Seducing My Assistant (4 page)

“Hey Elizabeth.” Lacey answered the phone right away. “You okay?”

“Hey you.” I spoke into the phone happily, glad that Lacey was always available to me. “Breakfast was awkward.”

“Well, you expected that.” She giggled. “This whole week has been awkward.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” I sighed and opened my car door. “So Scott told me that we were invited to spend the weekend at Henry’s mansion, do you remember Henry? Xander’s brother, from the flag football game?”

“Oh yeah kinda.” Lacey’s voice dropped slightly and I could hear my brain ticking in thought.

“Kinda?” I teased her. “Kinda or definitely?”

“Okay, so I definitely remember him, but not for any good reasons. He was so arrogant and such a jerk.” She rambled on and I couldn’t stop myself from laughing.

“So wow, he really made an impression on you.”

“You could say that.” She said thoughtfully. “Guess what?”

“What?” I asked her curiously, noting that she’d changed the subject. Interesting!

“I got a freelance job as a waitress for private events.” She said excitedly.

“A job? I thought you were meant to be concentrating on your writing?”

“It’s part-time.” She said quickly. “And I know you’re not working for Bob anymore.” She said. “We need the money.”

“Lacey, no. You’re meant to be writing your book. Plus, I’m going back to work for Scott, as his assistant. So I’ll have an income.” I said quickly, realizing that I was quite looking forward to going back to work for Scott.

“Elizabeth, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Lacey said softly. “Are you sure that’s what you want to do? And before you answer, note that I’m keeping the waitressing job. I’m going to make some money and I’m going to contribute as best as I can. I know you invited me here and said I can stay for free, but I can’t just mooch off of you.”

“Lacey, you’re not mooching.” I sighed. “Let me do this for you. I want you to finish your book.”

“I will finish it.” Lacey said excitedly. “Trust me, just being here is exciting enough. And even just being around Henry that one day inspired me.”

“Henry?” I grinned into the phone. “So you do have the hots for him then? So we should definitely go?”

“No we shouldn’t go.” She groaned. “He’s bad news. And I don’t need bad news, not after Steven.”

“Yeah.” I sighed. “You need a great guy. A really good one.” I paused then and I could feel my stomach churning. “I really want to help you, Lacey. I want to be here for you like you’ve always been for me. Please don’t feel like you have to do this waitressing job, just to help pay bills. You know you don’t owe me anything. You know I want to pay you back for always having my back. For always being here for me.”

“Don’t be silly, Eliza.” Lacey laughed. “We’ve always been there for each other. And we always will be. I’m taking this job. Maybe it will be inspirational. The first gig is tonight at some rich guy’s house. Maybe I’ll see more hotties and be even more inspired.”

“Really, Lacey?” I wasn’t convinced. “You’ve never waitressed before and I don’t know that some rich guy’s party is going to be the best place to get inspired, if you’re dropping food on everyone.”

“There’s a first time for everything.” She laughed. “Have a little faith.”

“Ha-ha, I’ll try.” I groaned then as I realized what her words meant.

“Uh oh, what’s wrong?” She asked me immediately.

“Shane’s coming over.” I sighed. “And if you’re working tonight that means you won’t be there.”

“Oh.” She was quiet for a while. “I cannot go in. I can tell them something came up.”

“No,” I sighed again. “You can’t do that. It’s your first job. I’ll deal with it. It’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” She sounded uncertain.

“I’m sure.” I lied. “I’m a big girl now. I can deal with him. I mean I dealt with Scott this morning.”

“So how did that go?”

“Ugh, you don’t even want to know. I don’t even really know what’s going on.”

“What do you mean?” She sounded confused.

“I mean; I don’t know if he likes me or not. I don’t know what he wants.”

“You know he likes you silly. That’s why he came over. That’s why he wanted to have breakfast with you.”

“I mean, yeah, I know he likes me enough to want to screw me, but who knows if he really wants more than that.”

“Oh, yeah, true.” Lacey’s voice grew softer. “He seems like a good guy though right? Like someone you could trust?”

“That’s what I thought about Shane as well remember?” I knew it was wrong to compare Shane and Scott. I knew they weren’t the same, but somehow I couldn’t stop myself.

“Yeah, but you were young and well, Shane was Shane.” Her voice drifted off. “I thought that Steve was great as well. But we were in college and we were young. We didn’t know.”

“Yeah, but how do we know we know any better now?” I laughed at my sentence. “That was a mouthful.”

“I guess we never really know.” She said and sighed. “Just like I don’t know about Henry, but I can read the signs. And all signs are telling me he’s no good.”

“What do your Scott signs say?” I wasn’t sure why I asked, but I was curious.

“My Scott signs say he’s a decent guy. Maybe even a good guy. Maybe even great.” She said thoughtfully. “But you know, I don’t really know him that well.”

“I know. I know. I don’t really know him well either, asides from in the biblical sense.”

“The biblical sense is quite well.” Lacey said with a giggle. “In fact, I think there is no greater knowledge.”

“You’re horrible.” I laughed. “Really really horrible.”

“Just wait until you read Play the Player. You’re going to think I’m even worse then.”

“I’ll never think bad about you.” I said after a few seconds. “You’re the most perfect human being, I know.” My heart constricted as I thought about my friend and just how pure and dear she was to me. I thought about Shane and my heart froze for a few seconds. What did he want? Why was he here? Was he going to ruin everything? He’d ruined my life once before and I was scared that he was back to ruin it once more. “I’ll see you later, okay Lacey? I should go now. I need to go to the grocery store, get some stuff before Shane comes over.”

“Sounds like a plan.” She agreed. “Wish me luck tonight. I hope I don’t spill any wine on anyone.”

“You won’t,” I said confidently as I hung up, but then I laughed to myself. Lacey was a bit of a klutz, so if anyone was apt to have an accident on a guest, it was her. But I knew she’d be fine. At least I hoped she would be. I didn’t need any more drama in my life right now.

***

Time always goes slowly when you’re waiting for a date, a phone call, a text or some sort of contact from someone. And while I didn’t care about Shane in that way anymore, I still felt anxious while I waited for him to come over. I had no idea what he wanted from me or why he was here, but I doubted it was because of true love. The fact that he had brought my father with him made me think that whatever he wanted meant high stakes and high stakes meant that he was willing to do or reveal anything he needed to in order to get his own way. That scared me. I didn’t need him letting any cats out of the bag. I didn’t need him causing trouble for me. Not now, not now that I’d finally moved on with my life.

When the doorbell rang, I got off of the couch slowly and walked over with to the front door in trepidation. It was weird going to answer the door for him. Someone I thought I’d never see again. Someone I had loved, been intimate with, given my heart and soul to. Someone who was now a complete stranger to me. A complete and utter stranger. I opened the door, my heart racing as I stood there and looked at his face. So familiar and yet so distant. It felt weird looking at him after all of these years.

“Hi Eliza.” He said with a huge smile.

“Hi.” I didn’t smile back. I didn’t trust him and I didn’t want him to think we were cool.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m good.” I nodded. “You?”

“Good.” He nodded back. “I’d be better if I could come in though.”

“Oh, yeah, come in.” I stepped back and ushered him in. He swooped past me and into the apartment and I closed the door behind him. I turned around to see that he was still staring at me. A weird look on his face. I couldn’t read his expression and that worried me. I’d always been able to read his expression. “I thought we could chat in the living room.” I said as I looked away from him and headed to the living room. “I got some almonds and Chex mix.”

“You remembered.” He said happily as I listed off his favorite snacks.

“Yeah, hard to forget.” I said and gave him a small smile, momentarily forgetting the bad times we’d had as I looked into his deep blue eyes.

“I brought you something.” He said and handed me a bag.

“You shouldn’t have.” I frowned as I took the plastic bag from him.

“It’s just something small.” He shrugged and I opened the bag. Inside there were two snickers bars and a bag of Swedish fish.

“You remembered.” I said as I looked back up at him.

“How could I forget?” He said with a smile as we walked into the living room and for a few seconds we just stared at each other, momentarily taken back to the past. I stared at him, his face had matured, gone was the puppy dog cheeks that had given that boyish look. He was all hardened and masculine now. A complete man. No longer a boy in any way. And if anything that made him even more attractive than he’d been in college. He surveyed my face as I surveyed his, both of us taking each other in and studying. I sat down on the couch and he followed suit. I leaned back and fiddled with the cushions, wondering what to say. I felt awkward, unsure of myself. I felt like I was a young teen again, uncomfortable in my own skin. Uncomfortable in the moment. And I hated it. I hated it with a passion.

"Hey," Shane's voice was unsure as he sat next to me on the couch and I could feel his shoulders rubbing next to mine.

"Hey." I said back, gazing into his eyes, wondering how we'd gotten to this point. The point where we were like strangers. How could we have been so close and now nothing? At one point, this man in front of me had been the love of my life. At one point, he had been my everything. My absolute everything. And now, now I felt nothing.

"I've missed you." He said simply and I didn't respond. The words would have meant everything to me a few years ago. They would have meant the world. They were everything I’d ever wanted to hear from him, yet now they felt inadequate and almost fake.

"I had to let you go." I said finally as he continued to gaze into my eyes and he nodded. I wasn’t sure what else to say. I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to tell him that I missed him as well. I wasn’t even sure if he was being sincere. He looked like he was, but then I didn’t trust my own thoughts and perceptions now when it came to him. I’d thought he would love me forever and look how wrong I’d been there.

"I know." He said and he looked sad. "I understand why you let me go. I know I pushed you to that. It’s my biggest regret." He paused and I watched as he ran his hands through his hair and then let out a deep sigh. “I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m here. I’m sure you have questions.” He shook his head and bit his lower lip as I just gazed at him, nodding, but not speaking.

"I am wondering why you’re here.” I said and then because I didn’t know what else to say, I said. “It was hard getting over you." I admitted finally. "It was most probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life."

"I’m so sorry.” He looked down and away from me and I swallowed hard. He looked and sounded so sincere. “I did love you, you know?" He reached over and grabbed my hand. "I really and truly did love you."

"Shane, you were my best friend, but you drove me crazy..." My voice trailed off as I thought about our past. Everything he'd meant to me.

"It's okay." He sighed and it suddenly struck me that he really did look and sound sincere. Maybe he wasn’t here to drag up the past and make me pay for my role in things. The lies I’d told. My own betrayal.

"I wrote a letter." I said hesitantly as I glanced at him and wondered if now was the time to try and make peace with him. I’d read a book recently that had said that the best way to get over hurt from the past was to forgive and forget. Maybe talking everything through with him would help me accomplish that. "I wrote a letter to get it all out, to help me heal. I can read it to you, if you like, so you can understand." I cringed inside at the thought of him hearing my most intimate thoughts, but a part of me thought it could be healing, and redemptive.

"I don't know." He looked uncomfortable as he sat there. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." I nodded, suddenly feeling like this was something I needed to do. I jumped up and ran to my bedroom. I opened the journal I'd been writing in for years and pulled out the envelope that held the letter I'd written to help me move on from Shane. I walked back to the living room and sat down beside him. His blue eyes were bright and searching and for a few seconds, I was once again sucked back into him. I looked away and took a deep breath and opened the letter and started reading.

Hey you,

I miss you. It's weird to admit that because I hate you or at least I should hate you, for everything that you've done. For breaking my heart. For making me feel not good enough. For making me feel ugly. Your rejection is the most painful, hardest thing I've ever had to endure. I never thought it would come to this. I always thought we'd have this strong and loving connection. I thought I was special to you. I thought that I meant something. But obviously I was wrong. I mean nothing to you. And that hurts. That hurts more than anything. I tried so hard to be the one for you. I would have given anything, everything. I would have loved you until the end of my days. I feel like I always will. You do something to me. You're my other half. You get me when no one else does. You listen to me. You know my inner secrets and pain. You know who I am. And yet, I never ran away. Even though I was scared you’d leave me. But you listened to me and you never left. You told me you’d never leave me. Well that was a lie. You did. And my heart can’t comprehend how you could do that to me. I feel weak inside. I feel empty. I feel like I’ve lost a piece of myself.  Have I told you that I miss you? That I don't understand this hold you have on me. I lay at night thinking about you. Wondering if it was something I did, something I said. What is it about me that is so unlovable? Am I just too ugly? Too fat? Too mean? Too unfunny? What is it about me that makes people leave me? Maybe I’ll never know. Maybe I’m never meant to know. I don’t know anymore. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry about the baby. I’m sorry about Steve. I’m a horrible person. I have no excuses. I have no excuses. I lied. I betrayed. I wanted to hold on to you so badly. I’m ashamed of myself. I’m so ashamed. I hate you and I hate me. More than anything. I just hope to get over this feeling one day. I’m going to pray. I’m going to go to church. Don’t laugh. There’s a first time for everything. I need to find my way. I need to find something. I need faith. In something other than love. In something other than you. You broke me. And I’m scared that I will never be whole again. I’m scared that I will never understand. I love you. I love you so much.