Scandalous Redemption (Ladies and Scoundrels #3) (13 page)

“Your lover?” His voice cracked.

“A discreet affair. At least until you must wed another.” She stepped around him to look into his eyes. “Even after, if you still desire me.”

He stared at her but said nothing. She stood on her toes and pressed her lips to his. A sweet kiss. “I will be faithful to you even though you cannot grant me the same promise.”

* * * *

Henry’s heart tightened as he stared at Claudia, desperately trying to make sense of her words. She could not be serious. It was absurd. Him, her, lovers? Her, his mistress? Completely absurd.

Yet, she spoke the words with conviction. He could see sincerity, passion, and fear reflecting in her emerald eyes. His stomach churned. She meant every word. Preposterous.

Boyhood came back to him in a series of painful flashes. Mama crying because father had abandoned her again. The whispers all around him about Father’s mistress and the love he bore only for her. Mama raging each time she discovered Father had sired another bastard. The events and holidays Father spent with his mistress rather than his wife and children. Laying awake listening to Mother cry herself to sleep night after bloody night.

“I am not a toy, Claudia,” he said through clenched teeth. No. He would never keep a mistress. His wife and children would not experience such pain. He untangled Claudia’s arms from around his shoulders. “I will never keep a mistress. I am an honorable gentleman. It is marriage or nothing at all.”

“Good-bye, Henry,” she whispered the words as another tear trickled down her cheek.

This time, he fought the urge to whip the moisture from her rose-hued skin, turned, and walked away. His heart shattered, but he held his head high as he continued to his horse. Bloody hell, why had he not brought the carriage today?

Once mounted, he set the horse into a gallop and let his own tears fall. He rode like a hellion until he reached the safety of his townhouse, mind blank and his heart destroyed.

SCANDALOUS REDEMPTION

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Claudia sat curled
up in a gold brocade chair in her parlor with her arms wrapped around her legs. Her heart demanded she go after Henry, but her mind screamed not to. She allowed her tears to flow freely as she rested her head on her knees. She ought never to have dallied with him in the first place. He could never be the type of man to be happy with an affair.

Twice previously, he told her that he was not a toy. Vivian warned her, too. Why had she not listened? Henry could never be anything but completely honorable. She should have let him go and never looked back. Why had she made it her mission to gain his affection?

Because, he showed her tenderness and cared for her. When they were together, she believed she was special. He made her stomach flutter and ignited her passion. Now, she had a broken heart and no one but herself to blame for it.

“You may not be granted a third chance.”
The duchesses’ words echoed back to her and she sobbed harder. A million chances would change nothing. He would still demand marriage and she simply could not offer more than a liaison. In the end, they would both be broken and alone as they were now.

She reached for a pillow and threw it across the room. “Damn you, Akford.”

He probably laughed at her from the grave.
“You are not fit for society.” “You will never be good enough for anything.” “You ruin everything you touch.”
His words taunted her.

“Damn you to hell.” Even dead, he held power over her.

“Oh, Claudia.”

Vivian’s voice pulled her attention away from the musings. She looked up as her cousin rushed to her side.

“I had to come back and check on you.”

Claudia wiped at the moisture clinging to her cheeks. “I am fine, really.”

Crying would do nothing for her. It would not change Henry’s mind, nor hers. She had to focus on the future. She would prove Akford wrong, and eventually, she would regain her happiness. No man would ever have control of her again.

Vivian patted her back. “You most certainly are not.”

“I will be.” Claudia sniffled.

Vivian pressed a handkerchief into her hand. “Would you like to talk about it? I promise not to swoon.”

The corner of Claudia’s mouth pulled up at Vivian’s jest. “I asked and he declined. There is nothing more to say.”

“Will you not reconsider marriage? You are clearly in love with him. It could be your chance at true happiness, Claudia.”

“Could is too great a risk. One I cannot take.” Never again would she allow a gentleman to get close. Any relationship she engaged in would end the same way. With a proposal and broken hearts. She would not put herself or another gentleman through the pain.

Vivian left her side to pull a chair close, then sat. “You would rather be heartsick? Alone?”

“This will pass. Marriage is forever, a lifelong commitment. I will not gamble with my safety, my happiness.”

“Your safety?”

Claudia glanced away. She had never confided in Vivian about the abuse. Not that she had any reason to withhold the information. She simply did not wish to speak of it with anyone. When Akford died, she made it her personal mission to leave all of that horror in her past. She supposed she would have to confide in Vivian now. “Akford was abusive. He ruled me with an iron fist and physically punished me for anything he perceived as an offense.”

Vivian’s eyes went round. “He hurt you?”

Claudia fought against the resurgence of tears threatening to come forth. She gave a nod, hoping Vivian would not press for more.

Vivian stared at her, compassion and curiosity filled her eyes. “What did he do to you?”

“I would rather not relive the past.” Claudia wiped at her nose with the silk handkerchief. “It will change nothing.”

Vivian squeezed her hands gently. “It could help you move past the pain and fear. Often talking about such things is the first step to healing.”

“How is sharing the awful details of my past supposed to help me?” She peered at Vivian. “I still have nightmares, you know. Sometimes he forced himself on me, other times he beat me. Would you like to hear more about that, or shall I tell you only of the mental abuse I suffered?” Claudia bit her lip to stem the flow. What happened to her at Akford’s hands was not Vivian’s fault. She should not have spoken so harshly.

“Oh, darling, no wonder you are fearful of marriage. Akford was a monster.” Vivian took her hands. “I promise. No, I swear to you. Marriage is a wonderful thing when you have a loving husband. One to care for and protect you.”

Claudia dabbed at the corners of her eyes with the handkerchief. “I am quite sure, and I am pleased to see Lord Wexil makes you happy.”

“You could be, too. Lord Shillington is a good man. If you could only find it in your heart to trust him.”

“I cannot.” Claudia closed her eyes, drawing in a shallow breath. The risk was far too great.

* * * *

Three days had passed and all Henry could think of was Claudia. He dreamed about her at night and fumed over her suggestion by day. How could she propose such an arrangement? Surely, she realized the pain it would cause. Not only for her, but also for his future wife and children. Would she truly trade what she saw as one insufferable situation for another?

Henry leaned against his desk, holding a miniature of his mother. She was kind, loving, and compassionate. A true lady, who gave everything she had to the people she loved. Father owned her heart, but he never bothered to acknowledge her love, and he sure as hell did not return it. He was much too busy with his mistress.

Henry often came upon Mother in tears or listened as she cried herself to sleep. As a boy he did not understand why she was so distraught all the time, as a young man he discovered the truth. It was then he vowed never to keep a mistress. He put the miniature back in its place on his desk and moved to lounge on the settee, his snifter of brandy in hand.

What had Akford done to scar Claudia so deeply? Henry would never have the answer. Even if he understood, it would change nothing. She would still refuse to marry him. There was nothing left for the two of them. He rubbed his hand across his jaw. Perhaps they never had anything to begin with.

She claimed to love him, but if that were true, why could she not trust him as well? It had always been his belief one could not exist without the other. He stood and walked to his brandy decanter, then poured another glass. Surely, if she loved him, she would long for a life together. Marriage, children, and grandchildren. All of the things that came with matrimony. She sure as hell would not wish to share him with another woman.

He drank the contents of his glass in one long sip. The liquor warmed a trail through him, but did nothing to ease his pain. He was a bloody fool for ignoring his own warning in regards to Claudia. Refilling his glass, he determined to drink her off his mind.

A gentle rapping came at the door. He turned his head toward the incessant noise in no mood for company. “Go away.”

After his callers yesterday, he instructed his staff to turn away visitors. According to them, all of London was abuzz. Rumor had it he and Claudia were no longer courting and the gossips were hungry to discover why.

“Lord Luvington is in the entry hall and he refuses to leave.” His servant called through the oak panel. “Are we to toss him out?”

Henry refilled his snifter. When had the Luvingtons returned to town, and what could Julian want with him? Had he heard the
ton’s
chatter?

“My lord.” The servant called again, his tone apologetic.

“Show him up.” Henry took the decanter and sat back on the settee to wait.

He did not have to wait long for Julian to stroll into the room. Henry forced a smile. “Come sit.” He indicated a nearby chair. “Would you like a brandy?”

“That is a rather strong choice of drink so early in the day.” Julian sat.

“Is it early yet? I had not noticed.” Henry lifted his glass, swirled the contents, then took a drink. “How does Lady Luvington fare?”

“A far sight better than you, Shillington. She sent me to check on you after having tea at Duchess Abernathy’s. I fear she will not be pleased with the report. Would you care to tell me what this is about?” Julian nodded at the half-empty decanter.

“You mean to say you do not already know?” Henry arched a brow in skepticism. He would wager the duchess knew more than most about his situation given her friendship with Claudia. No doubt, she shared her knowledge with Sarah.

“Very well, I will speak plainly. Sarah informed me that Lady Akford rejected your marriage proposal. She worries you are nursing a broken heart. It appears you are.”

“What was Claudia like when you courted her?” Henry lifted his snifter for another sip.

Julian met his stare. “She was a spirited debutant with stars in her eyes. The very thought of life thrilled her. She laughed a lot and took every opportunity to interact with her peers. Her excitement was contagious. It was what drew me to her.”

“Do you know what happened between her and Akford?”

Julian stood. “If it is all the same to you, I would like a brandy after all.”

“Help yourself.” Henry nodded toward the sideboard.

“Akford saw us kissing. He had been spying on us, looking for something to use against us. Once he had his ammunition, he used it to ruin her.” Julian returned to his seat, snifter in hand. “I intended to call on her father and make my intentions to marry her known, but I could not get past their servants. He refused to see me and the next thing I knew, her engagement to Akford was announced.”