Saving Ever After (Ever After #4) (24 page)

It would be better if I
was drunk.

There wasn’t enough
there to get me drunk though, so after I drained my cup I shuffled my ass into
the shower and then
I dressed with the purpose of
going out and finding a way to get my hands on more alcohol.

Yeah, yeah.
I’m weak. Pathetic. Couldn’t make it one night without drowning my damn tears
in a bottle. Why the hell should I care? If I wanted to be drunk then I was
going to get drunk.

I froze when
someone knocked at my door. Hope that it was Kris coming to fix things surged
in my chest for a moment until I pulled the door open and saw Jillian.

“What the
hell bitch?” she said, shoving her way inside. I sighed and closed the door
behind us, knowing I wouldn’t be able to get rid of her easily. “You’ve been
dodging my texts for weeks now. You haven’t hung out with us in ages. What is
up with that? Is it because your BFF’s with my cousin all the sudden? That’s
bullshit that you would ditch us to be one of his damn puck bunnies.”

“I know. I’m
not though.”

“Then what
gives?” She dropped down on my sofa, grabbing my cup from the coffee table
where I’d left it. She took a whiff and then cringed.

“I don’t
know, but Kris and I aren’t ‘BFF’s’.”

“Whatever, then
why have you been avoiding me?”

“Just busy.
Trying to focus on school and Kris and I were hanging out a lot, but not
anymore. We’re not really friends at all anymore,” I admitted solemnly.

“Oh shit,
did he . . . did he sleep with you and then toss you out like the rest of his
one nighters?”

I dropped my
head, unable to meet her eyes.

“Asshole,”
she cursed. “He’s such a prick. Thinks he so much better than the rest of us,
looking down on me because of how I choose to live my life, but he’s just a
dick who uses people.” She jumped up from my couch. “Come on. I’m not letting
you waste another second being miserable in here, drinking alone because of my
stupid fuck of a cousin. If you’re going to drink, you’re going to do it with
friends.”

Friends. I
almost wanted to laugh, but I didn’t. I just followed her out the door. She was
already on the phone with Heidi by the time we shut it behind us.

Mia

After
Jillian got off the phone, we didn’t have to wait two minutes in the common
area for Heidi and Dawn to come walking down the hall. I wasn’t sure how I felt
seeing Heidi, considering the last view I had of her was her naked and on top
of Leland, but I figured of all the things bothering me right now, that was
pretty low on the list.

“There’s a
party at the hockey house,” Heidi announced when she and Dawn joined us.

“No. That’s
out,” Jill said, thankfully not filling them in on my Kris shame. “What else is
going on tonight?”

“Well, Derek
and Leland are at Justin and Dete’s place. We can go over there.”

Justin and
Dete’s ended up being a house just off of campus. I never figured out who
Justin and Dete were, but they had a lot of alcohol, so I considered them
friends. This time I didn’t go in with any delusions that I would just have one
drink, that I wouldn’t lose control. I was tired of trying to be in control. I
was tired of failing, so I just said “fuck it” and spent the night chasing
oblivion, trying to have a good time, but it seemed that no matter how much I
drank, the shitty feeling remained. So I drank more.

As always, I
ended up stumbling through an unknown house, searching for the bathroom. I
pushed one door open and found a group of people sitting on couches around a
glass coffee table.

“Oops. Not
the bathroom,” I muttered and started to back out of the room, but then I
recognized the faces that were looking at me. So this is where Jillian, Heidi
and Dawn had disappeared to. Derek, Leland and a girl and two guys I didn’t
know were also watching me.

“Hey guys,
you move the party in here?” I took in the bottles on the table and then the
white powder.
Shit.
I remembered what Kris said they liked to do at these
parties. “I gotta go find the bathroom,” I said quickly and then started to
leave.

“Why don’t
you stay?” Leland spoke up and I looked at him confused.

Why was he
asking me to stay?
I hate him. Don’t I?

“Yeah, we’ve
got plenty to share,” one of the guys I didn’t know said.

“Bathroom,”
I mumbled again. I closed the door behind me, and followed the wall to the next
door. This time it was a bathroom. I stumbled inside and locked the door behind
me, doing my business and then washing my hands. I took in my reflection in the
mirror, but it was a little fuzzy. My eyes wouldn’t focus, but I could see the
flush of my cheeks that indicated how much I’d been drinking. I didn’t like the
girl looking back at me with sad, judgmental eyes. She was nothing.

“Fuck you. I
hate you,” I whispered and then shoved away from the sink to get out of there.
When I forcefully yanked the door open, I was surprised to see both Leland and
Derek waiting for me.

“Wha’ d’you
guys wan?” I straightened my shoulders and tried to look indifferent, but I
don’t know how well I pulled it off.

“Dance with
us,” Leland smiled.

Fuck.
That smile.

You hate
that smile, Mia. Don’t fall for it.

“Dance?
Why?”

“Please,”
Derek added with his own dimpled grin.

“Jusss one
dance,” I told them and then let them lead me to the living room area where the
music was the loudest and a few other people were sort of dancing. I found my
own spot and started to move my hips and feel the music, but right away, both
guys invaded my space, one pressing himself to my front and the other to my
back. I couldn’t tell which hands belonged to who, but they were all over me.
On my hips, in my hair, on my stomach, on my ass. They were touching me
everywhere they could. It was almost overwhelming and I didn’t think I liked
it. I started to bat their hands away, but they just found new places to touch
me. I was pressed so tightly between them that all I could smell was sweat,
cologne and alcohol. I pushed them off of me. I needed away from them. It all
felt so wrong.

“Where are
you going?” One of them, I didn’t know or care which, asked as I left them
standing there.

“Don’ feel
good,” I threw out, hoping they would leave me alone if they thought I was
going to be sick any minute, which honestly wasn’t all that far from the truth.
I groaned internally when I felt as much as heard them following after me.

“Let us take
care of you.” That one was Leland. I knew it was and it made the bile rise in
my throat. I wanted to say,
like you took care of me last time?
Instead
I just kept walking with the intention of shutting myself inside the bathroom
again until they went away. Unfortunately, when I reached it, someone else was
already inside, and from the sounds of vomiting coming through the door, they
were going to be in there a while.

“Hey, there’s
another bathroom upstairs,” Derek said. I looked at him carefully, trying to
read his intentions. “Look, I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay. I’ll show
you where the bathroom is and then we’ll leave you alone if that’s what you
want.”

“Fine,” I mumbled
and let them guide me upstairs, through one of the bedrooms and into the en
suite. I shut and locked the door behind me, sliding down it until I was
sitting on the floor. I tipped my head back, letting it rest against the hard
door. I don’t know how long I sat there, but eventually Derek knocked.

“You okay in
there?”

I quickly
stood, a little too quickly, and moved away from the door, clutching at the
sink for balance.

“Yeah, I’m
fine,” I said. “You guys can go.” But they didn’t. When I emerged a few minutes
later, Derek was sitting on the bed facing me with what looked like a glass of
water in his hand, and Leland was leaning against the closed bedroom door with
his arms folded. Derek stood and took a couple steps toward me, taking my arm
and tugging me toward the bed.

“Why don’t
you lie down for a bit.”

“No, I’m
fine.” I pulled my arm out of his grip and turned toward the door, but Leland’s
large chest was suddenly right there, blocking my way. He put his hands on my
shoulders, trying to push me down onto the bed.

“Really, you
should lie down. You don’t look well and you’re barely able to stand upright.”

“That’s
because I’m drunk,” I retorted, “and it’s none of your business. I don’t want
to lie down.”

“You need to
drink this so you don’t get dehydrated.” Derek tried to hand me the glass of
water.

“I’m not
thirsty.”

“It will
help. It will make you feel so much better.”

“I said I’m
not thirsty.”

Irritated,
he set the glass of water on the nightstand. Leland’s hands still gripped my
shoulders, almost too tightly, and he started massaging them roughly. Then
Derek came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, pressing his face
into my hair, and then whispered, “Shh. It’s okay. We’ve got you. Just let us
take care of you.”

What the
hell were they playing at?

“Get off of
me!” I shouted and ripped myself out from between them. “What is wrong with you
two?”

“We’re just
trying to help you relax. You’re overreacting. I think you’re drunker than you
realize. Just have a seat for a minute and drink some water. We just don’t want
to see you get sick.”

“What is
with the fucking water? If I want water I will get it myself.”

“Come on
Mia, relax. We’ll help you feel so much better.” Leland said taking a step
closer to me and then another. “You know you had fun last time. Don’t try to
act like you don’t want this. We know you want us again.”

I froze.

Us.
Again.

Both of
them.

Oh God, I
thought I was going to be sick. Derek wasn’t just in the room last time.

I shook my
head vigorously. “No.”

“Yes. You
know it’s true.” Another step and he had me backed into the wall. “You can
shake your head all you want, but it doesn’t change the fact that you loved it
when you were with both of us. You wanted our hands all over your greedy little
body. You moaned like a slut while we shared you.” He leaned in close, dropping
his voice, breathing right in my face. “You fucking loved it.”

My skin was
crawling and my breathing was erratic as I choked back sobs that I knew would
make me look weak. “No,” I whispered again.

“Stop trying
to deny it, Mia.” Now Derek was there, right beside Leland, helping him to keep
me backed against the wall.

“You wanted
it then and you want it again, you little slut.”

 “No, I
didn’t. I don’t,” I tried to say forcefully.

“Yes you
did. You begged for us. You pleaded for us both to take you.” Leland traced a
disgusting finger along my clavicle and I shuddered.

“No!” I
shoved his hand away. “I didn’t want it. You’re wrong. You’re lying. You –” I
gasped. “What did you do to me? You gave me something. Oh God, the water.” My
eyes shot to the glass on the nightstand. Leland gave me a drink that night. I
remembered. I didn’t finish it. I dumped it when he wasn’t paying attention,
but I was sure now that he had put something in it.

“We didn’t
have to give you shit you little whore,” Leland sneered, but I knew he was
lying. I knew it with every fiber of my being. I hadn’t wanted him that night.
I couldn’t understand that next morning why I’d done it, but now it made sense.
The assholes drugged me.

“You
bastards,” I spit out. I shoved against his chest, but he just laughed.

“Just drink
the fucking water, Mia.” He grinned.

“Fuck you!”
I screamed and swung my hand out, slapping him right across the face.

“Already
did, you bitch!” He tried to grab my wrist, but I pulled it back and swung
again, this time with a closed fist, and struck him right in the nose.

 “Don’t ever
touch me again.” He was moaning over his nose and I think Derek was shocked
that I’d fought back. I used the moment to run from the room and out of the
house, stopping only long enough to steal a bottle of Tequila on my way out the
door.

I think I
was two blocks away before I stopped running.

Oh God.

Oh God.

I thought I
was going to be sick for so many reasons. I was sucking in harsh, ragged
breaths. Panic was clawing its way out of my insides. I took a long pull from
the bottle of tequila, trying to fight it back, trying to stop the barrage of
ugly thoughts reigning down on me.

Slut.

Whore.

Rape.

The last one
nearly took my legs out from under me as the pain caused me to stumble.

The only way
to shut them up was to pour more alcohol on them.

I continued to
struggle the remaining blocks back to campus, intermittently taking swigs from
the bottle. With every drink, the despair and anger grew.

How could I
be so stupid and naïve?

Did I
deserve it? Did I ask for it?

NO! NO!
NO!

How dare
they think they can just put their hands on me.

I’m not a
slut.

I’M NOT A
SLUT.

He
doesn’t know me. He doesn’t know anything about me. They do not get to tell me
who I am.

They violated
me in the worst way. I did nothing to deserve that.

I felt so
helpless and devastated and angry and . . . and I didn’t even know, but it just
bubbled out of me in a loud, anguished cry. “AAAGGHHHH!”

“Excuse me
Miss, I’m going to need you to stop right there.”

Oh shit.

I froze at
the deep male voice that carried authority. I turned to see one of the campus
cops standing about ten feet away from me, with a hard frown on his round face.
I took a step away from him.

“I said you
need to stop, Miss. You can’t have open bottles on campus and I need to see
your student ID.”

Crap.

He started
walking toward me and all I could think about was how much trouble I was going
to be in. I couldn’t take anymore tonight, so I took another step away.

“Stop!” He
yelled again, more forcefully, but I just panicked and hurled my bottle in his
direction, not trying to hit him, just distract him so I could take off. It
shattered a few feet in front of him and I bolted. He had to be in his mid to
late thirties, and was a little overweight, like he’d been doing the job a
while and gone soft, so I knew I had the advantage. At least I would have if I
wasn’t so drunk.

My steps
were clumsy and unsteady, but still I propelled myself forward, hearing the
heavy thud of his boots on the ground behind me. I turned quickly like I was
trying to juke him out, but ended up almost tripping, still I kept going. The
only problem was, I couldn’t’ tell which way I was going. I was so panicked,
and dizzy, and the adrenaline was pumping so hard that I didn’t know which way
would take me back to my dorm. I think I was running around in circles on the
path with a very angry cop behind me, still shouting at me to stop. I didn’t, I
kept running in circles even when the flashing blue and red lights appeared.