Shane and Trey[ Enemies to Lovers 01 ] (25 page)

The drive seemed painfully long. Where did all the damn traffic come from? I slapped my hands against the steering wheel. Another red light. My thumbs drummed in wait. I honked at the driver in front.It’s green, dammit, go!Why did everything move at snail’s pace today? Come on!

Trey rested a tentative hand on my knee. “We’ll get there soon enough. It’ll all be okay.”

I gave him a curt nod, but it didn’t stop the feeling that I needed to get there faster. If my gut lurched for my friend, then how must Lucas feel right now? A whole day and a half away?

I flicked on some music. A bit of classic rock to calm my nerves…huh!Or not.After the second song I shut it off. “Tell me something, you’re all quiet.” It was true, he’d not said much the entire first half of the trip. “Why’s that?” “Ahh,”—Trey shrugged—“I, um… don’t particularly like hospitals.”

I grunted.Who did?“You don’t have to come in. The buses are more regular from there to college. Faster too.” “Are you coming back to the dorms to sleep, or…?”

I shook my head. “I’m staying there until Lucas comes. I’ll just find a hostel or someplace to crash close by—hello!”--I braked to accommodate a crawling black SUV--“No left turns, keep moving!”

Why was every idiot driver on the road today? I craned my neck to the side, jeez I was stiff.Yeah, with worry for Syd. But he needed me calm. To be his rock for a bit.Relax.

Another tedious forty minutes later, we reached the hospv ling thital. “You don’t have to come in,” I said again while climbing out the car.

Trey met me on my side of the car. Clasped my shoulder. “I don’t want to get in the way. Syd doesn’t know me so well, it doesn’t feel right. But… I’ll go in with you, so I know where you are. Then while you’re with him,” he pointed across the street, “I’ll book you a room at the Smile’s Hostel.”

I nodded. Thanks, Trey. He shuddered as we passed the threshold into the hospital. He walked strangely stiff, his face schooled of emotion.Is he alright?I made a mental note to talk to him about it later. When you can focus properly.

We followed colored lines on the wall directing us to the information desk. It took us another twenty minutes before we found the correct floor. With worried steps, I made my way towards the waiting room.

Syd sat, his elbows on his knees and his head resting in the heel of his palms. Foot tapping erratically. Hair in disarray. He glanced up and our gazes snagged. Face pale and tired, eyes lost of their vibrancy, Syd’s spark had been drained from him.

“Shane,” Syd croaked, the relief in his voice tangible. He stood up and threw his arms around me. “Thanks for coming.”

“Shit, Syd,” I squeezed. “How are you doing? How’s”—my voice lowered—“your dad?”

“He was moved out of ICU a half hour ago.” He looked toward the doors and down the hall. “He’s in the room at the end on the right. I saw them moving him there.”

I could see Trey out the corner of my eye, lurking by the door. When he caught my eye. He mimed a cup and tipped his head back. Then left with a short wave. I focused on Syd. “Have you been in to see him yet?”

He shook his head. “Well, I’ve been given the okay…I don’t know that I want to, though. But, I, ah, sort of do as well. It doesn’t make much sense.” He ran a hand through his hair. “It’s…well, I’m…I don’t know. Something.”

We both sat down. The cold hard plastic chair cutting into my back and butt. Syd narrowed his eyes in thought and we sat in silence a moment. I wasn’t quite sure what I had to do.Just be here. Be whatever it is he needs you to be.

Syd fidgeted on the frayed knee of his jeans. “I should be crying for him. A better son would do that, right? But, I…I just can’t.”

I wouldn’t be able either. That Syd was even here showed more strength in character than I’d ever have in his shoes. I mean, what if it were my father here? Would I have come? Maybe. Yes. Of course. But would I be much affected? Hard to imagine. Probably not. Guess that made me a bad son too.

Syd looked up, sadness and confusion in his gaze. “He could have died. And…” He trailed off, and continued pulling at a loose thread on his knee. “I wish I were a better person.”

I shook my head, though I wanted to shake him. “No. Stop saying that. You keep making yourself out to be the bad one here and I don’t accept it. What he did to you was horrible! Fuck, I honestly have no idea how you made it here. You’re…you’re a beautiful person, Syd.”

He ground his palm on his forehead. “It’s not the half of it.”

I waited for more, an elaboration, but none came. Trey entered the room (which had only three other people in it), carrying two coffees. He handed one to Syd with an apologetic smile, and gave the other to me.

My fingers brushed his as I took the cup. I felt a little guilty that a zing of happiness coiled through me.

“I’m bussing back to our dorm to bring you some stuff for the night.” He leaned over and whispered in my ear. “I’ll book us a double room. So you don’t have to be alone later. Ah, if you want, of course.”

Yes, I do. “Just text when you’re done,” he said, “and we can meet outside.”

With another nod, he doubled out of the room. Syd be h”
His head snapped up and in a burst of unexpected confidence, said, “I’m going in.”

He stood up and moved towards the door. Halfway, he turned back and beckoned me. I followed him down the hall. He hesitated outside the door. Retreated. Came back again. His confidence shrinking to fear. Then, with an encouraging squeeze from me, he squared his shoulders, pushed open the door and went in. Urged with him, I kept close by his side.

Syd’s dad shared the room with three other patients. Although a curtain parted him from the others, it was left open to the door.

Syd stopped barely two steps into the room, and I heard the sharp intake of air. His dad, lying on his back, faced the curtain opposite us. A shiver spiraled through me, cold, as I stared at the ECG machine, scribbling his heart beat. And glanced at the tube with fluids flowing into his wrist.This could be my dad.The thought hit me like a kick to the gut. I swallowed the ebb of pain it brought with it.Howcould I’ve said I wouldn’t be affected?

Slowly, his dad faced us. Although pale and vulnerable looking, his eyes, the same green Syd’s usually were, sparkled. “Sydney?” he said, his voice gruff, but the surprise and gladness palpable.

“Hi…Dad.”

I shuffled so I stood more behind than next to Syd. My thoughts darted as I gazed at the man. The drip. White face. So vulnerable. Weak. Sad. Someone with a life who has made mistakes.Could be my dad.

He smiled at Syd. “You came to see me. That”—his chest rose as he took a deep breath—“that means so much. Thank you.”

I glanced at the side of Syd. A small tear eased its way out the corner of his eye and, almost violent, he slapped it away. But there was no hiding the concern, the sorrow, and above all the hurt in his eyes.

His dad gestured him nearer, but Syd remained where he stood.

“I’ve missed you so much, you know.” His voice broke. How could he have such a tender tone? Like someone who cared a great deal about his son?

Syd’s dad cracked a pained smile. “If I’d known it’d take a heart attack to get you to see me again, I would’ve begun eating badly years ago.” No comment. Perhaps the start of another tear? “I love you, you know.”

The air cracked as Syd gave a strangled sob. He pushed against me as he stumbled backwards for the door and rushed out. I followed him around the corner and into the male bathrooms.

Syd paced the length of the wash counter in angry strides, muttering under his breath. I gripped his upper arms on his third turn, using more strength than I’d have thought to hold him in place. “Syd. Talk to me. Do you want to leave? Because we can, you know. Just say the word.”

He sniffed and stopped fighting my grip. “I have to wait for my sisters and mom to get here.”

 

I stroked the length of his arms, hoping it comforted him. Well, at least a little.

 

“What did you think of him in there?” he asked.

I don’t know. If I hadn’t a clue what he’d done to Syd, I would have thought him a loving father, missing his son. I swallowed. But even knowing better, there was something sincere—genuine about his words. “Actually, confused, Syd. On the one hand, I hate him for what he did to you. On the other, he sounded really glad—no, more than that —relievedto see you.”
There was a short silence.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him.” Syd sighed and began to unbuckle his jeans.What the—He yanked them down to his knees, revealing a smooth, shiny mark the size of a school notebook on one thigh. I gasped in horror. I mean, I’d known he had a scar, but hadn’t realized the extent of the burn. “Pretty ugly sight, huh?”

“No, whar/>Went ot happened to you was ugly. But you are not, Syd.”

He relished a smile. “Lucas says it’s sort of like a map of Australia.” He sighed as he pulled up his pants. “I wish he were here right now.”

Yeah. If it were me in Syd’s shoes, I’d want Trey’s firm arms around me when I felt like shit. His soft kisses to take some of the pain away. “He’s on his way. Tomorrow he’ll be here.”

Syd paused on the edge of saying something. “What is it?”

He bit his bottom lip. “When I told you the story of my coming out to Dad, I didn’t tell you everything.” I remembered the evening clearly. How he’d said a better person would have forgiven his dad. How upset I’d gotten he could say that. And then hisIt’s not the whole story. There’s more to it.

I leaned back against the wash counter.

“It was a heat of the moment thing.” I frowned. What was he saying? “I mean, before that my dad had never hurt me. And…after he chucked the water over me, I saw the disbelief cross his face. He couldn’t believe what he’d just done.” Syd shut his eyes. “He was the one that carried me to the bathroom and showered me with cold water, through the clothes because he didn’t want to damage the skin further… I remember screaming in agony, I wasn’t capable of anger just then. It was just pain.” A tear ran down Syd’s face, quickly followed by more. “He cried the entire time. Sobbed. And as he drove me to the hospital kept saying over and over how sorry he was.”

I took Syd in my arms. “When I recovered though,” he continued, “I was able to realize how angry I was at him. So I left home, and until today never saw him again.” I combed his hair. The story—the whole thing made me sad. For Syd first and foremost. But, I don’t know, I…I felt bad for his dad too.Never thought I’d think that.“See? See why I’m a bad son now?” His back heaved as he sobbed. “And Dad said he loved me, that he would’ve fucking welcomed a heart attack to get me to see him earlier! I—I hate myself for being so stubborn. I’ve screwed up. Fuck, I’m a screw up.” He buried his face into my shoulder. “I should have forgiven him. Now he’s hurt and could have died. And for years I hated him.”

I coaxed his face up to meet mine.

“Hey. You’re not a screw up. Your dad made a big mistake, and a mistake as big as that has consequences.” I pressed my lips light against his forehead—friendly, supportive.

He grabbed me. Held me tighter against him. His muscles still shook. “I—I want to believe him, Shane. Want to believe he really does love me. But I need him to accept all of who I am. I’m…I’m scared he’ll get angry again like he did. That he’ll lose his temper—his sanity. Maybe he didn’t mean it back then, but who’s to say there wouldn’t be more moments like that? More “I didn’t mean it’s”?” His tears soaked through my collar and I wished I had a way to make him better. Give him what he needed. “I don’t…I couldn’t handle something like that happening again.”

I didn’t know what to say. In his position I’d have been afraid too. I patted his back, and held him until his tears ran dry. He splashed cold water on his face and dabbed his eyes with a paper towel. With a brave smile, he hooked his arm with mine and we walked back to the waiting room.

Shrill cries hit my ears. Three girls came rushing towards Syd. The tallest throwing her arms around him. They all had long blonde hair and anxious faces. Undoubtedly were these his sisters. “We just got here. Is he alright? Mom’s gone in first.”

The youngest one, close to fifteen would be my guess, gripped her other sister’s hand. Redness ringed her eyes, and she kept sniffing. I stared at her.Would I cry like you and your brother, if my dad were the one in hospital? Would June clutch my hand so tight? Would we lean against each other for support?

My tdoubight? Wouhroat tightened. He may have gotten things wrong. Way wrong. But what if he really was sorry for them? Sure there were mistakes that had consequences, but when did those end?

Syd’s sister detached herself from him. He turned to me at my light tug of his sleeve. In the corner of the room, I whispered low. Somehow what I was about to say felt urgent. Necessary. “It’s not too late, you know. You can still forgive your dad, if you need to. Want to.”

His face wavered emotions I couldn’t place. “It’s not so easy. I…this is all very sudden. I never expected to be thinking so much about the past today.” He rubbed his head. “I... I just need a little more time to process all this.”

*** Although Syd didn’t go back in to visit his father, he stayed until we had to be reminded visiting hours were over. His sisters and his mom begged him to stay with them at a motel down the road, and—with reluctance, in my mind—he went. Making me promise before he did that I’d be there in the morning.Of course.

I texted Trey and watched the backs of Syd and his family walk down the steps and across the driving entrance to the hospital. Although only seven thirty, exhaustion filled me. I leaned against the glass panes next to the doors. Closed my eyes and listened to the cool evening around me. The slamming of car doors, a screaming child, a whistling breeze.

A steady deep breathing. A light touch. My eyelids fluttered open. Trey stood before me, grinning. The light from inside the hospital lit up his face. Those gorgeous dark eyes. Too tired to move, to throw my arms around his neck, I smiled. “I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you more. What I used to do before you, I don’t know. I can’t believe I’m about to admit this, but I was even bored playing basketball back there.” He threw a hand in the direction of the hostel. “All I could think was you were so close to me, barely 100 feet across the road, and that was just too damn far.” He cocked his head to the side, appreciating my face. “But enough selfishness. How is Syd? His dad? You?”