SAVAGE LOVE (A Back Down Devil MC Romance Novel) (23 page)

“
I
love you, darling,
”
he
said.
“
Now sleep tight.
Tomorrow is going to be bad.
”

Ella didn
’
t get a chance to say a word before Miller left the
room.

Alone, Ella gripped the edge of the
bed. She wanted to go to her Beck, her son. But she couldn
’
t move. With her head hanging,
she started to cry.

Her mind kept playing it over and
over.

Sitting on that rock, waiting
for him. Sitting on that rock, staring out to the dark horizon. Sitting on that
rock, feeling a little nervous
…
but knowing the second Miller would touch me I would feel better.

Sitting on that rock, promising
I
’
d love
Miller forever. As though I knew something bad waited.

Ella couldn
’
t stop crying. It had been a long time coming.

nineteen.

Sitting on that fucking rock.
Jerry
’
s
little skimpy hand over her shoulder, holding her tight. Nudging at her to make
the cheap move and swipe a kiss. But then he wouldn
’
t let the kiss stop.
Jamming his fucking tongue in her mouth. Pulling at her when she looked like
she wanted to slink away.

Miller held his pinky finger up and
stared at the glistening diamond ring. He couldn
’
t
believe that after all these years the damn thing still held such a good shine.
That definitely made it worth the fucking cost, that
’
s for sure. Christ. Miller was supposed to throw
money at a new ride but settled for what he had and used all his money to buy
the ring. Even after shit hit the fan Miller had the chance to return the
diamond for an almost refund, but he decided to the keep the ring.

Because someday he always believed
Ella would wear it.

“
Yeah,
”
he whispered.

Somewhere in the back of his mind
he saw it all happening, too. Him walking up to that damn rock, his face bloody
from the fight, dropping to one knee, and just going after his future once and
for all. Ella would have said yes. She would have jumped into his arms and
…

“
Boss?
”

Miller looked back and saw Blaine standing with two women.

“
I
’
m fine,
”
Miller said.

Blaine moved from the women. He
came to the table and jumped up, then sat next to Miller.

“
Rough
night?
”
he asked.

“
Rough
everything,
”
Miller said.
“
I
’
m
the President of a MC, brother. My focus can
’
t
go anywhere else.
”

“
Ah,
that
’
s bullshit. We
’
ve got this thing locked up.
Your plan is solid. We
’
ll
isolate him and gut him. Plus, he
’
s
ditched Coast Road. That means he
’
s
already desperate and worried.
”

“
I
know,
”
Miller said.

“
So
what happened up there with her?
”

“
The
past.
”

“
Talking
about what could have been, huh?
”

“
Something
like that.
”

“
You
can
’
t do that,
”
Blaine said.
“
Not with her right in front of
you.
”

Miller looked at Blaine.
“
Sometimes you talk like you
’
re a half decent guy.
”

“
Cool
it with that
half decent
shit. These two behind me think I
’
m a terrible person. I like it
that way. They
’
re going to
do terrible things to me. Then I
’
m
going to do even more terrible things to them.
”

“
Good
for you,
”
Miller said.

“
What
are you so worried about?
”
Blaine asked.
“
I mean, what
’
s making you and Ella fight?
”

“
That
night. It was so fucked up. And the air isn
’
t
clear.
”

“
So
clear it.
”

“
I
don
’
t want to. It won
’
t change a thing.
”

“
So
forget about it,
”
Blaine said.

“
I
can
’
t.
”

“
Why?
”

“
Because
…
that baby
…”

Miller closed his mouth.

“
Well,
goddamn,
”
Blaine said.
“
The big, tough President of the
MC wants a baby.
”

“
Stop
that. I
’
ll knock you out.
”

“
I
’
m serious, Miller. You
’
re in pain over this shit. Yet
she
’
s right in front of
you. She
’
s here, with that
baby. You know how it goes with old men. Some of them are assholes. Mine was.
Yours too. I
’
d give
anything to have a guy like you in my life back then.
”

“
Thanks.
”

“
I
’
m serious.
”

“
And
then someday I have to look that kid in the eyes and tell him I killed his
father.
”

Blaine sighed.
“
Yeah, that one is going to be
tough. I won
’
t lie.
”

Miller opened his mouth but caught
something out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head and saw the two
women were kissing. They were really going at it.

“
You
better get rolling,
”
Miller
whispered.
“
They started
without you.
”

Blaine turned his head and then
jumped up.
“
Ah, fuck. They
better not finish without me.
”

He scrambled over the table and took
charge.

Miller laughed and then looked at
his pinky again. He took the ring off and stuck it in his pocket. He stood and
walked to the side door to the clubhouse. When he opened it, a woman stood
there holding two beers.

“
Hey,
”
she said.

“
What?
”
Miller asked.

“
Look,
I don
’
t care what
’
s going on. Have a beer with me.
Let me do whatever I need to do.
”

Miller grabbed both bottles of
beer.
“
Go get more beer.
And if your pussy is wet, go take care of yourself.
”

Miller moved by the woman and ended
up in the clubhouse, but only for a few seconds. He then set his sights on the
conference room. There he sat alone and in the dark. The two beers did nothing
so he went for a bottle of whiskey. Drinking himself drunk, Miller could only
think. About Ella. About Beck. About Jerry. Past to present. Hell, even
thinking about the future. That was scary because the only certain thing for
the future was death. That much Miller believed, and that much the rest of the
MC held close to their chests.

Finally, Miller stood and stumbled
to the right. He caught himself against the wall and worked his way forward to
the door. Ripping it open, he flew forward out and didn
’
t stop until he hit the bar. There was music.
Voices. Laughing. Someone saying his name. Waving a hand, Miller kept going.
Down the hallway and to his room. The fucking cot was still on the fucking
floor.

“
Not
tonight,
”
Miller groaned.

He swung his foot once and missed
the cot. His back crashed against the wall. The second kick did the trick
though, sending the cot through the air. Turning, he opened the bedroom door
and went inside. There was a light left on, the light cascading along the bed,
showing off a sleeping Ella. Miller shut the door gently and suddenly felt
sober. He walked to the edge of the bed and touched it. This was his goddamn
bed. In his goddamn clubhouse. For his goddamn MC. This wasn
’
t part of the deal. Romance.
Falling in love. Giving a damn about a baby that wasn
’
t his. Miller looked to his shoulder and swore he
could still smell Beck. That lotion, clean, powder, warm spit up smell. And he
goddamn liked it.

The deal was supposed to be Ella
having a good life. A family. Holidays. Spending the morning cooking the
Thanksgiving turkey while the kids watched the damn parade. Then going out the
next day and picking out the Christmas tree. The kids waiting up too late for
Santa to come. All the while Miller would be on his steel lion of a ride,
fighting, shooting, stabbing, doing everything he could to keep the truest of
all darknesses away from Frelen. Jerry could handle public safety with his
badge and service weapon. Miller could handle the real shit.

That was the fucking deal.

Now Ella was in his bed. Her body
lingered on his. Her sweet sex smell still flirted with Miller
’
s senses, fucking with his heart
and mind.

Leaning forward, Miller climbed
onto the bed. His hand reached for Ella, touching her waist. He squeezed a
little, taking a deep breath. Christ, there was so much still left to talk
about. This wasn
’
t
something to just sweep under the rug and forget. This was breaking fate and
changing the path of so many lives. It all needed to be talked about.

Miller just didn
’
t want to lose Ella again. And
he didn
’
t want to lose
Beck. Even if the baby wasn
’
t
his, the baby deserved something that resembled a decent life.

You can
’
t give that to anyone,
Miller. You can
’
t
give anything decent to anyone. The only decent thing is to walk away. To just
go do your thing. Her heart will break. It will shatter. But she
’
ll realize it was just a
first love thing. You were the first to touch her, take her innocence, show her
something wild. All that pain will pass. Then she
’
ll be okay again. And she
’
ll never be in danger.

Miller put his lips to Ella
’
s ear.
“
I
’
m
sorry, darling. You
’
ll
never be in danger again.
”

Ella wiggled her shoulder and moved
away from Miller. She swatted with her hand at his hand, knocking it away.

Taking the hint, Miller put a
little space between them. He then stared at the ceiling and fell into a drunk
sleep of nothingness.

There were no dreams. There was
just nothing.

When Miller opened his eyes, there
was a pounding sound at the door. He sat up and reached for his gun with one
hand and reached across the bed with the other. The bed was empty. Miller
jumped from the bed, running a hand over his face. He tore open the door and
Gaige stood there, a gun in his hand.

“
What
the fuck
…”

“
We
have company,
”
Gaige said.

“
Jerry?
”

“
Yeah.
”

“
Fuck,
”
Miller growled.
“
Where
’
s Ella?
”

Gaige nodded to the door behind
him.

“
Okay.
Get outside. I
’
m on my way,
”
Miller said.

He hurried to the door across from
his room and opened it. Ella was there on the edge of the bed, breastfeeding
Beck.

“
Shut
the door!
”
Ella yelled.

Beck broke away from her breast and
let out a whine. Miller looked at Ella
’
s
full breast and couldn
’
t
help but feel his cock pulse. Seeing her like this was just beautiful. Beyond
beautiful. A fucking woman. A mother. So strong and capable
…

“
Sorry,
”
Miller said.
“
We have company here.
”

Ella looked ready to panic.
“
Shit. No.
”

“
Here,
”
Miller said. He came forward.
“
Let me take the little guy so
you could
…
clean up
…”

Miller grabbed Beck. The baby
looked at him and smiled big. A big and cute smile to start Miller
’
s day. The innocence burned from
his eyes. Yet there was hell waiting outside.

This baby
’
s father was waiting
outside.

Miller felt his stomach twist.

Ella stood up, fixing her top.
“
Give me him.
”
She tore the baby from Miller
’
s hand.
“
What are you going to do?
”

“
Deal
with it,
”
Miller said.
“
I want you to wait it out in my
room. Okay? I made you a promise
…”

“
I
’
m tired of promises,
”
Ella said. She pushed by
Miller.

“
Hey!
”
Miller bellowed.
“
I never
…”

Ella looked back at him.
“
Don
’
t. Just don
’
t,
Miller. This is why I wanted to leave when I came here. I needed you to get me
out of here. Out of Frelen. You have ways and you didn
’
t do it. Now he
’
s
here to get me. To get Beck. To hurt us.
”

“
He
will not hurt you,
”
Miller
said.
“
And you are not
leaving. I
’
m not letting
you slip away from me again. I love you. I want to
…”