Shatter (17 page)

Demetri

“Demetri!” Nat was yelling my name
.
W
hy the hell was she yelling for me? Then Alec yelled something that sounded scarily
like an un-holy amount of F-bom
bs as Nat flew down the stairs.

Within seconds she was in my arms. “Um
…
” I hugged her
shaking
body and looked around in confusion. Seriously. Did someone die? Alyssa squinted next
to
me. I mouthed for her to help.

She reached out and patted Nat’s back
. “
Hey, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

“Do I look okay?” Nat snapped.

“Whoa there.” I pried Nat from my body
. “
No need to freak out.”

“I’m sorry
.
I just
…
” Nat sniffled and wiped her nose
.
H
er shoulders were
trembling
with effort not to burst into tears. I could te
ll she was hanging by a thread.

“It’s not what you think…” Alec said from the top of the stairs
.
H
e took them two at a time and tried to pull Nat into his arms, but she
jerked away
from him.
The guy needed to stop using that phrase
.
E
ven I was getting sick of it.

“Not what I think?”
s
he said
. “
Not what I think?” Uh-oh, her tone was getting
dangerously
high
-
pitched. I took a step back,
self-preservation
and all that.

“Nat, listen
.”
Alec grabbed her shoulders from behind. Nat
pulled away
again and this time turned and slapped him across the face. Hard. I wouldn’t be surprised
if she cracked
his
tooth.

“Shit
,”
I mumbled under my breath and took another step back
. “
That’s like the second time she’s hit you in two weeks.”

“It’s becom
ing
habitual
,
” Jaymeson piped up from the couch
. “
And entertaining
,
if I might add.”

“Not helping.” Alec glared.

“How, Alec
?
HOW
?
”

The camera crew was probably salivating right now as they all waited with baited brea
th to see what Alec had to say.

I expected it to be something silly, like he called her fat, or stepped on her toe
and cracked her nail polish
.
H
ell, I expected him to admit he tried something kinky in bed.

“I—
i
t isn’t what it looked
like. I was comforting her. Hugging her
.
T
he paper’s making it look like something it isn’t.”

“She’s Jaymeson
’
s mom.”

“What?” Jaymeson flew off the couch
. “
My mom what? What the hell did you do to my mom
?
” He lunged for Alec, but I stood in the way. Geez, the producers wanted drama, they
were
so
getting drama.

“You mean other than
sleep
with her?”
?T
his from Angelica.

You could have heard a pin drop in that room. I stared
blankly
at Alec waiting for him to la
ugh it off, to deny everything.

His face went completely white.

“Dud
e.” I laughed and shook my head.
“Alec would never do that. I mean
,
I know he’s done some crazy stuff…
T
ell them
,
Alec.”

“Yeah, Alec.” Angelica purred
. “
Tell them.
Everything
.”

“Alec?” Nat whispered.

Alec’s eyes glossed over. I remembered that look all to
o
well. It was the look he had the day he told me our dad died. It was the same look
he wore after he tried committing suicide. Blocking. He was blocking everything
out, going into survival mode.

“Alec.”
My voice was
hoarse
.
I took a step
toward
him
. “
Don’t do this. Whatever happened, whatever is happening, you need to tell the truth.
Don’t think about who you
’
r
e
protecting or who you
’
r
e
hurting. Just tell the damn truth.”

Angelica snorted
. “
The truth—”

“Angelica
,
I swear to God
,
if you don’t shut the hell up I will freaking slap you so hard across your face you’ll
have to get plastic surgery to fix the mess.”

Face white, she stepped
away from us with her hands up.

“Alec.” I put my hand on his shoulder. His muscles were so tense it seemed like he
w
as going to snap at any minute.

“I gotta run.” He gave me a sad smile but refused to look in Nat’s direction. Instead
he grabbed hi
s keys and left.

The door closed quietly behind him.

Silence.

All I could hear was my own breathing and Nat’s soft sobs. What the hell was going
on? And how was Jaymeson
’
s mom involved?

“Told ya so
,
”
Angelica muttered under her breath.

Next thing I knew, Nat was
on top of her pulling her hair.

“Aw
,
hell.” She got a few chunks of dark glossy hair in her claws before I could get her
off of Angelica. It’s possible I let her stay on her a bit too long on purpose. The
minute I pulled her off, I fell onto Jaymeson, who was clearly still pissed at
my brother.
So
, yeah
,
it made sense that he needed something to punch. Or someone.

His fist came flying into my jaw.

I fell to the ground
. “
What the hell, Jaymeson
?
”

“Get up!” He
slapped his hand against the counter.

“When the
hell
did I leave my old life and step into freaking Gossip Girl
!
” I stumbled to my feet
and
launched myself at
him, tackling him to the floor.

I could hear Alyssa yelling behind me, Nat crying, Angelica crying. And of course
,
Alec was gone. Bailed. He’d freaking bailed. And all I could think of as I was punching
my best friend in the face and po
ssibly ruining his film career
, w
as that this time, Ale
c left
me
to clean up
his
mess.

Alec

I stared at the pill bottle in my hands like it was going to suddenly start talking
to me and fix all my problems.

Right.

Pills never fixed anything.

Then again neither did alcohol, or sex, or…
well
,
that
list could go on and on and on.

I took a swig of the bottle of champagne I’d grabbed from
inside
and told myself crying was stupid
.
I
t wouldn’t accomplish anything. It probably wouldn’t even make me feel
better about being an asshole.

Nope, all it did was make me feel worse about everything. I was given the perfect
opportunity to tell the truth and I blew it. Why the hell didn’t I say something?
It was like I froze
.
L
ike no matter how badly I wanted to say
,
“
Hey
,
I think I was drugged last year, and Jaymeson
’
s mom
is a
conniving bitch
.” I couldn’t. I
wouldn’t
do that.

Was she innocent?

I had no idea.

But the pictures.
Damn
those pictures. I squeezed my eyes shut and groaned.
Who the hell paid her to do that? I slammed my f
i
st against the wall. I knew it was a set up.
Ruben
had to have known. But how the hell did he know? Angelica? April? I groaned. It looked
so ridiculously bad
I didn’t even know what to do.

With shaking hands I grabbed Nat’s phone and looked through the rest of the pictures.
April had thrown me completely under the bus. Me and Demetri, but why? I couldn’t
even deny anything
.
I was so caught up in my lies
,
I didn’t
know which way was up or down.

The last picture wasn’t one
from
tonight.

Nope. It was one of the hotel room with April. The one that had been on the newsstand
at the airport. When I’d first seen it, it only looked like April in the picture,
but in the background I could fuzzily make out my face. It didn’t help matters that
there was an unholy amount of pills on the bedside
table,
or t
hat I was in the room with her.

The headline on that article read
. “
Ex-wife of multi-million dollar producer does X with rock
star Alec Daniels.”

Fan-freaking-tastic.

I’d known I’d felt funny that night. I just didn’t know why. I’d taken X before
,
but I’
d always known I was taking it.

Disgusted with myself
,
I punched the sand and looked out at the ocean. Everything seemed so calm around me
.
I
t was like the u
niverse wasn’t aware that I was s
mack dab in the
middle of a nervous breakdown.

I don’t even know how long I sat there, clenching the sand
in
my hands. I felt like I didn’t have any opti
ons.

What could I have done?

I had no idea Angelica was going to out me on national TV. We signed a waver
.
N
o way were they going to edit that shit out. I sighed and began counting waves
.
M
aybe I could regain some sense of control if I counted them, categorized them. Ten
minutes, and then twenty went by. I
grew sicker as the sky clouded
over.

Webisodes
.
W
e were filming webisodes
,
meaning that the episodes were going live almost immediately following.
Ruben
thought it would be more realistic if it w
ere
a live s
how.

Well.

It was real al
l
right.

“Alec?”
Ruben
’
s
voice
was too excited and grated on my nerves. A camera crew came bustling down the beach.
“Alec
,
talk to us
.
Y
our
girlfriend
’
s
in there crying and she’s really upset, what happened?”

I punched the ground
. “
Ruben
, not now
.
A
ren’t you supposed to be gone?
”

He
shrugged and
laughed
. “
What
,
you think it’s going to blow over? Maybe it will help if you talk about it
.
Y
ou know
,
like your brother did when he went to therapy last year.”

“Excuse me?” I jumped to my f
eet as
Ruben
backed up further.

“You heard me
,
”
he said calmly
. “
Your brother was able to go to therapy for almost an entire year
.
N
ow look at how great he’s doing. It seems to me you needed the therapy more than he
did. Tell us, Alec, how long have you been a sex addict?”

“A what?” I roared. “What the hell
,
Ruben
?”

“Zoom in
,
”
Ruben
ordered the camera crew
. “
A sex addict. How long have you been a sex addict? How long have you been taking ecstasy
before you seduce broken wome
n in your bedroom and ruin their lives
?
”

“What. The. Hell. I would never do that!”

“Pictures.”
Ruben
held up a cell and handed it to me. “See for yourself.”

I scrolled through more
pictures. The first one was the one tha
t was on that stupid gossip mag
a
zine
. The one that Nat had seen, but the other ones that followed weren’t of me. I was
sure of it. The date said last month
.
E
veryone knew I’d been in Seaside last month.

Angelica was in the pictures, next to a guy with dark hair, a guy with the exact
,
same tattoo on his back. But I swore it wasn’t me. I would never cheat. I would never—

And then I remembered Angelica
’
s words.
“Either way
,
I win.”

Is this what she meant? She’d set me up either way? Just
to get even? And prove a point?

“That isn’t me
,
” I said softly
,
channeling my anger at myself instead of everyone else
. “
I swear it isn’t me.”

“Alec, why don’t you tell us what happened? Once and for all, hmm?”

I looked back at the
B
each
H
ouse
,
then at
Ruben
. “I tell the truth and I’m out.”

“You have a contract.”

“You want your story or do you want me?”

Ruben
regarded me silently
. “
The story. If you please.”

The guy seriously had no heart. I mean
,
we’d established that
already, but geez
,
he was crazy.

“I want to be out of here before they see
.
C
an you do that?” My voice wavered as I said it. I knew it would be goodbye. I knew
Nat would hate me forever, but one thing that
Ruben
said stuck with me. Demetri was the better man
.
H
e’d dealt with his shit. I hid mine. I controlled mine. I was the idiot, not him.
Maybe it was just me being a guy
,
but in that moment I refused to put Nat through that. She deserved more, and then
maybe one day she would forgive me and find it in her heart to love me again. One
thing was for sure, it would take her a hell o
f a long time to get over this.

But I’d hidden
it
too long. Protected too many people
and kept too many damn secrets.

“I c
an do that
,
”
Ruben
said softly.

“Let’s go.” I walked back
toward
the
B
each
H
ouse. “I want Nat to be in the confessional, but no one else, okay?”

“Whatever you need.”
Ruben
smiled triumphantly as I stomped back to the house. I was going to hell
,
and I was
dragging everyone down with me.

**
**

“What the hell is going on?”
Ruben
roared once we reached the downstairs
.

Demetri was on the floor
,
blood
dripp
ing from his
fist
s. Jaymeson was in the corner with an ice pack against his cheek. Nat and Alyssa were
huddled in the corner helping both guys
,
and Angelica was s
itting dejectedly on the couch.

“Fight
,
” Demetri muttered
,
rubbing the towel acr
oss his bloody hands. “Over
,
uh—”

“—the last bag of
potato
chips
,
” Jaym
eson stammered from the corner.

“Is that a tooth
?”
Ruben
pointed to the ground.

“Hey
,
Ruben
found my tooth!” Ja
ymeson shouted.

Demetri sagged against the wall
. “
I was hoping it would turn up
.
S
orry
,
man.”

Jaymeson waved him off lazily, and retrieved his tooth
. “
So
Ruben
, what
’
s up?
Have you come to make us answer more questions from the
F
ishbowls of
H
ell?
”

I stepped away from
Ruben
.
M
y presence
felt
like it took up the entire room as I stood in the middle of it and sighed. “I’m doing
my confessional.”

“Confessionals
already?
” Jaymeson
asked
, air whistling through his teeth. Geez, Demetri real
ly did do a number on that guy.

“
Alec’s doing his early
,
”
Ruben
answered
.

“Nat.” I held out my shaking hand
, but she refused to take it. Instead, she stared blankly at my fingers as if they
weren’t just all over her body this morning
. “
I need you
in
on this one.” I hoped to God she wouldn’t reject me. Instead, she stood, wiped her
hands on her jean shorts and followed me int
o the confessional room.

I don’t know what it was about reality shows
.
They
always did
confessionals
,
but
our show
had been different
…
up until now
. The producers
would
go in with each individual and try to play the cast against
each other
.
A
t least that’s what it always
seemed
like.

The
y wouldn’t have to try tonight.

I sat in the chair in the middle of the room while Na
t stood behind the camera crew.

“So, Alec, it’s been a rough night.”
Ruben
still sounded way too excited to be walking me
toward
the plank. “Why don’t you tell us about it?”
Wanting to wipe the smile off his smug face, I clenched my teeth and looked directly
at the camera.

“I screwed up.”

“How so?”
Ruben
asked.

“I trusted the wrong people. Messed up trying to help those who couldn’t help themselves.
I said yes when I should have said no. Really, take your pick.” I smirked at
Ruben
. “
You should know what that’s like, right
,
Ruben
?”

“Pardon?”

“Trusting the wrong people. Saying yes when you should have said no.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He shifted on his feet and glanced at the
crew
,
all of
whom
were looking at him
with
c
onfusion evident in their eyes.

“Sure you do,
Ruben
.” I folded my arms across my chest
. “
After all, I’m guessing the only reason you know about what happened
at
that film premiere is because Angelica told you. At least
her
truth. Let me set the record straight.”

“I don’t think—
”

“Let him talk
.
I
t’s good TV
,
”
the assistant producer urged.

“Yeah
,
Ruben
,
l
et me talk.” I gave him a shit
-
eating grin and continued. “How do the stories start? Oh right,
Once Upon A
T
ime
…”

I glanced at Nat. “I was an idiot. We had just come to Seaside to live
,
and I was somewhat nursing a broken heart…
unrequited love and all that.” Tears streamed down Nat’s face as I continued
. “
I was angry. Angry that I couldn’t forget her, angry that I wanted her, and angry
that I was selfish enough to do anything to
possess
her.”

Nat wiped the tears with the back of he
r long sleeve shirt and sighed.

“I loved her. I still love her.” I looked at the camera
. “
But that’s not good TV
.
T
hat’s not what you want. What you want to hear is that I went on some crazy drug binge
in L
.
A
.
while still dating her, which just for the record
,
never happened. I went to the premier
e
of
Heart
Ache
. I’d always supported Jaymeson
.
T
his time was no different. He knew I was having a rough go at it and invited me down.
My publicist heard that Angelica Greene needed to clean up her image a bit
,
and since mine was getting better, they paired us together for the premiere.”

Ruben
eyes narrowed into slits. “Is that when you started doing drugs again?”

I laughed
. “
Man
,
are you listening to yourself?” I shook my head
. “
No, but Angelica sure was. She was so loaded by the time I took her back to her hotel
.
I was afraid she would either die by choking on her own vomit or get raped. Yes. We
kissed that night
.
T
o be fair
,
I’d had my fair share to drink as well. I put her into bed and left.”

“You left the hotel?”
Ruben
asked.

And this is the part where I needed Nat to listen, because I knew she would hate me
forever, but she needed the truth. Had to have the truth.
And it wasn’t just about what I had done. It was what I was still doing, to her.
“No. I bumped into another woman.”

“Her name?”

“April Cartwright.”

“Would that be the ex-wife of producer David Cartwright?”

“Yes.” I clenched my teeth
. “
She invited me into her room and I followed.”

“What happened?”

With a bitter laugh I shook my head
. “
What didn’t happen? We drank champagne we talked, we joked, and the next thing I knew
,
I woke up in bed w
i
th her.”

“Did you do drugs?”

“Not that I know of, though pictures make it look like there was ecstasy involved.
Her ex had sent her champagne that night. The bottle could have already been opened.
I don’t know. All I know is that I woke up disoriented and left as soon as I could.”

“What about Mrs. Cartwright?”

“She apologized profusely, said it would never happen again
,
and if the media ever found out they’d take away her children. This was, of course
,
after I saw her hiding enough prescription meds and cocaine to kill a person.”

“
Was she on drugs?”

I sighed
. “
I can’t answer that because I don’t know.”

“So you slept with a married woman, who just happened to be your best friend
’
s mom, and then lied about it?”

“
Sort of
.
” I groaned into my hands
,
and then said the one thing I knew I’d been saying for the past three months. Like
a broken record
,
I just repeated what I knew
. “
It’s complicated.”
I glanced
to where
Nat
was sitting
. But she was gone
.
S
he’d left the room. Pan
ic rose in my chest as I stood.

“Sit down, Alec.”

“We’re done. I
’
m done. You have your damn story
,
Ruben
.
I hope you’re happy. Not only are you potentially ruining my career, but the lives
of the people I care about.”

I stormed ou
t of the room in search of Nat.

I searched the house. Demetri silently pointed to the door that led to the back deck.

I walked out and sat down next to h
er
,
putting my feet in the pool.

“Say something.” My voice shook as I fou
ght not to reach for her hands.

Tears still streamed down her face
. “
I can’t be mad at you. I want to be, but I can’t. We weren’t together
,
and as much as you must hate yourself right now, Alec
,
y
ou were in a bad place.”

“You don’t understand
.”
I hung my head and sighed
. “
Nat
,
I messed up. But that’s not it. It’s not even what happened
.
I
t’s the fact that I’m still so damn messed up. I crack under the pressure and then
to make myself feel better
,
I let you consume me
.
I let
us
consume me.”

“Why is that bad?” She reached
for my hand
,
but I jerked away.

“Why isn’t using my own girlfriend for sex bad? Seriously
,
Nat? I love you
,
but I
’
m using you. Don’t you get it? I can’t get over everything. How could I possibly get
over everything when all I’ve ever done is try to keep everyone together
?
When we moved here I was so focused on Demetri keeping his shit together
,
I just pushed mine away. When I met you it was such a breath of fresh air
.
I
t was like I could finally breathe again. But it’s not enough.”

“Not enough?” Her voice wavered
. “
I’m not enough?”

“Shit. It’s not that, Nat
,
and you know it.”

“I use you to feel better.”
I’d said it. I’d finally admitted it out loud
,
and I felt like a complete and total asshole. I’d felt guilty about what happened
last year
,
but more than anything I felt guilty fo
r what I had been doing to Nat.

I went off drugs
o
nly to find a new addiction
—
someth
ing to mask the pain.

Her.

“Use me
,
as in
…
?”

“Sex.” I closed my eyes
. “
I use you, Nat. I love you, don’t get me wrong, but every
time I’m stressed, every
time my past haunts me
,
I don’t go to alcohol
.
I
t
doesn’t
work. I don’t go to pills
.
T
hey never did much. I go to you
. I can’t survive without you.”