Secretly More (7 page)

Then she caught sight of Jay’s broad-shouldered frame clad in his dealer’s uniform ambling toward her, rolling with the tide of gamblers and shoppers. She smiled; he always walked with a slight hop to his step, a happy-go-lucky gait, no matter what. He looked around at his surroundings, his expression neutral, betraying nothing unusual. He looked just like the boy she’d always known, with his dark, unbrushed hair curling around his ears, and she realized how happy she was to see him. He was so familiar to her, her one true constant.

Then his gaze came to rest upon her, and she noticed the startled flicker of recognition in his dark blue eyes, which subsequently clouded. Her heart plummeted. If she hadn’t thought something was wrong before, this was certainly confirmation.

But she refused to perpetuate the weirdness. Crushes came and went; it was inevitable. He’d get over this, he had to. Their friendship was too special and had endured too much to let something so fleeting ruin it.

“Hey you.” She gave a bright smile, stepping in his path and forcing him to shuffle to a halt. “How’s it going?”

“It’s going.” He shrugged, looking everywhere but at her.

Kimber noticed him trying to edge around her and swallowed hard, staying resolute in her mission and stance as she moved in front of him again. She wouldn’t let him shut her out. They could get past this. “Are you on lunch, too?”

“Yeah. I got about ten minutes left.”

“Oh. So what’d you have? An excitement sandwich?”

“Totally.” His voice was flat. “Look, I can’t talk right now.”

“Okay.” She inhaled a deep breath through her nose. “Then want to meet up after work? We can grab dinner. There’s a pizza place in the shopping plaza about fifteen seconds from my apartment. We should check it out. My treat, of course, for you helping me move.”

“Kimber.” Jay fixed his gaze on her at last and obliterated any façade of normalcy with his steely expression. “No.”

“No?” A small swell of panic rose in her chest. “Why?”

“You know why. It’s insulting that you’re pretending you don’t.”

This time, Kimber let him pass, too stunned to stop him, but Moquest did the work for her, appearing out of nowhere and charging Jay. “There you are—just the two people I was looking for.” He wrapped an arm around Jay’s neck and looked from his friend to Kimber, seemingly oblivious to the grave tension crackling in the air. “Jay, you tell her about my party yet?”

Kimber squared her shoulders and forced another grin she didn’t quite feel; Jay had every opportunity but obviously no intention of telling her about any party. “What’s the occasion?”

Moquest hooted. “Oh, you’ll see. And you better see—I don’t want either of you to miss it. You will be ever so sorry you did.” He released Jay and backed away, firing his fingers like guns at them. He blew on the tips of his index fingers and tucked them in an imaginary holster as he sauntered off.

Kimber risked a fleeting look at Jay. He chewed on the inside of his mouth and stared wide-eyed at the rug’s jellyfish-and-flowers pattern in a clash of teal, brown, coral, and moss green. He glanced at her, shrugged again by way of farewell, and turned to leave.

“Are you going to Moquest’s thing?” Kimber had to ask, hating that she grasped at straws to have a conversation with him.

“Yeah. Nicole and I are heading there around ten.”

“Cool.” She tried not to crack. This was a whole new Jay, one she didn’t know at all, one who kissed her one day then dated the leggy twenty-one-year-old who worked the cashier’s station without telling her. “Maybe I’ll see you guys there.”

“Yep.” He tossed his hand up—hardly a wave at all—and loped off like he couldn’t escape fast enough, stinging Kimber’s heart in the process.

* * *

“I should just not go.” Kimber tucked her feet under herself on Ferney’s couch later that evening. She’d gotten off work only to go to her sister’s apartment and pout, seeking comfort. However, that Ferney was the only one she now sought comfort from was hardly comforting at all; her sister’s advice was abrasive at best. “Seeing Jay there will be so painful, a thousand times worse than earlier today. He obviously hates me.”

“Who, Jay? Pff.” Ferney waved a hand, causing the wine to slosh over the rim of her glass. “He could never. He’s too, too in love with you.”

“Ferney.” Kimber shot her sister one of her famous don’t-go-there looks.

“Fine, no more talk of Jay. Besides, so what if he’s going with someone to the party? You two are allowed to pair off and go your separate ways, Journey-Perry style. You should even be happy for him. There’s something about that guy that just screams he hasn’t gotten laid in, like, a year.”

Kimber grunted a response, assaulted with images of Nicole and Jay having the kind of sweaty, innovative sex that only trained acrobats could master. To say the thoughts churned her stomach would be an understatement. It wasn’t that Jay didn’t deserve to be happy, but with Nicole? She wasn’t the type of girl she saw someone like Jay with. Then again, she’d never really given the matter much thought before; she’d never had to. If she were honest, she didn’t like having to, either.

“You need to start focusing on who
you’ll
be with at the party,” continued Ferney. “Isn’t Moquest one of those people who knows everybody? The guy’s a Kevin Bacon hub. Think of all the real men you’ll meet tonight, the ones who’ll put Dane to shame.”

Dane. Damn, she’d barely spared him a thought this past week, which she found slightly disturbing, considering how much she thought she’d loved him. Then again, she’d had plenty of time to get over him while they were still together.

And what better way to celebrate that than to enter an era of someone new?

“You’re right.” Kimber got to her feet. “It’s time I learn how to do a little day-seizing.”

“Ooh.” Ferney’s eyes glittered along with whatever was sparkling in her glass and on her ears as she scampered into her bedroom. “I know just the outfit to seize it in.” She returned with a topped-off drink and a short red dress with an empire waist and cap sleeves. “What do you think?”

“It’s hot,” Kimber admitted. “But we’re not the same size. You’re a stick. I’m a stick’s antithesis.”

“Don’t fret.” Ferney tossed her the dress. “It’s a few years old, left over from my fat days.”

Kimber shook her head. “How do you make being helpful sound so mean?”

“She’s good at it, isn’t she?” Paul stated in a monotone, startling Kimber. She’d almost forgotten he was there. He’d been moping beneath an afghan in the corner’s armchair for a half hour, trying to read a compilation of Iron Man comics for the duration of Kimber’s visit. However, she’d never seen him turn a page. Maybe it was Ferney’s shrill voice that wouldn’t let him.

“Paul, hush. And Kimber—” Ferney pointed a finger at her. “You go out and get good and laid tonight. You deserve it.”

Kimber laughed, but a blossom of excitement grew in her stomach as she decided her sister was right. Why not? What was she waiting for?

* * *

There was no denying it: Nicole was nothing short of smokin’. Her hair fell to her waist in a sheet of brown and gold, her tight body was bronzed and aerobicized to perfection, and her legs ended somewhere in the stratosphere. Not to mention her backless dress completely exposed the orchid
tattoo blooming along the length of her vertebrae. All eyes were on her as she and Jay walked through Moquest’s door, and he could tell every guy in the room racked his brain for a way to spend a few minutes with what lay underneath her thong.

Of course, Nicole’s single mortal flaw was that she was boring. Wasn’t that always the case? Even though everything inside him—and Moquest—insisted that he be into her, Jay couldn’t convince himself. Dinner had been excruciating, sitting side by side at the sushi joint, trying to find common ground. She’d apparently run out of things to say after telling him how she’d just split from a long-term relationship with a guy ten years her senior and had spent the duration of their meal asking him awkward questions he thought died with the concept of video dating. She had actually asked him what his favorite holiday was. When she inquired about his taste in music, he rattled off a few bands, many found at the low end of the dial so he wasn’t surprised she wasn’t familiar with most of them. However, he nearly fell out of his chair when she did say, without confidence, that she “might’ve heard of” Paul McCartney. Paul McCartney! No wonder he hated dating so much. What misery.

It didn’t help that Kimber was also at the party, looking beyond phenomenal in a short red number. If that wasn’t enough to drive him mad, she was giggly and happy, enjoying herself and mingling with the other partygoers. He wondered what his evening would’ve been like if he were on a date with Kimber instead of Nicole. She probably would’ve gotten the
High Fidelity
joke he’d cracked over shrimp rolls earlier. Hell, she probably would’ve corrected him, insisting he quoted the line wrong.

Jay took a swig from his lager, forcing himself to focus on his date. After all, everyone else was. Here he was, the envy of all the other guys at the party for being with the hottest girl there, and he was anything but happy. Talk about that grass always being greener.

Moquest staggered into him, clamping a heavy hand on his shoulder. Jay could smell the Jim Beam on his friend’s breath mingling with the scent of Axe. “Having fun?” he shouted in Jay’s ear.

“Sure, why not?”

“Exactly.” Moquest leered at Nicole, who was chattering away with Moquest’s girlfriend, Gina the Stripper. Actually, it was Gina the Ex-Stripper, though it was impossible to tell from her black mini dress with the plunging neckline and her Lucite platforms. Jay wondered what Gina and Nicole could possibly be talking about. He couldn’t imagine it being remotely interesting in any way.

Moquest’s grip turned fierce, and Jay turned to see his friend’s concerned brown eyes focused on him. “You all right?”

Before Jay could respond, Moquest’s gaze flicked across the room to where Kimber stood, surrounded by a knot of men who were likely interested in more than just hanging onto her every word. Her throaty, infectious laugh reached his ears and he looked away, taking an angry gulp of his beer. Why couldn’t she just want him the way he wanted her? Nothing made sense to him.

“Don’t worry.” Moquest clapped him on the back and drew away. “I got some things in store to switch up the atmosphere.” He bit his lip and hummed an unrecognizable tune best suited for porno background music as he danced from foot to foot, waving his hands raise-the-roof style.

Jay arched a brow. “Should I be afraid?”

“No.” A wicked grin spread over Moquest’s face. “You should be stoked. And you will be. I promise.”

* * *

One hot red dress, two cups of Moquest’s jungle juice, and more than a few head turns had Kimber feeling pretty damn good. Fuck Dane, and fuck Jay, too, seeing as he couldn’t even deign to say hello to her that evening. Fuck everybody. Why not? As far as she was concerned, the night was all about her. In fact, all nights should now be about her. It was high time.

“So how come I haven’t seen you around before?” asked Bryan, whom she’d been talking to for the past half hour. “I can’t believe Moquest never introduced us.”

“We’ll have to have a word with that boy.” She couldn’t believe Bryan seemed so interested in her; he could be a runner-up in a Jake Gyllenhaal lookalike contest. Where did Moquest ever meet this Adonis? She wasn’t used to guys this gorgeous chatting her up. Then again, she’d been tied up with Dane drama for years, so she’d never really had or been open to the opportunity.

The reminder of the time she’d been without any real happiness and attention sent a bullet of sadness through her chest, but she shook it off. There was no need to think about the past when the magic of the present was so real. She couldn’t change any of it, but anything could happen
now
.

Kimber tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear and gave Bryan a shy smile, all the while wondering what it would be like to go to bed with him, and not just someday—tonight. Sex had always seemed so sacred to her, something she could only do with someone she loved. She couldn’t believe that sex was something that anyone could just
have
, at any given moment. Now she realized she had the option—and the power—to do that, too.

She could be having sex with someone in a few hours. All she had to do was say so.

And she wanted to say so. She’d wasted years being good, too good. Where had it gotten her? What was the point?

It was time to live it up a bit, but how? How did these things just happen? Despite her desire, she was nervous. Kimber had always preferred relationships to bloom organically. Judging by the past, however, that had had limited success.