Seth's Cravings: An Endless Series: Book 2 (43 page)

     Seth was back in front of me seconds later with his
boxers. However, he didn’t put them on, he used them to wipe at the mess he’d
made on my stomach.

     “I never thought I’d be one of those cavemen types
getting off on marking his woman, but…” He gave me a crooked grin flashing a
dimple before dropping a kiss on my mouth. It halted whatever I might have said
to that little piece of backwards thinking. It also made me realize I liked him
calling me his woman. 

     Done cleaning me up he bent down and grabbed my dress holding
it out for me to step into. Drawing it up my body he stood behind me and zipped
it up, as he did his hands made a few forays into other areas.

     I was flustered and edgy when he walked around to stand
in front of me.

     “Do you have a sweater you can throw on over this?” His
heated gaze locked on my bra-free breasts.

     “
Da
.” He was always taking care of me; helping
me in and out of his truck, opening doors for me, redressing me, and so many
other things. I wasn’t used to all this focused care and my eyes unexpectedly
pricked with moisture.

     I stepped away quickly to hide this and got a good look
at myself my dresser mirror. My hair had been up in a loose knot earlier in the
evening, but it was now half undone and in complete disarray around my head. Taking
out the pins that hadn’t fallen out I watched in the mirror as Seth got dressed,
going commando and stuffing his underwear in his pocket. When he smirked at me
in the mirror I realized that I was just standing there in a stupor watching
him. I didn’t berate myself too much though because the man was beautiful…how
could I not ogle.

      Opening my dresser drawer I pulled out a button up cream
sweater and tugged it on. I then ran my fingers through my hair to give it some
order. Once Seth was dressed he took my hand guiding me back to the living
room. I ambled next him feeling a somewhat out-of-body experience. What we just
did, him leading me around after, it was all too weird.

     “Do you want something to drink?” I asked.  

     “I could use a glass of water.” He responded.

     We went into the kitchen and Seth gulped down an entire
glass of water before refilling it a second time. “Do you need something more
filling…Pit?” I grinned sipping at my own water. I needed to experience a
little bit of humor before the situation became particularly somber.

     He gave me a cute scowl for my comment.

     I set my glass down on the counter and moving in close
to him I ran a finger down his neck. “Issy gave you a new nickname you know.”

     His arms encircled my waist tugging me even closer, and
he quirked one dark brow at me. “Really, what did she come up with?”

     I leaned into his hard frame. “Pitbull.”

     He laughed quietly stroking my spine. “I like that one way
better.”

     I thought both fit him pretty good. “She came up with the
nickname because it was the only one she could think of with pit in the word.”

     He brushed his lips over my forehead. “I can totally
live with that.”

     I sighed loving the close affectionate cuddling. “I
thought you could.”

     We stayed that way for a few silent moments enjoying
the moment.  

     “Come on. Let’s go sit down.” Seth grabbed our waters and
we moved into the living room to sit down on the couch. The music was still
playing softly and I let it continue. It gave me something to focus on;
something I would need in the telling of my story.

     Seth situated me so that I was reclining back into his
chest. My body, and especially my womb, was still throbbing from our earlier
sexcapades and this arrangement only had my nerves thrumming acutely, and his
hardness poking me in the back wasn’t allowing it to ebb.  

     “So, what do you need to tell me?” He asked enveloping
me in his arms.

     I sighed, forcibly getting myself under control while gathering
my courage. I’d never talked to anyone else about this besides family, and even
then we’d discussed very little. However, I’d made my decision and I was one to
stick to my guns.

     “You know…I grew up in what I thought was an average
home with a loving
mat’
and
otets
. My
mat’
worked at a
bakery and my
otets
was a business salesman who was gone every other
week because of his work. We missed him during those times but he would call
everyday to tell us that he loved us and missed us.” I inhaled deeply. “I
already told you that he died. It was a car accident; he was on his way home
from work during a week that he was home with us. Issy was only three so she
wasn’t too affected by it, but the rest of us were devastated.” Seth’s arms
squeezed me slightly in comfort.

     I tried exhaling my tension feeling myself being
transported back to that moment.

     “About a week after the accident some men came to our
house. They wanted to speak to my
mat’
alone, so she sent Luka, Issy,
and I to another room. But I had this bad feeling about those men and what they
had to say, so I hid around the corner in the hallway. The men were
militsiya
,
the Russian police, or more specifically detectives, and they had found out
some distressing news about my
otets
. Another woman had visited the
morgue to identify the body. The woman said she was his wife.”

     I felt Seth stiffen, but he remained quiet, which I
appreciated. 

     “After some digging the
militsiya
found out that
the woman was telling the truth. She was indeed his wife. My
otets
had
married two women. He had two families.”

     Seth whispered a ‘holyshit’ behind me.

     “I remember my mind and body going into some kind of
lockdown. I think that was the only reason I was able to stand there
emotionlessly and listen to the rest of what they were saying even as my mother
broke down in tears. I found out that this other woman was my
ottsy
first wife. He had married her in America and brought her with him when he got
transferred to Russia. He had three other children with this woman; three sons.”

     I paused, feeling a hitch in my chest. Seth’s arms
compressed around me and his face rubbed the top of my head. “Damn, honey. No
wonder you closed up whenever you talked about him.”

     I huffed out a not so amused laugh. “Yeah, you noticed
that, huh. Let’s just say that finding out my father was a
dvoyezhentsem
,
a bigamist, that he’d been spending every other week with this other family, that
he deceived us for thirteen years, didn’t leave me with a loving, warm feeling
toward him at the end.”

     He rubbed my arms as though I was cold and he wanted to
warm me. It actually helped so maybe I was cold. “What happened after that? Did
you meet this other family?”

     More memories washed over me. “No, not really.” I
hedged. “But after the men left my
mat’
didn’t tell us what she’d been
told…and I didn’t reveal to her what I’d overheard. I waited for her to tell me
but she didn’t, and I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t tell at least me.”

     “She was trying to protect you.” Seth voiced with
absolute conviction.

     I huffed again, but this time because of a pang in my
chest; maybe because he knew this without knowing my
mat’
when it had
taken me longer to figure it out. “Yes, I realized that after a few years, but
at the time I was only thirteen and dealing with a bombardment of emotions. My
grief over my
ottsy
death had morphed into anger, a burning anger at how
he’d lied to us, and then when my mother didn’t tell us the truth that anger
turned to her.”

     “Because you felt she was lying to you just like your
father?” He surmised.

     “It was a psychiatrists dream; displaced animosity. My
otets
wasn’t there to vent my feelings on, but my
mat’
was.”

     “She sent you to therapy?” He again rubbed my arms.

     I smiled sadly. “No, my
mat’
told me this. She
was a very smart woman.”

     His arms enfolded me in comfort. “Like mother, like
daughter. I wish I could have met her. Everything you’ve told me about her says
she was a very special person.”  

     The sincerity in his voice was obvious, and it made the
pang in my chest twist agonizingly. I inhaled a breath in an attempt to breathe
through it, but the emotion rose up and it turned into a shuddering sob
instead. Seth’s arms tightened but he didn’t say anything else right away. It
was like he knew there was nothing he could say to alleviate my grief, so he
offered me silent consolation in lieu of words. The silence was helpful; I was
able to contain most of my heartache and not sob uncontrollably.

     I hated crying.

     After a few minutes of quiet contemplation on both our
parts—I’m sure—Seth spoke. “That’s why you started hanging out with your
cousins, isn’t it; a little adolescent rebellion to get back at your mom?”

     I barked a harsh laugh. “You
have
been paying
attention, haven’t you?”

     “To everything you say.” He kissed the top of my head
while at the same time running the back of two fingers over my jaw leaving
electric prickles in their wake.

     Those words caused a pang in my chest for an entirely whole
different reason.

     “Yes, that’s why I started running around with my
cousins. I was able to get away with it for about a year before my
mat’
found out. The only reason she’d didn’t discover it sooner was because of
everything she was dealing with; her own grief and anger, my brother and
sister, the legal ramifications of my
otets
being a bigamist…and other
things. She was under a great deal of strain.” Another sob threatened to burst
forth but I breathed through it.

     “Other things…you mean finding out she had cancer?”
Seth asked softly.

     An overwhelming desire to be held closer to him poured
through me and I twisted in his arms stuffing my face in the crook of his neck.
He tightened his embrace and I lay cradled on his lap breathing in his scent. He
smoothed his hand down my hair. It was all incredibly soothing. It had been such
a long time since I’d been comforted in any way. It was normally me doing the
comforting.

     “
Da
,” I whispered into his neck. “When she first
tried to get through to me after finding out about my…extracurricular
activities, I ignored her like any defiant teenager would. She didn’t tell me about
the cancer until it was diagnosed terminal. She sat me down and said she needed
me, that she couldn’t do it alone, that she wouldn’t be able to rest at peace
worrying about me, and Luka, and Issy. We had quite a lengthy and profound talk
that day, with lots of crying and screaming. In some way it was cathartic.” I
huffed out a satirical laugh.

     Recollection of that night poured through me. It had
been a long night of me finally confronting her about keeping
ottsy
second marriage from me, of her lying to me like he had. She’d hadn’t asked how
I’d found out, she’d just taken me in her arms and told me she hadn’t wanted me
think less of my
otets
. She didn’t try to justify his deception, only
said that a daughter’s memories of her
otets
shouldn’t be tainted by
something that had nothing to do with a father/daughter relationship.

     I hadn’t wanted to listen to anything she had to say.
Anger had festered in me for so long during those long months. But then she’d
told me about her cancer and my hostility had petered out instantly. Screaming
had turned to heart wrenching sobs at the thought of losing my mother…right
after losing my father.

     After that all my energy had gone into helping her in
any way I could. She’d pulled a promise from me that day to watch over Luka and
Issy and I made certain I kept that promise everyday.  

     “Is this when you made that promise to you mother?”
Seth messaged my back.

     He surprised another laugh out of me with his spot on
question. “Are you reading my mind, or do you already know this story?”

     “I told you, I’ve listened to everything you’ve said.”

     I sighed from the feel of his hands as well as from his
supporting words. Curling myself further into his strong frame I rested my hand
over his heart. It beat powerfully under me, comforting me further, and I found
myself relaxing into him slowly.

     “Promises are important, you know.” I whispered. “They
are like falsehoods; neither of them should be uttered lightly. I take both of
them seriously.”

     “You’re right, they are very important.” He agreed. There
was silence between us for a moment as I contemplated what I’d told him. “Do
Luka and Issy know about their father?” Seth asked breaking the silence.  

     “Yes. Right before we went to live with our
babushki
i dedushki
, our grandparents, here in America Luka was told. He was ten at
the time and was able to comprehend it. We, my mother and I, decided to wait to
tell Issy because she was only five at the time. We didn’t think she’d
understand it. After a few years of living with the Barber’s it became necessary
to tell her because of all the short conversations she ended up hearing over
time; conversations about
ottsy
other
family.”

     I’d tried to keep Issy in the dark as long as I could,
but her little ears had been more alert then I’d expected. She’d been eight at
the time and I still wasn’t certain if she really understood.

     “You said that they didn’t really want you around. Did
they blame you for what he did?...which would make them fucking lack wits by
the way. And why did they bother to take you in if they did?” There was an edge
of anger to Seth’s tone that I hadn’t heard up to this point, but his hand
continued its comforting massage.