Seek Me With All Your Heart (7 page)

Anna and Elizabeth squealed al the way up the steps as Lil ian fol owed.

“Glad to make the women folk happy.” His father rounded the corner from the kitchen toting a steaming cup in his hand. “We just got here yesterday, but they made it clear that it was their first priority.”
Daed
chuckled, then surveyed the den. Boxes were everywhere, but David knew his father was looking beyond the obvious clutter. “Lots of work to do on this
haus
, son.”

David sighed. “Where do we start?” He scanned his immediate surroundings. Wooden floors rotted in places, cabinet and screen doors barely on their hinges, and chips of blue paint fal ing from the wood-planked wal s. He could even feel cold air from outside seeping between the cracks as they stood there.

“Tomorrow I think we best start caulking these wal s. We’re gonna have a hard winter to go through, and best to get things weathertight before we worry about the looks of the place.”

David nodded. “Sounds
gut
.” He looked toward the kitchen. “I don’t smel any supper,” he said in a whisper.

“Lil ian said she can’t cook in the kitchen with al the clutter, so we’re having ham sandwiches. It’s al laid out. I’m sure we’l eat after Anna and Elizabeth both try out the new toilet.”

David rubbed his bel y and looked around. “
Onkel
Ivan go back to his
haus
? I thought he might stay for supper.”

“He went home, mumbling something about taking Katie Ann out to eat.”
Daed’s
brows furrowed as he walked closer to David. He lowered his voice. “I think your
aenti
and
onkel
are having some problems. We need to offer extra prayers for them.”

“What do you mean ‘problems’? In their marriage?” That seemed unlikely to him, but his father nodded. David stared at a spot on the floor. “Is it serious?”

“I don’t know. Ivan won’t talk to me about it, but I’ve sensed unhappiness between them for a while now.”
Daed
rubbed his forehead. “I think that’s the reason they wanted to make this move with us, for a fresh start.”

“That makes sense.” David lifted his chin, putting him almost eye to eye with his father. He couldn’t resist asking, “You and Lil ian havin’ trouble too? Is that why we had to make this fresh start?” He knew good and wel that his father and Lil ian were as happy as any married couple could be, but this was his roundabout way of getting the truth, he hoped.

“David, I know you don’t believe that, and we’ve been over this a hundred times. There needs to be enough land for everyone, and prices are—”

“I know,
Daed
. That’s what you keep tel ing me.” He ran a hand through his hair; then he shook his head. “I’m gonna go get cleaned up for supper.”

David walked up the stairs to his room. He eyed the bed, dresser, and nightstand he’d brought from Lancaster County, then glanced at a rol top desk that had been left in the far corner of the room by the prior owners. It was a battered piece of furniture that badly needed refinishing. He tossed his coat and hat onto the bed, since there was nowhere else to hang them, and wandered down the hal to the bathroom, glad the girls had cleared out.

He inspected the new toilet. One toilet was better than no toilet. Maybe they’d get another bathroom put in downstairs soon. He twisted one lever of the antique faucet, and cold water slowly trickled out, splashing onto the rusted porcelain below. Then he turned the other lever, hoping for hot water. After a couple of minutes, he gave up and ran his hands under the droplets, gasping as he brought a handful of icy water to his face. He picked up a green towel draped across the sink and patted his face dry.

He could hear everyone gathering in the kitchen downstairs, and his stomach rumbled ful force.

LATER THAT NIGHT David popped a handful of medicines into his mouth, the same thing he did every night and every morning. That’s the way it would be for the rest of his life, however long that would be. He swal owed the four pil s with a glass of water and thought of the conversation he’d overheard between his father and Lil ian five years ago. He’d only been home from the hospital about a week, and his fifteen-year-old mind hadn’t real y considered what he’d been through.

“I don’t care what the doctors say,” he’d heard Lil ian say. “Ten years is only the average time that a kidney wil last.”

Hearing those words had been difficult. Not just about the kidney transplant, but realizing that his chances of living a ful life had been cut short. He’d decided on that day that he was not going to get married. He remembered when his mother died and how that destroyed his father. He wanted to avoid inflicting that type of hurt on someone. When he heard Lil ian speak his fate, he came to terms with it. He’d accepted God’s wil , and he planned to be the best man he could be, void of any long-term goals or commitments.

He turned up the lantern on his nightstand and glanced around at al the boxes he had yet to unpack. Hard to believe they’d only arrived last night. Today had been a ful day. He thought about Emily and the way she’d reacted this morning. He picked up the bottle of prednisone on his nightstand. The doctor had warned him that his new dose was fairly high and could cause him to be unusual y irritable. He set it down and decided he would watch out for any signs that the medication was causing him to be bad-tempered, even though he didn’t real y think his conduct should have been enough to make Emily cry. Maybe Sunday he’d learn more about her.

Four

EMILY HELPED BETSY INTO THE BACK SEAT OF THEIR covered buggy, then reluctantly crawled into the front seat with her mother, bumping her head on the metal enclosure as she got in.

She rubbed the spot, wishing she didn’t have to attend Sister’s Day.

“It wil be
gut
for you to be around Beth Ann and the other girls, Emily.”
Mamm
got comfortable in the seat, then flicked the reins until the buggy began to slowly pul forward. “I was going to ask Lil ian to join us for Sister’s Day, her and the girls, but I reckon she probably has too much to do.”

“Al Beth Ann does is talk about hers and Jacob’s wedding plans.” Emily sighed. “I’m sick of hearing about it.”

“Beth Ann is going to be your brother’s
fraa
, your sister-in-law. You should be sharing in their happiness. Their wedding is only a month away, and it wil be a joyous occasion.” Her mother sat up in the seat and smiled. “Even if it is a bit of a whirlwind courtship.”

Emily stil couldn’t believe that Jacob was marrying Beth Ann after only knowing her three months, but everyone loved Beth Ann, and Jacob was happy.

Mamm
picked up the pace and guided the buggy down the cleared driveway. Emily had heard her brothers shoveling snow early that morning.

“I think Beth Ann is going to be a
gut mamm
.” Betsy leaned forward between Emily and their mother. “I hope they have
kinner
right away.” She leaned back again. “You know, in nine months after their wedding. That’s how long it takes for a baby to grow inside the mother’s womb.”

Emily snapped her head around. “Don’t you think we know that, Betsy?”

“You don’t have to yel at me!” Betsy opened her mouth and let out an ear-piercing scream, which she was known to do when she was mad.
For
someone as smart as Betsy
, Emily thought,
she can certainly be an immature brat
.

“Betsy! What have I told you about that screaming?”
Mamm
turned her head to face Betsy. “I wil not have that,
mei maedel
. You cannot just scream like that when you are mad. Do you hear me?”

Betsy let out a heavy sigh. “Yes, ma’am.”

“I don’t know why the three of us just can’t have a nice day and everyone be in a
gut
mood and get along, as it should be.”
Mamm
shook her head, then sat up tal er in the seat and lifted her chin. “This wil be a
gut
day, and we wil al be happy, no?” She glanced back at Betsy before raising her brows in Emily’s direction.

“
Mamm
, you can’t force happiness on everyone around you.” Emily pul ed her eyes away and folded her arms across her chest, squeezing tight in an effort to warm herself.

They rode silently for a while, and as ner, Emily gazed past the flat, snow-covered San Luis Val ey toward the Sangre de Cristo Mountains to her east.

She closed her eyes and envisioned herself climbing to the top of one of the peaks. At around eleven thousand feet, she imagined she’d be nearer to heaven and would feel closer to God.
Mamm
turned a cor

It was a sil y thought, but she longed to climb the mountains just the same.

“I’m glad we don’t live in that house where the witch used to live.” Emily turned around in time to see Betsy pointing to the homestead that David and his family now owned.

“Betsy!”
Mamm
groaned. “Do not refer to the Stoltzfuses’ home in that manner again, and especial y don’t use those words in front of the other women today.”
Mamm
put the reins in one hand, then rubbed her forehead with her other hand. “There is no such thing as witches.”

Emily made the mistake of giggling.

Mamm
yanked back on the reins and slowed the horse, then came to a complete stop as they neared a stop sign. “Do you think this is funny, Emily?”

Emily shrugged. “
Ya
, I guess I do.”

“You are being disrespectful, both of you.”
Mamm
twisted her body in the seat to face Emily, then looked back and forth between Emily and Betsy in the backseat. “I want this to be a
gut
day.”

“Why does every day have to be a
gut
day for you,
Mamm
?” Emily threw her hands in the air. “I don’t always have
gut
days, but Betsy did something I thought was funny, so I giggled.” She paused, raised her brows. “But unless the happiness is on your terms, in your perfect little world, then it’s not al right.”

Emily had never spoken to her mother like that before.
Mamm’s
eyes rounded, her lips pressed tightly together, and she took a deep breath. “Emily
.
.
.”

She breathed in again. “Our Lord would not approve of the way you’re behaving, and—”

There was a calmness in her mother’s tone that only caused Emily to react even more harshly. “He wouldn’t approve of the way
you
act either,
Mamm
!

How can you always be happy after what happened to
.
.
.” She glanced at Betsy, whose bottom lip was quivering. Emily let out a heavy sigh. “I can’t always be happy,
Mamm
.”

“We need to pray, girls.” Her mother bowed her head.

Emily shook her head as she opened the door of the buggy. Like so many other times in the past three months, she didn’t want to talk to God. There were no cars anywhere in sight on the rural road, and she stepped out of the buggy. “I’m not going.”

Mamm
raised her head as her eyes grew wide. “Emily, you get back in this buggy!”

“I can’t do it today, tend.” She bent at the waist and held her stomach for a moment, then rose up when she heard her mother’s door slam.
Mamm
! I just can’t! I don’t want to go be around Beth Ann and everyone else, to have to smile and pre
Mamm
rounded the back of the buggy. “Emily, please just get back in the buggy.”

“I can’t.” Emily moved slowly away from her mother. “Not today.”

“How wil I explain your absence at Sister’s Day?”
Mamm
thrust her hands on her hips, atop her heavy black coat.

Emily’s jaw dropped. “I can’t believe you,
Mamm
. You just don’t get it! And al you’re worried about is how to explain why I’m not there?” Emily kept easing backward, then turned and started walking briskly back home, trying to avoid patches of snow stil left on the asphalt.

Her mother cal ed after her, and Emily could hear Betsy screaming again, but she just kept walking, the frigid wind burning her cheeks, tears streaming down her face.

DAVID WAS GLAD to be working outside, feeling the sun on his back. His father and Lil ian had decided to take Anna and Elizabeth with them to town this morning before getting started on the caulking or resuming the unpacking. He lifted his black boot high, then sank it into fresh snow and stopped to put his hand to his forehead. To the west stood the San Juan Mountains, capped in white, with sparse sprigs of greenery on the lower peaks. Though he wasn’t thril ed about his new home, the massive mountain ranges in every direction were awe-inspiring, and he liked the way the sun blazed down from blue skies, making the snow glisten like glitter for as far as he could see.

He pul ed on the barn door, then pul ed again. When it wouldn’t budge, he leaned down and hand-shoveled snow until the door opened enough for him to squeeze through the opening. Benches and tables that they’d brought from Lancaster County were stacked on one side of the barn. He doubted they would need half of the tables and chairs whenever it came their turn to hold worship service. His father had already told him that there weren’t many folks in the area, and only a few families made up the district here. Because of that, David felt a sense of isolation. Despite the beauty of the mountain ranges, he found himself struggling not to see the high peaks as borders of entrapment. On the other side of the barn, there were a few boxes that he needed to bring into the house, and in the corner were some rusted tools and empty barrels left by the prior owner. He glanced around the rest of the barn, surprised by how clean it was in comparison to the house.
Maybe I’ll just live out here
. He grinned to himself as he made his way to the horses stabled on the far side.

Pete, his father’s horse, had been around for as long as David could remember, and his own horse, Buster, was a fine animal that David received for his sixteenth birthday. Jel y Bean— named by Anna, who preferred that food over any other—was their newest horse, but not yet buggy broken.

“Hel o, Jel y Bean.” David stroked the horse on the snout, then checked the water and feed for al three. He glanced around the barn again and decided some of the old debris outside could be stacked in the barn for now.