Shatter (23 page)

Demetri

I walked aimlessly down the halls, confused about so many things, and wishing I could
somehow make it all better. I think
there’s
a point in everyone
’
s life where they try to figure out that one moment where they took a wrong turn and
then watch as the catastrophic events after it fall like a trai
l
of dominoes. Did one choice reall
y affect your future that much?

One choice affected April
’
s, which in turn affected mine, which a
ffected Jaymeson’s. My head spun with all the possibilities, all the outcomes
.

I’d thought I’d been making progress over the past year
,
but the truth of the matter was I was
s
till like a kid waiting for the approval of others and hoping to God I was doing the
right thing.

I walked past a few rooms. I glanced to my left and saw Alec
’s
hands folded and his head resting against them, against Nat’s bed. I turned to walk
into the room and knocked softly on the door.

His head jerked up.

“You okay?” I asked, taking a se
at on the other side of the bed.

He looked at Nat then back at me
. “
Not really. You?”

“Not really.”

We both laughed
.
N
ot because it was funny
,
but
because it was so damn tragic.

I reached for Nat’s hand, thankful that it was warm, meaning she was living
—
breathing. “I
,
uh, I remembered something today.”

“Yeah?” Alec leaned forward resting his elbows against the bed
. “
What?”

“Dad.” My voice cracked. “When he told you about my adoption. It’s funny the memory
had always been fuzzy. All I remembered was the word, and remembering it meant I was
different. Maybe it was my mind
’
s own stupid way of protecting me, but I remember everything now.”

Alec’s eyes held mine for a second before he cursed and looked down
. “
Then you remember what I promised.”

“Yeah.”

“I failed you.”

“What?” I let out a frustrated laugh
. “
You didn’t. You were a little kid, Alec. I think we’ve already established that you
aren’t
S
uperman.”

He didn’t say anything so I just kept talking. “Our dad gave you a huge job
.
H
e asked you to do something that a kid your age barely even understands. All you knew
was that you were go
ing to be alone except for me—”

“I hated you
,
” Alec interrupted
.
“For five whole minutes I hated you. I hated that you still had a mom and dad. I hated
that mine was stolen from me
,
and I hated that the last thing my dad said to me was to take care of you.”

I didn’t know what to say. I mean
,
what are you supposed to say when someone says something like that?

Alec clenched and unclenched his fists
. “
And then after five minutes you walked into the room. Dad had given you some money
to go buy some candy at the gift shop.” Alec bit down hard on his lip as his eyes
glazed over with tears
. “
You bought a bear instead.”

“I did?”

“Yeah.” Alec s
norted
. “
You bought a bear. It was wearing a shirt that said “Cancer free
.”
Y
ou said you weren’t really sure what it meant but that the lady in the store said
it would make us feel better about our dad having cancer
,
because even though he did, the bear didn’t, and we could still hug our bear and he
would remind us that we still had each other
.
W
e could still fight
.
W
e had something to fight for.”

My heart hammered in my chest as my throat tightened with just barely restrained tears.
“I don’t remember at all.”

“Blocked it out.” Alec nodded
. “
I’m sure you blocked it out, but in that moment I couldn’t hate you anymore. I think
the jealousy was always there
.
Y
ou were always so…
easy.”

“Thanks
,
man.” I laughed
. “
I feel like you just called me a whore.”

Alec laughed with me
. “
Shut up. You know what I mean
,
and I think we both know who’d get the label in our little group.”

I chuckled and rubbed Nat’s hand some more. “What are we going to do?”

Steely resolved reflected in Alec’s gaze
. “
We
’
re going to do what he didn’t.”

“What
’
s that?”

“Survive.” Alec looked back to Nat
. “
Survive and fight like hell.”
He kissed her forehead and rose from his seat. “I’m going to go do something I should
have done long ago.”

“What?”

“Get my head out of my ass and apologize to every single person who was affected by
my lies
—
by my actions. Starting with your mom.”

I followed him to the door
. “
Does she deserve it? After everything?”

“Nobody deserves grace, Demetri. That doesn’t mean we don’t still offer it when given
the opportunity.”

I smirked
. “
There he is.”

“What?”

“My big brother. I knew he was in there somewhere.”

He glared
. “
Very funny.”

I stretched my arms
over
my head and yawned
. “
Finally, I can go back to being the stupid immature one. Thank God
.
A
nother five minutes of playing the funny
,
attractive
,
mature one
,
and you were going to have to check me into the mental ward of this hospital.”

Alec threw his head back and laughed
,
then wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “Ass.”

“Bastard.”

“Really?” Alyssa approached us, arms crossed. “Name
-
calling? After the day we’ve had?”

Alec
backed
away
with his
hands up
in surrender
. “
He’s all yours.”

Alyssa glared. I called after Alec, “Thanks
,
man! Thanks for
abandoning
me
.
W
hat about all that
brothers stick together
stuff you just said!”

Alec ignored me and kept walking
,
leaving me alone
with a very ticked off Alyssa.

“Babe…” I smiled and crooked
my finger at her.

Uh-oh, she was raising her hand. Crap
,
she was going to slap me. Well
,
I guess I deserved it. I—

Her mouth
assaulted mine, hot and urgent
.
S
he pushed her tongue against mine
.
D
amn
,
she tasted good
. I pried her away and swore
. “
Good God
,
what did I do? Tell me what it was so I can do it again!”

Her hand came soaring out of nowhere, landing with a crack across my left cheek. “Ah,
I was expecting that. Cruel
.
Y
ou seduced me before you hit me
.
T
hat has to be against some rule.”

Alyssa pushed against my chest with her tiny hands. I always found it hilarious when
she tried to fight me. “You suck! I’ve been worried sick about you for days and then
after the whole adoption thing
,
and your real mom
,
and
we never finished the conversation we started this afternoon because all of th
e drama of our lives
,
and I just—”
Alyssa hit me again and started to cry
. “
Sometimes
I just hate you for making me love you so much
,
you ass!”

Chuckling
,
I held her against me and kissed her head
. “
Let me get this straight
.
Y
ou hate that you love me so much and I’m an ass?”

“Well
…
”
She sniffled
. “
Not in that particular order.”

“Oh?”

“You’re an ass first.”

I choked on my laugh
. “
Thanks
,
babe. I love you too.”

Sighing, she pulled away from
me
.
R
efusing to look me in the eyes she
looked down at the floor
and put her hands on her hips. “What happens after all this
?
After the drama
,
after the T.V show
—
where does that leave us?”

She was freaking adorable. Alyssa was trying so hard to be strong
.
S
he hated being vulnerable and I know
i
t was hard for her sometimes
,
considering I wasn’t always as serious as she would like. It was easy to forget where
she was a year ago because she was doing so damn well now. She didn’t have any more
anxiety, was completely off her meds, and finally over he
r dead ex-boyfriend, thank God.

“Lyss, come here.”

“No.” She looked at the ground
. “
Not until you tell me.”

“How old are you?” I reached for her hand.

She let me grab it and sighed
. “
Nineteen.”

“You really wanna get married at nineteen?”

That got her attention
.
H
er head snapped up.
W
as she going to slap me again?

“Married?”

I nodded and slowly pulled her into my embrace, tilting her chin up so she would actually
look at me and stop avoiding eye contact. “I love you.”

A pretty blush
stained her cheeks she tried to pull away
,
but I held
her chin so she had no choice.

“Listen
,
”
I commanded
. “
Because you know I only say things once
,
and then
I
have to crack some sort of inappropriate joke.”

She smirked.

“I love you so damn much that I’m pretty sure I’d let birds eat me alive if I couldn’t
have you. I’d lose my freaking mind if I couldn’t touch your smooth skin every day.
I crave you the way a person craves oxygen. I need you
in order to fully be
me. We’re a pair
—
soul mates
. What we have is eternal and I’m not going anywhere. I think we’ve established that.
My adoption? Means nothing. You’re my family
—
you’re my everything
.
I want you. So where does that leave us? I guess it leaves us with forever.”

Alyssa
’
s eyes pooled with tears. She nodded jerkily and wrapped her arms around my neck
.
“I can’t be without you.”

“Good.” I took a deep breath so I could calm my racing heart. “Because I know for
a fact I couldn’t exist without you.”

“Of course not
.”
She pulled away and wiped at a few tears
. “
You need someone to scare
away
all the birds.”

“Hilarious.”

Grinning, she held out her hand. I took it and kissed each finger ti
p before twirling her around in my arms and walki
ng with her back down the hall.

We walked in silence to April
’
s room where I was hoping Alec was making some sort of headway. I really didn’t want
to be a part of that conversation. She almost died
—
on purpose, but still. Even I was having trouble processing all the inf
ormation. Damn, I needed taffy.