Saving Nathaniel (37 page)

Megan shook her head. 'She didn't say anything.'

'Then why ask?' He waited for her answer. 'Meg?'

Tell him your suspicion; get it out in the open, she thought.

'Well…' she began, hesitant. 'It seems she's so angry with me…us, with you especially, and you're pretty upset about her quitting and I…'

'…put two and two together and made seven,' he finished for her. He stood and put his hands on her shoulders, his grip steadfast. He looked deep into her eyes. 'I swear to you, Meg, hand on my heart…' He put his hand to his chest. 'That I have never, ever had any interest in your sister…romantic or otherwise. None whatsoever.'

'Not even a…passing flirtation?'

'No, Megan. I love you!' He pressed his lips tenderly to her forehead, and she believed he was telling the truth.

'I'm sorry.' She laid her hands on his chest. 'I'm sorry for not trusting you.'

'It's okay.' He took her hands and kissed them. 'I understand your concern. Rebecca's been here a long time and we've spent a lot of time together under the same roof, and it's only natural you should wonder, but she's just not my type.' He sat back in the chair again. 'I'll talk to her. I'll get her back. We'll sort this out.'

He pulled Megan down to sit on his lap. She put her arms around his neck, her head touching his. 'You'll be wasting your time,' she said. 'I found out a few rather savage home truths from her today and they shocked me.'

'What did she say?'

She stayed silent, and the look on her face told him he would be better off not asking again.

'To be honest,' she said. 'I think it might be best if you allowed her to go. Let her maintain her dignity. She won't come back no matter how hard you beg or how much you offer to pay her. Once she's made a decision, that's it.'

Nat shook his head, not understanding. 'You fought tooth and nail to stop me letting her go before.'

'I know I did, but that was before I knew what I know now.'

He folded his arms around her. 'I thought she was happy here.'

'So did I. It was the impression she always gave, but you were right when you said she belonged to Struan, not you. It was the status that was important to her, not you personally.'

'I see.' He looked hurt. She had just confirmed him to be expendable.

'You'll give her a good reference won't you?'

'The best don't worry.'

'Thank you.' She slid from his lap, stood at the desk and picked up a pen. She unscrewed the cap, needing to find something to do with her hands, and scribbled on the blotter.

'I'm so sorry about all this,' she said sadly. 'I've made such a complete fucking mess of everything.'

'Language…' he chided.

She screwed the cap back on the pen and he took it from her, dropping it into the holder with the pencils.

'You're absolutely sure she won't come back?' he said.

She inhaled deeply and blew out her discontent. 'One hundred percent. I think that bolt is well and truly shot.'

Nat reached for her hand. 'There is one good thing to come of it. You can move in here just as soon as you like.' She looked down at her feet. 'You do want to, don't you?' he said, looking and sounding apprehensive.

To his relief, she said, 'Yes, Nat, I'd very much like to do that…'

'But?'

She tipped her head back, her eyes closed. 'But, I'd rather it were under happier circumstances. I hate fighting with Rebecca. It's really taken the shine off things.'

'Do you want to wait a little longer? Talk to her again?'

She sighed and shook her head. 'No, I know her too well. It won't make a pennyworth of difference. It's done.' She gave him a tender smile. 'Let's just concentrate on us.'

Chapter 34

Megan pushed her spat with Rebecca to the back of her mind and wandered over to the window. From there she could see down the stretch of manicured lawn to the front wall where the 'For Sale' sign was just visible.

'I see the sign's up already,' she said. 'I thought it would take more time. It makes everything so…real, so final.'

'It is real,' said Nat.

She gazed out over the garden. Spring sunshine had encouraged the early flowers to bloom. A patchwork of purple and white crocus opened their petals to absorb the light and yellow daffodils swayed and bobbed in the breeze. In the shade of the oak tree, a carpet of white snowdrops nodded.

'How long will it take to sell?' she asked.

He stood behind her, his arms around her, nuzzling her neck and letting her hair fall over his face. 'The estate agent is coming tomorrow to take photos and prepare a prospectus. Once that's done, not long, I'm sure.' He breathed in her scent, the light fragrance of roses all her own. 'I said it was something I should have done years ago, but if I had, I wouldn't have met you.' He kissed the back of her neck and teased her skin with his tongue, making her shrug her shoulder as he tickled her.

'You don't regret me do you?' she asked earnestly.

'Whatever would make you think that?' He nibbled at her earlobe.

'I'm causing you so much trouble…I've lost you your housekeeper, disrupted your quiet, ordered life and stirred everything up by poking my nose in…'

He twisted her around to face him, his hands on her waist. 'I knew you would be trouble the first moment I clapped eyes on you. My fate was sealed the day you came bursting through my kitchen door with your torn brolly, all wet and cursing…'

'And?'

'And you've been a thorn in my side ever since.'

'So you do have regrets.'

'Not…a…single…one.' A kiss punctuated each word, and he finished with a close embrace.

From her position nestled against his chest, Megan's eyes strayed to the mantle. It looked different, emptier. She realised what was missing. 'Nat, where's Joanna's photograph?'

He let go of her and sat on the arm of the easy chair, his hands in his pockets. 'I put it away,' he said.

'Why?'

'The past is past, Meg. I've faced it and I'm moving on. She's gone and she's never coming back and I'm fine with that now. I think she is too.'

'Don't be too hasty, Nat. Take your time and think about it properly.'

'I've already taken five years. I think that's long enough, don't you?'

'Are you absolutely sure you know what you're doing?'

'Aye, I am. Trust me, I know.'

She perched back on the edge of the desk and fingered the telephone. 'And what about her message, the one she left on your machine?' she asked.

'How did you know about that?' She saw him frown and felt she might have said too much.

'Rebecca told me about it,' she admitted. 'And I heard you playing it one time when you were…sad.'

'Eavesdropping again?'

'No, sweetheart, just concerned.'

He sighed. 'It's gone…all gone. And all Joanna's things; I'm packing them up too. I'll get rid of them as soon as I can. There's no point keeping them.'

'No, Nat, you don't have to do that. I don't mind if you keep them. They're an important part of your life.'

He nodded slowly. 'They were, but that part of my life is over. I'd spent all that time, five black years, blaming myself…torturing myself...over something you made me understand wasn't my fault. I turned it into a bog of misery and I was sinking into it up to my neck. You pulled me out, Meg and put me on a new road. You saved me and gave me my life back. You gave me another chance, and I'm not going to waste it by looking backwards.'

He put out his hand for her to take and pulled her to him until she was standing between his legs. 'I'll never forget Joanna,' he said. 'It wouldn't be right that I did…and I think it's going to be a hard road, but if we take it one step at a time, we'll get there.' He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head at her breast. 'I can't do it without you, Meg. Please don't ever leave me. I couldn't bear it.'

She kissed his head. 'I'm not planning on going anywhere just yet.'

'You'll always be with me?'

'For as long as you want me.'

'Do you promise?'

'Cross my heart and hope to…' she stopped before she said 'die'. '…I promise.'

'Tell me you love me, Meg, that's all I need.' He raised his eyes to look for her reply, for confirmation.

'I love you, Nathaniel, and don't you ever think otherwise.'

'Even though I can be difficult…and demanding?'

'Oh, yes.'

'And bothersome and cantankerous and…'

'…and generous and loving and incredibly sexy…yes.'

He put his head back against her chest. 'I love you, Meg, with all my soul.'

'I know.'

'I might not always show it, but I do.'

'I know.'

'Even when I'm being stroppy and awkward…'

'I know.'

He looked up at her with a slight frown. 'Is there anything you don't know?'

She rolled her eyes to the ceiling and chewed on her lower lip, pretending to think. 'I can't rewire a plug.'

Nat snorted a laugh. 'Neither can I, that's what electricians are for.'

'And I can't make custard, either.'

'Ach no!' He put on a thick Scots accent and threw up his hands in mock dismay. 'That's it the affeer's off. I'll nae ha' a woman who cannae mack custard. That's moor than flesh 'n blood can stand.'

She clasped her hands dramatically in front of her, and adopted an air of desperate pleading. 'Oh, prithy kind sir, spare this poor maiden thy wrath, for verily…I shall open a tin.'

Nat threw back his head and laughed with gusto, and the sight of it filled Megan with joy.

'You'll be the death of me, woman,' he said, laughter still in his voice.

'I do hope not, I've got all those hidden depths to plumb yet.'

'One step at a time,' he reminded her.

'We'll find out all about each other as we go along,' she said, brushing his hair back.

'As long as you have no nasty surprises for me along the way.'

'I might have. I could be a maniacal axe murderer on the run for all you know.'

He huffed. 'Says she who faints at the sight of blood.'

'Only my own.'

He stood up, pulled her to him and kissed her deeply. She looked so beautiful, so bright and smiling, and as he looked into her sparkling blue eyes, full of love for him, a sensation he hadn't felt for a long, long time overwhelmed him - sheer, unadulterated happiness.

'Thou art to me a delicious torment,' he breathed as he kissed her neck, his lips caressing her silky skin. He inhaled, filling himself with her scent, and into her ear he murmured,
'Marry me…'

Chapter 35

The smile and the colour wiped from Megan's face. She felt her stomach go tight and she couldn't breathe.

'What?' she gasped with the little air she had left.

Nat clasped her hands tightly to his chest. 'Marry me, Meg. Be my wife.'

'Don't be ridiculous! Have you taken leave of your senses? You don't know what you're saying.'

'I do…I do, I mean it. I need you…I love you and I want you to marry me.'

His hold on her hands was solid, his face full of expectation and his eyes bright with excitement. Her throat was suddenly very dry; her tongue thick in her mouth. She shook her head as she uttered a sound to small for him to hear. 'No.'

'I want to feel like this every day, Meg.'

'No.'

Nat, caught up in the excitement of the moment, wasn't listening. 'We'll be so happy. Just the two of us together, in our own home…'

'No, Nat!'

'No what?'

She broke her hands free and folded her arms tightly across her stomach. 'I'm sorry, Nat, but the answer is no. I can't…I won't marry you.'

It was his turn to be knocked back. 'But…but, you have to,' he stammered.

She stood firm. 'No I don't. I don't have to do anything I don't want.'

His knees folded and he collapsed onto the arm of the chair and his expression of jubilant expectation became one of utter confusion. 'Aft…after everything you've just said…that you would never leave me…you promised…you were lying?'

'No, sweetheart, I wasn't, I meant every word.'

'Then why?' he implored. 'I don't understand…you said you loved me.'

'I do…but that's not why I can't marry you.'

'Then tell me…'

She cupped her hands gently against his face and looked directly into his bewildered eyes. 'You know I've been married before, Nat, I told you, and it was horrible; every single minute of it, an endless chain of days and nights filled with deceit and duplicity and dishonesty and pain. I don't ever want to go through that again. I won't. I don't ever want to grow to hate you in the way I hated him.'