Shimmers & Shrouds (Abstruse) (18 page)

I couldn’t believe my own joke turned out to be dreadful reality to deal with.
"Please, gran. Diane― is― not― the one."
"What do you mean she's not the one? Orpheus, she's the best. You know each other since childhood, and I've seen her love for you. You are meant to be with her."
I was lifeless all of a sudden. What kind of sick joke was life intending to play with me?
"I'd rather die."
"Orpheus." She screamed, in pain or anger. I didn't know.
Before she could talk to me about it anymore, I realized I was storming out of her room. Warm tears were rolling down my cheeks. I changed into the formals that I had to wear tonight and while I was wearing my shoes, Mr. Sunross came in, and, much to my surprise, put a slip in the breast pocket of my coat that was laid on my bed.
"What's that Mr. Sunross?" I asked him.
"Sir, the slip has all the important information that wo―"
"Cut it short Mr. Sunross." I sounded like my grandma; extremely rude.
"Your tickets are booked. The flight is on October twenty first."
With everything utterly messed up and shoved up inside my ass, making me break down, this was the only right thing happening. I marvelled at the how Mr. Sunross understood my pain and did things to soothe me, that too when my own family members were strangling me to death, virtually.
"I'm sorry; I'm just― out of my mind I guess." Oceana effects― again.
“It's just fine sir." He went to my wardrobe, opened it and got me my watch and car keys. “I think Mercedes would do just fine. I want you safe, sir.”
Oh, I wanted to hug him and wail. Why was he so damn connected to me?
"Thank you, Mr. Sunross." I managed to smile.
He nodded and returned me his dazzling smile. Sometimes, I wished if I were his son. But then it occurred to me that I really wasn't that lucky to enjoy a fortune like his son's.
I felt like a wild animal, being tamed for no good reason, my family had gotten me into this jeopardy altogether. My grandmother had grabbed me by the scruff of my neck. There was nothing at the moment that could save my life, that could save us― Oceana and Orpheus. My job now was to ignore every other alternative that was provided as an escape route. There was nothing new for me to feel the pain for the loved ones. I didn't have any thing to hold on to since childhood. I had no mother who would have cuddled me up at nights when I had terrible nightmares. No real friends who'd helped me to stay and walk on the right path. That was the reason why I ended up having drinking and smoking habits. A shrewd and realistic father who married again not to bring me a mother but to have a hot shot wife. When I looked back at what I did with the girls who were now my exes, I realized that I broke their hearts, argued with them for no good reason. I knew it was just a spurious argument but― acting that way lessened the pain of being ignored...neglected. And then this too good to be real and extraordinarily beautiful Oceana Viera crossed my path, helped me to work on my feelings, reconnected me to the world in her own sweet way, made me feel special by doing not giant favours to me but small and wonderful stuffs I'd never expected anyone to do, like, helping me to cook my favorite meal, talking to me about her day, fighting with me for not reminding her to bring the groceries and at the end, loving me like her life depended on my survival. How was I going to give up on her?
I parked the car in front of her apartment. It was nine thirty in the morning. Being a weekday, it was obvious for the street to be flooded with people going for work and it was somewhat possible for them to recognize me very easily. This would create problems for her since it was her apartment I was going to be at. So I wore a cap and goggles. I covered my mouth with the handkerchief and closed the door of my car. I literally took long strides to cross the road in a fear of getting run over by a car or something.
I was still standing in front of her door and thinking why the hell I was here. I didn't want her to spoil her mood because of me. My grandma wanted me to marry someone else. Was I here to ask her to forget me? No.. I immediately dismissed that thought. That certainly couldn't be happening. I couldn't just consider that for myself; telling her to move on would be the worst pathetic thing I'll be saying. I was here to see her face. The face that shone like a thousand moons, and yet had the charm to outran them. The face that could bring smile on someone's face even if they had their deadliest days. I was here to see the smile that never faded.
I rang the door and waited..

S
even seconds..... ten seconds.... twelve seconds passed but nobody opened the door. She told me she wouldn't go anywhere today since it was my birthday. I took the other set of keys that she brought for me some ten―twelve days ago and unlocked the door. The entire room was decorated with colourful birthday banners and beautiful drawings of the journey of our love, the pictures were very simple, designed on papers that were meant for her assignments, to be true. All the pictures were stuck on the wall facing opposite the kitchen's door. The picture right on top was of two figures shaking hands, our first meeting. The next picture was a little too funny. The small figure with long hair is about to pound on the other figure with a rod. I snickered and shook my head. She was so adorable, even with that iron rod right above her head. The third one was of a house boat, I removed my coat, cap and shades to keep them on the recliner so I could admire the sweet heart she was being by giving me such a wonderful surprise. The fourth picture was of our first kiss. Though this picture was conveying an emotion that I was able to intercept, the meaning of that night was far deeper than she actually depicted. I was able to discover a world that possibly never existed before her arrival. She was a connector, she was my heaven.

I was taking a look at the other pictures when I felt something move behind my back, I had an intruder??
"Booyah!" A hoarse voice filled the room, and before I could react, I felt a push on my back, hard enough to make me fall on the bed. I immediately turned to look who the intruder was.
"Sheesh! You're UNPREDICTABLE!" My heartbeat returned to its normal pace. It was her.
"You were frozen to death." She giggled.
"Yes, I was." I got up, resting my body on my elbows now, smiling helplessly.
"Come, give me your hand. I'll bring you some―" Before she could help me out, she tumbled and landed right on me. Her hands fell on my chest and her face was just a few inches from mine. Her long hair were all over me. I could feel her heartbeat increasing rapidly. I tucked one of the lock of hair behind her left ear. She breathed in heavily; her eyes got caught up with mine as she leaned in more and more until I could feel her breath on my mouth. She was unavoidably close. I could have ended up in kissing her if I were to move even half an inch. Her eyes scrutinized me.
"You okay?" I managed to speak, just to distract the thought of kissing her. She shifted her eyes down to my lips and back again. She simply nodded.

By then I knew why I was actually here. I wanted to lose myself with her. I wanted to cry my eyes out. I wanted to bury my head in her arms and forget about everything. I wanted to be with her. I was finally home.

I tilted my head, in accordance with her face and leaned in. a shock ran through my entire body when my lips brushed against hers. Yes. This was what I wanted. Us, together.

As I tried to deepen the kiss a flashback
of series of events that took place earlier struck me like a thunderbolt. I pushed her away instantly, gently placing her on her feet. No, this was wrong. I was betraying her.

I got up and, with a confused and apologetic look, excused myself. I headed for the kitchen
. She’d be broken if she knew about grandma’s plans.

I felt like wailing aloud at my helplessness. I could have kissed her― I could have hugged her. But I couldn’t.

“The love mania is over for you, Mr. Albert? It’s been just five days and you’re done?” Her mean words ignited me from within. What the hell was she talking?

“Shut up Pearl. Are you out of your mind or something?”

“I am. You just used me for my body, right? And now―” she effectively closed the distance between us. “When you’re through with it, you’re avoiding me, aren’t you?”

I stared at her blankly, regulating my temper and the shallow breaths. This can’t be true. I loved her. She can’t be thinking of me like this. Wake up Orpheus, wake up!

“And I loved you Orpheus, I loved you like the heaven and earth colliding. I really did.” She scowled and looked away. “I know you never meant it when you said that you wanted to marry me; why would you? Do you think I am that blind to ignore that you’re still a player? Whatever it is Mr. Orpheus Albert, even if you didn’t mean the proposal or all the gestures you worked on for me, you still mean a lot more to me than you’ll ever know.”

That was it.

I held her by the forearm and swirled her around to face me. With all the courage I could muster, I started off.

“What the fuck do you think of yourself? Just because I call you Einstein, do you think you are one? You wanna know why I don’t want to touch you anymore?”

I ground my teeth in an attempt to hold back the tears. I was doing this so she could be happy. She must be happy. This was going to cause her pain for a few days, but I had faith that in time, she will learn to live happily.

“I’ll tell you what’s wrong. I’ll tell you the reasons why I don’t want you now. Listen carefully, coz you’re the first bitch I am explaining the reasons to. It’s not because you’re special or I’d started falling for you
or something. No. Don’t get the wrong idea. It’s because you really ARE different from the other multi millionaire sassy chicks that I’ve fucked so far. I think you are different because you are thoroughly disgusted.

What do you think you are? If you tell me that the monthly expenditure of your house is a thousand pounds, I’ll be impressed? What the fuck! I was ashamed of my low class choice. I regretted coming here. I’ll tell you another
thing; I didn’t fell from the couch, it was an excuse because―” I took a deep breath. It was HAARD to say this. “I wanted to fuck you. I’d been trying to drop the hints that I wanted to fuck you since day one.”

She looked at me as if she were shot by a gun. I left her hand. She dumped herself on the couch
, completely traumatized with the venom in my voice. My insides were felt like they would burst. My chest had started to rip apart, but I held myself together and pulled her up.

“I am not done saying, so stand up.”

She looked through me with her big wide horror struck eyes, and I couldn’t even tell her that it was all a lie. I wanted her to hate me down to her bones. I wanted her to hate me so much that she would hate to even look at my pictures anymore.

“I acted sweet, shared stories, faked stories about me, lied to you a million times and you, like a bitchy fool that you are, believed everything. I couldn’t believe that you were so dumb.”

That wasn’t enough, was it?

I remembered I had put the keys of the houseboat in my pocket the other day while cleaning because she’d carelessly put them away. That was the last bomb I still had to drop.

“Did you really buy that story of me buying you that house boat? Seriously?”

I scoffed loudly. “Whoa!
How could you even think that I’d be spending money over a cheapskate bitchy shit like you? I fucked my friend’s girlfriend there yesterday. If you think I am lying, then go search the entire motherfucking house. You won’t find the keys anywhere.”

I left her and ran my fingers through
the hair, covering my mouth so she wouldn’t see the quivering lips. I dug my fingers into her shoulder and faked a smug smile. “I. DON’T. LOVE. YOU, YOU FILTHY WHORE, I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS FUCKING SHIT.”

With that, I collected my coat, cap and sunglasses― ignoring her statue like figure. She sunk to the floor as I headed for the door.

“I was not living a lie.” I heard her broken voice. That stopped me where I was. I hated to see her tears and I couldn’t bring myself to the fact that it was me who made her cry. “Tell me― I’ll forget everything you’ve just said.” She stammered, sobbing. “I’ll― forgive― you, It’s not― difficult. I’ll― forget― everything ―that has― happened today. But― if― you’ll leave― now, even if― all this is a lie― I won’t― forgive you. I― seriously― won’t. Don’t― go― Orpheus. Stay.”

Tears had started to flow now. I wanted this to happen, didn’t I?
And yet it hurt me like hell. I stormed out of the apartment, not caring cover myself appropriately.

I so
bbed heavily while driving back to the river Cherwell, the river where the houseboat floated. I ran all the way to the river, exhausting myself and crying my eyes out. At least no one could see here. I went near a tree and started beating my hands against it. These hands had touched her so rashly that it was no right for them to be soft anymore. I carried on like that until they started to bleed from every possible corner. Weary as I already was, I stomped off towards the houseboat and raided it. I destroyed everything in it. The bedcovers, the chairs, even the steering wheel in the cabin. Just then something dawned on me.

I was afraid of deep water.

I took my tie out from the pocket and tied it around my neck. If this life was not meant to live with her, I might as well die then.

With my hurt hands, I tightened the knot and strangled myself. The darkness started to
cover my senses. That was when I jumped right in the middle of the river, never to rise up again.