Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Family, Real Love (37 page)

When I was growing up, parents did not include their children in any decisions, important or otherwise. I always thought that was a mistake. I decided to do it differently when I had my own children. ■

A question I get asked frequently is, “Why did you decide to do a reality TV show?” I always answer, “We” decided to do the show, not “I.” It was a family decision. With respect to Allyson, she was fourteen at the time and I felt she was old enough to understand what her role would be. Allyson herself decided she wanted to tell the world that she has a form of arthritis, which is often referred to as “an old person’s disease.” People still tell me they never knew children could be afflicted with it. Thousands of fans have contacted me to share their own stories of living with arthritis. Allyson wanted to help other children by sharing her story. She lives with pain every day and works twice as hard to overcome it. The production company was extremely respectful of her privacy and feelings. Allyson is a wonderful girl, and I am very pleased with how she has been portrayed. ■

1. Your child inevitably screams: “What are you doing in my room? Get out of my room. This is my room.” Do not be deterred; it may be her room, but you are still paying the rent.

2. After an attempt to keep you out of the room has failed, your child will now ignore you. No problem, you’ve got all the time in the world.

3. Eventually, your child will start the conversation. Wait for it—it will come.

4. Take your cue and watch your words. This is not your time to lecture; this is your time to listen.

5. By the end of the conversation, your kid will probably have asked you for some guidance about some issue in his or her life.

1.
How often do you turn off all devices and distractions to let your children know that you are there for them, with 100 percent attention?

2.
How well do you communicate with your kids?

3.
Do you have the feeling your kids confide in you? Why or why not?

4.
Do you do as much listening as talking when you do have their attention?

If I talked back to Mother when Dad was around he would force me to apologize immediately. I had to say I was sorry, even if I wasn’t. In those days, children were more afraid of their parents than we are today. ■

When we hear our own kids speak to us sometimes, the first thing we say and think is “We would never, in a
million
years, have spoken that way to our parents.” Number one, it wouldn’t have occurred to us to show such disrespect, and number two, if we had said that to them, we cannot imagine the consequence. It is literally unthinkable.

We couldn’t even get away with referring to Mommy as “she” in the third person. For example, we could never say to Dad while Mom was at the table, “She wouldn’t let us go out tonight.” She? She who? It was considered rude beyond measure and not accepted in our house. ■

1.
Do you show respect to your parents?

2.
Do you demand that your children show you respect? How do you do that?

3.
What are the consequences of disrespect in your house?

4.
Do you allow programs in your home that implicitly condone disrespect of parents? Watch what your kids are watching. If you are not happy, get up from the sofa and turn off the
drek.