Shadowborn (23 page)

“I shouldn’t have come. I don’t blame you for not wanting me here.”

When I turned to leave, a small hand touched my shoulder. “Please, don’t go. I do want you here.” The hand belonged to Neve. “I just … never thought you knew who I was enough you’d come to my house.”

“I want to,” I said without turning. “Know you, I mean. If it’s not too late.”

“Come and play poker with us.” She faced me, her hand never breaking contact with my skin. Her power tasted cooler than Nix’s, the way the sun warmed my face on a crisp winter’s day.

Nix remained mute, but I caught the twitching of his lips before he covered them with his hand.

“I don’t know how to play.” I cleared my throat. “Maybe I should—”

“I’ll teach you,” Nix said.

“Come on, Lila.” Brígh grabbed my hand and yanked me through the doorway as I swallowed my groan. She leaned down and whispered in my ear. “I know you’re nervous, but you’ll have a great time. I promise. We’ve all been waiting to know you and hoping someday you might want to know us. Most here will be more nervous than you are, so you’re in good company.”

We entered a small foyer with a wrought iron chandelier hanging down from the high ceiling. Not a two-story at all, the entire structure turned out to be one giant room with a tall, peaked roof. Rustic style furniture in reds and creams dotted the room. A small fire crackled in the hearth beyond the thick, wooden table where another six fae sat holding cards in front of them. All of their Seelie eyes fixed on me.

I recognized Andrew, the time-stopping guard I’d met at the coalition headquarters, and the red-headed guard I’d seen countless times without bothering to wonder what his name was. The others brought vague hints of recognition from the Court, but I had no idea who they were.

Hand raised in greeting, I said, “Hey.” Shame lit my cheeks on fire.

Nobody said a word, but Andrew set his cards down and stood. “Hey, Lila. What’ll ya have to drink? Wine? Soda? We have some of that sweet water the elves make if you like that.”

Did he live with Neve? “Uh …”

“She likes soda,” Nix said for me. “The clear kind.”

“How did you …” I squinted at my captain as Andrew went to the kitchen in the corner.

“I pay attention, that’s how.” Grin firmly in place, Nix strode off and greeted the rest of the people around the table with friendly pats and from behind hugs. I soaked it up, though it seemed strange to me.

“I know you’re not used to being touched, but I can tell you enjoy it when you let your guard down enough to share power.” Brígh’s voice, from right beside me, sent a jolt through my body.

Hand to my chest, I hoped the rest of them didn’t hear my heart thudding against my ribcage. “If you say so.” I winced. “I mean, I guess I do. It’s just … when I was on the run, if someone touched me, it was never for a good reason, but because they wanted something from me.” I cleared the clog from my throat. “Usually to hurt me or to take some pleasure for themselves.”

Every eye turned to me, even Andrew in mid-twist of the plastic cap from my soda. Ice coated my veins under the weight of their scrutiny, all but my face, which continued to burn out of control.

“No wonder you shy away from our touch. And all that time …” Neve faced me before turning to Andrew as if looking for reassurance. “You really didn’t know what you were? Or who?”

A laugh bubbled up to cover any other emotion that might try to escape me. The exposure of standing before them and spilling my guts was tantamount to standing naked before the world and waiting for them to judge my flaws, but I had to let them know me if what the elves said was true.

“I thought I was some sort of mutated human. A freak of nature. Before my mother died, I’d never even seen my real eyes or skin. Until I turned thirteen, I thought I had brown hair, regular blue eyes and pale peach skin like everyone else I knew.”

Nix pulled out a chair and motioned with his head for me to sit down. Two more chairs grew out of the floor beside that one, accommodating everyone in the room and accompanied by the wet, sucking sounds that always came when the shifter created something new.

I sat, and everyone who wasn’t already sitting followed. One by one, they asked me questions about where I’d traveled and how I’d survived in between hands of cards. We snacked on vegetables and onion dip, little wieners and cheese balls. Nix gave me pointers as we went about betting, which hands beat what, and how to tell if someone was bluffing. Apparently my eye twitched when I had a good hand.
Good to know.

The more I answered questions, the more tension evaporated, and the more laughter and friendly banter picked up. I told them about the lynx who’d cared for me the first winter away from my house and how I planned my journey better the next year by heading south to Florida before the worst of the cold hit. As the morning wore on, my stories came more easily, and I began to remember some good things to throw into what I usually remembered as a lonely, exhausting hell.

In return, I learned the red head’s name was Trevor and that he preferred to sleep in the garden and didn’t have his own house.

Andrew did, in fact, live with Neve and had for years, but they, as Liam and Nix had both explain to me about the fae, didn’t expect monogamy from one another. Yet, the way they looked at one another, as though none other existed, didn’t aid my understanding of that concept.

The man and woman beside Nix were the youngest members of the Court, and the other two beside me, Liza and Curt, were part of my guard, even though I couldn’t remember ever having laid eyes on them before.

“Wait ….” My pointed finger passed between Neve and Brígh as I wondered how I’d missed the resemblance before. “Are you two … sisters?”

Brígh nodded and wrapped her arms around Neve’s neck from behind. “Neve’s older by a few years, in age, not maturity.” That earned her an elbow in the thigh from her sister. She jumped away, giggling. “Ouch, that hurt, you old fart.”

“Were you really mated to Liam before he was king?” Liza asked. Her black pixie cut framed her round face and made me wonder if she had some elf in her heritage.

“Don’t go there,” Nix warned.

I put my hand on his arm. “It’s all right.”

“Uh … it is?” He leaned forward and squinted at me.

Without answering, I turned back to the young fae with her goth clothes and thin arms. “Yes, I was mated to Liam.” Instead of causing pain the way I expected the words to, I found myself smiling, savoring the memory.

Everyone tilted toward me, most chins propped on palms raised above crooked elbows. Liza slid her hands along the table. “What was it like, tasting Unseelie Light?”

Brígh’s eyes bulged, probably wondering what it would be like to touch Cas.

“It was …” I glanced at Nix, considering how much I should say in front of him, but he feigned interest in his cards. “It was incredible, intense and insanely addictive.”

“You must have been so broken when it ended.” That from Neve. “No wonder you’ve been looking sad lately. Her hands balled together at her throat, and she gasped. “Oh, geez. Tonight will be so hard for you.”

When the first tear fell from my chin, I realized why I’d answered Liza’s question. I wanted comfort—for someone to help me through the hurt.

Light flooded the room in all shades. Hands came from everywhere and touched me. I let them, tearing down my walls and releasing my grief in silent sobs. Our collective energy replaced the void where the pain had been, not quite healing but soothing. The moment didn’t last long before Nix waved everyone back. An electric buzz sang through my body, and my soul seemed lighter somehow, energized.

“You need to get to Court soon, Li.” Nix offered his hand—his expression unreadable.

I didn’t think I had to be in Court until the afternoon, but in either case, I’d had enough emotional overload for one day. I took his offered escape and stood. “Thank you.” I met the gazes of everyone around the table.

“Will you come and play with us again on Saturday?” Neve stood with a hopeful glint in her eyes.

Saturday. Three days away. It seemed like years. Liam would be holed up with his queen, and I might be nothing but a bodiless soul by then. “I’d like that. I’ll have to let you know, though.” After I talked to the elves and found out what they weren’t telling me
.

“Of course.” Brígh took my other hand and led me to the door. “We’ll see you in Court, Lila.” Her arms slipped around my shoulders, and she squeezed me tight as she whispered in my ear. “I’m so proud of you.”

Why those few words puffed up my chest so much, I’d never know. I liked her, and for whatever reason, after the way I’d treated everyone, she continued to show me kindness. “Thanks.”

I waved at the rest and left the house with unwilling feet. Although I’d never had a need for company, I could have curled up with the whole group and slept for days.

“That was fun,” Nix said, though a little hesitantly.

“You don’t sound so sure of that.” I walked beside him, my arms folded together.

“I’ve never seen you so open about your past. You’re amazing, and what you went through makes my head spin. Though … I keep thinking you’re going to panic when you realize how much you let them know you back there.”

My feet halted in front of a wide bungalow with a pink door. A woman sat in a rocking chair on the front porch.

“Wasn’t that the point? To let them know why I’ve been so harsh?” I squinted at the woman and found a small, pink face poking out of the bundle of blankets against her breast. “I’ve never seen a fae baby.” A deep yearning to touch the child took me forward a few steps before I shook it off. “We’d better go.”

“Wait.” Nix put his arm around me and pushed me toward the house again. “Let’s go meet her.”

“Yeah … I don’t think so.” My feet braked. “I don’t know the first thing about babies.” Frankly, they scared the bajesus out of me. “And besides, I’ve got a bunch of assassins out to get me and a whole load of bigger stuff I need to be thinking about.”

A deep belly laugh rolled from Nix. “I can’t believe you’re more afraid of a baby than the Shadowborn.”

My lips curved down in a frown. “I’m not afraid, I just … don’t think this is the best use of my time right now.” That was my story, and I was sticking to it.

“You wanted to know your people, who better to start with than the smallest?” Nix waved to the orange-haired woman, who stood and trotted down her front walk toward us. Her smile would have illuminated the darkest night.

A groan burned my throat as I rubbed my temples. “Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because it’s good for you. You’ll see.”

He’d see my fist right before it connected with his face. I lowered my hands and forced a smile as the woman stopped before me.

“Majesty,” she said in a soft voice, bowing her head.

“Lila’s fine.” I stared at the squirming bundle as if it might eat me.

“Lila, this is Maeve,” Nix said, a level of caution in his tone. “And the little one is Arianne.”

My gaze made a slow ascent to Maeve’s face and found her nodding with a smile.

“Yes, I named her after your mother.” She lifted the baby and peeled the pink blanket away, revealing a tuft of orange hair like her own. A few blinks and the brightest, most sparkly eyes I’d ever seen opened to me.

A surge of emotion gripped my chest as I watched her pouty lips curve into a grin. Pudgy fists reached out to me—little fingers opening and closing.

I looked at Nix without a clue what the little person was doing.

“She wants you to hold her,” Maeve said, chuckling. “I’ve never seen her take to anyone this way before. Normally, the only one she’ll go to is Neve.”

“Me?” I waved my hands in front of me. “Oh, no. I don’t think that would be such a great idea.” Part of me wanted to with an ache I’d never had before laying eyes on the little ball of innocence. I’d probably drop the kid on her head.

Grunting sounds punctuated the little girl’s efforts as she continued to reach for me.

I couldn’t help the smile creeping across my face at her insistence. “Oh, all right then.” Edging closer, I looked to Nix again, but he offered nothing but a grin. “Um … how do I …” My hands hovered around the wiggly baby.

“Let me help you.” Maeve unwrapped Arianne and directed me to put one arm around her cloth-covered bum and the other around the feather-soft skin of her back. She guided her little form to my chest, legs dangling down my stomach.

I stood stiff for a moment until Arianne relaxed against me. What started awkwardly became natural and filled me with a sense of rightness. “She’s heavier than she looks.”

A tiny hand pressed against my cheek and a blast of colors lit up my mind. I gasped and staggered. Nix’s arms shot around me, keeping me upright.

“It’s her
cumhacht
,” he said. “Gallagher thinks she’ll be one of the most powerful telepaths the fae have ever seen.”

When my vision returned, I stared at the round, pink face and the smile taking up half of it. I stroked her back, leaving a subtle glow on her skin wherever I touched. Inhaling her baby scent, I placed a kiss on her forehead, her downy Mohawk tickling my cheek. “But why the colors?”

“She’s only five months old,” Maeve said. “So far, she communicates only with colors, but that will change when her vocabulary grows, and she understands more about our world.”

As I continued to stroke her, I found myself rocking back and forth and wondering what it would be like to hold a child of my own.
Liam’s child.
The idea didn’t frighten me as I expected it to but jacked up the yearning she’d ignited in me.

Arianne nestled her head against my shoulder, cooing softly. The little one in my arms was so sweet and still untainted by the world. A fierce desire to keep her that way crawled into my soul and made itself a home. I had to succeed for all their sakes, no matter the cost to me.

When I realized both Nix and Maeve stared at me with glistening eyes, I froze. “What? Have I hurt her?”

Maeve, hand flat against her chest, shook her head. “She’s going to sleep. Can’t you tell how content she is right now?”