SAVAGE LOVE (A Back Down Devil MC Romance Novel) (16 page)

“
He
used to be a member here?
”
Ella asked.

“
That
doesn
’
t matter, darling. He
’
s here to put his life on the
line for all of us. For nothing in return.
”

Ella slowly nodded.
“
So I
’
m staying put.
”

“
Yeah,
”
Miller said.
“
I have to go fill him in on
everything. Then we
’
re
going to drink and talk about the past. You have the room. The bed. The crib. I
’
ll be on the cot.
”

“
Miller,
no. That
’
s dumb. No more of
that. This is your room. You sleep in the bed. I
’
ll
sleep on the floor next to the crib.
”

Miller came forward. He touched
Ella
’
s waist. He looked at
Beck, then at Ella.
“
Trust
in everything I
’
m doing. I
’
m going to protect you. I
’
m going to protect the kid. You
can trust the women here. Ava came from the Lost Men. She
’
s a good one. Emily, Mia, Avery,
Kaity. Get comfortable. I have to go fucking work.
”

Miller kissed Ella
’
s forehead and went to the door.

He was gone a second later and Ella
walked to the crib. Miller bought Beck a crib.  She gently placed Beck down. He
was able sit up on his own with ease. He reached for the bars and pulled
himself up. Beck smiled and started to bounce a little. A big smile climbed
across his face.

“
That
’
s all you wanted,
”
Ella said.
“
Your own crib.
”

There was a knock at the door.

It opened and Ava poked her head
in.

“
Sorry,
”
Ava said.
“
I just figured you and Miller
needed to talk. I brought some friends.
”

In came Emily and Mia.

Mia had a couple bottles with her.
“
If we
’
re on lockdown, let
’
s
have a few drinks.
”

“
I
think we all need a drink,
”
Emily said.

“
Oh,
I can
’
t,
”
Ella said.

“
Why?
”
Ava asked.

Ella grinned and cupped her
breasts.
“
These.
”

“
She
breastfeeds,
”
Emily said.

“
She
almost gave Blaine a heart attack before,
”
Mia said.

“
Oh,
sorry, damn,
”
Ava said.
“
So you haven
’
t had a drink since Beck was
born?
”

“
Well,
I have a pump at
…”
Home?
I have no home.
“
I don
’
t have it with me.
”

“
I
can fix that,
”
Ava said.
“
I
’
ll
send someone to buy one. Miller will do anything for you, right?
”

“
I
don
’
t know about that,
”
Ella said.

“
Then
I
’
ll just go,
”
Mia said.

“
No,
”
Ella said.
“
Nobody is leaving. It
’
s dangerous. My
…
I mean, Jerry. He
’
s dangerous. And he has power.
”

“
Oh,
sweetheart,
”
Emily said.
“
I
’
ve
seen the guys out there do some crazy things. I wouldn
’
t worry.
”

“
You
can
’
t say that, Emily,
”
Ava said.
“
That guy they
’
re going after is her
…”

Beck let out a noise.

Everyone fell silent.

They all stared at Beck.

For Ella, it really didn
’
t mean anything to her. Jerry
wasn
’
t a good man. He didn
’
t deserve anything but what was
properly owed.

But Beck
…
?

Ella let out a shaky sigh.

“
I
need a drink,
”
Mia said.

“
So
do I,
”
Ella said as she
stared at her son.

“
I
’
ll take care of it,
”
Emily said.

Ella turned her head. If she drank
anything
…
it would unleash
everything she wanted. Besides taking care of her only son, the greatest urge
within her body was pretty basic.

Miller.

She wanted Miller.

Not just today. Or tonight. Not
just tomorrow. She wanted what she had been flirting with all those years ago.

She wanted forever.

fifteen.

It wasn
’
t the most awkward moment of Ella
’
s life, but it was pretty damn
close to it. The prospect
’
s
face was eight shades of red when he gave the bag to Emily. He looked at Ella,
then looked away. They
’
d
sent the young guy out to get Ella a pump. Emily then gave Ella the bag and
Ella soon found herself sitting on the edge of the bathtub, alone. When she
finished with more than enough for Beck, she stood and stared at herself in the
mirror. There was nothing wrong with having a drink or two. Beck would be fine.
There was plenty of milk for him now. She just needed the baby to peacefully
fall asleep and sleep all night without any problems. One thing Ella would
never do is put her baby or herself in any kind of danger.

Ella put the bottles of milk in a
small fridge Miller had in his room. She had to move bottles of beer and booze
out of the way to make room. The sight was a little sad though. The life of a
biker mom.

Biker mom.

That was something new for Ella to
think.

Ava and Emily were completely
fussing over Beck. They had him on the bed, changing him into his PJ
’
s for the night. Outside in the
clubhouse things were sometimes loud, sometimes quiet. There had been talking,
yelling, and even a couple fights. All of which surprised Ella but didn
’
t worry her too much. Each time
something happened, Emily was there to try and comfort her. Ella always smiled.
This whole thing Ella had been through before.

The only reason she was worried now
was because each yell or thud made her wonder if Jerry had come. In a straight
fight, she knew Miller could destroy Jerry. But with his badge and power, legal
rights and justice, Jerry could barge into the clubhouse and take Miller and
the MC down.

Once Beck was dressed, Ava lifted
him off the bed. Beck let out a cry and grabbed at Ava
’
s chest.

“
That
means he
’
s hungry,
”
Emily said.

“
He
certainly belongs here,
”
Ava said.
“
Not afraid to
grab what he wants, huh?
”

Beck smiled big.

Ella took Beck to the other side of
the bed and sat there, feeding him one last time. The others already broke open
one of the bottles of vodka and were starting to drink. Ella just held her baby
and rocked as he nourished. There were no more promises to make. No more words
to share. This was all going to come down to trust. Ella had to trust Miller.
With her life and with the life of her son.

Beck
’
s
eyes grew heavy and he started to fall asleep. It was maybe a little early for
his bedtime, but considering he had a crib with an actual mattress, Ella hoped
he would get a really good night
’
s
sleep. A much needed night
’
s
sleep, considering how bad the other night had been.

“
Hey,
let
’
s leave for a second,
”
Mia said when Ella stood with a
sleeping Beck in her arms.

They left the room and Ella slowly
put Beck down. He quickly turned and let out a baby groan. His right hand went
to his mouth like he was going to suck his thumb, but he didn
’
t. Ella put a blanket on the
baby and then patted his shoulder. She leaned down and kissed his cheek.

“
I
love you,
”
she whispered.
“
Everything will be okay. Miller
might look scary but he
’
s a
big teddy bear. He
’
s the
sweetest man I
’
ve ever
known, Beck. I wish you
…”
Ella shut her eyes and swallowed.
“
Sleep
tight, baby.
”

Ella stood and gave it a few
seconds.

Beck was out cold.

She went to the door and opened it.
Ava stood there holding a bottle of vodka.

“
Time
to drink,
”
Ava said.

“
Where?
I don
’
t want to go back in
the room
…”

“
It
’
s covered,
”
Emily said. Her head popped out
of the room across from Miller
’
s.
“
There
’
s nobody crashing here.
”

“
It
’
ll probably go to Trev,
”
Ava said.
“
If he doesn
’
t sleep outside.
”

Ella looked back at the door. A
hand touched her shoulder.

“
Hey,
”
Mia said.
“
The little one will be fine.
”

“
You
think?
”
Ella asked.

“
The
prospects are right there,
”
Mia said.
“
They
’
re armed. They know their
orders. Nobody is going to come within ten feet of the room without getting a
bullet.
”

Ella nodded.

Trust.

That
’
s
what it was all going to come down to right now.

Ella went into the next room and
left the door open. She had to be able to at least see the room where Beck was
sleeping. She then took a bottle of vodka and drank. It was cool, smooth for a
few seconds, and tasted great. She hurried to pound what had to be at least
three shots worth.

“
Damn,
”
Emily said.
“
You need to cool it.
”

“
I
’
m good,
”
Ella said.
“
I
’
m really good.
”

“
This
is really weird,
”
Emily
said.
“
If I can say
something
…”

“
Anything,
”
Ella said.

“
My
man wants to kill your husband.
”

“
Mine
too,
”
Ava said.

“
And
mine,
”
Mia said.

“
I
know,
”
Ella said.

“
I
feel so bad,
”
Emily said.

“
Don
’
t. There used to be something
there and it
’
s not there
anymore.
”

“
So
you and Miller knew each other before all this?
”
Ava asked.

“
We
go way back,
”
Ella said.

“
She
’
s blushing,
”
Mia said.
“
You and him
…”

Ella nodded.

“
Damn,
”
Emily said.
“
You know, I
’
ve always thought he was hung up
on a woman. The way he acts with other women
…
he
’
s not like the other
guys. Not like Blaine.
”

“
Nobody
is like Blaine,
”
Ava said.
“
Blaine is nasty.
”

“
But
he means well,
”
Mia said.
“
And that
’
s coming from a woman he kidnapped.
”

“
All
this should scare me,
”
Ella
said.
“
But it doesn
’
t. I
’
ve seen it all before.
”

“
How
serious were you two?
”
Emily asked.

Ella grabbed the vodka bottle and
drank some more.
“
As close
as could be. Miller was my everything. My
…
my first.
”

“
Aw,
”
Ava said.

“
I
thought we were going to be together forever. I made my peace with the MC life
and everything. I knew he was in danger but he liked it. It was his purpose.
There was always tension between he and Jerry. I knew Jerry secretly liked me.
He would hint at it. It was the total trap between a good boy and bad boy
thing. Jerry was handsome and sweet. He would take me to a movie. Try to hold
my hand. Total gentleman at everything he did.
”

“
And
Miller?
”
Ava asked with a
grin.

“
Opposite,
”
Ella said.
“
He was dirty. He was sexy. He
didn
’
t take me to the
movies. He took me for a ride on his motorcycle. Bought me beer, fought
someone, and then just went for me. He didn
’
t
casually try to hold my hand. If he wanted it, he
’
d
take my hand. If he wanted to kiss me, he just did it. If he wanted to touch
me, he did.
”

“
You
never stopped him?
”
Emily
asked.

“
No.
Because I wanted him to do it. I was dying for it. I needed someone like
Miller. To just
…
open all
those doors.
”

“
I
’
m sure he opened more than
doors,
”
Mia said and
laughed.

“
Yeah,
”
Ella said.
“
It was like a hundred miles an
hour all the time. My first time quickly became a second and third. I was so
sore from it I had to fake sick. Told my parents I had my period and the cramps
were horrible. As much as it was fast and hard
…
I wanted more. I needed more. Miller became this addiction.
”

“
I
know the feeling,
”
Emily
said.
“
With Gaige
…”

“
I
think we all get it,
”
Ava
said.
“
It just works,
right?
”

“
Oh,
it works,
”
Ella said.
“
But then things started to get
dangerous. There was some kind of war happening. Of course, Miller could never
talk about it. He just went with what the club needed to do. There were nights
he was gone all night. He
’
d
show up and take a shower, bloody. I
’
ll
never forget standing there watching him in the shower. His beautiful body. The
blood swirling around the drain.
”

“
Wow,
”
Mia said.
“
I know that feeling
…”

“
Then
there was a night when we were supposed to meet. He promised he
’
d be there. No matter what. I
sat there, waiting. And Jerry showed up. I was going to tell Miller how I felt.
That I wanted to be with him forever but he needed to let me in more. I wanted
him to trust me more. But Jerry showed up and just took over. He sat next to
me. He grabbed my hand. He kissed me.
”

“
That
’
s bold,
”
Emily said.

“
Well,
Miller never showed up that night. When I saw him again, he was hurt pretty bad
and he told me it was better if I went with Jerry. That Jerry was on the better
path. He was going to stay on the right side of the law and that I
’
d have what I wanted. A house, a
fence, a family. I tried to argue but Miller insisted. He demanded it. Then he
kind of disappeared. I went months without seeing him. At that time Jerry was
patient with me.  He was so kind. So calm. I think I convinced myself to fall
for him then. Next thing I knew, years were going by. I was engaged, then
married, then pregnant. Miller became the President of Back Down Devil MC and
everything felt right. He and Jerry were talking, working together. It was like
the world was good. Now it all fell apart again.
”

Ella blinked and a tear fell from
her eye.

“
Damn,
”
Ava whispered.
“
I
’
m
so sorry.
”

Ella nodded.
“
From the second I got pregnant,
it was just different. I regretted that it was with Jerry. Somewhere in my
heart I always wanted to be with Miller. So maybe all this is my fault then. I
pushed Jerry away and into whatever mental state he
’
s in.
”

“
No,
”
Mia said.
“
Don
’
t you ever think like that. Your husband
…
Jerry
…
whatever he is
…
he worked with my uncle.
”

“
Jake,
”
Ella said.

“
And
my uncle killed his wife and his son. My nephew was killed in all this. If I
blamed you for a second, I would have attacked you by now.
”

“
Jesus,
”
Ella said.
“
I didn
’
t really know it was that bad.
”

“
It
’
s that bad,
”
Emily said.

“
So
now Jerry is going to end up dead,
”
Ella said.
“
How does that
work? He
’
s too powerful. If
Miller gets put away
…”