Shattered (2 page)

Riding along in the car, I stared blankly out the window as we passed the spot where my father had been killed. I breathed a deep sigh; Colby put his hand on my thigh and smiled.

"Hey, you okay, love?" he asked, trying to soothe the ache that had imbedded itself into the pit of my stomach.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks," I responded. I was anything but okay and he knew it.

"I've been thinking. A summer wedding sounds amazing to me. We can get married over-looking the Sound--"

"What are you talking about? We aren't even engaged yet," I quickly reminded him.

"I know, but we aren’t getting any younger and come on, we've been together for a while now. Marriage is the natural next step."

"Colby, we only moved in together six months ago."

"I'm aware of that, but we've been together much longer. I want to be married before I'm thirty…"

"And you still have three more years before you hit that milestone." I smirked. Colby knew better than to try and test me. I didn't back down easily and it often frustrated him.

"I don't get you sometimes. I could make you so happy and you'd never want for anything. You'd have damn near everything at your disposal…" He stopped, catching a glimpse of my scathing grey eyes glaring at him. A guilty smile crept across his face, but did nothing to change the look of daggers I was willing at him.

"I work. I can take care of myself. Don't throw your money around with me, Shaw," I bit back. If there was one thing that I hated in life, it was women who relied on men to take care of them. I had grown up with parents who instilled working hard so that I could always be in a position to take care of myself.

Colby came from money. He belonged to Shaw Yacht Crew, a company that made, sold, and provided tours with fancy yachts. In the Puget Sound, yachts could be seen for miles. The Shaw family was beyond wealthy, but that wasn't the reason I was with Colby. In fact, it was one of the things I disliked about him. He wasn't overbearing with his family's wealth, but he wasn't exactly humble about it either. And even though he didn’t work for the family business-- he was an executive with a luxury property management firm--he still had too much money and was ostentatious with it. The white fleet of cars he owned was a prime example.

Colby always said white carried a clean, fresh look and he refused to drive anything else. He owned a white Range Rover, a white Mercedes Benz E-Class, and the white BMW M3 Coupe that were currently blazing down the road in. He'd tried to get me to buy white when I purchased my first car after living in Seattle for a while, but I quickly put the kibosh on that. White just didn't suit my personality, so I made sure to buy my bright yellow Jeep that was always spotted from miles away. My eclectic personality couldn't be stifled by his stuffy persona, and even though he cringed throughout my entire buying process, I beamed with pride after receiving the keys. Colby never wanted to drive my Jeep which was fine with me because I really didn’t care to have his bland nature destroying the happy aura that my baby exuded.

"Calm down with the feminist manifesto, love, I know you can take care of yourself. I'm just saying that with me, you don't
have
to." The grin that spread across his lips made me roll me eyes.

"You don't get it. You'll never get it," I replied and turned to him, hoping that he would wipe the asshole look off his face.

"I do get it," he said while widening his grin but keeping his eyes on the road. "You're the one who doesn't get it. I just want to make you happy and you won’t let me."

I shook my head. No matter how much I talked, Colby would forever think that making me happy meant showering me with material wealth and I didn’t know how else to make him see that he couldn’t be further off.

"Colby I work. I work my ass off as a matter of fact."

"I know you do, I'm not disputing that. But you're a freelance photographer, Dallis. Unless you shoot for the rich and famous, you won't be able to maintain the kind of life that you deserve."

The dragon was ready to be unleashed and I did nothing to contain it. "I deserve a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in my belly. Anything beyond that is excess, Colby.
And
my pathetic little freelance photography business is providing all of that, thank you very much," I replied, rather defensively.

"I didn't mean it like that, love," he stated matter-of-factly, but my icy glare made him stop where he was and sigh. He backed off the conversation, knowing that when I took that tone, I had usually had enough.

I turned the radio on and listened to Incubus blare through the speakers. I knew all of their songs and had even been lucky enough to attend a few of their shows. I found that crooning along with Brandon Boyd soothed my aggravation and even though Colby had acted like a jackass, I didn't let it spoil the rest of our drive.

Pulling into my mother's driveway filled my heart with love and warmth. I hated that she lived all alone in the house where she was left with all of my father's memories, but she always claimed that being amongst his things kept him with her. I could somewhat understand that because the few pictures and trinkets that I had from him made me feel like he was always there with me.

Colby parked the car and turned to me, taking both of my hands in his. "You know I can be a spoiled asshole at times, Dallis, but I do want to marry you. I want you to be my wife."

That sounded like a typical Colby apology. He would always infer, but he would never come out and really say it.

"I know you do, Colby, and someday I see myself getting married too, but I will not be forced into it. Not by anyone."

He nodded his head, kissed my lips softly, then exited the car. Coming around to my side, Colby opened my door for me and, we walked hand in hand up the steps to the front door. I looked down at our shadows being cast by the piece of sunlight peeking through the cloud cover that usually blanketed Bellingham. The shadows made me laugh a little because they greatly exaggerated the drastic difference in height between us. Colby was at least 6'2 while I stood a mere 5'5. He looked down on me and smiled, more than likely thankful that I was laughing and smiling after he had just pissed me off.

 A quick knock on the door and my mother swung it open and grabbed me for an all-consuming hug. She was normally pleased to see me, but this display caught me off guard. I patted her on the back and tried to move her blonde hair from my face. She got the hint and pulled away, but not before planting a solid kiss on my cheek. She gave Colby a big hug and ushered us in; she was smiling, but looked beyond exhausted.

I walked into the kitchen, grabbed a pop from the fridge, and took a seat at the kitchen island. Colby and Mom followed close behind. I
had
to know what was going on with her.

"Are you okay, Mom?" I asked after taking a rather large gulp from my pop.

"Of course, sweetheart. It is the anniversary of your father's death, so I'm just a little more sentimental than normal, that's all." I wasn't convinced. Colby didn't say anything, so I took the silence as my cue to keep prodding.

"Mom, something else is wrong. What is it?"

She moved around the island and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, still silent as ever. When she made her way back around to where I was sitting, she sat on the nearest stool and smiled emphatically.

"I really hope you kids are leaning towards marriage. I would love to see my only child walk down the aisle." Her words were like a surprise attack. My chest hardened and I felt my insides burn. If Colby had called my mother and asked her to talk to me about marriage, I was going to lose myself on both of them.

"Have you two been talking?" I asked, looking back and forth between the two of them. The spout that held in my anger was about to blow if either confirmed what I thought had happened

"No, I swear I haven't talked to your mom about this," Colby quickly answered, holding up both hands in a sign of defense.

I stood and put my hands on my hips, looking at my mother while silently begging her to fill me in on where this was coming from.

"Dallis, your father is gone. He never got the chance to walk you down the aisle, something that all dad's want the opportunity to do."

I figured the overwhelming sadness that came with this time of year was behind this, but I wanted both my mom and Colby to know that I would marry when I was ready. "Mom, I wish I could have Dad here to walk me down the aisle
whenever
that day happens too, but I believe he's got the best seat in the house. He'll see me get married."

A smile caressed her face. Talking about my dad warmed her heart, and not surprisingly, it warmed mine too.

"Well, you and Colby have been together for quite some time now. Are there any wedding plans in the plans?"

The talk was souring my mood, but Colby took my mom's forthrightness as back-up to his earlier talks and chimed in.

"I definitely want to marry your daughter Mrs. O'Brien. Sooner, rather than later. I'm not so sure Dallis is ready." He smiled, which made me frown. My mom's eyes lit up and I wanted nothing more than to walk out of the kitchen and abandon the conversation. Of course, I would never be that rude and disrespectful to my mother, so I sat there and endured their double team.

"I know you'll make a fine husband Colby, Dallis knows it too. Maybe she's just scared."

"Maybe," Colby replied.

I waved my arms to attract their attention. They were speaking as if I wasn't even in the room. "I'm
not
scared. I'm just not ready. Where is this coming from?" My voice elevated to a level that wasn't customary for speaking to my mother. I softened the scowl that had etched itself on my face and watched my mom get up off the stool and stand behind Colby and I, draping her arms over our shoulders.

"I just want to make sure you're taken care of, Dallis. That's all."

Colby spoke up, trying once again to back up his earlier statements. "I've told her that. I can be the guy to take care of her."

I ignored his pleas and waited for my mother to continue. When she fell silent, I turned from the stool to find a somber look spread across her face. I took her hands, knowing I had to get to the bottom of it.

"Mom, there
is
more to this, I have a sickening feeling. I need you to tell me what's going on with you." My breathing picked up, but I didn’t want to show that I was flustered. It would only make her try to protect me even more.

"Well, Dallis, I haven't been too well, so I recently went in to the doctor and found out some news."

Intense pain struck inside my belly like a rabid dog was on the inside, clawing its way out of me. The anticipation was killing me slowly. I needed to know where Mom was going with this. I needed to know
now
. My eyes bulged and my breathing became erratic as she slowly curled her lips into a faint smile and said the dreaded words.

"I have a brain tumor and I only have three months to live."

Chapter 2

I have a brain tumor and I only have three months to live.

I have a brain tumor and I only have three months to live.

I have a brain tumor and I only have three months to live.

The words rattled around inside my head and sent me into full blown hyperventilation. Had my mother really just told me that in three months I wouldn't have either of my parents? I could see my mother's lips moving, but the shock of her statement left me in a state of deafness. Colby stood and took my mother in his arms. Watching him, it dawned on me that I should have been holding her as well. I brought my hand to my chest and tried desperately to calm my quick, painful, breathing. It took a minute, but when I finally came to, I stood and took my mother from Colby, holding her tight and whispering in her ear, "We're fighters, Mom. We'll fight."

As we pulled back, I watched tears creep out of her emerald green eyes and a light smile flitter across her lips. It struck me as odd that she didn't seem to be the least bit scared or anxious. Instead, she actually looked at peace. Her reaction to it all burned me on the inside. I wondered if she was embracing death, or if she was still in shock herself.

"When did you find this out, Mom?" I asked, still slightly panting.

"I went to the doctor on Wednesday to hear the results of my CT scan. I was told then."

"What?" I shouted. "Mom, it's Saturday. Why have you been sitting on this information?" My pale skin began to show red and my breathing picked up again. Not because of hyperventilation, but because I was hurt and angry.

"I didn't want you picking up and coming out here with nothing to do. I knew you'd be here this weekend, so I thought it'd be better to tell you now--in person."

I looked at her with unyielding eyes. I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything at all. Colby noticed my reluctance and stepped in, hoping to bring civility back into the room.

"Mrs. O'Brien, what's next? What's the plan of action?" He weakly smiled at both of us. I did not return his smile.