Sara's Soul (11 page)

“You can trust me, you know,” he said. “I would never do anything to hurt you. And I will do everything in my power to protect you.”

“I know that,” she admitted. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you can’t protect me from everything, but I know you’ll try. That scares me, Chip. I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want to end up hurting you.”

A lump formed in Sara’s throat. She knew that her death would cause him sorrow, and she hated that thought. She had no desire to hurt the man she loved. He was her everything. She wanted desperately to remain there with him. However, she was powerless against death’s calling. She had already suffered through his father’s agonizing demise and her mother’s shocking betrayal in her vivid vision. That had put her over the edge. The urge to kill herself was unpredictable, uncontrollable. It often came on with a vengeance and struck her with little or no warning. And this time it struck hard.

“Sara, you’re a kind, gentle person with a good heart. You could never hurt me,” he said, planting a soft kiss on her forehead. “The only thing that would hurt is not spending the rest of my life with you. I need you, Sara.”

Sara swallowed hard. He wanted to spend his life with her. She wanted that, too. He
needed
her. She wanted to give him so much more than she was able. She wanted to give him a happy life, full of her unconditional love and affection. But in that moment, all she had to offer was a heads-up about his father’s impending death. Why was life so unfair?

A tear trickled down Sara’s cheek and she felt overwhelmed with emotion. As usual, Chip noticed right away. “Sara, please talk to me,” he urged. “I think you should tell me about your vision.”

“I can’t,” she said. “It will hurt too much.”

“You’re already hurting,” he said. “How could telling me hurt more? It may help to get it off your chest.”

“It will hurt you,” she said softly.

“Me?” he asked, confused. “I can handle death, Sara. What I can’t handle is you not opening up to me. I don’t want you to feel this way. I’m a therapist, remember? People talk to me about their problems all the time. And they say I help them. It’s frustrating that I can help complete strangers, but the woman I love won’t let me help her. Please, Sara, let me help you. Trust me.”

“I do trust you, Chip,” Sara said. “But this vision is different. I guarantee it will hurt and upset you. I don’t want to be the cause of your pain.”

“You can’t blame yourself for something you have no control over, Sara,” Chip said. “Truth is always better than secrets.”

Sara was quiet. Was he right? Should she tell him about his dad? Maybe she should ask him about his father first. It’s possible he already knew his dad was ill. Maybe he was prepared for this moment.

“Chip, can I ask you something?”

“Sure. Anything.”

“What is your father like? I’d love to meet him.”

“Why are you changing the subject?” he snapped, pulling away from her.

Dammit. That backfired,
Sara thought.
All I did was make him angry. Maybe I should just tell him.

“I… I… um… Crap, this is hard,” she cried, bursting into tears.

“I’m sorry, babe,” he said sympathetically. He brushed his hand across her cheek. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m just feeling frustrated.

Chip rolled her over and pulled her close. He kissed her lips, and she felt her body tingle. It was as if a powerful force field of positive energy surrounded them. She had to admit, they were good together. Their connection seemed to neutralize the negative, destructive forces that threatened Sara’s heart and soul.

“It’s just… that… what I’m about to tell you… It will… change… your life,” she stammered.

“All the more reason to share it with me,” he said.

Sara closed her eyes and paused, preparing herself for the dreadful moment when she would tell Chip about his father. “It’s your dad,” she said finally, holding her breath. “My vision was about him.”

“Oh my God, Sara. No wonder you’re upset. What’s wrong with my dad? Did you see his… Oh my God. No. It can’t be.”

“Yes, Chip, I saw your father’s death. I felt what he felt—the agonizing pain, his love for you and your mom. It was terrible.”

“How? When?”

“I don’t know when, but your father is going to have a heart attack soon. I’m sorry, Chip.” She hugged him hard and tried to comfort him. She felt his body tremble and heard his silent sobs of sorrow. After a few minutes, he dried his eyes and looked at her seriously.

“I want you to spend the day with me tomorrow,” he said. “We’ll go visit my dad, so you can meet him. I’ll take you to lunch and to the park. Life is too short. We need to take time for the ones we love while we still have the chance.”

“Okay,” she agreed. “I’ll spend the day with you. I would love to meet your dad.”

It was the least she could do after breaking the sad news to him. Sara had to comfort Chip now. Just one more thing to do before she left this wretched world for good. She couldn’t just abandon him now.

“Good,” he said. “Now let’s try to get some sleep. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow.”

Chip and Sara snuggled close, comforting each other with their warm bodies. She had to admit, it felt reassuring to have him near. It wasn’t long before she heard his breathing slow and knew that he was fast asleep. Even with Chip by her side, the lingering pain in her heart remained. She closed her eyes, hoping to escape. But instead of taking refuge into the comfort of a restful slumber, she found herself standing inside an empty cave. Its dark walls surrounded her, and the damp chill in the air cut straight to her bones. She heard nothing but the steady dripping of water from the stalactites overhead. The sound echoed through the cave, amplifying the emptiness. An unnerving loneliness haunted her, and it compelled her to explore the tunnels despite the apprehension she felt.

Sara walked cautiously through the passageways in search of something, anything that would explain why she was there. Was someone about to die? Was this another vision? As she traveled deeper and deeper into the darkness, she heard a woman’s sobs. She could hardly make out the figure sitting on a rock with her face buried in her hands. But she could feel the woman’s pain. It was the most violent, dreadful suffering she had ever experienced. Like a million needles piercing every fiber of her being, twisting and turning inside until there was nothing left. Sheer hell. Sheer torture. And it was relentless.

Sara instinctively sat down beside the woman and put her arm around her. She looked up and saw that it was Margaret. “I thought I had the answers,” Margaret cried. “When I watched him die, I thought it was the worst pain I would ever know. I was wrong.”

Sara understood that kind of brokenness. She knew better than anyone what it felt like to watch someone die, to experience the excruciating and horrific details of death. She had witnessed thousands of murders, suicides, and accidents. She had watched so many people suffer through painful illnesses that slowly extinguished every last bit of life left within them. Sara had even seen her own mother lose her battle with cancer. Nothing was worse than losing someone you loved.

“It’s not too late for thee,” Margaret said.

A drop of water plopped on Sara’s head, and as she reached up to wipe it off, she found herself awake in her bedroom. She peered into the darkness and studied the shadows intently. The lamp at her bedside looked a lot like a small person standing there staring at her, waiting for her next move. Her dresser resembled a casket, and the eerie silence reminded her of her eventual fate. It didn’t matter what Margaret said. Sara’s mind was made up. She would soon kill herself. But not yet. Tomorrow she would spend the day with Chip.

chapter 11

angelic visit

That was a close one,” Celeste said to Connor. “I’m so relieved Chip listened to me and called Sara. Our plans could have been destroyed in an instant.”

“I know,” said Connor, shaking his head. “This is a tricky mission. Sara is a kind, loving person, but she is filled with so much pain. We have to find a way for her to see the other side. She needs to know the truth about life and death.”

“Yes,” Celeste agreed. “She needs to not only know for certain that there’s an afterlife, but also that if she kills herself, her pain won’t end. You know where suicides end up.”

“Sara doesn’t deserve to go there,” he said.

Celeste thought about the torment that those souls who committed suicide faced. They believed they would stop their suffering, extinguish their existence, and finally be free. They expected not to ever feel anything again. They thought it would all just end and they would disappear into nothingness. But instead they woke up very much alive, in a cold, damp, dark, cave-like place. They not only felt their own pain, but also the pain of all the tortured souls who were trapped there in limbo with them. They moaned in agony, wrapped in self-imposed chains, heavy and iron, that prevented them from escaping until they could come to terms with what they had done. There was no escape without forgiveness. And the act of forgiving oneself was the most difficult kind.

This lower realm was colorless, and the objects and scenery appeared in dismal, shadowy shades of gray and black. No light entered either. It was a vile, wretched place. The suffering there was far worse than the life the troubled souls thought they were escaping from. But that’s not all; the prisoners also got to witness the horror, the sadness, the guilt, and the despair of those left behind. Many of the remaining loved ones blamed themselves; they believed somehow they had caused their spouses and children, lovers and friends, to commit suicide. If only they had loved more, listened more, noticed more, reached out more… then maybe they could have saved their dear ones from death.

Seeing this always caused the suicide victims to be filled with so much regret and remorse. They desperately wished they could undo what they had done. They wanted to go back and make better choices, get help for the depression that had led them to this awful fate. They longed to be with their loved ones again and to see those who had passed before them. But they were stuck.

This state of existence continued for a very long time. Eventually, when the souls finally came to terms with what they had done and forgave themselves, they were allowed to go to a holding room that resembled a hospital. There they would begin the slow, difficult process of healing. When they were stronger, they would take on jobs or special assignments, where they could help the newly arrived to acclimate to their environment. Some offered support to those still stuck in the lowest realms. Others worked at the hospital, using their positive energy to heal souls. Those who had become enlightened were allowed to leave and advance to the next level of the afterlife. In time, they were even permitted to see their fellow deceased loved ones. Many chose to help people on Earth by intervening in their suicide attempts. But it took a lot of very hard work, suffering, and subsequent healing to finally get to that point.

Margaret had suffered this fate after Merek was murdered. She fell into a deep pit of despair and believed the only way out was to kill herself. Unfortunately, her suffering did not end, and she spent hundreds of years trapped in the lower realms, weeping and longing to be reunited with her lost love. She thought Merek’s death had separated them, but it was actually her own that kept them apart. Her guilt and her remorse were almost unrepairable.

Celeste certainly didn’t want Sara to go through all that. She also knew that the love Sara and Chip shared was much like the feelings between her and Connor. Celeste was determined to make sure they had a chance to be together on Earth. She wanted Chip and Sara to carry out their mission, opening up the suicide prevention center and saving many lives. She knew that, if given time, Sara would come to know and understand more about the spirit world. Instead of seeing only visions of death, she would be able to see what came after and to feel the never-ending, unconditional love that encased everything. And Chip, her precious son—Connor’s son—would have a remarkable life with his soul mate and true love. It was vital that she and Connor succeed in their mission to help Chip save Sara. It wasn’t just Sara’s life at stake; it was her soul, too.

“Did Chip figure out what the yellow ribbon you gave him means?” Celeste asked hopefully.

“No, not yet,” Connor replied. “He’s been too distracted. I will pay him another visit and help move things along.”

“I want to go too this time,” she said. “Let’s leave now.”

“Good idea.” Connor smiled, kissing her.

Connor and Celeste joined their hands together and closed their eyes. A whirl of wind and light surrounded them. The hum of the air sounded like the chirp of thousands of tiny birds. In a minute, they had arrived in Sara’s bedroom, where she and Chip lay sleeping.

Celeste looked down at her son with overwhelming love and affection. She drifted over to him and softly kissed his cheek. “Chip,” she whispered. “Wake up, please. We need to talk to you.”

Chip mumbled sleepily and rolled over. Connor approached him and tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, buddy,” he said. “It’s me. Connor.”

Chip’s eyes sprang wide open. “Mom. Connor.” he said. “Or should I say
Dad
? What are you two doing here? Is everything okay?”

“We’ve come to discuss an important matter,” Connor said. “And feel free to call me whatever you’d like.”

“Actually, I would still like to call you Connor.
Dad
is reserved for the man who raised me, no offense or anything. You know I love you, too.”

“Of course,” Connor replied, smiling.

“Speaking of my dad, is it true? Is he going to die?” Chip asked. “Was Sara’s vision right?”

“You know we’re not supposed to divulge these types of secrets, son,” Celeste said. “But you already know the answer about Dave. What does your heart tell you?”

“My heart tells me it’s about to be broken,” he said sadly. “Is that why you’re both here?”

“No, Chip, it’s not,” Celeste said. “Your dad isn’t the only one you should be worried about.”

“I know,” Chip said. “Sara’s going through a rough time. She’s very upset.”

“Yes, she is. Sara is a special woman. She needs you in her life, and I know you need her, too.”

“I do,” agreed Chip. “She makes me feel… whole. I’ve never felt that way about a woman before. It’s like we’re a part of each other. The connection between us is just so strong. Is that what it’s like between you two?”

“Yes.” Celeste’s face lit up and she smiled the most beautiful, joyful smile. The energy inside of her intensified, and she felt love pulsing through her heart and soul. Connor looked at her and returned her smile with equal love and passion. He reached out his hand and took hers. Suddenly the entire room became illuminated in a bright, shimmering white light. It was so intense that the room appeared to be basked in sunlight, and its warmth radiated throughout the entire house. Connor and Celeste embraced and began to kiss.

“Stop it, you two. You’re going to wake up Sara. I just asked a simple question. You didn’t need to give me a demonstration,” he said, laughing. “I get it.”

“Sorry.” Celeste blushed. “He just has that effect on me.”

“Sure, blame me.” Connor laughed. “As if you have no part in it all.”

Connor’s face suddenly turned serious. “Have you thought about the yellow ribbon I gave you, Chip? Any idea what it means?” Connor asked.

“No, but I have it in the shirt pocket of my pajamas,” Chip said, patting the pocket of his striped white and navy-blue flannel shirt. “My first thought was of Desert Storm. I remember families putting yellow ribbons up during the war for the safe return of the soldiers. That doesn’t make any sense, though. There is no war right now, and I don’t even know anyone serving in the military, so that can’t be it. So then I thought about how ribbons are often used for the awareness of various illnesses, especially cancer. That’s as far as I got. I wanted to research which types of illnesses a yellow ribbon stood for. I wondered if someone I know is sick. I promise I will look into it soon.”

“At least you’re thinking about it,” Connor said. “Please don’t wait too long to do your research, though. We don’t have a lot of time.”

“What does that mean?” Chip asked with concern. “Is someone going to die of cancer soon? Am I supposed to help them get treatment or something?”

“Sorry, sweetie,” Celeste said. “We can’t give you details. We can, however, urge you to pay close attention to all that is around you and think about what you know. I’m sure you’ll figure it out. I just hope you do before it’s too late.”

“We’ll be in touch soon,” Connor said. He gave Chip a hearty hug.

Celeste leaned over and also embraced Chip. She planted a kiss on the top of his head. She was so proud of him. He was a wonderful child and had grown into a smart, kind man. She knew he would do his best.

“Bye, guys,” Chip said. “Maybe someday you can communicate with Sara, too. I’m sure she would love that. If she could just break down those barriers and let the light in, I know her whole world, her whole outlook, would change. I’ll work on her.”

“Bridge,” said Celeste.

“Huh?” Chip asked.

“You can use the bridge of illumination,” she replied. “Read about it in my blue notebook. You’ll find all of the instructions there. The bridge will help Sara.”

“I knew he didn’t get his smarts from just me,” Connor teased.

Celeste gave him a nudge, and they laughed. Then they disappeared in a shimmer of sparkles.

***

              After the visit, Chip couldn’t sleep. His mind kept thinking about this bridge and wondering about the yellow ribbon. He reached into his pajama shirt pocket and traced the ribbon’s satin edges with his finger.
What does it mean? What am I supposed to do?
He felt a sense of urgency, like he was running out of precious time. He needed to unravel the riddle, and fast. Chip grabbed his cell phone from the pine nightstand next to Sara’s bed. He wasn’t going to rest until he solved this mystery.

He typed “yellow ribbon meaning” into Google and began skimming the results. His tired eyes glanced over phrases, hoping that the answer would become clear. “Bring our troops home.” “A wish for a safe return.” “Tribute to those who served in the Gulf War.” “Awareness of bone cancer and sarcoma.” “Bladder cancer.” Nothing seemed to fit.
What does any of this have to do with me?
He continued to scan the search results from various websites.
“
Waiting for your beloved to return.” “Suicide prevention.”
Shit, that’s it.
Chip felt it strongly now. He was supposed to help prevent someone’s suicide. He gasped.

“Sara,” he said aloud.

Sara jumped out of her sleep. “What? What’s wrong?” she asked. “And why are you holding your phone? Is it your dad? Is he okay?”

“I didn’t mean to wake you. I’m sorry,” Chip said. “Everything is okay.”

“Then why did you just call my name like that?” she asked.

“I just don’t want to lose you,” he said. “Please promise you won’t leave me.”

Sara was quiet. Chip could see the fear and sorrow in her eyes. There was no doubt in his mind now; she was indeed contemplating suicide. It was written all over her face. She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the forehead. “I love you,” she said. “I hope you know that.”

“And I love you,” he replied. “I hope you know that, too. You can count on me. I will always be there for you, no matter what.”

Sara just stared at him with a blank look on her face. She was speechless. The woman he loved couldn’t tell him that she was planning to kill herself, because if she did, he would stop her. He wondered when she intended to carry out the act. Judging by the look on her face, it wouldn’t be long. And then it hit him; Sara wasn’t just upset and distressed about her vision of his father’s death. When he called her at three a.m. after his mother had urged him to, she had been about to commit suicide. He had interrupted her. A warm rush of blood flooded his face, and his chest tightened. He had almost lost her. If it weren’t for that phone call just a couple of hours earlier, he wouldn’t be lying there beside her.

Chip knew he had to do everything in his power to save Sara. If only he could give her some proof of the afterlife, some evidence that there was something more, then maybe she would stay. He had to show her the other side. And he had to do it fast.