Serpentine Walls (30 page)

“Yeah.” Pete gathered his courage as he kept his eyes on Matthew’s retreating figure. “So it’d be cool if you didn’t bring Mallory this time. If that’s all right with you.” He waited, feeling his heart pound.

“She’s a big part of my life now, son,” Dad began.

“Bully for her,” Pete said, losing his composure.

“I’m sorry you feel that way.”

But not sorry you fucked up our family?
Pete stood up, ready to end this conversation, and then he thought about Matthew telling him about his own dad dying, and took a breath. “Are you sorry about leaving us, Dad?” He clenched his jaw, ready for an angry response.

“I… what’s happened between your mother and me had nothing to do with you guys. I regret…. What I’m trying to say is I miss you, Pete. And I’m sorry.”

Well, damn
. He was choking up right here in front of Alderman Library. “Miss you too,” he managed. “I’ll understand if you don’t come.”

“What? Of course I’m coming! I don’t need to bring Mallory.”

Pete sank back down on the steps. “Oh. Okay.”

“Looking forward to it.” Dad’s voice had regained its hearty cheer.

“Yeah. Yeah, me too, Dad. Thanks.”

“See you soon, sport.”

Pete shut off his phone in somewhat of a daze. His eyes fell on the path that led to Jed’s dorm, and all of a sudden he missed Jed and his soothing presence acutely. On impulse, he sent him a text.
Hi. My film playing @ fest 3/30. come if u want. Take care.

Wondering at himself, he went back inside the library to retrieve his stuff, and was surprised when he got a text back from Jed:
Thx. Will try to make it. J
.
Smiling now, he zipped up his backpack, hoisted it over his shoulder, and left the library. Next stop, weight room at the gym. Life was looking up.

T
HURSDAY
night, Pete and Matthew entered Coupe’s for their celebration. They had viewed the final edit of Pete’s film only hours before and texted Professor R that it was complete. Coupe’s was crowded, as usual, but Pete managed to snag a small table in the corner while Matthew went to the bar to buy them beer. Pete tapped his toes on the floor, feeling happy as he waited for Matthew. It was still hard to believe he’d completed the movie.

“Here you go.” Matthew plunked two mugs of beer on the table. “A beer for the esteemed director.”

“Thanks. I’m getting the next round.” Pete stretched out his legs as they drank and watched the crowd. “It feels strange to be done with the film. I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself.”

“Make another one.”

Pete laughed. “I’m planning to. But give me a few months.”

“Well, now that you’re done with the movie, it’s time to move on to our Antonioni fest.”

“Absolutely. I’m looking forward to that.”

“Are you going home for spring break?”

“Yep. I’m leaving day after tomorrow. How about you?”

“I’m staying here this year. I need a week with no classes to work on my thesis.”

The door jangled open and Aidan entered the bar, a pretty blond first-year boy in tow. Pete couldn’t help staring at him, all six feet plus of him, with his boots and tight black jeans, a scarf flung casually over his striped Henley. Aidan was still sporting his dramatic black hair from the play, and his drop-dead gorgeousness was even more striking than usual.

Aidan surveyed the room, saw Pete and Matthew and gave them a wave, and then steered his companion over to a table opposite from them. Pete focused on Matthew again, but every attention that Aidan bestowed on the guy he was with was in his line of sight.
Damn.
Maybe he shouldn’t have gone to so many of Aidan’s
Sweeney Todd
performances. The guy was like a drug.

Matthew glanced over at Aidan and then back at Pete. “Are you still dating him?”

“Aidan?” At Matthew’s nod, Pete said, “No. Aidan doesn’t exactly ‘date.’ He sleeps with guys, but he doesn’t get involved.”

“But you did?”

“Huh? I did what?”

Matthew stirred, like his seat was uncomfortable. “You seem hung up on him.”

Pete clenched his fist around his beer mug. “Why does everyone insist on telling me that I’m hung up on Aidan?” Just then, Aidan gave a loud laugh, and Pete’s eyes automatically turned in his direction. He averted his glance when he realized he was staring.

Matthew was watching him. “The way you look at him,” he said simply.

Feeling cornered, Pete said, “Yeah, okay, I like to look at him. I’m into him, okay? As in, I find him hot, but he’s not available.” Pete meant to leave it at that, but something impelled him to continue. “At least not in the way that I want. I want to be with someone who doesn’t have to be with a different guy every night.”

Matthew’s small smile indicated he was satisfied with that answer. “Well, Jed seems to like you.”

“Jed and I are over.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I’m not doing ‘friends with benefits’ anymore. I told you, I’m becoming a monk. You and me are opening a monastery devoted to movies and show tunes.”

Matthew threw his head back and laughed.

“Hey, Matthew!” Two second-year girls paused at their table. Matthew turned to say hello and chat.

Pete welcomed the diversion. It gave him a moment to ponder why Matthew was suddenly so interested in his so-called “love life.” Up until now, that topic had seemed verboten, given their mutual attraction and mutual agreement not to do anything about it. Pete wondered whether Matthew was having second thoughts about being celibate, and his stomach gave a lurch at the prospect.

What if?
he thought, staring at Matthew’s hands curled around the beer mug and the way the red-and-gold strands in his hair shone under the light. Matthew turned back to him when the girls left and took a sip of his beer, and Pete checked out his lips on the rim of his mug.

Matthew raised his eyebrows and brought his mug down with a clunk, smiling.

“What’re you looking at? Do I have a foam mustache?”

“No—naw—I just—”

Matthew reached over and ran his index finger lightly over the top of Pete’s upper lip. “You do,” he said, his blue eyes intent.

“Uh… um.”
What the hell?
Pete’s cock sprang to attention even as his mind was screaming,
Celibate!
But if that wasn’t a come-on, he didn’t know what was.

They stared at each other, Matthew’s ruddy complexion a shade pinker than usual, and then something in Matthew’s face changed, his expression grew guarded, and the moment was lost. Matthew leaned back in his chair with an abrupt movement and took a big gulp of his beer while Pete sat frozen, his mind and body buzzing.

When Matthew finally spoke, it was in a stilted, almost formal way. “Listen, I probably should run pretty soon, I’ve got a lot to do. And I’m sure you have better things to do than sit here with me all night, so….”

“What? I was going to get us another round.”

Matthew fidgeted and surveyed the room like he was looking for something. “I really need to get going.”

Oh, so you come on to me and then run away? Great.
Pete opened his mouth to protest, but a mixture of confusion, frustration, and being fucking horny as hell had him tongue-tied. It was a relief when his phone buzzed. He snatched it up but didn’t recognize the number.

“Hello?”

“Peter, hello, this is Rodney… uh, Professor R.”

Pete raised his eyes and wanted to laugh at him calling in the middle of all of this weirdness. “Oh, hi, Professor R.”

Matthew stopped fidgeting. Pete could tell he was listening.

“I understand your film is complete?”

“Yeah, Matthew and I got the final edit done today.”

“Excellent! Would you be able to drop it by my place tomorrow?”

“Your place?”

Matthew lifted his head sharply and gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head, and that pissed Pete off. He didn’t need Matthew to warn him about what a sleaze Professor R was. Scowling back at him, he focused on what Professor R was saying.

“Yes, I don’t have classes tomorrow, and I’d like to get it for review before spring break.”

Normally, Pete would have made any excuse not to go over to Professor R’s house, but some perverse part of him rose up and decided to make a point. Taking a breath, he looked straight at Matthew and said, “Sure, Professor R. What time?”

Matthew dropped his eyes.

“Oh, any time that’s convenient for you, Peter.”

“I can be there around three, if that’s okay.”

“Perfect. I’ll see you then.”

When he set the phone down, Matthew looked up, a worried frown on his face.

“You’re going over to his house tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” Pete put away his phone, acting casual. “To drop off the film.”

“I really don’t think you should go to Rodney’s place alone.”

“Why not?” Pete asked, as if he didn’t already know.

Matthew made a frustrated noise. “You know why! You know what he is, and you know that he’s going to hit on you.”

“What do you care if he hits on me?” A part of Pete was watching himself, disgusted at how much of an asshole he was being, but he couldn’t seem to stop.

Something like sadness crossed Matthew’s face. “Stop it,” he said softly and put his hand on Pete’s. “You know why I care.”

Pete’s body lit up at Matthew’s touch, and all of his anger began to evaporate. He was about to respond when Matthew pulled his hand away, his face becoming remote as he added, “But you do what you want. It’s your life.”

Stung by his cold formality, Pete said, “Yeah, thanks for your permission, dude. Glad to know I can go on living my life.”

A tense silence ensued. Pete felt like banging his head on the table. He was acting like a child, and he needed to get a grip before he ended up doing something really mature, like sticking out his tongue at Matthew and going “nyah, nyah, nyah.” This wasn’t how this evening was supposed to go.
It’s not my fault
, whined his inner drama queen.
Matthew’s making me crazy with the hot and cold
.

And then he made the mistake of looking over at Aidan, who was tilted back in his seat with his eyes closed as his date kissed his neck, and Pete was seized with the urge to punch someone. He decided to leave before he did.

Getting up from his chair, he said, “Anyway, thanks for the warning, Matthew. I gotta run.”

“Pete, wait! I didn’t mean—”

But Pete had already pushed away from the table. He strode past Aidan on his way to the door, and Aidan opened his eyes and looked like he was about to say something to him. Pete hurried outside, letting the door bang shut behind him so he didn’t have to hear it.

“R
EALLY
?
He came on to you? Congratulations.”

John radiated amusement as he slouched on his sofa. Pete had headed to his place after storming out of Coupe’s, and now he had an irrational urge to punch him too. Instead, he took a deep breath and started to pace around John and Cleo’s small living room.

“Finally!” Cleo clapped her hands. “Wait, why are you here, then?”

Pete kept pacing, so restless he wanted to jump out of his own skin. “Because he stopped and got all weird. And then he said he had to leave, and that pissed me off, and now I have to go to Professor R’s house.”

“
What?
” John and Cleo said in unison, staring at Pete like he’d just sprouted horns.

“Ugh. Shoot me, please. I’m such an asshole.” Pete flung himself face down on the futon and groaned.

“Stop it with the dramatics.” John prodded him with his foot. “How did Professor R get involved?”

“He called in the middle of me and Matthew freaking out on each other and asked me to come by his house tomorrow and drop off the film.”

“That creep,” muttered Cleo.

“And you said yes?” John sounded incredulous. “Why?”

Pete rolled over on his back and stared miserably at the ceiling. “I don’t know. It’s like an alien took over. Matthew wasn’t happy about it.”

“I’ll bet,” said Cleo, looking none too happy herself.

“An alien?” scoffed John. “Great way to avoid responsibility, dude. Sounds more like you were being a colossal jerk and wanted to punish Matthew for coming on to you and then having a freak-out.”

Pete closed his eyes and didn’t reply; he was too busy being hopeless. Maybe he really should become a monk. He’d fucked everything else up.

“Why don’t you call Rodney back and tell him you can’t come by?” That was Cleo’s voice. “John could drop off the film for you, or you can leave it in his office.”

“No,” Pete said, keeping his eyes closed. “I’ll go. It’ll serve me right if he hits on me.”

“Don’t
ever
say that!” Cleo said in a tone so fierce that Pete opened his eyes and lifted his head. She was standing stock-still, her arms wrapped around her body, her face tight. “No one deserves to be preyed on or abused. And the bastards who do it make us feel guilty, like it was our fault that it happened.”

“Hey, babe,” John began, reaching out his hand to her from where he sat on the sofa. “You don’t have—”

“No, John. I’m going to tell him.” Cleo sat on the futon next to Pete, staring straight ahead. “Rodney—Professor R—seduced me when I was a first year. I was young and naïve and didn’t know any better.” She clenched her jaw. “I could kick myself that I didn’t protect Angie from the same thing. I should have said something, but I’ve never told anyone but John.”

Pete sat up and touched her arm. “Wow. I’m sorry, Cleo.” She bit her lip. “Hey, and don’t feel bad about Angie. I don’t think it would have made any difference. I said something to her after he came on to me, but she didn’t believe it.”

Cleo turned toward him. “He came on to you? Already?”

“Yeah, at the beginning of the year. He asked me out for a drink and groped my knee while he did it. I put him off. I can do it again if I have to.”

“He’s just… ugh.” Cleo sagged a little, her face sad.

After a short silence, Pete asked, “Can I hug you?”

“Yes.”