Shattered (20 page)

"My mom has always been my rock. She's been there through it all…the good, the bad, and the ugly. In a way, I know she's still here with me," Grayson said.

I stood quiet, not acknowledging his statement for fear that it would open the floodgates to questions that I wasn't prepared to answer. He didn't probe. Instead, he took my hand and led me into the kitchen where the smell of his shrimp alfredo grew stronger the closer we got.

Grayson's kitchen was small and cozy, but well decorated. The same red that he'd agreed to for Ada's coated the walls and the deep, espresso colored wood of the living room made its way throughout the kitchen. He pointed me over to the table, as he made his way over to the fridge.

"Beer?" he asked, holding a long neck bottle.

"Why, sure," I replied.

 He used his granite countertop to remove the bottle cap, making me cringe for a second.

"What?" he asked, innocently shrugging his shoulders.

"You just used your expensive countertop to open that beer."

"Whoops," he said, handing me my beer.

 I marveled at the light and easy going demeanor he seemed to always possess.

 I watched him mix the ingredients for a salad. After drizzling dressing on top, and flirtatiously eyeing me, he brought the food over to the table.

I must have been hungry because I inhaled my food, leaving me enough time to watch Grayson seductively use his tongue to gather the alfredo noodles in his mouth. I laughed at him, causing him to scrunch his eyebrows in dismay.

"Not buying into my advances?" he asked, pretending to be wounded.

I laughed. "Maybe. Maybe not," I answered. My eyes wandered to the three pictures on the wall behind him. "What are those pictures of?"

Grayson turned and looked at the pictures that had caught my attention.

"The picture in the middle is of my mom teaching me how to cook. The other two are of me signing the papers when I bought Ada's, and of me stepping inside as the owner for the first time." He smiled the entire time he spoke. Obviously, his dream of opening his coffee bar in honor of his mother had taken a very special place in his heart.

I smiled and nodded. I had no idea what to say to that, so I didn't say anything at all. Grayson took my hand in his over the table and used his thumb to gently massage the top of my mine. His eyes glistened and he gently smiled in my direction.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, never taking his eyes off me.

I shook my head. I wasn't sure what I was thinking or if I wanted to dig into my thoughts.

"I don't know," I answered.

"I know what you're thinking. And yes, it's safe to talk about it with me."

I cocked my head to the side, wondering what he was referring to. If he knew so much, why was he asking me about my thoughts? "I don't know what you're talking about, Grayson."

"Your parents. I know it's on your mind and you're just scared to talk about it."

I looked at him in frustration. He had me pegged, but I didn't want to go any further. There were times when his beautiful face made me want to plaster kisses all over it, and then there were times, like now, when that face made me so uncomfortably angry.

"You think that by talking about it, you'll break down and look weak. Trust me, Dallis, I've been there. I know all about that and I can tell you, it does just the opposite. It makes you stronger."

His grip on my hand tightened as he spoke, sending ravishing emotion surging through my body. I closed my eyes tightly, working overtime to keep the tears from streaming down my face. When I opened them, Grayson's concerned face stared back at me, making me awkwardly smile at him.

"Have you cried for them?" he asked with sudden revelation in his voice.

I looked at him expressionless. "No." He breathed a sigh of relief, which completely confused me. "Why?"

"Because this means you still have room to grow," he said with a smile on his face.

I wasn't exactly sure what he meant by that, but he seemed to loosen up a bit which put me at ease. He stood and walked to the fridge, grabbing a couple more beers--this time opening them with a bottle opener.

"I've cried for my dad, but not for my mom," I said, catching Grayson off guard. For some reason, the need to speak, after listening to Grayson, was beating down the walls inside of me. "I cried for my dad, but I'm still not able to cry for my mom. I feel like a monster--like a bad daughter or something."

He shook his head. "No you aren't. You just haven't given in to the grief yet." He took a swig of his beer. "Was it a shock? The way your mom died?"

I sat still for a second, contemplating if I wanted to go into this right now when my mouth blurted out, "Yes and no."

Grayson sat with a puzzled look on his face so I continued.

"My dad was killed by a drunk driver. It took a little bit, but when the realization hit me, I cried until my eyes went dry. It was the worst feeling I've ever felt." A sudden flare of anger hit my chest, causing a burning sensation that I pushed through, and continued on with my story. "My mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor and given three months to live. Only, she died suddenly after one." I turned my head and closed my eyes, reliving the moment in the park where she'd spent her last moments of happiness. This time when the tears threatened, I gave in to them. Only a few trickled down my face, but the large amount of relief that they brought with them momentarily freed me. I heard the noise from Grayson's chair scooting away from the table, and when I opened my eyes, he was standing over me, wrapping me in his arms, with a tear sliding down his cheek. I smiled up at him and wrapped my arms around his waist, luxuriating in the feel of his warm skin against me.    

We stayed locked onto each other a few minutes more, never saying a word, allowing our bodies to do the talking for us. I pondered why I wasn't able to cry more, but the thrashing sounds of the rain outside spoke volumes and unleashed the intensity of the cry that I was somehow unable to do.

I lifted my head and stared into Grayson's eyes. "Can I stay here with you tonight?" I asked through quivering lips.

"Absolutely. You can do whatever you want."

I stood from the chair and grabbed him by the hand. "Well in that case, I want a shower. And I want you in it with me."

Grayson nodded and took the lead, leaving our hands intertwined. I followed him up the stairs and into his bedroom, gazing at the opulence of the room. His large, king sized bed was covered in a feathery, red and gold pillow top blanket. The same red in the blanket was painted on the walls with the gold as an accent. I watched Grayson stalk off to the bathroom and start the shower. I walked behind him and unfastened his belt, allowing his shorts to fall to the floor. I yanked down his boxers, revealing his impressively thick cock. But what really caught my eye were the two tattoos on either side of his thighs that read,
Carpe Diem
and
Seize the Day.
Grayson followed my gaze and smiled at me, then took my chin in his hand and lifted my face to meet his. He placed a warm kiss on my lips, sending tingles over my skin. He gently pulled my t-shirt over my head and unsnapped my bra. I stood as he unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them down along with my underwear. I stepped out and followed him into the steaming shower.

The steam from the water enveloped us, and I stood holding onto Grayson with my head buried in his chest. I could feel the beat of his heart. It soothed me into comfort as I placed light kisses over the beautiful artwork decorating his pecks while he held me firmly in his arms, lightly kissing the top of my head. I looked up and into his eyes, then kissed him feverishly. Grayson met me with the same ferocity.

I pulled away from him, panting, but desperately wanting him to take me--all of me. He read my mind, but stood hesitant for a second.

"I don't have a condom in the shower," he said, smiling sheepishly down on me.

In one fell swoop, I dropped to my knees and quickly took him in my mouth, surprising and exciting him at the same time. Grayson's thickly veined, throbbing cock stood erect as I gently flicked my tongue around his tip. He instantly fell prey to my assault and left himself at my disposal. Grabbing hold of his ass, I feverishly licked and sucked from the base up to the tip. His head rested against the walls of the shower while his hands held firmly onto my hair, tightening on command with every suck. Grayson moved his hips in a slow, circular motion, moaning all sorts of inaudible sounds. "
Fuuuccckkkk,"
was all I could make out, and every time he said it he would breathe in slowly, swiveling his hips.

As he tightened his grip on my soaking wet hair, I picked up the pace, feeling triumphant at the extent of Grayson's outward display of satisfaction. My slow sucks turned vigorously forceful, prompting deep rumbles to escape him. Before I knew it, his hands were guiding my head back and forth, as he thrust his cock to the depths of my mouth. I opened wider, attempting to take all of him. My nails dug deeper into his ass cheeks as the water barreled down, causing a swishing sound with every movement of his cock to the base of my throat.

The thrust of Grayson's movements quickly turned to jabs. A few seconds more and he was pulling away, gently removing his cock from the forceful suction of my mouth.

My eyes slowly traveled the length of his body as he removed his hands from my hair and hurriedly picked me up.

"You're fucking amazing," he said, gazing at me while taking long, deep breaths.

"There's more where that came from," I whispered flirtatiously.

"Oh no. It's my turn to please you. I hope your head is still intact because I'm about to fuck your brains out."

Grayson lay me gently down on the bed. He turned to his side table and I heard the familiar crinkling of a condom wrapper. After quickly rolling the condom over his cock, he used his legs to spread mine, lying down on top of me.

He softly moved my hair from my face. "I want to get lost in your eyes, Dallis. Keep them open."

I stared into his deep blues, panting with anticipation. As he gingerly navigated his cock inside, I wrapped my legs around his waist, my arms around his neck, and slowly sucked in a deep breath at the pleasurable invasion of his rock hard length into me. Letting out a deep breath, I relished the fact that this beautiful man was finally where I'd wanted him to be. Realization hit me that I had been craving this far longer than I had led myself to believe.

Grayson worked meticulously, gently rocking to and fro, maneuvering himself deeper and deeper into me. I grabbed a handful of his hair as he tightened one hand in mine, the other on my ass. My proximity to his neck gave me the opportunity to take it just as he had done mine the night before. It was a sensitive area for him and he began to move faster, lowly growling in the process. I didn't stop, but rather intensified my sucks as he squeezed my ass cheeks tighter. He thrust harder and deeper, each time working with a bit more effort to hit some imaginary level of ecstasy.

My eyes rolled back in my head as I listened to the sound of my own moans.

"Open your eyes," he whispered, pounding even harder into me.

I gave it a valiant effort, but with each consecutive thrust, my eyes closed tighter.

Moans erratically escaped me as Grayson continuously hit the same spot, causing ripples of passion to rage through my body. I pulled harder on his hair and briefly looked into his face. His eyes were closed and his mouth was scrunched tightly, but there was a sense of calm over him. I placed a few quick kisses over his stubble.

My legs began to quiver as Grayson swarmed my mouth with his. His breaths grew into desperate pants as he kissed me with raw hunger and need. I threw all of my efforts back into him as sparks shot through my body. Grayson growled imperceptibly but tightened his grip, and I felt his cock unleash unrelenting strokes that sent my body into a fit of convulsions. I moaned louder as my legs went numb and I came, followed closely by Grayson's violent release. My body lay languidly under his as he lowered himself onto me.

"You okay?" he breathed.

"Yes," I quietly replied as an unsuspecting tear rolled down my cheek.

Grayson unlocked a piece of a dark cloud that had embedded itself inside of me for far too long. He rolled over, pulling me closer into him.  He gingerly kissed my forehead as he held me against his chest.

Chapter 13

Waking up in Grayson's arms was the best feeling that I'd felt in a long time. The covers were strewn across the bed as we used our bodies to blanket one another. I didn't have to go to bed smiling at the blades of the ceiling fan. I went to bed basking in the after-glow of beautiful, soul-releasing sex, and the warm calming voice of Grayson. He knew exactly what I'd needed, and he wasn't afraid to give it to me.

Perpetual loss was always on my mind. The loss of my parents had resigned me to feel that I deserved to be alone. Losing my mom and Colby so close together brought different feelings of abandonment, but I harbored them and swore that my heart would not be taken so easily ever again.

Grayson wasn't supposed to come into my life so soon. He wasn't supposed to wriggle his way into my comfort zone, or make me say things that deep down inside I was still uncomfortable saying.

But somehow, he had.

He made me feel things that I had promised myself I wouldn't feel and he did it without having to annoy, manipulate, or badger me. His charms, his understanding, and his life experience reached the core of me, making me feel every ounce of feeling that I had been trying so desperately to repress. In a way, I felt that if I didn't talk about what had happened, I wouldn't have to live with it-- that I would go on living without rehashing. Grayson was tearing through that wall. I still kept certain things under lock and key, but surprise filled me as I found myself giving more and more that I had determined would remain in a box--alone--and shielded from the pain. Grayson understood me in a way that I didn't even understand myself.