Shattered (10 page)

Of course, my mother was thrilled to see the Mayor’s son in our driveway.  She peaked over my shoulder and out the door as we watched him climb down from his truck and head toward the front door. “That’s Collin Smolder, Alyssa,” she said, as if I didn’t already know.  The overjoyed expression on her face annoyed me.

I  quickly brushed off her excitement before going out to meet him.  I was not about to let him in the house so that my mother could gush about how great his family was and how happy it made her that I was hanging out with acceptable people.

“Hi.” I smiled, tucking a stray hair behind my ear.  Then remembered how I acted the last time I’d seen him and quickly took in a deep breath, hoping that he’d forgotten.

“Hey party girl.” The smug smile that crossed his face let me know that, indeed, he had not.  “What are you up to?”

I laughed and tried to play off my embarrassment, “Nothing really.”

“Feel like hanging out?”  He crossed his arms over his chest and the sleeve of his shirt inched up just enough to let his inked-up arm show.  He might as well have had a red flag tattooed on his arm, because my conscience started up again.
He’s bad news, Alyssa
. That nagging little voice rang out.  I peeked over my shoulder and saw my mother, still peering out the window, with a smile on her face.  I rolled my eyes at her.  She apparently hadn’t seen his tattoo.  He would have quickly been cast into her inappropriate pile.

“Sure.  Let me just grab my things and tell my mother,” I emphasized the word as I turned my head back to face her, “where I’m going.”  She must have taken the hint, because she quickly exited the doorway.

He laughed, “Sounds good.” He pointed toward the front porch and leaned close to whisper, “I’ve got a couple of nosy-ass parents too.”

 “I’m going out.” I said nonchalantly to my parents as I made my way back inside and upstairs. I grabbed a jacket, knowing that once the sun went down the May night would bring out a chill.  I looked in the mirror and added a little lip gloss.  My shoulders sunk as I contemplated just what in the hell I was doing.  I knew he was no good, but I still wanted to go with him.  He was one of the only people that didn’t look at me like I was a leper in this town.  Even though I’d managed to make it through the entire day unmedicated I decided it was best not to take any chances and quickly swallowed down a pill with a gulp from a half-empty diet soda that was sitting on my nightstand.  I tucked another in the inside pouch of my purse, not knowing if I’d need it later, and bounced down the stairs.  

“That’s the kind of boy you should be spending your time with, Alyssa,“ she said, pleased, as I passed the kitchen on my way out.

I turned to my mother, “You don’t need to worry about me hanging out with Jesse.”  She smiled.  A genuine smile.  Little did she, or I, know… hanging out with Collin Smolder could be much more damaging.

Jesse

Ok.  So maybe taking a job working for Alyssa’s dad wasn’t the smartest idea, but when I saw the classified ad running in the Harrington Herald, I had to take a chance.  Even if she wasn’t ready to talk to me, I was going to make sure that I got to see her every day. I’d missed out on nine months, I wasn’t going to miss one more day.  Plus, she’s really cute when she’s mad.  That first morning that she saw me unloading hay, I thought her cute little head was going to explode.

“She didn’t know you were working here?”  Paul Boyd asked as we watched his daughter stomp across the driveway.  

“Mmmm… no,” I shook my head.

He just smiled.  I watched as Paul’s tall frame leaned up against the hayrack we’d just finished unloading.  His face was long and appeared tired from all his years of hard work.  He pushed the John Deere ball cap he always wore up on his head, giving me a better view of his hazel eyes and balding dirty blond hair.  “Well, she’s not the only Boyd woman that doesn’t know.” He crooked his mouth to the side and widened his eyes in false nervousness.  I laughed at his exaggeration.  I knew as well as he did that when Mary Boyd found out I was back, we were both in for it.  Paul Boyd had always been nice to me when he was around.  His wife was another story.  She was never blatantly mean to me.  She pretty much just denied my existence, ignoring me, pretending not to see me when I’d wave at her.  Every now and then she’d make some snide remarks letting me know that she knew I was there.  I could handle her underhanded comments and negativity, but it pissed me off, royally, when she acted that way toward Alyssa.  Couldn’t she see that all the girl wanted was a little attention from her mother?  Lyss tried to act like it didn’t bother her, but I saw it, and so did Garrett.  Part of the reason we took Alyssa with us everywhere was because neither of us could stand the thought of her being around her mother.

I finished out my afternoon at work and headed back to my house to take a shower.  I was surprised to find my sister at home.  I walked in to find her stocking the fridge. “Hey, Kel.”

“Not gonna tell your big sister that you’re home, huh?” She shoved a few frozen pizzas into the freezer.  “Get over here, you inconsiderate little shit.”  She held her arms out, waiting for me to give her a proper greeting.

“Sorry.” I hugged her.

“I missed ya, Jess.” She was smiling when she pulled away from me.

“I missed you too.” I was happy to see my sister.  I’d called her a few times from Florida and she acted like she was okay with me leaving, but I knew when said she missed me, she meant it.  It wasn’t like all the times my parents said it.  She was a true constant in my life and I was grateful for her.

“How was Florida?  Uncle Dean?” I followed her into the living room and we both sat down on the couch.

“It was good.  Uncle Dean is, well, Uncle Dean,” I laughed.  Dean was my mother’s brother and he was a trip.  He spent his twenties and thirties serving in the Navy.  He came back with a can-do attitude and a wicked case of PTSD.  He was crass and unattached.  The only woman that had been in his life longer than one night was his boat
Mindy’s Inheritance
.  Uncle Dean thought it was hilarious that he’d convinced his parents to give him their last bit of money to buy his fishing boat.  My mother was pissed at first, but when he told her the name of the boat they both laughed about it.  They hadn’t grown up with much, so they weren‘t really expecting anything when their parents did pass away.  “He taught me a lot,” I continued, “He wants me to come back and run another boat for him.”

“That’s great, Jess.”  She excitedly slapped my knee. “Really great!”  Her excitement faded and was replaced with an inquisitive stare. “Why are you back then?”

I bit my lip, hesitant to tell her.  When I thought about the real reason I was back, I smiled.

“Alyssa Boyd.” She grinned.  Just like that, I was back in 8
th
grade, blushing like a fool.  “It’s about time you told that girl that you love her.”

“I, huh…I,” I was flustered.  “What are you talking about? I just came back to check up on her.”

“Ok, buddy,” She sarcastically agreed.

I’d admitted to myself that I was in love with Alyssa.  Why couldn’t I admit to everyone else? Especially Alyssa.  Kelly and I spent a few more minutes catching up, before she had to get back to my adorable niece and nephew.  I promised her that I would stop by and see them tomorrow.

I took a shower, pulled on a pair of jeans and a light blue t-shirt, and headed over to the diner to grab something to eat.  I’d planned on eating alone, but when I saw Hap and January in the back booth, they insisted I join them.

“I’m so glad you’re back, Jess.” January patted the top of my hand as I sat reading the menu.  I’d eaten at this  place a million time, I already knew I was getting a cheeseburger and fries.  I guess I thought the thin piece of laminated paper would shield me from the inquisition that January was about to unleash on me.  I peeked out over the top at her excited grin.  Hap was obliviously texting away on his phone.  “So?” she said picking up a fry and slopping up an overly indulgent scoop of ketchup into her mouth.

“So, what?” I pretended not know what information she was fishing for. I needed to talk to Alyssa before I talked to anyone else.

“Don’t play dumb, Jesse Vaughn.” Her face twisted to annoyance. “What are you gonna do?”

“Well… I was thinking about eating a burger.” I put the menu down and grabbed my drink, pulling the straw between my lips.

“You know what I mean.” She crossed her arms. “She needs you, Jess.”

“Stay out of it, Jan.” Hap looked up from his phone long enough to shoot his girlfriend a reprimanding glance.  He usually managed to keep his know-it-all girlfriend out of everyone’s business, but January was not going to let this one go.

“I will not stay out of it, Hapley.” She whipped her annoyed face to his, at which point he retreated to his cell phone.  “You know as well as I do, that we’ve done everything we can think of to help that girl get out of the funk she’s been in for the last nine months.  Now, she’s taking the pills again…” She let her voice trail off, regretting what she’d just said.

“Wait, what pills?” What was she talking about?  Alyssa was on drugs?

January’s eyes told me that she thought she’d said too much. “I didn’t… I mean…”

“I told you to stay out of it,” Hap added.

“What kind of pills?”  I was pissed.  How could they let her take drugs?  They were supposed to be her friends.

“She’s not on anything illegal,” Hap tried to calm me down.

“No,” January confirmed, “they’re prescribed.  Some kind of anti-depressant or anti-anxiety, I don’t know.”

“Oh,” I answered.

“She doesn’t need them though.  She hasn’t taken them for months,” January sighed, “She was doing good, really, I think she was finally starting to heal.  Then graduation happened and…”

“I came back.”  I started to think that maybe it was a bad idea to come back after all.  Maybe what Alyssa and I had wasn’t worth her risking her health.

“She’s confused, Jess.” January saw the sadness in my eyes.  “She might not think so right now, but she’ll be glad you came back.  You just need to talk to her.  She thinks that you blame her for the accident.”

“That’s crazy.  It was just that… an accident.  No one’s fault.”

“Oh, shit.”  Hap held up his cell phone.  “This is not good.”

I looked at the screen at a message from one of Hap’s buddies.  It said that Alyssa was out with Collin Smolder.  Apparently, the two of them were making out in front of half the town.  I felt my heart start to beat out of my chest.  I balled my fist and took in a deep breath.  

“Where is she?” I asked through clenched teeth.

“Out at old man Smolder’s field,”  Hap answered.

“What are you going to do?”  January asked with bated breath.

I pushed out of the booth. “I don’t know, but I’m not going to let her hang out with him.”  I rushed out the door, not knowing how I was going to do it, but I was determined to get her as far away from him as humanly possible. Even if that meant dragging her out of there against her will.

Alyssa

“How about a drink?” Collin reached into his center console which held a small insulated bag cooler and pulled out a beer.  We’d meandered off County 5 to a much less traveled gravel road.  I took the beer and promised myself I’d only have a couple, not wanting a repeat of the last time I drank.

“Thanks.”  The apprehension I was feeling about going out with Collin was fading as we cruised through the countryside.  By the time the sun finally set, I was feeling as free as cool breeze that was whipping in the open window through my hair.  The conversation between Collin and I was simple. He never mentioned the past, or Garrett and Jesse, which was nice, for a change.  When he pulled off into an open field I noticed the row of trucks all parked along the timberline.  Collin pulled his truck up in the center of the others and shut off the engine.  “What are we doing?”

“We’re about to have a whole lot of fun,”  Collin said as he jumped down out of the truck and walked around the back end.  By the time he opened the tailgate and climbed up, I knew what we were doing.  His four-wheeler was strapped down in the back.  I hadn’t really thought much of it when he picked me up.  Hauling an ATV in the back of your truck was like putting on a hat before going out.  It was a common accessory.  The pasture we were in belonged to Collin’s grandpa.   Normally, a head of cattle was roaming around, but they must have been herded up to the barn for the night because the flat green land was clear and open as far as I could tell in the moonlight.  I’d been out here before and I knew what we were doing.  They were going to have a night race.  As if racing four-wheelers wasn’t dangerous enough, Collin and his buddies decided that competing in the dark on an uneven surface after drinking was much more challenging.  Garrett and Jesse raced a few times, and even won, but they decided that it was much more fun to avoid getting hurt and instead what all of the idiots risk their own lives.

People began spilling out of the vehicles, once they saw Collin unloading his four-wheeler.  It was like they were waiting for him to arrive before they made a move.  No wonder he had such an ego. I recognized a couple of guys Collin’s age unloading their own ATVs, and a few of the trashier girls from my school.  I rethought my position as Collin’s guest, hoping he didn’t look at me the way I looked at them.  They were all pretty enough, but the way they dressed and bounced around from bed to bed, or backseat to backseat, was not my style.  I hadn’t really dated anyone in high school.  Garrett and Jesse seemed to scare them all off.  It was a little hypocritical, if you asked me, I knew for a fact that a few of those skanky girls had definitely seen the backseat of both of their vehicles. Every time I showed the slightest bit of interest in a guy they would give me the
he’s not good enough for you, princess
and
he’s only after one thing
speeches.   Looking around at the company I was keeping, the little voice in my head started to repeat their spiel, word for word.  I took a deep breath, followed by a long drink, hoping that the gnawing feeling would go away.