See You at the Show (31 page)

“If I win on Thursday, Stevie, my life is going to change beyond belief and I need to know...I need to know if you really want yours to do the same.”

She looked at him.
 
He looked tired, stressed.
 
Did she really understand just what he was having to go through here?
 
Did she honestly have any idea?
 

She pulled her legs away from him and hugged her knees.
 
“Do you regret this, Daniel?
 
How complicated it’s all become?
 
Do you regret
me
?”

“
You
?
 
No, Stevie, Jesus, no!
 
I don’t regret
you
.”

She got up but he was right behind her, stopping her from walking away by grabbing onto her waist, pulling her against him.
 
“I love you, Ms. Stone, have you got that?
 
I love you.
 
And if you want me to give all of this up then I’d do it in a heartbeat for you.
 
I would do it in a bloody heartbeat.”

And he meant it.
 
They were words that had just come out of nowhere but he realised that he meant it.
 
He wanted this, this election win, of course he did.
 
Had he not waited all his life to get what he was almost certain to receive on Thursday?
 
But he wanted her more.
 

“I’d never ask you to give this up, Daniel.”

“But you wish it wasn’t quite like this, am I right?”

She held onto the collar of his shirt as he gently rubbed the small of her back.
 
“I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to all this cloak and dagger crap, Daniel.
 
Of course I wish it was different but, it isn’t.
 
And I can’t walk away from you.”

“Then I’m glad.”
 
He smiled at her and she stared up at him.
 

She loved this man, and she knew it was love because it was making her feel vulnerable and weak and that wasn’t her.
 
It hadn’t been her for such a long time and it scared her.
 
She did stupid things when she was in love.
 
She lost control.
 
But maybe now was the time to stop playing around and admit these feelings were real because this wasn’t some stupid on/off relationship she could just throw aside when she felt like it.
 
That was Mark Cassidy territory.
 
This was different and she knew that.
 
It was different.
 
“I can’t walk away from the man I’ve just fallen in love with,” she whispered, reaching up to stroke his cheek.
 

“You really love me?” he asked, his fingers wrapping tightly around hers.

“I really love you, Daniel Madison.
 
You’ve got this rock ‘n’ roll biker chick well and truly snared so, yeah, I love you.
 
And now I’ve said it I’m fucking terrified.”

He pulled her into his arms and held her tight.
 
He wished it was different too, he wished the world he lived in was more tolerant of what was happening to him, of who he’d fallen in love with, but it wasn’t.
 
And somehow this incredible woman he couldn’t live without was going to have to fit into this new life of his and how that played out nobody could predict.
 
He just knew he was nothing without her now.
 
And everyone else was just going to have to get used to that.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Johnny stood at the back of the studio, his guitar slung over one shoulder, watching his friend as he went about everything on what could only be described as auto-pilot.
 
He’d never seen Mark this affected, this messed up.
 
He was turning up at the studio late, drinking more, sleeping less, he looked a state most of the time and there was nothing Johnny could do.
 
There never really had been because the only person who’d ever been able to keep Mark Cassidy in check was Stevie.
 
And she wasn’t always around anymore.
 

Her secret relationship with Daniel Madison meant she’d all but cut every tie she’d had with the band, although she did pop into the studio now and again, and that had been a little more frequently than usual of late due to her new boyfriend’s circumstances, which were leaving her at more than a loose end.
 
But whether that had been a good thing or not for Mark Johnny still didn’t know.
 
He
could cope with seeing her, he’d never really stood a chance anyway, but Mark, well, he didn’t seem to be coping at all.
 

Johnny took off his guitar and stood it up against the wall, going over to Mark.

“What’s up with you, man?
 
You can’t carry on like this; it isn’t doing you any good.
 
Have you seen the state of you?
 
You look like crap.”

“It’ll suit the way I feel then.”

“This isn’t you, Mark.
 
You have to deal with it.
 
She’s gone, ok?
 
She’s with him now and you have to accept that.”

Mark looked at Johnny.
 
“Do I?
 
I have to accept that she’s with someone who won’t even admit to the outside world that he’s supposedly in love with her?
 
He’s keeping her hidden away like some sordid secret, Jesus, what the fuck is she doing letting that happen, Johnny?
 
That isn’t Stevie.
 
What the fuck is he doing to her?
 
I should blow it all wide open; tell the world what he’s playing at...”

“And that’d help would it?
 
Ruining his career, hurting Stevie...that’d help?”

Mark pushed a hand through his dark hair, sitting back and sighing heavily. “Fuck off, Johnny.
 
You don’t know how the hell I’m feeling so quit with the lectures.”

He was too full of self-pity for Johnny.
 
Too full of his own selfish reasons for feeling like he was.
 
He needed to snap out of it, get a grip.
 

“Do you think you were the only one who loved her, Mark?
 
Huh?
 
Do you think you were the only one who cared about her?
 
Jesus, you treated her like shit half the time, you never once showed her how you really felt until it was too fucking late.”

“It was what she wanted.”

“Was it?
 
Do you honestly believe that?
 
Looking at where she is now, with this
Madison
guy?”

Mark stood up, kicking over the chair he was sitting on.
 
“Shut up, Johnny, ok?
 
Just shut the fuck up.
 
I don’t want to talk about him; he doesn’t exist in my mind, and she’ll get tired of that whole set-up, eventually.
 
I know she will.
 
She doesn’t do being locked away, she doesn’t do that.
 
She’ll get tired of him and she’ll come back to me, you’ll see.”

“You’re fucking kidding yourself, Mark.
 
I’ve talked to her, I’ve spoken to her, I can see it in her eyes.
 
She’s changed.
 
She’s fucking crazy about him, haven’t you looked at her when she’s here?”

“I said, shut the fuck up, Johnny!”

Mark grabbed him, pushing him hard against the wall but Johnny just laughed, pushing him back twice as hard as Mark lunged for him again, hitting out at Johnny who gave back as good as he was getting, until Dave ran between the two of them, separating them.

“Jesus Christ, what the fuck is
with
you two?”

“He started it,” Mark said, wiping his cut mouth with the back of his hand.

Dave looked at him.
 
“Are we suddenly back in playschool?
 
You’re bloody grown-ups, so act like them.”

Mark lashed out at Johnny again, who retaliated just as quickly but Dave grabbed Mark’s wrist, pushing him backwards, away from Johnny.

“I’m not even going to ask what this was about because I can guess, but it stops, now, ok?
 
Grow up, the pair of you.”
 
He looked at Mark.
 
“And you - learn to live with the decision she made.
 
Move on, alright?”

He walked away from them, going outside to grab some fresh air as Stevie pulled up at the back door on her bike.

“I thought we had a deal,” he said, leaning back against the wall.
 

She took her helmet off and shook out her hair.
 
“And what deal would that be, Dave?”

“You don’t hang around here anymore.
 
You give him space to breathe; you don’t ignite any more tension than there already is in there.
 
You’re with our soon-to-be-Prime Minister now.
 
I’m keeping my mouth shut, I’m keeping your dirty little secret just that – a secret – but you’ve got to help me out here, sweetheart.
 
You coming round here, it isn’t helping.”

“I don’t roadie with this band anymore, Dave, that was the deal.
 
But I’m also a freelance sound engineer and this is a job.
 
Not my fault I’ve been sent here.”

“And I thought you were a kept woman now.
 
Is the new soon-to-be PM not giving you enough?”

“Oh, he’s giving me more than enough, Dave.
 
He’s giving me everything I need.
 
But none of it’s got anything to do with money.
 
I fuck him, I don’t live off him.”

“Nice mouth.”

“And you should see what it can do to your future Prime Minister.”

Dave looked at her as she started walking away.
 
Still as beautiful.
 
Still as dangerous.
 
Still hanging around when he didn’t need her to be.
 
“You should know they’ve been at it again.”

She stopped and turned round.
 
“And that’s my problem?”

Dave shrugged.
 
“I never said that.”
 
He lit his cigarette and took a drag.
 
“I just thought you should know.”

She didn’t say anything, leaving him outside and walking into the studio.
 

Jack was tuning his guitar, looking up as she walked in.
 
“Hey, here she is.
 
The woman who can cause trouble without even being in the same postcode.”

“Piss off, Jack.”

“Nice to see you too.”

She gave him the finger and walked over to Mark.
 
“What’s the matter with you, for Christ’s sake?”

“What?
 
What the fuck have
I
done?”

“And you’re just as bad,” she said, turning to Johnny, who’d walked back into the room.
 
“The pair of you need to grow up.”
 
She looked at Mark again.
 
“You look a bloody state.
 
What the hell is wrong with you?”

“You really want to know?”
 
He looked her right in the eyes and she stared right back.

“I really want to know.”

Johnny grabbed her hand, pulling her away.
 
Another row wasn’t going to solve anything and starting Mark off again was only going to aggravate everyone.

“What the fuck are you doing?
 
And why’s he look like crap?
 
Is he getting any sleep?”

“You sound like you still care about him.”

“Of course I still care about him.
 
What am I?
 
Some heartless cow who stops giving a damn just because I’m not with him anymore?”
 
She sat down, crossing her legs underneath her.
 
“What’s going on, Johnny?”

“Forget it.
 
Just Mark being a jerk.”

“Nothing new there then.”

“What you doing here anyway?
 
I thought you’d have wanted to be with the boyfriend, seeing as this election’s happening tomorrow.”

She shrugged, examining her finger nails.
 
“He’s kind of busy right now.”
 
She sat back and looked at Johnny.
 
“I’m scared, J.”

“Of what?”

“Of everything.”

“I thought Stevie Stone didn’t do scared.”

“I didn’t do falling in love either but that got me eventually.”
 
She sighed, pulling her knees up to her chest.
 
“Why did he have to be who he is?”

“You can’t change that, Stevie.
 
You just have to know if it’s the right thing you’re doing.
 
Are you happy?”

She looked at him again.
 
“Am I happy being hidden away?
 
Am I happy having to be escorted to and from his flat like some shameful secret?
 
No.
 
I’m not.
 
Am I happy when he’s with me?
 
Am I happy when he’s there, and we’re together, yeah, I’m ecstatic.
 
But that’s not real, is it?
 
If he becomes Prime Minister even
I
know I may not be required any more.
 
He’ll have other things to think about, people telling him left, right and centre what he’s got to do and getting rid of me might be one of them.”