after a shmirshky has reached the point of menopause and continues throughout the rest of her life. A shmirshky in postmenopause typically would have permanently reduced hormone levels. I'm not quite there yet, but I am hoping postmenopause won't involve any postgraduate work.
http://www.menopause.org/Portals/0/Content/PDF/A.pdf
Term: Premarin
Definition:
A hormone replacement made from the urine of pregnant horses, which was reported on in the 2002 Women's Health Initiative studies.
http://www.drugs.com/premarin.html
Term: premature menopause
Definition:
Most shmirshkies begin to experience PM&M symptoms in their forties or fifties. Early PM&M storms can also occur for some shmirshkies. If a shmirshky's period is gone for twelve consecutive months or more, before the age of forty, this is currently known as premature menopause. Many resources say premature menopause can be a result of one's genetic makeup, an illness, or medical procedures; however, some restrict it to only natural (nonsurgical) causes.
http://www.menopause.org/Portals/0/Content/pdf/A.pdf
Term: premenopause
Definition:
This is a confusing and sort of antiquated term that is generally being phased out. Technically, premenopause means the entire time in a shmirshky's life before menopause, but that is a bit too broad to be useful.
http://www.menopause.org/Portals/0/Content/PDF/A.pdf
Term: progesterone
Definition:
The hormone that stimulates the uterus and gets it ready for pregnancy. Progesterone also regulates the monthly menstrual cycle. Low levels of progesterone can impact your mood and cause irritability, among other things.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/menopause.html
http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=5060