Selby Surfs (9 page)

‘The program showing the highlights of yesterday’s Bush Olympics is about to come on TV,’ Selby thought. ‘I wish the Trifles would hurry up and go out so I can watch it.’

‘The Reynolds are usually on time,’ Mrs Trifle said to Dr Trifle as they sat reading the morning newspaper. ‘Where could they be?’

‘I’m sure they’ll be here soon,’ Dr Trifle said, turning to the sports page. ‘Goodness me! Look how well Bogusville did in the Bush Olympics. Do you know who won the pole vault?’

‘No, I don’t,’ Mrs Trifle said.

‘Neither do I!’ Selby thought, clamping his paws over his ears. ‘And I don’t want to know! I want to see it on TV and be surprised!’

Selby waited till Dr Trifle’s mouth stopped moving and then uncovered his ears.

‘It’s the results of the javelin we should know,’ Mrs Trifle said.

‘Sorry?’

‘The javelin. That spear thingy that you throw.’

‘I know what a javelin is. Hmmm, I’ll see if the results are here,’ Dr Trifle said, scanning the sports page. ‘Goodness me! Guess who won?! It was—’

‘No!’ Selby thought, covering his ears again. ‘Don’t tell me! I’ve got to get out of here.’

No sooner had Selby gone out to the backyard than the Trifles’ friends arrived and they all drove off together. Selby tore back into the house, turned on the TV, and then got himself a bowl of goodies to nibble before returning to the loungeroom.

‘Oh good!’ he said, talking to himself out loud. ‘It’s only just begun! Look! The men’s pole vault is about to start.’

Selby watched as Postie Paterson took a long run up and then plunged the pole into the ground, sending himself high up into the air and just clearing the bar.

‘Great jump, Postie!’ Selby yelled. ‘No one will beat that!’

Selby crammed a pawful of chips into his mouth. Then, just as the second pole vaulter was making his run, Selby heard a noise behind him. It wasn’t just a noise but a
voice!

‘Excuse me,’ the voice said. ‘But who are you?’

Selby spun around to see a teenage girl sitting in a chair at the back of the room.

‘Who’s that?!’ Selby thought, his heart skipping a beat. ‘What’s she doing here?!’

‘Sorry if I startled you,’ the girl said.

‘Oh, no,’ Selby thought. ‘She saw me talking! She
heard
me talking! Why didn’t I look before I turned on the TV?’

‘Why are you so quiet? Cat got your tongue?’

‘She knows my secret!’ Selby thought. ‘It’s no use. I can’t pretend any longer.’

‘Hello,’ Selby said out loud.

‘Are you a friend of the Trifles?’

‘A friend? Well, I guess you could say that. I’ve known them for a long long time.’

Slowly Selby felt his panic go away.

‘This is weird,’ he thought. ‘She’s so matter-of-fact about it. I guess I should have known that sooner or later someone would catch me talking but I never thought it was going to be like this. I always thought they’d scream or faint or just run away — maybe all three at once. She seems all relaxed. It makes me feel relaxed too.’

‘This is funny,’ the girl laughed. ‘I guess the Trifles have been keeping you a secret.’

‘I’m the one who’s been keeping me a secret,’ he said.

‘I beg your pardon.’

‘I said, “I’m the one who’s been keeping me a secret,"’ Selby said. ‘They didn’t know. They don’t — even to this day. You’re the first and the only one.’

The girl looked at Selby and then laughed.

‘You’re weird,’ she said.

‘Well I guess I am a little out of the ordinary.’

‘That is funny.’

‘It is?’ Selby said. ‘By the way, who are you?’

‘Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Chelsea Reynolds. My parents are with the Trifles.’

‘And they left you here?’

‘I asked if I could just stay and read a book,’ the girl said, holding up the open book that lay in her lap. ‘I thought it might be boring listening to a lot of grown-up talk. Besides, it’s a great book. I can’t put it down.’

Suddenly Selby heard the TV announcer’s voice.

‘And now we go to the women’s javelin throw. We cross to Vicki Grant at trackside. What’s happening there, Vicks?’

‘Please excuse me,’ Selby said, ‘but if I’m sort of … ‘

‘Sort of what?’

‘Well confused, I guess. I should have known that sooner or later I’d be found out.’

‘Found out?’

‘Well you have to admit that it’s not normal,’ Selby said. ‘Me talking like this and all. You must be a bit surprised.’

‘We’ve had some great throws today, Larry, but I think this could be the big one,’
the other TV announcer said.

‘Would you mind awfully,’ the girl said to Selby, ‘if we watch this?’

‘No worries. That’s why I turned on the TV, Chelsea. Do you mind if I call you Chelsea?’

‘Of course not.’

Selby watched as a girl of about Chelsea’s age ran up to a white line and stopped abruptly, hurling a javelin far out into a field.

‘Wonderful throw!
Vicki cried.
‘They’re measuring it now but I don’t think it’s quite made it.
’

Selby looked at Chelsea then turned and looked out the window.

‘This is bizarre,’ he thought. ‘Okay, everything seems fine. But what now? What do I do next? It’s great that Chelsea didn’t freak out but this has to be the end of my wonderful peaceful life.’ Selby shook his head in amazement. ‘Maybe when Chelsea tells the Trifles they won’t freak out either. Maybe
no one will care.’

A little movie began to play in Selby’s mind. A TV newsreader was almost at the end of the news when he said, ‘Here are a couple of stories to warm every heart. The first one comes from Bogusville, a country town here in Australia. Yesterday the mayor of that tiny town discovered that her dog, Selby, can actually talk.
That’s right, he speaks perfect English. In what is thought to be a world first this talkative little terrier, this wire-haired wordsmith, this chattering chihuahua, gave a speech to the citizens of that fair town telling about himself and how he acquired his gift of the gab.’ As the newsreader continued, Selby saw a film clip of himself talking to the citizens of Bogusville. ‘At the end of his talk,’ the newsreader went on, ‘this daring little dachshund asked that his privacy be respected and that he be allowed to live his life in peace — which, of course, everyone was happy to do. Our second story comes from a toy company where they’ve invented a mechanical cat so lifelike that no one can tell the difference between it and the real thing. It just lies on the lounge all day, not moving a muscle, and purrs when you pat it. This minimum-maintenance moggy should make a purrrrrrfect Christmas gift.’

‘I’ve been worried all these years for nothing,’ Selby thought. ‘When the Trifles get home I’m going to tell them everything. No more pretending. No more trying to cover things up. No more narrow escapes.’

Selby watched two more javelin throwers make their throws.

‘And now here comes last year’s title holder,’
Vicki said.
‘She’s making her run-up. Look at that girl go! And now she lets it fly! This could be the one.’

Selby watched as the javelin flew through the air and finally stuck into the ground. Again people in white jackets came running out to measure the distance.

‘That’s it!’
Vicki cried.
‘Chelsea Reynolds has made the best throw of the day!’

‘Chelsea Reynolds?’ Selby said. ‘But that’s you. Of course it’s you! I can see that it’s you!’

‘Well, yes,’ the girl said, blushing.

‘Did you win?’ Selby asked.

‘Well just listen,’ Chelsea said.

‘
So for the second year in a row,
’ Vicki said, ‘
Chelsea takes out the javelin title! What a wonderful effort. And to think, she’s been blind since birth.
’

‘Congratulations!’ Selby said.

‘Thanks,’ the girl said.

‘Hang on!’ Selby said. ‘Blind? Did she say that you have been blind all your life?’

‘That’s right.’

‘Well that changes everything.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Nothing. I mean it must be very difficult —’

‘Not really,’ the girl interrupted. ‘Blind people can do a lot more than you think.’

‘Well, yes, but it must be terrible,’ Selby said, ‘being blind.’

‘No, it’s not terrible. It’s okay. Well it’s normal for me anyway.’

‘But that book —’

The girl laughed. ‘It’s written in braille, silly,’ she said, holding it up so that Selby could see the little bumps on the page. ‘You just read it with your fingertips.’

‘But you watch TV,’ Selby said.

‘
Everyone
watches TV,’ the girl said, ‘even blind people. But enough about me, tell me something about yourself.’

‘Well I … well … I …’

‘What do you look like?’

‘What do I look like? What do
I
look like? What do
I
look like? Hmmm. Let me see now.’

‘Well? Are you tall? Short?’

‘Well I’m — I’m short. But not too short. Sort of tall, actually. And I’m quite good looking. Do you know the film star Dino diSwarve?’

‘Yes, of course, everyone knows Dino diSwarve. They say he’s a real spunk.’

‘People often mistake us on the street. It’s embarrassing. Women keep trying to kiss me.’

‘They do?’

‘Sadly, yes,’ Selby sighed. ‘I have to fight them off. It gets very boring. I have to wear sunnies and pull my hat down over my face so they can’t see me properly.’

‘Now I know you’re kidding,’ the girl laughed. ‘You do have a good sense of humour.’

‘I do?’

‘You do.’

‘Well, thanks.’

‘Do you know any jokes?’

‘Let me think,’ Selby said, trying to remember one of Gary Gaggs’ jokes. ‘What do you get if you feed a cat lemons?’

‘I don’t know. What do you get?’

‘A sour puss. Get it? A
sour
puss. Woo! Woo! Woo!’ Selby said, adding the woo woo woos that Gary always said at the end of his jokes.

Chelsea laughed long and loud.

‘That’s a good one. Do you know another one?’

‘An angel went up to another angel and said, “Halo",’ Selby said. ‘Get it? Halo? Woo! Woo! Woo!’

‘That’s great!’ Chelsea said. ‘Do you know any more?’

Suddenly Selby heard a noise behind him.

‘Well, Chelsea, I see you’ve got company,’ Mrs Trifle said.

Selby turned to see the Trifles and Chelsea’s parents coming through the front door.

‘Oh, no!’ Selby thought. ‘I should have kept an eye out! What am I going to do now?!’

‘Yes,’ Chelsea said, ‘we’ve just been having a nice chat, haven’t we? Sorry, what’s your name?’

‘A chat?’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘You were talking to Selby?’

‘Selby? Oh, is that your name?’

The Trifles were silent for a second and then Dr Trifle said, ‘Selby is a dog, Chelsea. I doubt that you were talking to him.’

‘Then who was I talking to? Who was telling me those corny jokes?’

‘I certainly don’t know. There’s no one here but us and Selby.’

‘Then he must have left just before you
arrived,’ Chelsea said. ‘It’s funny that he didn’t say goodbye.’

‘Did you say that he told you corny jokes?’ Mrs Trifle asked.

‘Yes and he said, “Woo! Woo! Woo!” after them. He said he was an old friend of yours.’

‘Gary Gaggs!’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘It’s a pity we didn’t arrive a bit earlier. I would have liked to see him. Just our luck, I guess.’

‘And it was my luck too that you didn’t,’ Selby thought. ‘Only mine was
good
luck. What a relief!’

Selby plunged over the side of the boat, hurtling through the air until his front paws parted the water. For a moment he saw nothing but a veil of tiny bubbles. Then, there it was just below him. He snatched at the necklace but it was no use. It was too far away now and sinking fast. He watched the glitter of gemstones disappear into the murky depths of the deepest trench in the deepest ocean in all the world.

Selby gagged, trying to hang on to the precious air that still filled his lungs. He looked up to the surface of the water far above him.

Suddenly it hit him.

‘Why am I here?’ he thought. ‘What have I
done?! Why am I trying to rescue a billion dollar necklace from the sea
when I don’t even know how to swim
?!’

On the boat above, unaware of Selby’s predicament, Dr and Mrs Trifle sipped cups of hot cocoa.

‘We’re so lucky to be alive,’ Mrs Trifle said, wrapping a blanket around herself.

‘Yes …’ Dr Trifle stopped to shiver and then continued, ‘and so is Selby, don’t forget. He’s been such a wonderful friend to us all these years. Sometimes I think we’ve taken him too much for granted. By the way where is he?’

‘I don’t know,’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘He was here a minute ago. He’s probably crawled off to take a nap somewhere. I’m sure he’s okay.’

Selby thrashed about with his paws, clawing the water the way he’d seen dogs do when they dog-paddled, struggling towards the surface. But he knew that this time he’d gone too far. Even if someone discovered that he’d gone overboard, there wasn’t enough time to be rescued.

Just as Selby ran out of energy and stopped paddling he saw a huge dark shape in the water beginning to circle.

‘Oh, no!’ he screamed. His words disappeared in the silence of a huge bubble. ‘Shark! Help! Someone save me! Oh, please, please don’t let me die!’

This tragic tale began one day when Dr Trifle’s old ocean scientist friend, Dr Septimus C. Squirt, asked him to help collect some tiny sea creatures.

‘Isn’t that a job for one of those scooba–dooba people?’ Dr Trifle asked. ‘Or maybe one of those little submarine deep diving doovers?’

‘Goodness, no!’ exclaimed the scientist. ‘These sea creatures live at the very bottom of the deepest, most dangerous trench in the deepest ocean in all the world. No human being has ever been down that far. Well except the people who went down in the
S. S. Humungous
many years ago. Anyway, no one’s been down
and come back up alive. Even the best bathyscaphe — or deep diving doover, as you call it — would crumple like aluminium foil at those depths.’

‘The
Humungous
,’ Dr Trifle said, letting out a low whistle. ‘The huge passenger ship that sank with everyone on board. It’s never been found, has it?’

‘Nope.’

‘If someone could find it they could find that necklace — the Billion Dollar Bobble.’

‘Bobble schmobble,’ Dr Squirt said. ‘I didn’t come here to talk about boring old sunken ships and boring necklaces. What I’m after is
Flashipodicus!
Yeeeeeeeeeessssssss!’

‘
Flashipodicus?’

‘
Flashipodicae deepyensis
to give them their proper name. Little animals that live down there. We usually just call them Flash-Greebies because of the way their bodies light up so they can see their way around in the dark. We only know they exist because sometimes a dead one floats to the surface. No one has ever caught a live one. I want to catch a lot of them to study them properly.’

‘The
S. S. Humungous
,’ Selby thought.
‘The great lost ship that has never been found. It gives me the shivers just to think of it sitting in the darkness on the bottom of the sea. Sheeeeesh! It makes my fur stand on end. Who would want to go down there? Double sheeeeesh!’

‘So how can I help you collect these Flash-Greebies?’ Dr Trifle asked his old friend.

‘Build me a deep diving doover that’s strong enough so it won’t crumple down there. How about it?’

‘That sounds like fun,’ Dr Trifle said. ‘I’ll give it a go.’

So it was that week after week Selby watched Dr Trifle build the tiny submarine which he named the
Sea Squirt
after Dr Septimus C. Squirt. And soon Selby found himself on a big boat along with Dr Squirt and the Trifles heading towards the deepest trench in the deepest ocean in all the world. And it wasn’t long before they were ready to hoist the
Sea Squirt
over the side and into the depths.

‘Okay, who’s going down in it?’ Dr Squirt asked, rubbing his hands together with
excitement. ‘Someone has to actually collect the critters.’

‘Well you are, aren’t you?’ Mrs Trifle said.

‘Not me. I have to stay here and twiddle the dials on the instruments and make sure you get down to the right place and everything.’

‘Why don’t I twiddle the instruments and you catch the critters?’ Dr Trifle asked.

‘Because I’m the expert twiddler,’ Dr Squirt explained. ‘Don’t tell me you’re a scaredy-cat.’

‘Well … no but —’

‘But nothing. In you go. Come on, time’s a–wasting.’

Dr and Mrs Trifle looked at each other for a moment.

‘Come on, dear,’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘I’ll come too. We’ll even bring Selby. It’ll be like a family outing. I’m sure we’ll be perfectly safe in your invention. You’re such a good inventor.’

‘I am? I mean, of course I am. Well, okay.’

‘No, no, no, I don’t want to go!’ Selby screamed in his brain. ‘I hate water! I hate deep water even more! The deeper it is, the more I hate it! And this is the deepest trench in the deepest ocean in all the world!’

‘Okay, in you go, boy,’ Dr Trifle said, and before Selby knew it he was in the
Sea Squirt
with the Trifles descending into the darkness.

‘I can’t see anything,’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘Turn on the headlight.’

Dr Trifle turned on the light and Selby and the Trifles peered through the portholes down into the depths. An hour passed and then a long, thin edge of rock appeared out of the black below.

‘That must be the bottom,’ Mrs Trifle said.

Dr Squirt’s voice crackled over the radio.

‘You’re not at the bottom yet,’ he said. ‘It’s probably just the peak of a submerged mountain range.’

‘Sheeeeesh!’ Selby thought. ‘Mountain peaks at the bottom of the sea. This really gives me the willies.’

The
Sea Squirt
continued down past rocky mountain peaks so covered in white sand that it looked like snow. Finally they reached the bottom of the trench.

‘What do we do now?’ Dr Trifle asked over the radio. ‘I don’t see any Greebies.’

‘Turn off your light,’ Dr Squirt said.

Mrs Trifle turned off the light. In a minute they saw pinpoints of light moving about on the ocean bottom.

‘Greebies ahoy!’ Mrs Trifle cried. ‘This is so exciting!’

‘Okay,’ Dr Squirt said. ‘Pick them up and plonk them in the jar. When it’s full, I’ll pull you back up.’

Mrs Trifle started the motor and guided the
Sea Squirt
along the ocean bottom. Dr Trifle stretched his arms out into the hollow arms that stuck out in front of the submarine. One of them had a jar in it. With the other he picked up a Flash-Greebie.

‘This is really spooky,’ Selby thought as he looked out through half-closed eyes. ‘But it’s fun. At least we didn’t get crumpled.’

Mrs Trifle guided the
Sea Squirt
along in the blackness as Dr Trifle collected the little animals. Suddenly there was a scraping noise.

‘I wonder what that could be,’ Mrs Trifle said, turning on the light. ‘We seem to be in a cave or something. Look! There’s something round on the bottom right in front of us. Pick it up and see what it is.’

Dr Trifle picked it up and shook the sand off it.

‘It’s a dinner plate!’ he said. ‘Look it’s got writing on it! It says “S. S. HUMUNGOUS". Good gracious!’ he called out into the microphone. ‘Somehow we’ve found our way into the wreck of the
Humungous!’

‘Have you filled the jar yet?’ Dr Squirt asked.

‘No, not yet. These little beasties are so small that it’ll take forever to fill it. Aren’t you excited about the ship?’

‘I’m a scientist, not one of those people who goes around collecting useless junk from old shipwrecks,’ Dr Squirt said. ‘What do you say I pull you back up and we call it a day.’

‘Hang on! Let me get this thing out of the
Humungous
first!’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘Don’t pull yet!’

But it was too late and suddenly the
Sea Squirt
lurched violently, smashing against a rusty steel wall and breaking its light before stopping.

‘I beg your pardon?’ Dr Squirt said. ‘What did you say?’

‘We said, “Don’t pull yet",’ Dr Trifle sighed. ‘Now we’re stuck in here.’

‘Oooops. Okay, so find your way back out and then I’ll pull you up.’

‘We can’t find our way anywhere!’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘We can’t see a thing! You broke our light when you tried to pull us up.’

‘Ooops, sorry about that,’ Dr Squirt said. ‘I’ll make it up to you.’

‘How will you do that when we can’t get back to the surface?’

‘It’s just an expression,’ Dr Squirt said. ‘You don’t suppose there’s some way you could attach the bottle of Flash-Greebies to the cable and I could at least rescue them?’

‘No there isn’t!’ Mrs Trifle exclaimed.

‘Okay don’t get angry. No harm in asking.’

Selby’s heart started beating like a bongo drum. Sweat poured down his face as Mrs Trifle tried and tried to find the way out of the wreck. Every time she went in one direction she bumped into a wall or ceiling.

‘It’s no use,’ she said, after half an hour of trying. ‘We’re running out of air. I think this is the end of us.’

‘Yes,’ Dr Trifle said. ‘Funny, isn’t it?’

‘Funny? We’re going to die down here and you think it’s funny?’

‘I don’t mean funny ha-ha I mean funny peculiar. I just realised that I’m not afraid any more.’

‘Neither am I. Maybe that’s because we’re running out of air. I just feel like (yawn) sleeping.’

‘Me too,’ Dr Trifle said. ‘I think I’ll just (yawn) take a nap and think things over.’

‘Dr Trifle! Mrs Trifle!’ Dr Squirt’s voice called out. ‘Can you hear me? What are you doing?’

‘Oh, no!’ Selby thought. ‘The Trifles have given up! They’ve gone to sleep! I’m the only one who hasn’t given up!’

Thoughts sped around and around in Selby’s brain like racing cars at a speedway. He pulled the unconscious Mrs Trifle back in her seat and then hopped into her lap to take over the controls.

‘We’ve got to be able to get out of here the same way we got in,’ he thought as he pushed the controls forward and hit one wall and then another. ‘But I can’t find the way out because I can’t see a thing! Hey, I’ve got it!’ Selby said noticing the faint glow from the jar of Flash-Greebies.
‘If I can collect enough of them maybe I can use them as a light!’

‘Dr Trifle! Mrs Trifle!’ Dr Squirt’s voice said. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Trying to get out of here, you ninny!’ Selby said.

‘Is-Is that you, Dr Trifle? You sound strange.’

‘Well I feel strange,’ Selby said, not even trying to imitate Dr Trifle’s voice. ‘Now leave me alone, I’m trying to concentrate.’

Selby pulled Dr Trifle’s arms out of the hollow arms and put his paws in. He picked up a small flashing creature and put it in the jar. Then he went after another one and then another.

‘This is too slow. At this rate it’ll be hours before there’s enough light to see with,’ he thought. ‘And we don’t have hours. Already I’m getting tired and dizzy.’

Suddenly Selby saw something sparkly next to the collecting jar. Thinking that it was another Flash-Greebie he reached out and pulled it from the mud, placing it in the jar. Suddenly light burst forth from the jar lighting up the room around him.

‘What was that?!’ he thought. ‘My goodness, it’s not a creature at all. It looks like a piece broken off a chandelier or something! It’s reflecting all the light from the creatures!’

Selby brought the arm with the jar in it up close to the front porthole.

‘Wow! That’s not a piece of glass! That’s a necklace with a huge diamond in it! It’s the Billion Dollar Bobble! I’ve found it! I’m rich! Hang on, what am I saying? I’m not anything if I can’t get us out of here.’

Selby pointed the jar around the room and found the hole that the
Sea Squirt
had come in through. He turned the steering wheel and guided the submarine out into the ocean again.

‘Okay,’ Selby said over the radio. ‘We’re clear of the wreck. You can pull us up now.’

By the time the submarine reached the surface and was lifted on board the boat Selby and the Trifles were all in a deep sleep. But soon, the fresh air brought them back to life.