Seeing Red (9 page)

I love you, Xander,

-Red

She placed the note deep inside his sock drawer and
hoped that one day soon he’d find it.

She noticed that the apartment was quiet and that
Oliver was still asleep, so she grabbed another piece of paper.

Oly,

I didn’t want to wake you, and I had to go catch my
plane. Please take care of yourself. Alexander will be fine.
Remember, I saw it! You are my rock—you’ve always been my rock and
my constant. Now it is your turn to live your life and go on your
adventures. You don’t need to worry about us. Enjoy your
internship. Work hard and land your dream job. Please keep in
touch. Once a week—remember. I hope we don’t go another seven years
without seeing each other. Even with all the craziness, I enjoyed
spending time with you.

I enjoyed that almost-kiss too.

I love you, Oliver.

-Jillian

She placed the note on the refrigerator door with a
magnet as she walked out the door.

Confidence is
the feeling you sometimes have, before you fully understand the
situation.

-Helen

4 YEARS LATER

Jillian

Oliver and Jill kept their promise, and once a week
they’d write or call, but they never saw each other. Through
Oliver, she knew that Alexander had been clean for the last four
years and he had gone off to undergrad and received his degree the
same year that Jillian graduated from Georgetown University. Jill
and Alexander had not spoken a word during the last four years.
Alexander and Oliver’s relationship, for the first time in many
years, was good—not great, but good. They spoke frequently.
Alexander had stayed in Texas and did his undergrad in Houston
while Oliver was in California, working as the assistant to one of
the editors of a prominent magazine.

Jillian was accepted on a full scholarship to law
school as planned. Everything was always as planned. Except for a
recurring nightmare that kept her awake more often than not, life
was normal. In her nightmare, she ran and ran and there was never
an end. It was the stress of her upcoming move, she was sure. For
the last two years, she had been dating Jeff, a waiter that she met
one day at a local coffee shop. Their relationship was good. They
didn’t argue. They had good sex; but that was it. It wasn’t love;
it wasn’t even great. It was . . . good. Good equals boring. So
when Jill was accepted to law school in Texas, she thought that it
was time to break things off. She felt a trace of sadness but not
devastation. He didn’t seem too heartbroken either. It was all very
uneventful. Once again, she didn’t feel as if she had set up roots.
She didn’t feel any attachment to Washington, DC. She’d made some
friends, but even that was not a cause for her to want to stay.

On graduation day, she received a huge bouquet of
flowers from Oliver with a note, but that was all the support she
received. No one else called and no one came.

Baby,

You did it! I’m so proud of you. Wish I could’ve
been there, but my jerk of a boss wouldn’t give me the time off.
Send me photos. You are the smartest girl I know!

Love,

Oliver

She sent him a text
message.

Got your flowers. They’re beautiful. Speech was ok.
Thx 4 ur help with that. I was nervous, but it went well. Love,
J

She’d never pitied herself for being on her own, but
on the day of her graduation, she felt sad that she had no one to
share her accomplishments with. She gave her speech and went back
to her dorm room to pack. She put on an old pair of sweat pants and
a t-shirt, sat on her couch with her laptop, surfed the web, and
checked her emails.

To Jillian’s surprise, she had an email from
Alexander.

Hi Red,

I wanted to congratulate you on graduating. I heard
you were the head nerd! Valedictorian. Wow. I’m glad that I was
able to motivate you into being top of the class.

I’m sorry we couldn’t be there. Oliver couldn’t get
the day off, and I was in the middle of closing on my new
apartment. I really miss you, Jill, and I know that this is the
start of something special. Oliver and I are finally in a good
place. The only missing puzzle piece in my life is you. I’ll see
you next month at school.

Love and miss you,

Xander

P.S. also Valedictorian

She was happy he had read the note she left him in
his sock drawer, and it brought a big smile to her face.
Immediately, Jillian responded.

Dearest fellow nerd,

Congratulations to you too. Oliver told me how well
you had done and that you were valedictorian and you gave a
fantastic speech. I was a nervous wreck during my speech. It’s so
great to hear from you after all these years. I’m happy that my
boys are getting along. It’s about damn time! Can we keep in touch
now that you have risen from the dead?

Love,

Jill (not a nerd, just smart)

P.S. You’ll see me at school?

She smiled at the computer screen, so happy that her
two favorite people were now getting along and that maybe, just
maybe, Alexander had gotten himself together and would keep in
touch. She closed her laptop and sat to watch some television, but
the suspense was killing her. During the next few hours, she logged
on to her email account a dozen times to see if he had replied.

Three hours later:

Dear Smart Ass,

I’m sure no one noticed how nervous you were. Trust
me. We’ll definitely be keeping in touch from now on. Call me when
you get to Austin. I think I can manage to drive the four hours to
see you.

Love,

Sexy Genius

She couldn’t wait to see him.

The end of summer found Jillian driving herself
cross-country. The more she drove, the more the anxiety swelled
inside of her. She was twenty-two years old and had a car full of
insignificant things to unpack when she arrived in Austin, Texas.
She had a lot of acquaintances, no boyfriend, no real
friends—besides the Jacobs—and no family. She wanted this time
around to be better. It saddened her that she didn’t live up to the
expectations she had made for herself and was leaving Washington,
DC, the same way she got there four years ago—alone.

Within the first few hours of driving, she thought
she saw something in her rearview mirror: a redheaded man. When she
looked again, there was nothing. She was alone in her car. She
shook her head side to side as if she were getting the image out of
her head. She was just tired, she thought.

Law school was to begin in a few days. She’d given
herself a few days to unpack, do a little shopping, and visit with
Alexander. Jillian arrived at her new apartment, which she had
found online on Friday night. It was off-campus but very close to
school. The landlord, accustomed to renting to students, had found
her a roommate, Heather. This would be her home for the next three
years. She unpacked carefully and walked around the area to become
acquainted with the campus and the neighborhood. While walking, a
quick flash of the redheaded man appeared in front of her, causing
her to stumble over a gap on the sidewalk. It was neither a vision
nor a premonition. It came and went in seconds like spots of light
when suddenly walking from a dark room into the bright sunshine. It
came and went at the same moment. She couldn’t pinpoint anything
except a cloudy image of an unknown man. She brushed it off as
stress. Perhaps she needed her eyes checked. Her peripheral vision
was playing tricks on her, she thought.

That evening, when she arrived back at the
apartment, she booted up her laptop and sent two emails:

O,

I arrived safely. I’m exhausted from 2 days of
driving. I’ll text you my new address later. The apartment is
better than I thought it would be—much bigger than the dorms in
D.C. The campus is nice too. It’s Texas, so everything is big: big
campus, wide roads, lots of land, and very hot!

Hope you’re doing great. How did your job interview
go?

Love,

J

Next,

X,

I’m here in Austin. Just finished unpacking. I start
school on Monday. Hope to see you before then. Call me.

Love,

J

Sunday, she still had not heard from Alexander.
Oliver had sent a quick email saying he was running to a second
interview and it was looking good—otherwise, they wouldn’t have
called him for a second interview.

Maybe Alexander had not checked his email. She
decided to call him, but he didn’t pick up. She sent him a
text.

Hi. I’m in Austin. Come visit. We can meet
halfway. I start school tomorrow and will not be able to make the
drive once school starts. Call me. –J

A few minutes later, she received his reply:

Hi. Can’t make it this weekend. Busy moving.
Sorry. –X

It was cold and short and it angered her. Why did
she get her expectations up when it came to Alexander? He always
let her down. She was done with his crap and refused to even reply
to his text.

The next morning, Jillian woke up an hour early and
felt rested. She made herself breakfast, took a shower, and even
had time to straighten her red curly hair but decided against it.
It was time to change things up. She’d been wearing her hair
straight for the last eleven years, and it was a big production to
accomplish every morning. She would own her natural curls, and her
new peers would meet her in all her red, curly glory. She tamed it
as much as possible, but really, it was untamable. Jillian wanted
to make a good impression but didn’t want to look like she tried
too hard. She was determined to open herself up and socialize and
make friends. She put on her favorite pair of jeans, a white tank
top and black blazer, and black platform shoes. It made her average
five feet five inches look at least four inches taller. She put on
very little makeup and her signature red lipstick that she usually
saved for the evenings or on the weekends. It made her feel
fearless and beautiful, and this was a new day full of new promise.
She put on her favorite necklace: her special seashell necklace
that she’d had since the island. It was her most valued possession.
She looked at herself one last time in the mirror and felt
satisfied. As she turned around to walk away, she vaguely saw that
recurring image standing behind her: the redheaded man. She jumped
in surprise and looked immediately behind her but . . . nothing.
Her eyes were definitely playing tricks on her. “Time for a trip to
the eye doctor or the head doctor,” she mumbled to herself.

It was the first day of school in a new town. Get
your head together. You’re not seeing things. It’s time to put on
your big girl pants and suck it up. It is going to be a great
day.

***

Alexander

Alexander was not accustomed to waking up so early.
In undergrad, he made sure his schedule of classes never began
before 11 a.m., but this time around the administration gave him a
pre-set schedule, and he didn’t have any say-so. He went out the
night before for a farewell-to-fun-for-the-next-three-years bash,
and his head throbbed. He was determined to get his life together
and make this work. He was not going to settle for being the
rebel-loser twin. He hoped not to have to see Jill today. His head
ached too much, and he didn’t want to hear her judgment.

It was a hot September morning. He had grabbed the
first thing he found lying around in his new apartment and put it
on and left. It was nothing special: a pair of white knee-length
shorts, and a gray t-shirt. The University of Austin Law School was
not big; running into Jill was almost inevitable. He ran his
fingers through his hair after taking off his helmet, got off his
motorcycle, and started to walk towards the door, holding on to his
leather jacket.
Here goes nothing, he thought.

Of course, as soon as he walked into the big double
doors to the main building, he walked right into Jillian, causing
all her books to fly out of her hands.

“Hey, watch where you’re going.” She shrieked
angrily and bent down to start picking up the half dozen law books
she was carrying. As soon as he saw the red mess of curls, he knew
it was Jill.

***

Jillian

“Sorry, Red.” He bent down to help her pick up the
books. She looked up to see Alexander. Her jaw was on the floor
from shock. The last four years had been good to him—fantastic,
actually. A quick sequence of Alexander ran through her mind like
the table of human evolution with the apes that one studies in
school. In her mind, a reel of a blond toddler running around naked
by the beach turned into a small scrawny and skinny pre-pubescent
boy, then a tall, lean, well-defined slender eighteen-year-old boy
from four years ago, to now, a full-grown man. He must have grown
another four inches and gained fifty pounds of pure muscle since
she had last seen him in the hospital. His chest was wide, and his
biceps begged to be released from the confines of the tight gray
shirt. She never imagined a plain t-shirt could look so damn sexy.
She felt like a cartoon, rolling her tongue back into her mouth and
using her hand to shut her jaw closed.

“What the hell are you doing here?” She said when
she collected herself.

“I applied. I got in. I’m officially a smarty-pants
like you.”

“What? You’re going to law school? You want to be a
lawyer? Since when?” She was dumbfounded.

He pointed to himself. “Yes. All these looks, plus
brains. I’m going to be the first sexy-hunk graduate from U of A.”
He winked at her. “Anyway, why do you have all these books?”

“Don’t you check your emails? Syllabus? The
professor’s webpage? Anything? These are the books for class. Maybe
your professors have different books, but these are required for
mine.”