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Authors: Jill Zarin,Lisa Wexler,Gloria Kamen
Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Family, Real Love (17 page)
BOOK: Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Family, Real Love
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ask yourself
1.
Are you completely satisfied with your medical care? If so, congratulations. You win a prize for being the only person in the world who can say that.
Are you completely satisfied with your medical care? If so, congratulations. You win a prize for being the only person in the world who can say that.
2.
Do you need to find a good doctor? Take the advice above. If you do and you still don’t have the right doctor, contact us and we’ll give you a referral. We’re sure we can find you the
best
doctor.
Do you need to find a good doctor? Take the advice above. If you do and you still don’t have the right doctor, contact us and we’ll give you a referral. We’re sure we can find you the
best
doctor.
Jewish mothers embrace the best of Western and Eastern philosophies of healing, even though we have no idea why some of them work. What do we care why they work? All we know is that we feel better. Acupuncture, reiki, chiropractic care, therapeutic massage—if it can make the pain go away, we want the number, immediately.
Gloria’s Retainers
I do admit to having regular acupuncture, massage and chiropractic treatment for various aches and pains and ailments. Sol calls these practitioners my “retainers.” I believe they work. Sometimes they are much more effective and less harmful than taking medicines. ■
Lisa’s Ordeal
My cycle has always been irregular—it took me eleven years to conceive two kids. In my thirties, my body changed, and instead of too few periods, I had too many. Occasionally the bleeding wouldn’t stop; once I had to leave a cruise ship to seek medical attention. I was living on eggshells all the time. There was nothing wrong with my organs; my problem was “hormonal bleeding.” I was definitely headed for an early hysterectomy, and for no good reason. A friend told me about an acupuncturist who had cured her endometriosis. I made an appointment for myself, thinking, What the hell? Since then, I have not missed a single period for more than ten years. I even recommended this acupuncturist to Ally for her arthritis. Thank God for Dr. Ho, may he live forever. ■
Jill Seeks Help for Ally
Allyson has a rare form of arthritis called spondyloarthropathy. We have had her seen by the finest specialists and even took her to the National Institutes of Health to confirm the diagnosis, since it is so rare. But lots of medicines have side effects, and our philosophy has been that they should be taken only when needed. If you saw the early episodes of
Housewives,
you might recall when I sent Ally to a “detox” center to rid her body of impurities. Do you know the stuff they drained out of her feet was actually black? Who knows how many chemicals she had absorbed between her diet, her medicines and our environment? Anyway, that approach was an attempt to teach Ally some tools to help her eat better, in the hopes that a better diet might improve her symptoms. We are always trying to find alternative ways to treat Ally’s arthritis. We never give up. ■
Housewives,
you might recall when I sent Ally to a “detox” center to rid her body of impurities. Do you know the stuff they drained out of her feet was actually black? Who knows how many chemicals she had absorbed between her diet, her medicines and our environment? Anyway, that approach was an attempt to teach Ally some tools to help her eat better, in the hopes that a better diet might improve her symptoms. We are always trying to find alternative ways to treat Ally’s arthritis. We never give up. ■
ask yourself
1.
Do you have a condition for which the usual medical treatment has failed you?
Do you have a condition for which the usual medical treatment has failed you?
2.
Are you open to other kinds of healing?
Are you open to other kinds of healing?
3.
Do you know anyone who has received alternative treatments? Don’t they swear by them?
Do you know anyone who has received alternative treatments? Don’t they swear by them?
Would you believe that our Grandma Helen was preoccupied with her appearance until the day she died, at age 106 and a half? Completely deaf by then, even at that age she wanted to know if her hairstyle looked pretty. She would tell us how we looked as well, whether we were too fat or too thin, and of course give us her opinion of our hairstyle. (What is it with the hair in our group? It’s an obsession.) People don’t change. Everyone wants to look pretty; everyone feels better when they know they look good. Doesn’t the Bible say “Vanity of vanities, all is vanity”? But in real life, a little vanity is usually enough. Don’t endanger your health in pursuit of your vanished youth. Good health is incredibly attractive. Vitality, energy and a wide smile make all of us look beautiful, even if we don’t have perfect teeth. Don’t be as hard on yourself as we are on ourselves—we
know
that’s not healthy. On the other hand, we must admit we look pretty good ... don’t you think?
know
that’s not healthy. On the other hand, we must admit we look pretty good ... don’t you think?
4
Education
What you know is the one thing no
one can take away from you.
one can take away from you.
Y
ou probably know that Jews value education above almost everything else, and we consider the education of women as important as the education of men. As Jewish mothers, we pride ourselves on knowing everything that is important to know. Of course, we decide what is important. While the Jewish people as a whole are called the “People of the Book” for our traditional devotion to the Torah, perhaps a more appropriate name should be the “People Who Read Everything,” in honor of our well-developed affection for hardcovers, paperbacks, newspapers, magazines and whatever we find on the Internet. No Jewish home is complete without a small library in every lavatory. Wherever we are, we read.
ou probably know that Jews value education above almost everything else, and we consider the education of women as important as the education of men. As Jewish mothers, we pride ourselves on knowing everything that is important to know. Of course, we decide what is important. While the Jewish people as a whole are called the “People of the Book” for our traditional devotion to the Torah, perhaps a more appropriate name should be the “People Who Read Everything,” in honor of our well-developed affection for hardcovers, paperbacks, newspapers, magazines and whatever we find on the Internet. No Jewish home is complete without a small library in every lavatory. Wherever we are, we read.
We joke that if you put two Jews in a room, you get three opinions. In our family, maybe even four. Opinions, arguments, commentary—they are an integral part of family. What good is an education if we can’t argue at the dinner table about who is right about the topic of the day? We take great pride in the members of our tribe who have contributed some of the most profound philosophical, scientific, artistic and medical advancements in human history, from Sigmund Freud, Albert Einstein and Jonas Salk, to Ayn Rand, Gloria Steinem, Richard Rodgers and George Gershwin. Explore any sphere of learning and you are bound to find a Jew.
The Jewish approach to education is to question authority, not merely accept it. Even in religious school, we are taught to ask why. Often you will find Jews on the front lines of civil rights movements. What are they doing? In effect, they are questioning the status quo. Advocating for justice, finding the courage to speak out—this is what the Jewish mother teaches from the crib.
Why is education so important to us? Because what you know is the one thing no one can take away from you. Jews have survived inquisitions, pogroms and a Holocaust of unparalleled atrocity and scope. Our history is one of persecution and exile—they don’t call us the “wandering Jews” for nothing. How did we survive? Think about it—what do lawyers, doctors, teachers, authors and scientists all have in common? They do not make things that a government can take away. We have always relied on what was in our brains, not in our hands. When all fell apart, we took our learning with us to the next place, from wherever we were.
The Grandparents: Education
We are very proud of the level of education achieved by our grandparents and great-grandparents, particularly the women in our family. Ida, Gloria’s grandmother, attended business school after high school. Gloria’s mother, Sylvia Levy, was part of the first graduating class of Long Island University (and lived long enough to attend her sixtieth class reunion). She then became a teacher in New York City. Her book club lasted more than fifty years, until everyone either died or moved to Florida. Sylvia saw to it that both of her daughters, Gloria and Cooky, graduated from NYU and became licensed teachers.
The best story comes from Grandma Helen, Sol’s mother. Helen Goldblatt was born in a shtetl in Lithuania called Ligum. She came through Ellis Island at age 13 and lived to be 106. Grandma Helen told us that the reason her family survived the notorious pogroms in her region was because her mother was the only woman in the town who could read and write. So the non-Jewish women in the town would pay her to read and write letters for them. As a result, Grandma became friendly with them and they would tip her off before a pogrom would come into town. So you see? Education literally saved us, generations ago.
Knowledge is the one thing you will carry with you until the day senile dementia creeps in, bite your tongue three times. The importance of learning is repeated constantly like a mantra by parents, uncles, cousins, grandparents: “Education, education, education.” (Yes, this sounds like that other mantra “Location, location, location,” which is also repeated in Jewish households, but only
after
you have your degree.)
after
you have your degree.)
Gloria’s Philosophy
I taught my girls that you can lose your gold coins, your fancy clothes, your freedom, your dignity, your position in life, your friends and sometimes even your family. But no one, as long as you are alive on this earth, can take away the knowledge you accumulate in your brains. Learn something, learn it well enough so that you can make a living at it, and make sure it’s also something that you can do on your own, so that you won’t need to depend on anyone else to make your living, just in case. ■
Jill’s Take
Like a dentist, my mother drilled it into my head: Education is the most important thing to give to my children. I learned this from my mother, from my grandmothers, from everyone.
Even though I practice this as a parent, I have to say, I wasn’t particularly interested in school as a kid. I was busy. One day my father showed up at Lawrence High School and asked the principal, “Where is Jill?” He said, “She is in so-and-so class.” My father said, “Really? Find her.” Oops. I wasn’t in class. Where was I? You think I remember ? Obviously, my father suspected something was going on, or he wouldn’t have shown up. He came home that night and didn’t tell me a thing. The next day I was called into the principal’s office and sent to the “rubber room” with all these really bad kids. The “rubber room” meant you sat in an empty classroom with no books and nothing to do until one P.M., when a private bus took you home. Some kids might like this but it really freaked me out. I think it was the last time I cut school. At least the last time I got caught.
But even though I didn’t always do what my parents wanted, I definitely got the message. Education counts. ■
BOOK: Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Family, Real Love
8.28Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads
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