Shimmers & Shrouds (Abstruse) (20 page)

My life was shattered after I left her, but something inside me that still had a voice spoke to me at times that this thrill was unacceptable. I wanted to have fun but not at the expense of Oceana. What a fate I had. She would never forgive me for this, never.
I skipped my dinner that night.

I was
n’t hungry for anything as much as I was for her forgiveness. Grandma noticed my ill appetite and inescapably dodged me into a question session after we were left alone on the dining table.
"How’s your hand?" She wiped her hands off and intertwined her fingers, expecting me to answer.
"Gran, I'm sleepy." I took a sip of water and started to get up.
"You haven't touched your food, Orpheus, and you think I'm stupid enough to believe that you're sleepy?"
I gave up. All ladies are invincible. Yes. Except Diane.  "I'm not hungry."
"Are you upset with the announcement of your engagement, Orpheus?" Her tone changed to my mother's. It had me melted.
"Seventy-thirty." I nodded. I fought back the bile in my throat. I didn't want to cry. Not in front of someone who thought I was strong enough to tolerate almost everything they came in my way.
Her eyebrows arched up and her lips twitched into an amused smile. What was so amusing in the phrase 'seventy-thirty'?
"Its really sudden, I know, Orpheus. Isn't it?"
"It's exceptionally unusually late, gran. I know." I managed to smile and there was no need to mention that she knew I had faked it.
"Follow me. I want to show you something." She got up and walked towards her room. Wait. The study. Wow! Usually, this room remained close for everyone except her. She never allowed anyone to come here. We were all curious to know what was so special about this room. I wasn't really buying that she would really show me what the study was like, not my heart or brain but body for that matter. I followed her, as quietly as I could, to that mysterious room.
She opened the door and walked in. It was dark inside so I preferred to stay out as long as the lights were switched off. I was astounded to see the interiors when she finally switched on the lights. Bright red walls were the first thing that I noticed. They had large paintings of our ancestors like the ones we had in the corridor, only much, much bigger and possibly older. I stepped in and closed the door behind me. There was something so beautiful that I was unaware of all these years. Something so pure. So..... Nostalgic.
"Don't tell anyone that I'd brought you here."
My wonderstruck eyes shifted to her and I answered her smile. Seconds later, I was admiring the room again.
This study was bigger than my room and gran's room combined. It's size was much likely to be half of the size of the soccer ground. The walls were painted in cream and red, a century ago I suppose. The curtains were dark, bringing a contrast in the shade of several colours used altogether. Each of the windows were bigger than the main door of Oceana's apartment. The cool breeze blowing out lured me towards the windows. I walked past the big shelf of books and stood near them, they were varnished and the fine work done on the panes was worthy of the best appreciation in the world. I gazed outside the window and figured out the outline of the several trees that were swaying to and fro due to strong yet cool breeze that blew. It was the backyard if I was not wrong. I spotted the fir trees by the left of the castle approximately seventy feet away. The room smelled of orange lilacs, deliciously beautiful. The wall to the south had a neat appearance and the extraordinarily large book shelves had thick books, but I couldn't understand what subjects they were on. In the midst of the giant room, a big table and a leather chair were kept to give it a feel of a study, which it was for others ― for me, it was more likely to be a bedroom cum library and less like study, very very less.
"This used to be your great grandfather's room, Orpheus." From the voice, it appeared that she was facing towards me, standing just a few yards away.
"The paintings are beautiful grandma. But I don't see a point why you must hide all of this from us." I confessed, still staring out of the window.
"Some reasons are better if not shared, Orpheus. There's a lot for you to know. A lot."
I wasn't sure about my response so I remained passive.
"The paintings, are these replicas to the ones that are out?" I still hadn't looked away from the outside.
"The ones hanging all over the corridors and dining rooms are." She admitted, calmly.
I turned and stared at her with plain surprise. She hid the original paintings here so they wouldn't get stolen?
"Yes, Orpheus. But security reasons are just one of the million reasons." She smiled. It was nothing new of her to answer my unspoken questions. This was something she did since I was a kid.
"Why are we here grandma?"
"Well this is a very good question." She nodded. I appreciated her good humor. How does this turn out to be a good question? I was supposed to ask this wasn't I? This was as simple as anything.
She turned away and walked towards the end of the room and took out some papers from underneath the books of a shelf right next to the window.
"I want you to take a look at these." She held out the papers to me. I reached where she stood I gave her a bewildered look, but decided to take my chances. She handed me that bunch.
The first paper that I came across was a pale yellow card, a wedding card, (not a paper) much to my surprise. The envelope was soiled from the ends but the rest of it remained as new as it could be.
It read the date as 18th June 1817 with golden coloured words engraved on the top in Old English, bold and elegant. Just below the date, two words in scarlet colour adored the card.
'WEDDING INVITATION.'
A wry smile must have flashed across my face while studying the card because when I looked at gran for the explanation, she was smiling at me. I grew uncomfortable with it, to be honest.

I quickly shifted my eyes back on the envelope and took the card out from it, expecting a similar scenario of old English alphabets hovering all the white corners of that card but I was left in despair. Again.
Inside the envelope was a card with a sophisticated handwritten calligraphy, carrying an old touch of fashion of that time.
the card was an invitation of the wedding of lady Demelza Sherin Carter and Lord Irwin James Albert.

Who
the hell were they?

The sequence of the
similar cards followed, with different dates and year of the marriage on each one. There were several names I hadn't ever heard, pronouncing them was deliberately out. After going through eight cards, an ivory card caught my attention. On it, the names were engraved in accustomed manner but these were the names I was sure that I knew.
The bride's name was Shirley Locke Preston and the groom's was Llewellyn Slade Albert, my gran and grandpa. I smiled at the sight of it. Could anything be more beautiful than the unison of these two souls?
The next card had me numb the moment I read the names. I stiffened for an instant, aware of gran's stare.
The couple was Charlotte Thistle Parker and Oliver Olin Albert. My mom and dad, married on December twelfth nineteen hundred and eighty one. The ideal couple of that time, so much in love and yet they hated to see each other in private just three years after my birth.
"Where are your thoughts wondering?" It felt more like an announcement rather a question.
"You didn't save dad's other wedding card?" My counter question, perhaps, was something she hadn't expected.
"No. And you know why. Oliver didn't want to be without Florence, I was strictly against the marriage. Anyway, you are aware of how less we talk with each other, don't you?"
I nodded my head. It was true. After my dad married Florence, the interactions that normally took place between an obedient son and a loving mother became lesser day by day, and a professional talk between a successful woman entrepreneur and the business tycoon who could actually buy an island of the same size as that of the United Kingdom started taking place. I usually witnessed it.
"Orpheus, I just want you to realize that we are nothing if not traditional. I don't want the media to highlight us for something we are not known for." Her expressions were solemn.
Where was she going with this? Okay, that my father married a hot model. So? I couldn't get this traditional thing at all.
"Honestly gran, I can't relate anything." I was confused whether to smile or remain serious.
"Orpheus, I've been noticing something from the past few days. Let me be direct with you." She took the wedding cards from me and placed them right next to the book of 'Renaissance and the medieval times.' “You like that little girl you brought for dinner right?"
Wow, how did she end up in a conversation of traditions and cultures?
"Oceana, gran, she has a name." I rolled my eyes. This was the limit. She didn't even remember her name?
"Well, Oceana. You like her?"
"I love her. I wanted to tell you that I love her. More than anything else."
"Oh." She exhaled. Her expressions were distracted. I hoped she would believe what I just said.
I was done with the surprise visit. Her motive of bringing me here was still something that hadn't come into the light, and I wanted to go back to my room. I had to wear myself out; otherwise Oceana would haunt me in my loneliness.
"I won't tell anyone that you brought me here, I promise. Can I go and sleep now?"
"Oceana is a lovely girl Orpheus, beautiful and bright. But that's certainly not enough to make her eligible for the role of a wife." Her grave eyes sent shivers down my spine.
 Wife.... Was Diane really the right girl for me?
"Gran, I know Diane. She is―" I sighed. "I can't be happy with her. This is all so messed up. I know we've been in a relationship" honestly, I never thought her to be my girl, “and I know she is― perfect, but I just―"
"Perfect." She cut in, an earnest smile washed over her face. "That right there is why I want you to be with her, Orpheus. Because she is perfect. She knows you more than you. She knows how to handle your mercurial temper, baby." She rubbed my shoulders gently as an act of caressing. God. Diane was my best friend since I graduated; she supported me emotionally when I broke up with my girlfriend back when I was getting trained in the defense academy. Somehow, we managed to have a no strings attached physical relationship in utter secrecy. I still didn't have any feelings for her. Was it my mistake that she fell for me?
"Gran... but I don't want to marry her. I can't love her, I don't love her. She's going to suffer my coldness forever." I rebelled.
"In time, you will accept her Orpheus."
"I can't marry Oceana because she's not a British? Is that what you're trying to say?" I asked. What sort of traditional belief was this? I can't marry the girl I loved because she was not a British? So? Did it make any difference to the place she belonged to? I mean, really? The only thing that mattered was the happiness and the 'forever' kind of relationship that we shared. She trusted me, gave me all what she could, asking nothing in return. Was my grandma asking me to give up the selfless love that I had for her? Something that was already given up by her?
"I've showed you everything that you needed to see. She's not just a foreigner, she's not a Christian. And she is very young. Too young to understand that the relationship you're trying to develop with her is limited to the pleasure of discovering each other. You can have her as a girlfriend Orpheus, but wife would just be too much. Your marriage with her is certainly not possible."
"Damn it gran! I can't marry the girl I love, because? Oh very well... because she's young and immature?" My sarcasm was marred with my angry shrill voice. "I can't marry her because of this stupid goddamn tradition that has forbidden me to be with the girl who means everything to me? Do you even realize how stupid this is? You're asking me to let go off all the sunshine of my life because you- want- this- goddamn-tradition to be all what it is? You're ready to get me married to Diane against my will? If you think that you’re doing this to save the old prestige poop that we’re famous for, I want to tell you that this fucking tradition is going to ruin three human lives. Three- fucking- human lives. Nobody will live happy because of this bullshit that you’re so determined to make me follow." I snarled, though my voice was hoarse by now. ‘Be strong; don't let the tears show your weakness.' I reminded myself. I waited for her to respond. The silence grew unbearable with each passing time.

Finally, she took my hand and clasped it in her trembling hold. The fresh tears had started to flow down from her cheeks already.
"You're such a rebel to deal with, Orpheus." She muttered to herself, shaking her head. "No, I would have never wanted anything like this if it weren't the right thing to do."
Unbelievable. She just said it was a right thing to do. How on earth was it a right thing? How could she even consider it?

“How’s this a right thing? Is everybody in this family after my happiness? What am I supposed to do then? Do you even know that I
have gotten her three slits in her wrist? She’s fucking drinking because of me, gran. I told her that I used her. I lied. I lied to the person who means everything to me. This?” I growled. “Do you prefer this? Do you prefer your grandson to live like a total maniac all his life? Is that what you’re dying to have now?”

She looked at me, teary eyed, and started in her feeble voice. “I have promises to honour. Y
our dad got married to Florence when you were ten. No one had ever got married twice; your father broke the rules. You know what rules are, don’t you? The tradition is not something you can accuse. They are existing for you to be a better man. You know what I am talking about. I was surprised to know that you were sensible enough to understand such a complicated stuff at a young age. One night, you came to me and woke me up. I was not sure why..." Her words trailed off. She looked away towards the large painting that was hanging on the wall behind me. "You told me that you missed your mom, and promised me that you will always,always follow the traditions of this family so no other Orpheus like you would  have to live how you were living." Her eyes flickered to mine.
A flash of the sorrowful night hovered my mind. I was scared to sleep alone. I remember how I snuggled up between my mom and dad when we were in the bed. However, everything changed after mom died. Dad stayed with his new wife in his room and I was left alone to fight back the horrific thoughts of being visited by a witch, a ghost or Frankenstein. I was so mad at dad that one night, I went to gran and promised her that I would never go against her wishes, unlike dad. His decision had ruined our family relations. I knew grandma was hurt and desolate, just like me. By promising to abide by all her rules, I had unthinkingly signed a treaty ― the violation of which resulted a heart break. Either way, I was the one getting punished.
I didn't mind her misunderstanding my promise of obeying all her rules with following the family traditions. For her, both of them meant the same.
I needed time of compose myself to speak, but I nodded in full agreement to let her know that I wasn't numb like I should have been.
"Don't you think now is time to honor it?" Her voice had a tint of worry. Maybe, she was thinking that I might backstab her. I might not listen to her. It was a tough promise to honor ― toughest in fact, but she left me no option. She was one of the people I couldn't afford to lose. In my heart, I was cursing my extreme bad luck because I had to choose between the two most important people of my life.
I looked at her and tried to fake a smile. It disappeared immediately.
"It is." I sighed. It isn't... ISN'T!!!
"Thank you Orpheus. In time, you will learn to live happily with her. I know that this is too much to ask and I am sorry. Please think of it as a price that you have to pay to be a part of this family." She hugged me; her apologetic smile hurt me even more now, like she was virtually twisting a knife in my heart. I stood there, as stiff as a stone in her embrace, unable to hug her back. I was smashed. I wondered what made me strong enough to even stand there.
"Can I go and sleep now?" I murmured. By taking this decision, I had ruined all of me, and somehow, she had an idea about that.
I woke up at ten the next morning― actually at five, but I was unsure of what to do by getting up so early, so I forced myself back to sleep. I still couldn't believe I agreed to marry Diane.
After having a brunch, I jumped back to my bed unwilling to take a bath. The warm water reminded me of the number of showers I had with pearl. Oh heavens! I missed her like anything. I squeezed my eyes shut. I had to concentrate more on Diane now. I imagined us going for picnics, sharing our lunch and inviting people for the barbecue we would arrange once we were happily married. But somehow, no matter how hard I tried to ignore the fact that Oceana and Orpheus didn't fit well as much as Diane and Orpheus did, I failed, deliberately. It was because I knew that pretending to love someone else, knowing that you can't really fake it, was worse that remaining single all your life. I had been so close to her physically yet registering the subtle features of her face were difficult. I pictured her pink lips, the green eyes which had a tint of yellow I guess, a long nose and the marble white skin. I wasn't sure about her eyes since she loved wearing contracts. I imagined about our first night after the marriage which was inevitable now, since I had no objection to marry her. I closed my eyes and imagined her blonde hair flowing against my bare chest― No, this was so wrong. It couldn't be her. How was it supposed to be then? The soft music in the background. Oceana and I entwined with each other. My lips on hers, her black curls spread across my arm. And both of us making love.... yes.. A perfect love. A lovely beginning.
The next sound that I heard was the sound of spoon cluttering against the China dish like something was being stirred with it. My eyes flew open. The bedroom had it's lights on and the window was closed, my eyes wandered off to the large cuckoo clock. It was six in the evening. I jumped from the bed, Mr. Sunross was making the evening tea for me. I was so engrossed in her thoughts that I didn't realize I was asleep for seven hours. It was very unusual. Mr. Sunross wished me and gave me my tea. I took a sip and noticed a three piece suit placed on the sofa. I wondered what the occasion was.
"Mr. Sunross, do I have to go somewhere?" I hoped it wasn't a trip with dad.
"Its your friend's engagement sir. You're supposed to be present there."
"Oh." I suppose the conversation was pretty much over after that 'E' word.
"I've got the mulsanne ready sir; taking a Reventon to such an occasion wouldn't be suitable."
 I shuddered on hearing a sudden announcement in his usual thundering voice.
"Don't bother yourself with telling me this." I put the cup on the tray and picked up my suit. "I can walk six miles if needed, taking a car... any car.. It doesn't really create a difference to me."
I didn't wait for his answer. I don't remember the last time I was rude to him like this. I was sorry, but I was mad... at everyone, even myself. My madness needed an exit. Unfortunately I got it out on poor Mr. Sunross. But I still had a lot of anger stored, so it could come out in the engage.... er... party, specifically on Diane. I really wanted to see how nice she was at handling me.
It was very boring at the party, the rich blondes and brunettes tried to flirt with me and Diane seemed to like me struggling to break free from the trap. The only way I could see of getting rid of the flirting stuff was to pretend that I was already in love (well of course that I was... a stupid depressed lover, who loved a maddening girl) with Diane. The bimbos followed me to the end of the room where Diane was enjoying champagne along with my discomfort.
"Hi. I was looking for you. Can we spend some time alone?" Because I can't imagine anyone helping me to get out of here. Its a freaking horror zone.
My desperation gave way, and she agreed.
"Mr. Albert, I was thinking if you could come to the charity function tomorrow, in Headington?" A blonde with hot pink lipstick and a same coloured dress shrieked impatiently.
The mention of the last word derailed me. Headington? Oh yes.. Headington, Oceana, her apartment, avocado Margarita... the bed... 'No stop thinking stupid things brain.. Right now.' I ordered myself.
"I wish it was possible. Actually my girlfriend and I are going to be out of the town tomorrow." I smiled.
I felt Diane staring at me. "Are we?" She whispered. Thank god it wasn't audible for the others.
"Excuse us, please." I ignored her question, and pulled her close. There was no way I was going out with her. It was just a lie.
I dropped my hands the moment those bimbos were out of sight.
"Champagne?" She offered her glass to me.
"No thanks, I've stopped drinking." I looked towards the entrance, fearing that they might come again after another rich brat like me.
"Since when?"
"It's been a long time."
"I see." She said quietly.
Well... I didn't consider her my girlfriend or my fiancé or anything but she was one of my best friends, of course, and she had helped me again, without a thought.
"Thanks Diane." I looked at her and tried hard not to think that she was the girl my grandma wanted for me, as my wife. That would definitely make things worse.
"Anytime. Orpheus." She smiled back. The smile wasn't a usual I- love- you smile that she beamed at me. "How's Ashton?"
This was the last thing I expected to hear tonight. She knew about Oceana? Okay, then she knew everything. I wondered if she was intelligent enough to make out that I was in love with Ashton's sister.
"He's fine. Very busy like the other military guys." I wished she changed the topic.
"You knew her.. Oceana." Both of us knew it wasn't a question.
"No. I don't know her." I lied. "Ashton told me her name and I knew she was Theo's love." Apparently. Why was I even explaining? As if she didn't know how stupid I was.
"That's impressive." She finished the champagne. Oh wow.. She bought my stupid explanation? That was news.
"Where's Theo?" not that I cared about him being invisible, I just took the initiative of taking the conversation into a different direction, because she wouldn't mind continuing with the subject of our present discussion at all. For me, it was a bunch of sad and hurting memories, nothing else.
"He's with her. I wish he's alright." She giggled. What made her giggle?
"Why do you wish something like that?"
"Because he is usually hyper ventilates around her. Didn't I tell you the mindless gawking he does?" She smiled. Oh yes... my Pearl made everyone crazy, what was new about it?
"You did." I put my finger on my chin. "Maybel's fiancé is stunning." Mayble was our mutual friend, the star of this event, the girl who was going to get engaged. Change of the conversation... again... In fact the second time within a minute.
"Oh. Yes. Thank you for joining, Orpheus. I'm so happy you came." she was earnest.
Diane considered Mayble as her best friend and nothing was more important to her than this engagement party tonight. She knew I didn't attend such parties and was convinced that I wouldn't attend it. But by some miracle, I showed up.
"I'm happy as well." For other reasons obviously. This party was no less than a distraction for me, something that I was in need of. I wanted to forget about her altogether, and somehow this trick was working, even if the chances of it failing were ninety nine percent
"But you look the opposite."
Oh no.. Was the grief of staying away from her so visible on my face?
"The face that I am wearing can be just a disguise." I sighed. "Its easy to look sullen than happy."
"Yes. With those forty muscles doing the job of frowning for you? How can I forget that you are easy with tough things."
"You know me." This was the first time I smiled, truly. I smiled like this after so many days.
"Nobody else has the audacity to do that Orpheus."
"Good point." I nodded. There was always an exception when it came to me. She needn't know that.
"You know Maybel has asked me to become the maid of honor."
So?
"That's great." I ignored the thought of marriage.
"How am I looking?" She turned around to give me a better look of her dress. It was a beautiful magenta sheath dress. Formal yet dazzling.
"Stunning as ever Diane." I appreciated.
"Thank you." She blushed. Oh no.. why did she blush?
The engagement took place and the party carried on. Sleep was nowhere near me and I couldn't make an escape from the event since my supposedly girlfriend was host's best friend. It was almost quarter past one and Diane looked like she was going to pass out. She had a lot of alcohol. I was holding her straight so she wouldn't drool. Just then my cell phone pinged, it was a message. I excused both of us to obtain seats right behind the others. It sincerely felt as if both of us were the last benchers of a class. I made her sit and got a place for myself right next to her. I took the cell phone out, truly wondering who it was to text me so late.
My heart slipped into a coma. It was a text message from Oceana.
Diane was still leaning on me, but her whole body seemed to crush me with its weight. Having her in my arms and receiving texts from my love was the oddest thing I could imagine. More than odd, it hurt me to get into a situation like this. I took a deep breath, rationalizing the entire atmosphere for a moment. I screamed at her, destroyed her self esteem, ditched her after proposing her for a marriage. Jeez!!! A girl like her would never get into a conversation with the bastard who did all the things listed above. But if she was sending him a text, which was extremely unusual, it would simply mean that she was in an emergency.... a vital emergency! The world needs to wake up!
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath again. I wanted to remain calm and not hyperventilate because of the text in any case.