SEX Unlimited The Complete Volumes (19 page)

I give him a mischievous grin. “I bet you would. But how about coffee first?” I turn around, grazing his waist, just barely, with my ass as I lean over to pick up the cups of coffee.

“You’re not making this any easier by doing that.”

I turn around and hand him his cup. “That’s what you get for coming out here,” I look him up and down, “like that.”

He leans his hip against the counter and takes a sip of his coffee. His nose crinkles up and he gulps hard.

“What’s wrong? Is it no good? I just bought it this week.”

He shakes his head. “No, I’m sure it’s fine. I don’t drink black coffee, that’s all.”

I giggle. “Oh, you’re a cream and sugar man, huh? I would’ve never thought that.”

“I would’ve never thought you to be a black coffee girl, either. You didn’t have black coffee at brunch on the day we met.”

Wow, he remembers what I had at brunch that day? What man remembers little details like that?

Brisban does. That’s what kind of man.

“You have a great memory.”

I pull the sugar out and walk over to the refrigerator to get the creamer.

“I’ve taken note of everything about you since we met.”

All I have is Hazelnut creamer, only keeping it for when Janette came over. “This is all I have,” I say handing it to him. “And I wish I would’ve known you were taking notes. Maybe I would’ve given you more to take note of.”

He spoons a large amount of sugar into his cup and then proceeds to pour a lot of creamer in. “Whoa, coffee with your sugar and creamer instead of the other way around.”

He laughs as he stirs the now milky looking liquid. “I know. It really is a bad habit but I’m a sugar-holic. Put anything sweet in front of me and I’m a goner. I can’t resist. I guess that’s why I put in double the time at the gym. Otherwise I can only imagine what I’d look like.” He sips the coffee and swallows slowly. “Perfect.”

A ringing sound from the bedroom interrupts us and he sets his coffee on the countertop. “That’s my phone. Excuse me for just a second.”

I watch him as he walks out of the kitchen area. His broad shoulders and back muscles, all the way down to his perfect ass, taunt me with each step he takes. I slap my hand on my forehead and laugh inwardly at myself. It’s like my thoughts and feelings aren’t under my control anymore. One minute my life was ordered and made sense. Now, my world is unpredictable and Brisban is around every corner. No matter where my thoughts are headed they always bump into him in some way. It’s crazy how someone you never thought of can so quickly turn into someone you can’t stop thinking about.

A few moments later he comes out of my bedroom. He’s dressed in just a pair of jeans and I can’t help but to feel a little disappointed I missed the removal of the towel.

“That was the detective.”

He looks somber and every ounce of our playful morning mood disappears. I go to him and we sit down together on the sofa. “What’s wrong?”

“I didn’t realize DNA results take so long. It might take up to fourteen days to get the final results. I just want it to be over with. I want the closure. And here I am playing house with you while my daughter’s remains are laying on a metal table somewhere. What kind of father am I anyway?”

My posture stiffens. I don’t like the way he said that at all. “I don’t think we are
playing house,
Brisban. You’re here, yes. And we have enjoyed being here together but that doesn’t make you a bad father. You’re living your life. It’s a hard time for you. You can’t blame yourself for trying to distract your thoughts from the very real thing you have to face.” I stroke his back softly. I can feel how tense he is.

“I know. It’s so conflicting. The span of emotions I feel are miles wide and none meet in the middle. Here I am finally
feeling
for the first time in so long, yet on the other hand I’m facing the very thing that turned my feelings off to begin with. I don’t know how to navigate this.” He drops his head and teepees his arms, putting his hands together like he’s praying. He closes his eyes and sighs. “I know I want the closure because I keep hoping the pain will lessen once it comes, but I know I’m lying to myself. I don’t think the pain will
ever
lessen. That scares me. I vowed to myself I’d never feel that kind of pain again in my life. I’ll never father another child. I can’t bear the burden of that responsibility ever again.”

For the first time in my life, I almost feel happy about being incapable of getting pregnant.

“You can’t let fear stop you from living. Fear is a thief. It steals from us and the things it takes are the very things we need. Hope, confidence, and new beginnings are sucked from our souls by fear. I can’t have children and it’s always haunted me. You have no idea how much I’ve feared never finding a man because I can’t give him the gift of fatherhood. That’s just one of the fears that kept me from dating. So, you see, we can’t let fear control us. If I did I would have never let you through my door last night.”

He leans over and places his hand over my stomach. “I’m so sorry. How selfish of me to talk about not wanting any more children when you’ve wanted them so badly for yourself.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t take what you said in a bad way. I know you’re hurting right now. It’s understandable.”

I place my hand over his and, with all my heart, wish I could take away his pain. My door bell chimes, snapping us out of the morose moment.

“I have no idea who that could be.” When I stand up I suddenly feel lightheaded and wobble on my feet.

Brisban instinctively puts his hand out and braces me. “Are you okay?”

I shake my head. “I guess I got up too fast and haven’t eaten anything yet. I’m okay.”

“No, you sit down. I’ll get the door if you don’t mind.”

I nod. “Alright, go ahead.”

I watch as he turns the knob, opening the door. As soon as I see who it is I smile. Then when I see Janette’s reaction to whom opened the door, I can barely contain my laughter. Her eyes are the size of saucers and she doesn’t try to hide the ogling she’s doing as she takes in the shirtless God standing in my house.

“Well, what a surprise this is. If tall and hot, walking and talking, sex appeal always greeted me at your door I’d come over every damn day, Candace.” She leans to the side and looks at me, wagging her eyebrows up and down. She then sticks out her hand. “Hi, I’m the best friend.”

I can’t see Brisban’s face but can only imagine what he’s thinking. Janette’s wearing gold sequin short shorts and a white KISS t-shirt that has rips and tears in it. Her hair is its usual bright, hot pink and her barely-there clothes leave her tats on full display. Her lipstick is dark red and she’s wearing red spacers in her ears today. Brisban is probably speechless.

“I’m the guy in love with your best friend.” I hear him say and nearly choke out the words
‘oh my God.’
He shakes her hand and Janette raises her brows in surprise.

“Wow, you are everything I imagined and then some. In love, huh? I am so glad I stopped by. Nice to meet you.” She walks in past him and makes a bee line for me. As Brisban follows behind her with a confident smile on his face, Janette mouths ‘
so fucking hot’
to me. Standing up, I smile and hold my arms out to hug her.

“You didn’t have to come check-in on me.”

“I wasn’t. I was just in the area.”

I give her a good squeeze and laugh. “Sure you were.”

“I can go so you two can talk.” Brisban picks up his coffee and takes a big gulp.

“Oh hell no! You don’t have to leave on my account, but you can get me some of that coffee—it smells like a Starbucks in here.”

I walk over to the kitchen. “I’ll make her coffee and if you need to go it’s okay.”

“I do need to take care of a few things. Can I call you later?”

“Sure.”

“Alright, I’m going to go get dressed and head out. You ladies enjoy your time chatting it up.”

He finishes his coffee and goes on into my room, shutting the door behind him.

“Holy Mary, Mother of God! I am so sorry C, but I must have stared at his chest and very packed package in those nice fitting jeans a million times in a matter of minutes. How do you even concentrate around,” she points towards the bedroom, “that fine piece of man ass?”

“Shh, he’s going to hear your crazy self.”

She shrugs.

“He showed up unexpectedly yesterday. We’ve talked a lot. Things are pretty intense; I’m not sure what exactly it is we are doing,” I say as I pour her coffee.

She leans in and whispers, “Well, he just said he’s in love with you. I’d say that explains
precisely
what y’all are doing. You have a boyfriend! A hot as fuck, boyfriend.”

“We haven’t called it anything yet and I haven’t returned his sentiment either.” I hand her the coffee. “Shh, he’s coming out.”

Brisban fills the space with his grand presence and I can’t help but smile every time I see him. He walks over to me and leans in, kissing me on the cheek. “Thank you for last night and this morning. I’ll call you soon.”

“You’re welcome and okay. Talk to you soon.”

He turns to Janette. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Janette says, smiling like a Cheshire cat.

He walks himself out and, as soon as the door closes, I let out a huge sigh.

“God, I feel like I can barely breathe around him sometimes.”

“I can sure as hell see why. Mmm, mmm, mmm.” Janette shakes her. “He is so damn sexy. In just that short amount of time being around him I can see exactly why you went from Boring Belinda to Slutty Stacy.”

“Oh, screw you,” I laugh. “I was not boring.”

“Um, yeah, you were. I love you but you were a boring mother fucker until Mister-Pussy-Eating-Like-a-Boss, Hot-as-Hell, Sex-on-a-Stick came into your life.”

“Oh my God, Janette, you’re so crass.”

“And you love my crass ass.”

I give her my best bitch face. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

“Okay, so tell me all about it. What all did y’all talk about? And what are you going to do about falling in love with your sex date?”

I pick up a piece of the cold bacon that was never eaten this morning and take a bite. I don’t know how to answer her because I really have no idea what I’m doing. Throwing a few more pieces of bacon and a bagel on a plate I walk by her and sit down at the table.

“I don’t have the slightest clue.”

AFTER AN AFTERNOON BEST FRIEND therapy session, I feel better having gotten a lot of my thoughts off my chest. Janette is amazing even with all of her antics. I honestly don’t know what I’d ever do without her. I sit down at my computer to catch up on backed up emails and work. As soon as I open my email account, an email from Dawn catches my eye. I’m scared to even open it but it’s inevitable that I’ll have to communicate with her sooner or later. I click it and begin reading.

Dear Candace,

I’m emailing you because no matter how hard I try, I can’t stop thinking about all the things I want to say to you in light of everything that has happened. You already know my past with Brisban—you read him as Brian in my book. Many thoughts have rolled through my mind since finding out you’re involved with the only man I’ve ever loved. I’d be lying if I said I don’t still love him and miss him, because I do. Something tragic and out of my control happened that tore us apart, but my love for him has never gone away. I realize he has moved on. I’m going to try and do the same but I know it won’t be easy. We will finally be legally divorced soon and my last thread of connection to him will be severed. He tells me he loves you. I don’t know how you feel about him but I can’t help but worry about him falling for someone he hasn’t known for long at all. He seems to be one that falls fast and hard. We moved fast in the beginning as well. But, of course, you already know that from the story.

I guess what I’m trying to say is please be careful with his heart. He has been through such heartbreak and pain. And, although it has taken me a very long time to finally come to grips with our marriage being over, I never want anything for him other than happiness. Finally, I have to say that I don’t think I can work with you any longer. I’ll pay you for the time you’ve already put into this manuscript but I’ve decided to go with someone else to complete it.

I wish you all the best.

Dawn

I let out a sigh and lean back in my chair. Nothing about any of this is easy. I have always adored Dawn. Dropping my head back, I close my eyes and exhale. As soon as my eyes close I see him, images of him consume my thoughts. I can’t remember ever feeling so intensely about anyone, not even James. Thoughts of Brisban’s lips pressed against my neck, his hands on my body, and how he looks at me like I’m the only woman in his world are on repeat in my mind when we’re apart. When we kiss it feels like one thing and one thing only; falling in love. I laugh out loud. The laughter carries through the silence of my empty house and I shake my head at myself. I’m in love with him; so damn in love with him. I’ve gone and fallen for a man I only ever intended on having sex with. How does that even happen? I never bargained for something like this. I’m not ready for a serious relationship. I told myself I wouldn’t ever allow myself to be vulnerable to a man again, though here I am. I’m hopelessly in love with this man who has come into my life like a tornado and rearranged every carefully organized plan I had for myself.