Shimmers & Shrouds (Abstruse) (13 page)

"Both o
f us know how desperate I was." She said.

I turned to look at her. Damn, that blush... I wan
ted to kiss her― No, I was mad at her.. I was going to be mad at her as long as my heart could resist that amazingly beautiful face and that body I longed to possess.
"Desperate for sex?" My voice was harsher than usual.
"Shut up." She swallowed, and for the first time in so many weeks, I witnessed her grinding her teeth, she was in pain.
"And that too with me." I continued to shower the ruthless truth which she had been ignoring all this time, which I had been ignoring all this time. Because, now she had to face it. It just wasn't about me alone. It was about us.. Together.. A twenty nine year old rich spoilt brat, and a drop dead gorgeous teenager who had the capacity to make any guy fall head over heels for her. "You know I am a heart breaker and still you chose to violate your 'one man woman' concept with me."
"I can handle it."
"But I can't."
She shook her head, it was nauseating to see her so disturbed.
She came closer to me, closer than required for the conversation to be social anymore. She was just inches away from my heating body.
"Okay Orpheus," she closed her eyes and shook her head once again."Its been more than a month we know each other. So if I am saying I am not mad as hell for you, trust me, I am lying." She sobbed. I looked away for a moment. Those eyes… I was sure that there was no way I could help myself fall in the trap she had set.
I gaped at her with the coldest look I could ever manage. "I am not very glad to hear this."
"Me too." She held my hand in hers again. Tears were oozing down her cheeks.
"This isn't good Oceana." I scowled.
"I wish I could help." She ripped her hand off mine and sobbed once again. "You can go now."
She left me on my own to decide, but I wasn't sure if she really wanted that to happen.
"You won't stop me?"
She shrugged her shoulders, but her eyes never left mine. "I did my part. I gave it a try, I am not going to stop you now."
I sighed.  Now that she had asked me to do what I wanted, my heart started to ache already.
"Take care, Oceana." I reached for the door knob, but my actions were slow, irritatingly slow.
"I will." Her tone was awfully sharp. I looked at her; she briskly walked back to the kitchen, not caring to give a look in my direction. I turned the knob and the door was finally open. Now I had a choice to either stay or leave. Two alternatives were open to me, I could simply walk out of the door and let her deal with her problems, or I could stay back and make her believe that I really wanted to help her out with this.
It was still a wonderful thing to know how of all the girls in the world, my heart had chosen her. Not that I was complaining, she was one unique beautiful thing in the world, She was mine. And right now, she needed me, the most. I couldn't turn my back on her so she could fight with the issues that were distracting her, not when I knew I was a part of them. I closed the door behind me, and walked back to the kitchen. I was at the door when I spotted her standing near the sink; she was facing towards the window opposite to the door. She stood there motionless, the onions were still half chopped and that bowl of noodles was on the platform. Perhaps she must have assumed that I was gone. Silly girl. How could I go leaving my baby in a mess? And she bragged about knowing me more than me.
Before I could say anything that made her believe I hadn't left, a burst of full blown sobs chilled me down the spine. She started to cry. Oh no, what the hell did I do?
She muttered something. I couldn't really make out what it was at first but as the sobs grew louder, I realized I was responsible for the tears. I immediately knew what she said. Maybe, it was something like 'damn it Orpheus, you shouldn't have left.'
I knocked on the door, twice, and the sobs stopped at once.
"May I come in?"
She whirled around, and her tensed posture visibly relaxed.
"You didn't go?" From the shock in her voice it felt as if she was a little child who had been crying for hours to get a lollipop, and I was her candy. The only thing she had ever wanted.
I walked towards her with slow light steps."I sent my alter ego out. He won't bother us with his presence anymore."
Her forehead creased in bewilderment. "I didn't get it."
I flashed a smile, and shamefacedly whisked. "In simple words, heart breaker Orpheus is out. And Oceana’s Orpheus is in." I wiped her tears, and she smiled.
"My Orpheus?" She bit her lip, to hide her smile. She was so easy to love.
"Yes."I wrapped my arms around her. "Your Orpheus. I am sorry." I breathed.
"You have alters?" Wow she was quite intelligent, better than what I had expected. Okay. She was unexpected. All of her, actually.
"No. Alter ego." I couldn't believe I was going to reveal my biggest secret. Something nobody knew about. I wasn't sure of her reaction though.
"An alter ego." She repeated.
I rationalized everything. From the day I was born, my fears of losing something were limited to mom and dad. But after her death there was no such threat to me until now. Oceana was actually the only person I wished not to lose. By telling her something about my personality issues, I was risking my everything. I hugged her tighter, I was going to let go off such a big part of me even when it wasn't necessary. Not knowing how she would react to it.
"You asked me if there was something left to tell you who I was. You were right girl. I really was hiding something."
"This?"
"You heard me. You just know a part of me Oceana, a part you can deal with." I murmured against her neck.
"I think I can deal with whole you."
"You can. I am sure. But it's better if you don't. Hurting you is the last thing I want to happen."
She flinched at my words and I released her.
"Why?" This one word had the power to beat the hell out of me; virtually as well as physically.
I glanced at her. It didn't look as easy as I thought it was. My inner instincts were instructing not to disclose it off.
"Because, I feel for you. Its something I never wanted to feel in my entire life."
Her lips twitched into a smile and her expressions were amused."Something like love?"
I grinned, something like love? No stupid, it is love. But, right now, I let my alter express its Confucianism. Because he formed a major part of me, and she needed to know how messed up I was to deal with. I wanted to see if she was capable to handle me at my worst and yet choose to live her life with someone who considered her a goddess, to worship.
"Will that make you happy?" I asked grimly.
"I am not sure."
"It’s a no then." I sighed, she was not sure. Well... "But I feel responsible for you, I care for you. Didn’t I tell you that you’re my everything?"
"You did." She nodded.
I cared for her in a way no one cared for anyone. I knew this was confusing for her to understand though. 'How about an example?' My heart suggested.
"You've seen my phone, haven't you?"

"Your black diamond?"
"Yes. My black diamond." I loved it. My dad had gifted it to me on my arrival from the fronts as my Christmas gift. It was a seven hundred thousand pound present. But I loved it for other reasons. The designer had somehow managed to modulate a girl's voice into my mother's, and every time it unlocked, the speech instructions were given in her voice, not formally, rather lovingly. It was worth every single penny that dad had paid.
I held her by the shoulders and gazed her with all the intensity that I could manage at that point."I care for you like I care for my phone." jeez..! That sounded much better in my head.
"You don't let me touch it." She grimaced.
"Yes."
She rolled her eyes and glared at me. "Orpheus, how many times do I have to tell you that I know you have a million girls after you?"
How did we end up with those million girls at such an intense discussion?

"Change in the conversation?"
"No. I just wanted to tell you that I am not going to accuse you of flirting with any other girl. So if you have messages in it that you don't want me to see, I am not going to see it."
Oh very well. This is what she thought I hid my phone for. I counted the number of girls I talked with. They weren't a million of course, but the list could easily have near about thirty names.
"That won't change anything." My tone was matter-of-fact.
"You will not let me touch it." It wasn't a question. She knew she would not be allowed.; in no circumstances whatsoever.
"No. I told you it's stupid, but I can't help it."
"Why?" The disappointment was obvious in her voice. Women and their mentality. I sighed. I thought it would be an appropriate example to show her what she meant to me, but she dwelt too much on the negative, on something that didn't even exist.
"Because I don't like anyone touching it." My face was serious.
The changes in her were pretty quick to notice. I could only spot her all red with the realization of my words. They were sincerely spoken. Hard to ignore, and reflected my emotions. Rarest of the rare.
"You mean―"
"I don't like anyone touching you Oceana." I confessed. The words came out as a surprise to me too.
"That's not fair."
"I know." I released her, and slung my coat on the couch. It fell right where I wanted it to.  "Don't worry." I looked at her again. "I won't object every time, I just want to clear out that I won't like anyone touching you the way I did last night." You are mine. And I don't know of any other way to tell you that.
It was a great feeling to see her flush crimson. She was always this beautiful. Always eye catching."That brings us back to your alter ego." She clicked. From the way she acted, it didn't look like we had been suffering from so much stress a few minutes ago, or even now.
"You are not letting it go?" I mocked.
"No. Tell me, or I will look for it in the net." She threatened me, Internet... nothing was personal on the internet, was it?
I leaned over to her and faked a smile. "I have told you everything you needed to know about my past."
"Except this, of course." She said in her controlled voice.
"Except this." I laughed. Who said foreigners were easy to convince... she stood in my way like Mt. Everest. Immovable, determined. "Oceana, I loved my mom. And I thought my dad loved her too. But after they got divorced, my hopes to live like the carefree guy again were shattered to floor. I didn't have friends when I was in the school, so I made a friend for myself." I frowned and set my eyes back on her.
"You made a friend?"
"Yes." I nodded. This was not crazy, I just needed someone to talk to, someone who was easy to trust on when it came to personal issues. "I considered another me as my best friend. He was much stronger, emotionally controlled and tough to handle." I pointed out. Maybe now she must have a reason to believe why I was called the heart breaker.
"Tough? I never found you hard to deal with." She gave me a sympathetic look. And the bitter memories of my past came gushing in through the door of my brains. This was very unpleasant.
"You have no idea how glad I am to hear this" glad... yes... I was my usual self with her. I was me around her, not the charming media friendly guy everyone knew.
"Does it mean you're you around me?" What? Now she read minds too?
"Not always. But in most of the cases, yes." I grinned, as I rubbed my nose on her knuckles giving her butterfly kisses there. She smiled at me, god..! That was such a genuine smile. I hadn't witnessed it since morning.
"Tell me more about you." She closed the distance between us. Both of us could hear children playing at the nearby park.
I took a deep breath. This was so tough. "Its not easy. To describe myself."
She took my hand and pressed my palm against hers. "Try this out." She encouraged.
Honestly, with all my heart, I wasn't really anticipating such a cool behaviour. She was supposed to skip this topic and move on to something that slowed the the rush of adrenaline in my veins.
"I am.... weak, prone to disasters." I shuddered at my own words.
"That's not true."
A weird amusement took over my thoughts; I leaned in and gave her one of the most, You― are― invincible look.
"Okay... you have some opinions." I smirked at her.
"Not really." She said dryly.
So begging it is then. Mr. Orpheus Albert, the guy who had everything was going to beg for an answer on which his love life depended.
"I am begging you to tell me."
And she gave in. She moved back towards the platform. Quite gracefully, she leaned against it and crossed her arms.
"You're... don't laugh. You've asked for this." She glared at me with a warning.
No.. I won't laugh. Its me you're going to give opinions about.
"I promise."
A smile flashed across her face.
"You're.. sweet. You can be happy even at the simplest things. And, you're patient. You're not weak."
"I am."
"Stop saying this." The exasperation in her voice was blatant.
"Why do you think I have another me then?"
She looked away to divert her anger, and in another moment, we were looking at each other again.
"He's not a substitute, Orpheus" she emphasized.
I shook my head... no... No... He was not that. He contributed a lot to my personality. It felt like he was the real guy and I was his substitute.
"He is. I am vulnerable Oceana; I am very exposed at times. And whenever I feel its going to happen, I let him take over me." In fact he took over me involuntarily. I couldn't even make out the difference.
"What am I suppose to take in from this?" She asked significantly. "Who's the heart breaker?"
"Him" I accused.
A small wicked smile started to play hide and seek on her face.
"Is he out?" She arched her eyebrow up. Playful Oceana was so lovable. No.. Oceana was lovable even if she scowled or grinned or anything.
"Out of the door." I promised. Smiling at her attempt to shove out the enormity of the moment. "He's not going to come here any soon."
"That's nice."
"If we are done with discussing my problems, can we switch to yours?"
"No." She moved towards the oven and put the bowl of noodles inside.
I followed her. I was worried that she might regret making love with me. Her silence deepened it more.
"That's not fair." I grumbled.
"I know." She laid the plates on the table along with the cutlery and filled the water jug."Have a seat. Your breakfast is almost ready."
I had revealed every possible thing that I knew about myself. She knew everything that I never wanted to share with anyone. She obviously could do the same. What was so special about the problem?
I switched the oven off. I turned and she was looking at me with a palpable disbelief.
"The breakfast can wait, Oceana, tell me what's wrong."
We waited for an awkward long time, staring into each other, trying to understand each other. I held my hand out to her.
"Do you think whatever happened last night was wrong?" I was afraid, to be honest. If she got to know she meant... so much to me, she would go. I gazed down at her face and the pain inside me grew stronger.
"Yes. because I wanted you. The desire wasn't mutual." She looked away with a peculiar expression.
"How can you say it wasn't mutual?" Stupid... I wanted you more than you could ever want me. "I am appalled."
"For what?" Her eyes grew large.
"For making you think that I didn't want you."
"You never wanted me."
"I wanted you since the day I saw you for the first time." Wasn't it so obvious? I bet every guy wants to have you, love you. I was just the luckiest person on the earth to get you, I couldn't really imagine having such a good luck.
"But you didn't tell me." She mumbled.
"I was so particular about showing it to you, Oceana. If you weren't blind, you would have got the hint ages back." My hands were still outstretched and they had started to pain now.
"You don't need to do that." She placed her hands on mine. I pulled her close and embraced her.
"I am aware of it. But I want to do that. You always explore something new out of me." I nuzzled her hair, she smelled of strawberries... Barbie magic, I grinned.
"I am sure Diane can do that much better." She loosened her grip around me. Diane made her uncomfortable. I couldn't hide the laughter. She was being jealous of Diane, over me?
She looked at me in disbelief, however her seriousness helped a lot to get over the dementia.
" This isn't funny Orpheus."
"I am sorry." She looked so wounded that it melted away my heart. I brought my hands up and cupped her face pulling her close to me.
" You lied."
" About?" Her lips were quivering but she didn't rebel. Her hands gripped my waistband.
"You’re nothing but sad right now."
"I am not." she breathed.
I kissed her forehead. "So I can fail a born liar. Huh?"
"Nice thing to have happened." She grimaced. "Congratulations. I am happy to know that you finally know what level of influence you have on me"
I just didn't have the right amount of concentration to react to her words the way she was expecting. I pulled her face even closer so that our lips were almost brushing. I felt her shudder.
"It's less than what you have on me." I purred. Suddenly I sounded the like most sincere person I ever knew. Mr. Sunross.  "You started off again."
"I am not lying, Oceana. I am just not connected with anyone the way I am to you."
"As if." she accused. Well, I couldn't imagine something better than this. One cannot expect such trustworthy answers from a guy who has had innumerable affairs in the past.
"Listen here, I don't know if it is love, but if you are going to go away, I'll be a lost. And I am serious." You are a beautiful spell, even more than that... you are the breath of fresh air I need to live.
"Really?" She said softly.
"I wouldn't lie. You are everything I hoped to find in every single way. And if you're sure this is love, then, I love you." I couldn't find a better way to propose her. Though I knew she deserved the best, the ultimately perfect proposal, like her. And anyway, she knew how mad I was for her. I assumed that she insisted because she wanted to be certain of that.
"I love you."
I took a deep breath, contended with whatever I had right then. Suddenly my life seemed complete. I had money, family, friends, and a girl I considered to be my world. Someone who knew everything and yet chose to stand with me, Diane would have done the same, but I didn't love her. I couldn't love her. It had to be Oceana.
"So... Do I deserve a kiss?" I put my hands back on her chiseled waist. Her long curls tickled my hands. Lord!! I was in love with her, she was a goddess.
"Steal it." She dared.
Damn she caught me in a total loss. This girl could surprise me even in the most normal moments of my life. She was Unpredictable.
She left me and glided over to the microwave to turn it on. Smiling with a hidden satisfaction. She didn't say a thing but I knew what that meant. ‘You can't do it Mr. Albert.' Her smile screamed.
"You're challenging me?" My amusements were very often nowadays. I looked around the kitchen which was in a complete mess, but ignored it. She was a neatness freak, and from the way she looked at me, I knew she wouldn't care about the messy kitchen as much as she cared about my shenanigans.
"I love people who dare to accomplish difficult goals." She crossed her arms. My mind was very quick with the plan. I was going to make my move, a rather dirty one though.
"I thought you just loved me." I pouted. She didn't need to know that it was artificial.
"I love you."
"But you just said― You're fooling around Oceana." Exasperation was clear in my tone. I moved closer, she would really not expect this.
"Orpheus I―" I interrupted her, my mouth swoop down on hers, I poured every emotion in that kiss, the faithfulness, the fear of losing her, the ecstasy, in fact every possible thing I could imagine around her.my hands snaked on her back and down... down... till the end of her top. I started pulling it up, slowly, softly.. My fingers explored her young skin hidden under that cloth. Skimming the tips of my fingers near her navel. She gasped, welding herself around me like a vine. Kissing me wildly.
And that's when I broke the kiss. I looked down at her with wonder struck eyes. I wasn't expecting this.. She smiled and blushed, still breathless from the kiss.
I kissed on her head, this was something pure.. Something that was fit to be in this instant of time.
"You challenged me to steal it girl." I winked.
"But you cheated." She accused, reddened again. What was she thinking?
"I would like to cheat more."
I subtly stressed on more so she could understand what I really meant. And fortunately she did. She bit her lips to hide the carnal smile. W―A―O―W.... my heart couldn't take it anymore.. I was in desperate need of her.
"Like?"
"The breakfast." I switched the microwave off for the second time... but this time, I wasn't really expecting it to be of any use for two―three hours or so. "Mike will be more than happy to catch up his princess in bed." I scooped her in my arms and made my way to the bedroom.
"You... were Mike?" Her mouth dropped open. 'God!! I want to take her... now... I want those lips on mine.' I pleaded in my heart.