Sara's Soul (15 page)

“Sounds great,” she agreed. “I wish life could always be this way, so simple and carefree.”

“Remember, don’t focus on what comes next,” Chip said. “Just concentrate on the present moment. Live for now, Sara. Savor it all.”

She gave him a uncertain look. “You make it sound so easy.”

“What’s so hard about enjoying yourself? You are enjoying yourself, aren’t you?”

“Of course.” She smiled warmly. “How could I not enjoy myself when I’m with you?”

“Well, that’s a start,” he said. “Now whatever you do, don’t think. Just feel. Observe. Take everything in.”

Sara closed her eyes for a moment and took in a big, deep breath of the fresh summer air. “That’s it,” said Chip approvingly. “Just breathe. Just be. There’s nothing else you need to do.”

He put his arm around her, and they strolled hand in hand back to their campsite for dinner.

***

The fish was delicious, and Chip couldn’t believe he had made it himself. He remembered when he visited the spirit world in his dreams. Connor had cooked some tasty fish. They sat together with Connor’s golden retriever, Buddy, and just enjoyed Heaven’s unspoiled beauty. Connor had taught him a lot about love, life, and nature. In some ways, Chip was very much like him. Except for one thing: he would never let Sara walk away from him. He would never move halfway across the world without her, like Connor had done to Celeste. Connor really screwed up on that one. Chip couldn’t imagine a life away from Sara. Now that he had found her, he wasn’t about to let her get away.

The sun dimmed and slowly sunk into the horizon. The orangey-golden glow cast captivating shadows on the world beneath it.

“Ready to go to the beach?” he asked.

“I would love to.”

They walked hand in hand toward the water. The evening air was refreshing, and in the lingering light from the sunset, Sara was more beautiful and radiant than ever.

Chip sat down in the soft sand and helped Sara into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and nuzzled his face into the side of her neck. He planted gentle kisses on her neck and breathed in her essence. They sat together in silence, watching the sun go down until it disappeared and left behind a quiet veil of darkness. All that remained was a comforting calmness and stillness.

“Let’s go start the campfire,” Chip suggested.

“Sounds good. I am getting a little chilly,” Sara admitted.

“Well, we can’t have that,” Chip said, winking. “Gotta warm you up.”

They rose from the spot they had been sitting in and headed back. Chip gathered sticks and carefully arranged them. He then built a large, roaring campfire and grabbed a bag of marshmallows and two sticks. He and Sara sat together as they roasted their marshmallows and took turns kissing each other to remove the traces of stickiness on their lips. Sara giggled. She seemed happy and at ease. Chip was relieved. There was no sign of the dark cloud that often overshadowed her.

“I have a ghost story,” she said mysteriously in a creepy voice.

“I’m listening.”

“Early one dark morning, a little boy awoke with a feeling of doom. The house was quiet, and he could not find his mother anywhere. He woke up his dad, and they searched the house together. His mother was nowhere to be found. Deep in his heart, the little boy knew that his mother was dead.”

Chip felt a shiver run down his spine. He sat entranced by both Sara and the roaring campfire. The flames danced around erratically, as if responding to the story. Sara continued with a serious look on her face. Chip wondered if this was going where he thought it was.

“The house was so quiet,” she continued. “And the father was trying to reassure the boy that his mom was fine, although he was becoming very alarmed himself. And then… then… in the stillness of that dark morning…
the doorbell rang
.”

“Go on,” Chip said, tears forming in his eyes. Sara didn’t seem to notice.

“There on their doorstep was a police officer. He had come to deliver the sad news of the mother’s death. He said she had been run down by a madman. The father and son cried. They were devastated by their loss. They didn’t know what they would do without her. But the mother wasn’t really gone. The little boy could feel her. Her love for him was all around. And as he looked up into the sky, he saw—”

“Northern lights,” Chip interrupted.

“Hey, how did you know what I was going to say?”

“That’s no ghost story, Sara.”

“Yes, it is. I just made it up.”

“No, Sara, you didn’t,” he insisted. “That’s
my
story. That’s the story of
my
life. I’m the little boy.”

“What?”

“It’s true, Sara,” he said, rubbing his leg against hers. “That really happened to me. And it was just as you described.”

“Holy shit. That’s weird.”

“What’s so weird about it?” Chip asked. “You already know you’re psychic. Perhaps your gift is stronger than you realized.”

“You mean my curse?” she corrected. “I think it’s pretty damn strong all right. Like a beast.”

“I think it’s time to show you what else you can do,” he said. “It’s time for you to learn about the bridge of illumination.”

“Teach me then,” she said with a laugh. “Illuminate me.”

“This is no joke, Sara,” he said seriously.

“Sorry. I will give you the benefit of the doubt. What do I need to do?”

“Close your eyes and listen to my voice.”

“I’ll give it a try,” Sara said. She closed her eyes. “But I can’t promise anything.”

“Don’t worry. You’ll be amazed at what comes up,” Chip said confidently.

With a soothing tone, Chip instructed Sara to relax each part of her body. He had her tune into the gentle sounds of her surroundings. He told her to picture dear ones that had passed and to focus on her love for them. He suggested she think of many happy memories of her loved ones. Then he closed his eyes and did the same.

“Now, Sara, I want you to picture a bridge. This bridge will be a crosswalk to the other side. It is the route you will take to meet your loved ones in the afterlife. Can you see it?”

“Yes, it’s beautiful. The bridge is glowing, and the color of the water below is so clear and blue.”

“What else do you see?”

“I see you. You’re standing next to me, smiling.”

“Okay. Good. Now take my hand. I’m going to guide you across the bridge. I’ll be right here with you the whole time. You can trust me, Sara.”

Chip envisioned the scene of him holding Sara’s hand and slowly guiding her across the bridge. “How do you feel?” he asked hopefully.

“I feel amazing. I feel happy and warm. There is a beautiful white light on the other side of the bridge. I want to go to it so badly. It’s like my body is being pulled there.”

“Yes, that’s where we’re headed.”

“Oooh, I see colors. Rainbow colors. Pink. Yellow. Blue. Orange. It’s like a mist all around us. It reminds me of Niagara Falls at night. Very pretty.”

“You’re doing great, Sara. Focus on the colors. We’re almost there.”

As they reached the end of the bridge, Sara gasped. “It’s my mom and dad. I never knew my dad, but he looks just like he did in a picture I have of him and my mom. They look so young and beautiful, like teenagers. They’re holding hands and smiling at me.”

“Ask them a question, Sara. What do you want to know?”

“Mom and Dad, why did you leave me? I was so young. I needed you.”

“Now listen in your heart for their response,” Chip coached. “What comes to mind?”

Sara paused for a minute. “They said they didn’t leave me. They’ve been with me all along.”

“And what else?”

“My mom says, ‘See, I told you you’d meet him.’”

“Does that mean anything to you?” he asked in surprise.

“Well, yes, actually. I had a dream about my mother before I met you. She said I would meet a man soon.”

“Really? And you don’t believe in spirit communication? Your mother predicted that we would meet, and she’s not even alive. If that isn’t proof, I don’t know what is.”

“It was a dream, Chip. My mother’s ghost didn’t just appear when I was awake. There was nothing otherworldly about it. We all dream, you know. It’s a function of the brain.”

There she goes again. Sara, the scientist. How can this woman even be a psychic?
Chip thought.

“Call it what you will, then,” he said.

“Oh no. They’re fading away. No, Mom. No, Dad. Please don’t go. They’re hugging me. They said they love me. Make them come back, Chip.”

“I can’t, Sara. I don’t control spirits. I only talk to them. They have free will just like us.”

Chip opened his eyes and found Sara crying quietly. She didn’t look sad, though. Her tears were ones of joy. “How do you feel?”

“That was incredible,” she said. “I feel like I really spent time with my parents. I felt so much love and peace. It was just amazing.”

“Now do you believe me?”

“I believe our minds are very powerful,” she said cautiously. “I believe we’re capable of many things… but I’m not convinced that experience was communication with the dead. As beautiful as it was, it just wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real.”

“Then what was it, Sara?”

“It’s called imagination,” she concluded. “I’m a biologist, remember? I know all about the physiology of the brain. I wanted to see and hear from my parents, so I made it all up.”

Sara talked all about how the brain works. She told Chip how feelings, knowledge, and beliefs can lead a person to make connections between seemingly unrelated things. She also mentioned the notion of false memories, explaining that people can actually believe they’ve experienced something because they’ve heard so much about it from others. She even brought up a concept called
imagination inflation
—where simply imagining a childhood event can allow someone to believe it really occurred.

“So, you see,” she continued. “While my experience may have been fascinating, it doesn’t prove anything about an afterlife or communication with the dead.”

Chip felt his frustration building. This was going to be harder than he thought. Convincing his scientist girlfriend of the afterlife was no easy task. It was best to let it go for now. He didn’t want to spoil their evening with an argument. He would work on her more later.

“So what do you want to do now?” he asked, changing the subject.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Sara smiled mischievously as she took his hand and pulled him into the tent. It was dark inside, but the flickering of the campfire provided just enough light to create a romantic setting. She removed his shirt and then pushed him down on the fluffy sleeping bag and down pillows.

She began kissing him from his neck down to his chest, and finally his stomach. Then she unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. He was powerless to stop the building sensations that now took over his body. Sara was in control now, and he was just along for the ride. She sensuously removed the rest of his clothes and ran her fingers along his body, following with a trail of soft, wet kisses across his skin. Chip felt as if his whole body were dissolving under her touch.

He succumbed to his undeniable passion and removed her clothes as well. He ran his tongue across her smooth neck before joining it with hers. Holding nothing back, Chip kissed her wildly. He was now an animal, and she was his prey. He couldn’t help but devour her.

Chip’s heart pounded fiercely in his chest, and his breathing became fast and erratic. And then, as if taken over by an unseen force, their bodies effortlessly glided together with ease and grace. The thoughts and activities of the day faded into the background and were replaced with pure, cosmic love. They were one once again.

chapter 14

final farewell

Ring! Ring!
The abrupt sound of Chip’s cell phone jolted Chip and Sara out of a sound sleep, where they lay curled up together with their sleeping bags joined. The morning sunlight peeking in their tent and the sounds of nature signaled all was well. However, the phone had a different sound—an urgent, frantic call to a fate they had expected yet dreaded. It was time.

“They rushed my dad to the hospital,” Chip announced.

“Let’s clean up and go,” Sara replied hurriedly. She wanted to get there as quickly as possible, even though she knew they would make it before Dave passed. She had seen it all before in her vision.

They packed up their tent and supplies in record time and were on their way. In just a few minutes, they found themselves speeding along US Route 127 on the way to Mercy Hospital in Grayling. The hospital was about thirty minutes north of Houghton Lake, where Dave lived, so they had about an hour of driving. Traffic was light, as it often was in rural areas of Michigan. There wasn’t much to see except the welcoming green trees on both sides of the road and the concrete highway ahead of them.

The scenes and the sounds around them soon became a blur. For Sara, they were a noticeable, yet unimportant, mixture of background clutter, kind of like the annoying static on a radio station. Trees whizzed by. The hum of the tires on the road and the bounce of the car as it hit bumps made Sara irritated and nauseous.

“So tell me again what happens,” Chip urged.

“No, Chip,” she refused. “Don’t do this. You don’t have to live this over and over again. Just enjoy the last few minutes with your dad. Give him your love. That’s all you need to do.”

“Well, that’s a change,” he said. “You talking about love instead of death. What got into you?”

“You.” She smirked.

“I must be a good influence on you then.”

“Always.”

“I’m glad you’re here with me, Sara.”

“Me, too,” she agreed. “I’ve been thinking about last night. The bridge, I mean.”

“And?”

“I want to do it again.”

“The bridge or me?” he laughed.

“Both,” she said with a mischievous grin. “But I was talking about the bridge. I don’t care if it’s all just my imagination or some fantasy my mind came up with. It was still cool. It made me feel good, which —as you know—is rare for me. I want to feel that way again.”

“Okay. We will try again,” Chip agreed. “This time I have a challenge for you, though. I want you to think of a question you don’t know the answer to. After you cross the bridge, ask your deceased loved ones to tell you the answer. Pick something you don’t know anything about, but can easily verify later. When you get a validation, it can help to reaffirm that you really are communicating with those in spirit.”

“You’re really into this,” Sara said.

“It wasn’t by choice,” he said. “Connor and my mom showed me a whole new world. If it wasn’t for them, I’m not sure what I would believe.”

“I know what you mean,” she said. “The world is full of mysteries and unexplained events. It’s hard to decipher what’s going on. That’s why I like science. It makes sense. I can understand it. I don’t comprehend life. Or death. I certainly don’t understand how what you’ve described can even be possible. It just doesn’t fit with what I know.”

“In time, you’ll come to know the truth.”

A brief chill came over Sara. She flashed back to the dream she had of her mother. “My mom said that,” she said.

“Your
dead
mom?” Chip questioned. “I thought she didn’t communicate with you.”

“In my dream,” Sara said. “She told me the same exact thing you said in a dream.”

“
She
told you? Or did you make it up? Was it your imagination?”

Sara sighed and wriggled in her seat. Chip was confusing her. She thought she understood how things worked. Science had taught her what to expect. But she never expected this. It went against everything she thought she knew. And yet it seemed to make sense.

“I don’t know, Chip,” she said. “I really don’t know. I sure hope to find out for certain someday.”

After what seemed like an eternity, they pulled up in front of the hospital. Chip jumped out of the car and ran around to the other side to open Sara’s door.

They rushed into the hospital hand in hand and quickly received information from the front desk on where Chip’s father had been taken: third floor, Cardiac Care Unit. They jumped on the elevator and headed up to Dave’s room.

As the elevator doors opened, Sara felt a sickness in the pit of her stomach. Her head grew dizzy. The distress on this floor was overwhelming. She began to hyperventilate. She felt faint.

“Sara? Are you okay?” Chip asked.

“I’m all right,” she lied. “Go ahead and see your dad. I think I need some air.”

Sara got back on the elevator and tried a different floor. What she found, however, was not relief. She had landed on the hospice floor and was suddenly flooded with images of patients’ deaths. She heard their moans, and her body became a punching bag that took on the strikes that each patient experienced. Their suffering became her suffering, and she was overwhelmed with an inescapable wave of fear and dread. Once again, she wanted nothing more than to die. The torment and anguish overpowered her, and she quickly fled the hospital and darted out into the parking lot.

The screech of sirens buzzed past her, and she felt an intense throbbing in her head. Accident victim. Head injury. So much blood. He would die on the operating table.

I’ve got to get out of here,
she thought. Death called her name.
Sara, I’m waiting for you. It’s time.
She plotted her escape. Should she run out onto the road in front of a car? Should she go back inside the hospital and sneak a lethal dose of a patient’s medication? She frantically and nervously scanned her surroundings.
Must find a way out
.
Can’t take this anymore.

Her heart pounded, and each rapid breath made her more and more lightheaded. She felt like she was going to pass out. She needed a solution—fast. Her eyes darted from side to side, and then up, until they stopped on the rooftop of the hospital.
Perfect,
she thought. She looked down to the floor below the roof and spied an exterior ladder for a fire escape. She was dizzy and disoriented, but she knew exactly what she had to do.

A sudden strength came over her, and her mind began to clear. Swiftly and without another thought, she rushed into the hospital and headed for the upper floor. She found the window that led to the fire escape and forced it open. She climbed up the narrow metal bar steps and a powerful sense of freedom and relief filled her. She stood on the ladder ready to jump. It would all be over soon. No more pain. No more suffering. This was it.

“Wait,” a man’s voice said abruptly.

Now what?
She turned to see who was behind her and spotted Dave. “What are you doing here?” she asked. “Aren’t you supposed to be in your bed? You did just have a heart attack, you know. Please go back and rest. Chip will be very worried if he finds you missing.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, Sara,” he said seriously. “Please don’t do this. Chip needs you. He loves you so much. And I know you love him, too. I saw it in your eyes yesterday. Stay with him.”

Sara closed her eyes and felt a tear run down her cheek. Slowly, one by one, the tears escaped her eyes until her entire face was wet. Dave was right. She did love Chip, more than anyone she had ever loved. She wiped her faced and opened her eyes. When she turned to look at Dave again, he was gone.
Where
did
he
go?
she wondered.

Her head was pounding more than ever now, and her sight began to fade. She clumsily climbed back through the window. A dizzying whirl of confusion wrapped itself around her. She felt faint. Her legs became heavy. She was drifting away. She fell to the floor as everything faded to black.

When she opened her eyes again, Chip was standing over her with a worried look on his face. He was accompanied by a husky security guard with black frizzy hair, wearing a navy-blue uniform.

“Sara! Thank God you’re okay!” Chip said with relief as he threw his arms around her.

“Oww. My head hurts,” she complained.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know,” she lied.

Sara couldn’t find the words. She lay there just staring at him. She could see the worry and hurt in his eyes, and it tore her up inside. She didn’t have the heart to admit she almost killed herself again. That is, until Chip’s father showed up. She still didn’t understand how he was able to sneak out of the cardiac ward and find her.

“I’ll take it from here, sir,” Chip said to the guard. “Thanks for your help.”

“No problem,” he said. “But please stay with her. If anything else happens, I want you to take her directly to emergency.”

“I understand,” Chip said. “I’m a therapist. She’s in good hands.”

“I’m sorry,” Sara said finally. “I didn’t mean to worry you. How’s your dad?”

Chip’s face turned sad and he bowed his head. “Dad died about half an hour ago.”

“Oh, Chip,” she said, trying to sit up to comfort him. “I’m
so
sorry. I wish he wouldn’t have gotten out of bed to come find me.”

“Out of bed? What do you mean, Sara?”

“Your dad,” she said. “He was with me before I blacked out.”

“No, Sara. That’s impossible,” Chip said. “I was with him the whole time. He never left his bed.”

“Oh,” Sara said, feeling confused. “I must have been mistaken.”

She was certain Dave had been there. He was the one who had stopped her from committing suicide. She couldn’t have imagined that, could she?

“Maybe you hit your head hard,” Chip said. “We should have you checked out.”

“Yeah,” she agreed. “That’s a good idea.”

Chip grabbed both of her arms and looked deep into her eyes. “You’ve gotta stop doing this,” he said.

“Doing what?”

“Trying to kill yourself.”

“I’m so—ooo—rry,” she stammered. “It was just too much, Chip. I felt what they felt. I saw how they were going to die. It was so awful. It almost destroyed me.” She sobbed.

“I think maybe we should have you admitted to the hospital for the night,” Chip said. “You can get a good night’s sleep in a place where doctors and nurses will keep a close eye on you. They can give you some medication to relax you and help you sleep. I have to take care of some things for Dad, and I don’t want anything to happen to you while I’m gone.”

“Then take me with you,” she pleaded. “I don’t want you to leave me here.”

“I’m not sure you’re up for it, Sara,” he said. “I have to make a lot of phone calls and go to the funeral home. There’s a lot of death there, you know.”

“Death is my life, Chip. Seriously, how much worse can it get?”

“I don’t want to lose you,” he said. “Please let me help you.”

“I want to go with you,” she insisted. “Neither one of us should be alone right now. We need each other. Please.”

Chip paused for a few minutes, contemplating her request. Sara was afraid he was going to say no. She knew he would do anything to protect her. She hoped he realized that being in the hospital surrounded by sick and dying people was riskier than being with him. She felt better when she was with him. This place made her feel ill.

“Please,” she said again. “I feel better when I’m with you. And I’m having too many visions here. I can’t handle any more today.”

“Okay,” he said finally. “But please promise me you won’t try anything.”

“I will stay right by your side,” she agreed.

***

Dave’s funeral arrangements were all just a blur for both Sara and Chip. As the funeral director spoke, a curtain of fog surrounded them, shielding them from the heartbreak and devastation that death always brought. They picked out a casket and a poem for the funeral card. They chose the prayers that would be said and the words that would be spoken at the funeral. They did so with love and respect in their hearts, but with an ironclad numbness in their minds and souls—a numbness that prevented the shower of tears that would surely come if they only allowed themselves to feel for one brief moment.

Sara resented the fact that they were forced to make these decisions, to get up, get dressed, and go out into the world. She especially hated being expected to function and carry on as if everything were normal. The love of her life had just lost his father. Life was anything but normal.

It’s weird how when someone dies the world feels like it has just stopped for you, but for everyone else, it somehow continues,
Sara thought.
You want to just scream out and say, “No, the world can’t just go on as if nothing has happened. Someone died.” Can’t we stop time, just for a little while? Why does everything have to continue as if nothing has changed, when in reality everything has changed? The world will never be quite the same again. No passage of time, no business-as-usual, could ever undo what has already been done.