Saving My Submission BN (19 page)

 
“Fuck,” he
cursed, trying to jam the key into the lock. I swallowed down a giggle. Mr.
Cool, Calm and Collected was unraveling, wildly.

“I’ll never force you to do anything, little one. But
if you stop taunting the beast within me, I’ll make sure you wind up begging me
to stop.”

He inhaled a deep breath, unlocked the door and
practically dragged me inside. Slamming it shut behind us, he pressed me up
against the cool wooden surface. His long fingers tangled in my hair and his
mouth seized mine in a frenzied rush to own. Tossing my clutch to the floor, I
wrapped my arms around his neck, giving back just as good as I got.

God, he drove me insane, stripped my inhibitions, and
set my whole body ablaze.

Lips locked in a passionate duel of tongues, our
impatient fingers tore at each other’s clothing. Slowed as he tried to set my
corset free, Joshua issued a few colorful curses before we were both naked and
tumbling into his bed.

Skimming his lips down the column of my neck, he
nipped and licked, ramping me up with his gifted mouth. Dipping lower, he
latched onto my nipple and sucked the aching bud in deep. I arched, crying out
at the blissful sting racing beneath my flesh.

“You’ve been driving me out of my fucking mind all
night, wanting to taste these sweet berries,” he grumbled against my skin. “I
should spank your ass for wearing that damn sexy corset and teasing me like you
did.”

“Spank Sanna, it’s hers,” I giggled. “Oh, wait… what
am I saying? No. I mean yes, spank me, Joshua… spank me.”

Suddenly, he lifted from my body. A scowl knitted his
brow. “What did you call me?”

A wave of despair slammed me, far harsher than a mere
slip of the tongue should have.
Where was this
shit storm of shame coming from?
Granted, I’d started to submit, but not
a level lofty enough to elicit such remorse.

“Stephen, Sir.” My voice quivered and tears stung my
eyes.

“Easy, Mellie. It was nothing more than a reminder. I
certainly didn’t mean to toss you to the four corners under a landslide of
rejection.”

I was unnerved by his uncanny intuition. He knew
exactly how to pluck me off the ledge of panic and wrap me in a cloak of
safety. Joshua seemed almost psychic when it came to my emotions. I’d read
about that kind of thing in romance novels, but never thought for a second it
could really exist—until now.

“I know. I’m sorry. I overreacted.”

But why? Why did you?
I had no answer to give the enquiring voice inside my head.

“I’m not upset. But don’t internalize those things.
Share them with me, or I’ll spank your ass for that, too.”

Still struggling to fathom why disappointing him had
put me in such a tailspin, walls of protection shot up around me. Painting on a
sassy smile, I deflected his instruction with humor.

“I think you’re looking for excuses to spank me, Sir.”

“I think you’re wishing I’d shut up and do it,” he
laughed.

“Me? Think that? Why, I never…” Glancing around the
ceiling, I whistled in feigned innocence. As long as I kept things light and
breezy, I might just survive this test of submission.

“Right. Okay, little one. Let’s get this ironed out.
Do you still trust me?”

“We’re not talking spankings anymore, are we?” I
asked.

“Nope.”

“Trust you with what?” I taunted, attempting to steer
him from delving too deep into serious waters.

“If you even have to ask then I think you need some
time to think about it. I’ll give you ten minutes.”

Joshua rolled out of bed. I blinked and started to
sputter, but he silenced me when he held a finger to his lips. Biting my
tongue, I watched him open a dresser drawer, slip on a pair of sweat pants,
grab his keys, and walk right out the door.

Stunned and chaffed. The son of a bitch had left me;
put me in a Dominant version of ‘time-out.’ I fumed. Couldn’t he tell I was
pulling his chain? The man obviously had no sense of humor.

He’s trying to teach
you a lesson, and you know it.

“Yeah, yeah,” I scoffed aloud to the voice in my head.
I knew exactly what lesson he wanted to teach me. It was time for me to shit or
get off the pot, and Joshua was bent on maneuvering me exactly where he wanted
me… at the fork in the road.

“So what’s it going to be?” I asked myself aloud. “You
going to stay and fight, or wimp out and take a hike?”

Exhaling a heavy sigh, I closed my eyes. Staying on my
safe path had been easy… lonely at times, but I made my own comfort. Relying on
myself to find happiness and comfort wasn’t always easy, or ideal. So what if I
had a bad habit of satisfying my needs with a slew of short, but intense
relationships? I’d never claimed to be a nun.

Yet, on the other hand, the morsels of submission
Joshua placed on my tongue tasted sweet and creamy, like chocolate; I could
easily become addicted. The new path might assuage my ache for submission, but
I’d have to change my attitude… a lot. I’d have to stop getting my back up when
he issued commands. And on top of all that, I’d have to find a way to temper my
mouth and not allow my stupid knee-jerk reactions to rule my tongue. The
modifications expected sent my head reeling. The challenge would be huge.

A slight smirk tugged at my lips. I never sidestepped
a challenge. I’d definitely keep him on his toes, and I didn’t have to worry
about him trying to collar or claim me for any long-term Dom/sub relationship.
A few days of fun and fulfillment might last me another eight years… or it
could very well break the seal and release a submissive nympho. It was a
fifty-fifty shot… I could either take a chance, or take a hike.

The key clattered in the doorknob. Joshua entered and
pinned me with a stern gaze.

What’s it going to be?
Safety or Scamper?

“I trust you, Sir.”

“Good.” Skimming off his sweat pants, he stood in the
center of the room. His cock was hard, thick, and ready, drawing me like a
magnet to steel... hot, velvety steel. “Kneel before me, little one.”

I blinked in confusion. That was it? No conversation?
No demand for an apology? Didn’t he want to know what I’d thought about while
he was gone?

“Mellie?” He arched one brow. “I don’t like to repeat
myself.”

“I know.” I nodded and rushed from the bed. “I mean,
no Dominant does, Sir.”

Kneeling in proper submission fashion, I closed my
eyes. The temptation of his bobbing cock so close to my mouth felt like
torture. Saliva pooled and I wanted to suck him in deep and hard, slide my
tongue over his glistening crest and feel the pulse of his thick throbbing
veins again.

“Simply stunning.” The approval in his voice calmed
me. “I think it’s time we fed your inner sub. She’s all but starving, little
one.”

What an ironic choice
of words.
I thought on an inward chuckle.
I vote we let the sub go hungry a little longer, and
feed my mouth and my pussy first.

“Raise your head and look at me, Mellie.”

Eyes. Look at his eyes.
Don’t stare at his cock.

Letting my brain have its way for a few torturous
moments, I skimmed a gaze up his body and tipped my head back, locking onto his
shimmering green pools.

“You’re doing excellent, sweet one.” He smiled. “I
asked you to do me a favor at the reception, but I could see you weren’t ready.
I think maybe now you are. I wanted you to make me a list, but I’m going to
switch your assignment around, make it an oral test instead.”

I moaned out a tortured scoff.

“Is there a problem, girl?” He narrowed his eyes.

“No… I mean, yes, but I’ll suffer through it.”

He chuckled. “There’ll be no suffering unless I’m the
one inflicting the pain. Tell me.”

“Oral test? Your cock all hard and ready. I…”

With a hearty laugh he shook his head. “I enjoy the
way your mind works. Okay, let me rephrase. I want you to give me a list of
hard…
errr
, rather unacceptable limits… verbally.”

Joshua seemed to enjoy my suffering way too much.
Smartass.

“Hard limits, okay. No breath play,
skat
, snuff. No shaving my head or eyebrows.”

“Shaving your…? Oh, of course. Subs that claim they
have no limits, I understand. Please continue.”

I nodded. “Um, no children, animals, daddy/daughter or
diaper stuff. To each their own, but age play isn’t my kink. Forced
prostitution, permanent marks…
hrmm
. I can’t think of
any more off the top of my head.”

“That’s a well thought-out list, little one. Very
nice, but let me ask you about some specific limits. Raise a finger for a mild
limit, or if it’s something you’ve not tried and might like to, and we’ll
discuss those individually. I’ll assume no signal means you’re okay with it. Do
you understand?”

“Yes, Sir.” I nodded.

“Then let’s begin. Anal play, including sex and plugs.
Bondage. Floggers. Paddles. Clothespins. Cock worship…
hrmm
,
I think I already know the answer to that one, now don’t I, little one?” I
smiled and nodded. “Fisting. Gags. Humiliation.”

I raised my finger.

“Humiliation doesn’t put me in much of a good Dom head
space either. But if you needed it, I would see to it. Okay, let’s carry on.
Clamps on clit and nipples. Play piercing.”

Again I held up a finger.

“You’ve had it and don’t like it?”

“No, Sir. I’ve never done it.”

“I’ll make note of that. TENs units. Violet Wand.
Ménage.”

Slowly I raised my finger. Joshua studied me for a
long time.

“You’ve not experienced two lovers at once?”

“No, Sir.”

“Tell me your feelings about it.”

My mind zipped back to the night of his opening and
the comments his friend Ian had made. “I… the idea both arouses and intrigues
me, but…”

“Continue.” His face was unreadable. His eyes like
placid pools of ocean water. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking and I didn’t
like it. “It is something you fantasize about?”

“Yes, Sir,” I whispered and cast my eyes toward the
floor.

“That’s nothing to be embarrassed about, little one.”

“I can’t help it, Sir. I’ve not shared my fantasies
before. It’s… awkward.”

“I understand, but you’re doing fine. I’m extremely
grateful for your honesty.”

“You’ve shared women before, haven’t you?”

“Yes. I have. It’s a… remarkable experience.”

“With Ian?”

“Lately, yes.” He pondered for a moment. “Answer me
honestly, Mellie. How would you feel if I wanted to share you with Ian?”

Heat flooded my face. My body screamed, ‘
fan-fucking-
tastic
’.
His friend was hands-down hot. But my brain flipped into
hyper-analytical-overdrive, and a tide of insecurities swamped me.

“I’m torn, Sir. I think the bodily experience would
be… like you said, incredible. But the emotional side of it… I’m not sure. I
don’t have sex with someone I don’t feel a connect—”

I stopped in mid-sentence.
Feel a connection with
. From the very start I’d
tried to convince myself that Joshua was nothing more than a scratch to my
itch...A one night stand. Though I’d only had one in my life, the guilt after
made me feel dirty and cheap. But that hadn’t happened with Joshua. Puzzled
that remorse hadn’t swallowed me whole, I’d convinced myself that obsessing
over him so fiercely was the reason the ugly self-reproach had never
materialized.

It hadn’t been his dominant nature that scared the
crap out of me that first night. He’d connected with me… touched something deep
inside that I’d never realized. He’d somehow linked with me on some strange and
primitive level I didn’t understand. It hadn’t been about bedding the famous
artist, or flirting with the fringes of submission. No, it ran much deeper and
subconsciously, I knew. It’s why I ran.

Keeping men an arm’s length away, I never had to worry
about giving them a piece of my heart. The notion that Joshua had chipped off a
fragment of mine, without my knowledge—like a thief in the night—sent panic
slamming through me, with a red-hot shot of adrenaline.

“I’ve got to go.” Launching up from the floor like a
rocket, Joshua reared back. The look of shock and confusion on his face surely
mirrored my own.

“Whoa. Hold on,” he declared as he grabbed my arm and
spun me to face him. “Take a deep breath. Close your eyes and focus on my
voice. You’ve hit an internal trigger, and from the looks of it, a big one.”

Panting as panic consumed me, I shook my head. “I
can’t.”

In a voice so calm I wanted to scream, Joshua placed
his hand over my eyes and pulled me against his naked body. His turgid cock
throbbed against my belly, and his arm banded around my waist scorched me.
“Breathe with me, Mellie. Nice and slow. Breath in, now let it out. Again. In
and out.”

Keeping time with his steady rhythm, I wrestled the
bristling barbs of fear biting within.

“It’s okay. Everything is fine. I’ve got you.” The
deep timber of his soothing voice sent a shiver down my spine. “It’s this crazy
connection we share, right?”

How the fuck did he
know that? Maybe he was a freaking psychic.

I nodded slightly as panic and confusion took on a
whole new meaning. Sliding his hand from my eyes, his features were drawn in
concern. He seemed as unhinged about it as me, and for that I was grateful. I
didn’t want to be the only one
spazzing
out over this
weird vibe we shared.

“I feel it too… that incredible draw, like a fiber
that’s connecting us to each other. I felt it the first time I saw you at the
gallery and how emotional you got staring at the sculpture I gave you. In some
bizarre way she’s you… or the embodiment of you. I know that sounds totally
insane, but I swear to god I’m not crazy. Whatever this is… whatever it means,
we’ll sort it out. But running away from it… from me? It isn’t an option. I
won’t allow it, Mellie.”