Seth's Cravings: An Endless Series: Book 2 (47 page)

     What added to my fury was that I’d spilled my guts to
him about my father right before he’d begun acting this way. I had never
revealed that story to anyone, and he acted as if I hadn’t exposed the most
agonizing details of my life to him.

     However, it wasn’t only anger I was feeling. My stomach
was twisted up in painful knots and my chest felt like an elephant had taken up
residence on it. I didn’t like feeling this way…at all. I had too much crap on
my platter already; I didn’t need this as well.

     The only thing that kept me from cutting him out of my
life was that I could still see the smoldering fervor he felt for me inside his
eyes. It burned there each time he stared at me. I just didn’t understand why
he was repressing it and treating my like an acquaintance.

     At four-twenty p.m. Issy and I were sitting in the gymnasium
bleachers of the rival school waiting for the wrestling competition to begin in
ten minutes. The stands were filling up fast with parents and students of both
schools, but definitely more from the home school. My gaze agitatedly scanned
the assembly looking for Seth.

     “Excuse me.”

     I turned to see an attractive sandy haired blonde male,
late twenties maybe, smiling down at me. “Are you speaking to me?”

     The guys brown eyes brightened with interest. The
Russian accent never failed to snag it. “Yes, I was wondering if this seat was
taken?” He pointed to the spot next to me.

     Hell if I knew. If Seth came he could always sit next
to Issy like he had last time. “No, go ahead.” I waved for him to have a seat
while continuing my scan.

     The guy held out his hand. “I’m Brandon.”

     “Nadia.” I shook the hand and waved my other at Issy.
“This is my sister, Issy.”

     Issy glanced up quickly throwing a timid smile his way
before returning to her book.

     I lipped ‘she’s shy’ and Brandon grinned giving me a
thumbs up sign.  

     “So, you look way too young to have a kid on the team
and slightly older than the high school crowd. Brother?” He inquired with a
grin.

     Managing my bad mood like I had all week I smiled back.
“Yes. Sophomore on the opposing team.”

     His hand went to his chest and he adopted a crushed
expression. “No! My brother’s a junior on the home team. We’re adversaries.”

     His approach was a bit over the top, but not odious so
I kept my genial expression. “I won’t take it personally if you don’t.”

     His grinned widened. “That’s the way to think. Can’t we
all be friends.” He quoted.

     “I guess it depends on if my brother is wrestling yours
and whether you’ll care when he gets crushed.”  

     His brows rose in humor. “Blood thirsty thing, aren’t
you?”

     A little more tonight than I normally was I admit. “It
has nothing to do with blood thirst. My brother is just that good.”

     “It’s great he has such a stanch supporter.” His gaze did
a quick foray of my frame and I had to give him kudos for doing it quickly and
not grossly.

     “He’s got three of them.”

     Seth’s deep voice slithered down my spine sending both
arousal and anger washing over me. Brandon looked past me and both his brows
rose in astonishment. Yeah, Seth did that to quite a few people. Brandon’s gaze returned to me with questions in them. Questions I had no real answers for.

     “Seth! You’re here.” Issy exclaimed in pleasure.

     I turned slowly making sure my expression was placid.
Seth was standing by Issy with his hand on her shoulder wearing a tight
expression under the smile he was providing for Issy. “Seth, this is Brandon. His brother is a junior on the opposing team. Brandon, this is Seth…a friend of
the families.” I stated with stiff civility.

     One of Seth’s brows shot up, I’m sure at my
classification of his connection to the family. I could give a
derr’mo
though. I was pissed…and hurt.

     At that moment the wrestlers marched into the
gymnasium, lining up on there designated sides near the mat. Everyone began cheering
and I could see Luka looking around searching for us. He was one of the biggest
guys out there so it wasn’t difficult to spot him. I stood and whistled loudly
waving. Finding me he gave me a nod and a smile.

     “You’re right, Nadia. He would crush my brother. Good
thing he’s not in the same weight class.” Brandon said leaning closer to me so
he could be heard over the crowd.

     My gaze arrowed Seth’s way involuntarily wondering how
he would take Brandon’s nearness. His gaze burned me and his scowl was dark…at Brandon, me, both of us. But again, I didn’t give a shit. However, my stomach did churn in
response and I had to acknowledge that the thoughts in my head were twisted; I
wanted him to care, but then why should I since he was giving me the cold
shoulder.  

     We all sat back down; Seth, Issy, me, and Brandon, and
for the duration of the competition Brandon chatted with me while Seth and Issy
held their own conversation about random things. During that time seventy percent
of my concentration was focused on what Seth and Issy were discussing, fifteen
percent was on the wrestling, whereas Brandon only received a small ten percent
of my attention. The poor guy had to gain my notice several times because I
wasn’t, in truth, listening to him. I just smiled and blamed it on the
wrestling.

     The only time my attention became completely focused
was when Luka took his turns on the mat, but he demolished his opponents so
quickly that I wasn’t able to enjoy those short moments as much as I would have
liked. In fact, I was getting a bit of a headache from my divided concentration.

     I was trying my best to keep my gaze away from Seth’s
because his eyes blazed with such ferocity that my body smoldered each time our
eyes connected. Unfortunately, my best wasn’t good enough and my eyes continued
to drift his way. My undisciplined behavior only made me angrier, so I was
fuming by the end of the competition.

     “Your brother wiped the floor with those guys. He’s
definitely going to have scouts looking him over soon.” Brandon said as the two
teams shook hands and headed for the locker rooms.

     “I hope, for his sake.” I gritted out.

     “Hey, you are looking awfully flushed. Are you feeling
sick?” Brandon asked in concern.

     I gave him a tight smile. “I am feeling rather unwell
truthfully; nauseous, in fact.” I didn’t have a problem with Brandon; I
actually thought he was a nice guy, but right at this moment I wanted him gone.

     “Can I get you something; water, ginger ale…?” He
offered.

     “No thank you. I just need to sit here quietly until my
brother comes out; then I can get home and get to bed.”

     Brandon rubbed the back of his neck looking
uncomfortable. “I feel terrible asking this with you being sick, but I might
not get another chance. I was wondering if I could get your number and call
you…for a date.”

     I wanted to close my eyes and drop my head back in
exasperation, but that would have been rude.

     “Sorry, Brandon, the only calls she takes for dates are
from me.” Seth growled tightly. My head whipped his way to see him looking as
angry as I felt.

     “Oh…uhm, I didn’t realize you two were together.” I
tore my gaze from Seth’s blistering blue eyes back to Brandon’s insipid blue. “You
introduced him as a friend and I’m pretty sure you didn’t say one word to him
after introductions.”

     I shrugged not feeling up to giving an explanation. I
didn’t know the guy and I didn’t plan on knowing him further than this moment,
even if he was nice. Realizing that his time was up and it wasn’t netting him
anything Brandon rose and walked away.

     What, no goodbye? I then rolled my eyes inwardly; now I
was just being narcissistic.

     Noticing Issy staring at Seth and me with wide-eyed
curiosity I smiled. I was accustomed to covering up my feelings in front of
Issy and Luka. I’d been doing it for years.

     “Luka did great, didn’t he? He took those guys down in
record time.” I exclaimed adopting on a cheerful face.

     The next few minutes I spent recapping Luka’s matches
that way the time was filled with conversation I could control. Seth sat
quietly looking like he was attempting to manage his own expression so he
didn’t upset Issy, but I could see the tension in his jaw telling me he was
utilizing a lot of control to maintain it. I couldn’t deny the feeling of satisfaction
I had knowing he was angry and upset, just as I was, but unhappiness dominated
my emotions. 

     Luka walked out of the locker rooms and I jumped up ready
to end this evening. I’d been all set to confront Seth about what his problem
was, but now I just wanted to go home and nurse my headache…and heartache.

     “You did awesome, Luka.” I hopped down from the
bleachers to give him a congratulatory embrace.

     He returned it with a grunt. “I didn’t do too awful.”

     I pulled away with a snort at his modesty. “You
hungry…ready to go home?”

     “Yes to both.” His smile faded as he seemed to take in
my face. “Hey, you all right? You look kind of stressed.”

     Don’t tell me my poker face was no longer working. “I
have a bit of a headache.” I shrugged like it was nothing.

     Luka’s frowned deepened, but whatever he would have
said was halted as Seth stepped down the bleachers holding Issy’s hand. My
chest pinched at the sight. “Your sister’s looking a little stressed because
she was sitting next to a butthole for the last hour.”

     Issy giggled at Seth’s name calling. I gave him what I
hoped was a covert nasty glare.  

     Luka snorted. “That’s a bummer, sis. I’m surprised you didn’t
tell him to get lost, or that Seth didn’t scare him away with one of his
scowls. Both of you must have been restraining yourself for Issy’s sake.”

     “What about my sake?” Issy asked her face pinched
adorably in confusion.

     Luka reached out and ruffled her hair. “I meant that
you made Seth and Nadia behave themselves.”

     “Oh.” Issy still looked slightly confused.

     “Don’t worry about it
krevetki
(shrimp).” Luke hauled
her under his arm and nouggied her head causing her to shriek in laughter.

     I felt a real smile curl my mouth for the first time
tonight. “Come on, let’s go home. I’ve got a pot roast cooking.”

     With one last sidelong glance in Seth’s silent
direction I took Issy’s hand and headed out of the school toward the parking
lot. A minute ago I hadn’t wanted to deal with Seth, but now I was back to my
original plan of finding out what his problem was. I sighed, hating that my
emotions were rioting all over the place. More to blame on Seth.

     Reaching my car I noticed that Seth’s truck was parked
two spots down. He had been walking next to us and continued on to his truck as
I unlocked my car. I thought he was calling it a night and was going to head
home without even a goodbye and that had my stomach bottoming out at the same
time spiking my temper.

     “I’ll meet you guys at your apartment, Nadia.”

     Seth’s last minute announcement pulled me up short in
frozen astonishment for a moment. I then spun around to glower in his direction
for thinking he could just state his plans to come over without asking me.
Unfortunately, he was already in his truck so I couldn’t scream at him, not
that I would have with Issy and Luka there, but the desire to was nearly
overwhelming.

     I jerked open my door and plopped down in the drivers
seat in a huff. Knowing that Luka and Issy would catch any negative waves
pouring off me I found a music station that Issy and I could sing along to. Luka
sat silently listening to our off key notes.

     It took us thirty minutes to get home. Once I’d parked I
hopped out and without waiting for Seth, who’d parked behind us, I made my way
up the stairs expecting Luka and Issy to follow. However, they did wait for
Seth, walking up with him, and I could hear Seth giving Luka his own
congratulations on winning.

     Unaccountably, my lips thinned at his praise. I don’t
know why; maybe because he was speaking to Luka but seemed disinclined to speak
to me. It was petty and caused me to become more agitated…to where I could
throw something.  

     Disengaging the locks on our apartment door I stepped
in, kicked off my shoes, tossed my coat and purse on a hook, and stomped toward
the kitchen. As I opened cupboards pulling out plates and glasses I heard the
three stragglers parade into the house chit-chatting.

     Closing my eyes I took a moment to inhale deeply. Grasping
the counter I tilted my head back and held the breath for three seconds pushing
down my emotions, and then letting it out I turned with a smile…and came face
to face with Seth.

     My smile froze and my eyes widened as I stared up into
his stoic face…and blistering blue eyes.

     His gaze looked as if it was searching mine. “I need to
talk with you tonight.” He stated.

     My tight smile remained in place even as my throat
closed up somewhat. “Certainly.” I gritted out. “You know, I wasn’t certain if
you’d be here for dinner so there’s really not enough. How about we have this
talk at a later date?” Was I back to not wanting to talk or had that been my
last notion? I couldn’t remember because I was flip-flopping erratically. 

     He frowned, glancing behind him. I did as well. Both
Issy and Luka were out of the room; probably in the bathroom taking turns
washing their hands.

     Seth turned back to me, his gaze beseeching, jaw tight.
“Please Nadia.”

     Well since he said ‘
please’
. “I have to help
Issy with her homework tonight. I’m rather busy.” I made a wide arc around him
to set the plates and glasses on the table.

     There was a moment of silence. “I can wait.” He stated
categorically.  

     I spun around my smile falling away as my simmer boiled
over. I was about to lay into him when Issy and Luka stepped back into the
room. My smile returned at once. “You two ready to eat. I was just telling Seth
that regrettably I don’t have enough for him.”

     “I can give you some of mine, Seth.” Issy offered
sitting down at the table.

     Seth’s smoldering gaze slowly swung away and he smiled
at Issy. “That’s okay, Issy; I already ate, but thank you.” He walked over to
the table patting her on the shoulder. “While you guys eat I’m going to watch
the news.” With one last searing glance my way Seth left the room.

     I breathed a little easier with him not in the
immediate vicinity. Issy and Luka were giving me curious and probing looks
respectively and I threw a brighter smile on my face to cover my rocketing
emotions. While we ate I made sure to keep their attention busy with random
conversation because I didn’t want them fretting over whatever the hell was
going on in my life.

     When dinner was over I instructed them both to get
right on their school work while I cleaned up dinner. As I washed the dishes I
could hear their low voices in the living room, and the sounds of Seth’s strong
tones caused the ache in my chest in intensify. What did he want to talk to me
about? Was he going to explain why he’d been acting like such an ass? Maybe
he’d been acting this way as a segue to breaking things off between us? Had he
finally gotten the balls to do the deed?

     Well, I’d spent as long as I could in the kitchen; it
was time to get this over with. Keeping my face expressionless, even as my
heart fluttered madly and my gut clenched painfully, I walked out into the
living room. Luka was on the floor, books and papers scattered around him,
while Seth and Issy shared the couch and they were going over her school work
together.

     Watching him help her increased my confusion about his
behavior. And that ended up irritating me further. 

     “Issy, how far are you?” I asked stepping up behind the
couch.

     Her head twisted to look up at me with a smile. “I’m
all done. Seth and I were just going over my vocabulary again.”

     “Why don’t you go take your shower now,
konfetka
(sweetie).”

     Issy leaned over hugging Seth. “
Spasibo
, Seth.”
She then hopped up and ran to the bathroom.

     Seth and my eyes locked and it was one of those bizarre
moments when everything else fell away, leaving just the two us. My thoughts
went blank, and I became trapped by the turbulence of his dark blue eyes.

     “I don’t know what’s going on with you two but you need
to figure it out.”

     Luka’s voice broke me out of my trance. I looked over
to see him watching me in concern. “I’ll get Issy ready for bed, Nadia, just go
and clear the air between you two.” Luka’s stare switched to Seth, hardening. “She’s
been stressed for the last few days, so if you did something wrong, fix it. I
don’t like seeing my sister upset.”

     I gaped at Luka in shock. I thought I had been doing so
well in hiding my emotions.

     Seth stood up and grasped my hand pulling me along with
him to the door. “Thanks Luka. I’ll take care of it.”

     My anger boiled over unchecked knowing Luka had been
aware of my anxiety. I pulled my hand from Seth’s with a glare. “I will only be
a little while. We’ll be at the park across the street if you need me.”
Slipping my feet into my shoes, and snatching my coat from the hook, I jerked
it on and stomped out the door. “Make sure to lock the door behind me.” I
growled.

     Not waiting for Seth I clomped down the stairs making
my way toward the park. It was twilight and the park lights were beginning to
turn on to illuminating the area for night. I could hear Seth’s quiet steps
behind me and for some reason his quietness furthered my rage. It was just
wrong for such a large man to have a near silent walk.

     Crossing the street I hit the paved trail that I ran on
every morning and kept going feeling the need to expel some energy. Seth
allowed me about two minutes before breaking the silence.

     “I’m sorry, Nadia.”

     My gut rolled. That was an indistinct apology that
could denote anything. “Sorry for what?” I asked still walking.

     “Sorry for the way I have been acting for the last few
days. It was stupid of me.”

     I could hear sincerity in his tone, but stupidity
wasn’t enough of an explanation for me. “Stupidity doesn’t cover it; it’s like
saying ‘because’—‘
Why did you kill Abel, Cain?— Just because.’—Because why?
Because he was zere, because you felt like it?
’ I need more.” I was
spitting out words indiscriminately in my anger.

     Seth breathed out a hushed ‘
ouch’
from behind
me. There was a slight pause before he spoke again. “It
was
stupidity,
Nadia…stupidity and cowardice.”

     When he said cowardice all I could think was that he
had wanted to break things off with me but hadn’t had the guts. I pushed my
fist into my stomach trying to ease the painful knot. “You could haf just told
me you wanted to stop seeing me, Sez. I’m a big girl. I hafe dealt wiz harsher
news zan zat in my life. I mean, we’fe only been seeing each other for a few
weeks, it’s not like we’re in love or anyzing.” I laughed. At least I hope it
sounded like a laugh, it kind of cut off there toward the end with a faint
hiccup.

     Suddenly I was seized from behind and spun around. Seth’s
expression was fierce and intense. “That’s not what I meant when I said I was
being a coward.” His grip was unyielding but didn’t hurt. “I have no desire, at
all, to break things off with you. It’s quite the opposite actually.”

     I swung my arms in, up, and then out, breaking his
hold. It was a defense move I’d learned but I knew it only worked with Seth
because he let it.

     “Opposite? What are you trying to say, zat you were
trying to become closer to me? Because if you were you missed it by a mile.” My
voice was rising and I took a deep breath to steady my nerves.

     “Fuck!” Seth expelled the oath forcefully stabbing his
fingers in his hair. “I didn’t realize I was fucking this up so royally. My
plan was to give both of us a little space. I thought our relationship was
barreling forward too quickly.”

     “Once again, I’m a grown woman; you could haf informed
me of your concerns. It’s a concern I would haf most likely agreed with you
about.”

     Seth’s head fell back and he snorted. “Shit…I think I
was afraid of that the most.”

     My heart skipped uncontrollably at those words. What
did he mean by them? “Seth, did you even think about how I would take your
behavior right after I‘d spilled all that stuff about my
otets
?”

     His head dropped back down and his eyes looked onto
mine with dismay. “Shit, Nadia, that hadn’t even crossed my mind when I made
this idiotic decision. I’m so fucking selfish. I pulled away for reasons of my
own.”

     “What reasons?
Pozhaluysta
(please), tell me.”

     Seth grasped my shoulders again. “Nadia, when I said
our relationship was moving too fast I meant…that my feelings for you were
moving fast. It suddenly scared the shit out of me. That’s what I was referring
to when I said I was a coward.” He released my arms turning away from me
looking frustrated. I stood there motionless in shock as he continued to speak.
“It’s fucking ironic. I was searching for something like what’s happening
between us, something powerful, passionate, but then it fell in my lap and I
faltered. I hadn’t expected it to be this crazily potent so quickly.”

     I continued to stand there in astonishment. This wasn’t
what I’d been expecting to hear. Seth twisted back around facing me with a
beleaguered expression. “The space I was putting between us only made edger. I
had wanted more time with you, but instead I’d curtailed our time together.” He
grunted.

     “And you…”Seth shook his head and I couldn’t quite read
his expression. “You have such a poker face. I couldn’t tell if you were
suffering like I was, or if you were fine with the disconnection. You have such
control over your emotions, I was anxious that you weren’t feeling this thing
between us as deeply as I was…as I am.” He stared down at me intently. “But
today I saw some cracks, and Luka verified it by divulging how stressed you’ve
become over the last couple days.”

     An emotional avalanche poured through me snapping me
out of my frozen state and I punched him in the shoulder because…because it was
just too much. However, it didn’t faze him. I might know some tricky
self-defense maneuvers, but brute strength wasn’t part of them. All Seth did
was grab hold of my hand and clutch it to his chest.

     “Nadia…”

     “No.” I exclaimed in hurt and fury, and something far
more intense. He had his turn to talk and now it was mine. “Control is my
crutch, a facade, Seth. I wield it because my life requires it. At fifteen I
took on zee care of my sister and brozer. Yeah, we had a place to stay,
clothing, and food on zee table, but we’d been torn from our home, our
mat’
,
life as we knew it had changed unimaginably for us. I became a pseudo parent
overnight. I haf to be in constant control because my life requires it. My
mat’
was dying half way across the globe and I had to sit in front of our computer
and Skype with her wearing a happy face so Issy and Luka wouldn’t know zee
extent of her suffering, and she would be free from anxiety. I had to be zee
steady rock for zem when zey fell apart after her efentual death.”