Sarah Thornhill (14 page)

The girl was watching from face to face. I wondered what I hadn't before, if she knew some English.

I'm thinking I done wrong to bring her, Mr Thornhill, Jack said. Made a mistake.

You're wrong there, Pa said. Never done a better deed.

First thing she said to me was, can we get on the boat and go home? Jack said.

A child says all manner of things, Pa said. Wouldn't want to set too much store by that.

Mr Thornhill, I know you love her, Jack said. But it's best I take her back.

Pa blinked at that, his jaw tightened. I wanted to say, Have a care, Jack!

No need for that, lad, Pa said. No call to think that way.

I heard the edge in his voice, that Jack didn't, so I got in quick.

We all of us want what's best for her, I said. Her grandpa, you got her best interests at heart. Wouldn't want to see her sad.

I thought he softened. Jack might of thought the same, he tried again.

She got her kin there, Mr Thornhill, he said. Best I take her back to them.

That got Pa blazed up.

This is her kin! he said. Us! Here!

Leave it, Jack
, I urged him in my mind.
Leave him burn himself
out
.

But Jack was catching some of the heat off Pa.

Got kin there too, Jack said. Got a granny. Aunties and uncles.

Not like her grandpa! Pa said. And Dolly there, her auntie too!

Shouting, his eyes gone sharp.

Could take her today, Jack said.

The anger in him was turning to stone.

Trevarrow's got a boat going to Sydney, he said.

By God you won't! Pa said. You'll not take her!

Standing, the chair tipped over behind him. Hit the table so hard the cruet bounced. The girl slid off her chair, made herself small behind Jack. He stood up, the girl stuck to him.

Mr Thornhill, he said, you begged me and I fetched her. I see now I done the wrong thing. I'm sorry Mr Thornhill but I'm taking her back.

No you won't! Pa said. By God you won't!

Come round the table, nose to nose with Jack, his hands up in fists. Jack didn't flinch. Didn't get his hands up.

There was a long turning moment.

All right Jack, Pa said. No need to come to blows.

Stepped back and I thought, Thank God.

Thing is, you got no rights in law, Pa said.

The rage gone. He was half smiling now.

You're no kin to her, he said. You're nothing to her. It's me that's kin. Me that's got the rights. You take her, lad, you'll be in breach.

In breach, Jack said. What, of the law.

That's right, lad, Pa said. Law's on my side on this.

Picked up the chair. Straightened the things in the cruet as if they mattered.

Jack's face went chalky. The girl saw it, pressed against his legs. A little sound at last, a whimper.

None of this about rights in law, Pa, I said. Not about law, this business.

Making myself sound calm, like this was any reasonable kind of conversation.

We none of us want to see her eating her heart out for home, I said. Do we, Pa?

Laying out words like paving stones to cover over the glistening black thing that had opened up at our feet.
In breach.
Whether the girl should go back or not, that was one thing. A difference of opinion, one man against another.
In breach
was another kind of thing
. In breach
was inhuman, something all iron and wood that had no anger or grief, just its own cold workings.

This is her home, Pa said. I'm her grandpa. She's stopping here. That's my last word on the matter.

I could see he was not as sure as he sounded.
In breach
was another man's weapon. But he'd set his hand to it. The more he doubted, the more he'd hold his line.

Welcome to stop along of us, Jack, he said. But we got to have that understood. She's staying here. You want the skiff, welcome to it. No call to hurry back.

He turned and went out, we heard him call to Anne for his hat, he was going down the punt, quick about it lass, a man hasn't got all day!

Jack picked the girl up, folded his arms round her, their two black heads together.

Jack, I said, but he was staring at the floor, paid no heed.

I won't have you go, I said, but I could hear Pa's bluster in my voice.

How can we work it, Jack, I said. What can we do?

Only one thing to do, he said. That's me go. Like they want.

I'd never seen him bleak. Didn't know Jack Langland could look beaten.

No! I said, was trying to call up words, reasons, appeals, to throw at his bowed head.

I'll go, he said. Only not as far as they think.

Oh, Sullivan's! I said. You mean Sullivan's!

I was leaping ahead, the corn in the paddock and the kettle on the fire, me and Jack every night and every day.

Rather take her back, he said. Sullivan's the best I can do. Be close by there. She knows I'm close, poor thing be eased a little in her heart.

I went to put my arms round him but the girl was leaning back in his arms to see his face and he bent to her to listen. She whispered to him, a question, and he answered, something soothing.

Got her heart set on me taking her back, he said. God knows how to tell her I can't.

Put the girl down, held her close to him.

Bide my time, all I can do, he said. See my chance. Help her one way or another.

The flatness in his voice gave me a pang, that he was thinking of the girl when all I could do was think of myself, the joys ahead of me.

But Jack, aunties got rights in law too, I said. I'll be the one keeps the door open for the two of you. He can't stop me.

A little of the colour starting to come back into his face.

And Jack, I said, think of this, when we're husband and wife you'll be her uncle-in-law. Have rights on your own account.

No doubt about you, he said, and was nearly smiling. Always a step ahead of the pack.

Here with you, Jack, I said. Every step of the way.

Got my arms round him, the girl between us.

You and me together, I said.

Sarah Thornhill, he whispered. You beside me, I'll take on anything.

The kiss we gave each other tied everything up, the past and the future, the days ahead of us, and the days ahead of the girl, too. All bound into a knot that would never undo.

Didn't know Ma was at the door till she flung the words at us.

You get off her, Jack Langland! she shouted. Get off her now this minute! William! Come quick! William!

It's all right, Ma, I said.

Holding Jack's hand, smiling at the idea of him needing to be got off me.

Jack and me had our hearts set on each other a long time now, I said. Getting married, Ma, got it all worked out.

Ma took a step back like I'd hit her. Her face went slack and I thought, this is what people mean when they say
her jaw dropped
.

Would of told you before, Mrs Thornhill, Jack started, but Ma wasn't hearing.

Over my dead body, she shouted. Over my dead body you'll marry that black!

It knocked me back like a blast of wind. Jack's hand went dead in mine.

How dare you, Jack Langland! she shouted. Pushing your way in here!

The rage boiled off her. She seemed twice her size, puffed up with it.

When you're nothing! she said. Nothing but a black never going to amount to a pinch of dirt! Sneaking round sucking up to Mr Thornhill's daughter!

No! I said. No!

That was all the words I had in me.

Don't you stand there and say no to me, Dolly Thornhill, she said. How dare you!

What do you mean dare, I said.

I warned your pa, she said. Get that black buck away before it's too late, I told him!

It was like turning over a stone and having a snake come out at you. Your blood gone watery.

Forgotten, Dolly, have you? she said. That his mother was a black gin? The father good enough stock but you said it yourself, Dolly, it's the mother's blood he's got.

Come up close to me, touched me at the front of my dress.

Too late, is it Dolly? she said. That why you're here talking weddings? You'll always have the throwbacks, you know. Did you know that? Where you've got the dark blood. Want to look out, Dolly, or you'll have something even blacker than him.

Jack could be black white or brindle, I said. Damned if I care!

Jack moved, I thought he was going to hit her. But leaned away from her and a great laugh burst out of him.

Blacker even than me, he said. Yes Mrs Thornhill, that's damn right, blacker even than Mr Thornhill's granddaughter here that he loves so much.

What Mr Thornhill does or doesn't do, it's no business of yours, Ma shouted. You're nothing but a black buck got your eye on a white girl.

We won't stand here, Jack, I said. Hear you being insulted. We'll find Pa.

Find your pa if you want, Dolly, Ma said. But I wouldn't count on him if I was you.

I was pulling at Jack's hand, but when she said that I wondered. If not for Pa tipping that chair over, getting his fists up, I'd of taken no heed. But looked at Jack and saw the same doubt in him.

Ma saw us hesitate, stepped into our doubt with a different tone.

Your mind made up then, is it Dolly? she said.

That's right, I said, tucked my arm into Jack's. Never been so sure of anything in my life.

All those years I knew her, I never once saw her yield. But now I thought she was yielding. The rage gone back in to wherever it lived.

You might think you're sure, Dolly, she said. But you haven't thought.

Oh yes we have! I cried. Jack's giving away the sealing, we got it planned out, take up that old place, Sullivan's, make a go of it.

Sullivan's! she said, and I thought I'd persuaded her. Should of seen the grease in that smile.

Well, Dolly, she said. All I can say is, you're making a mistake. A big mistake. But you were a wilful little thing from the word go. I'm not going to be the one tries to stop you.

Meaning, I thought, that she'd leave that to Pa.

Your pa will need some talking round, she said. You want things working out, you best let me do that, Dolly. Jack and me have a chat. What he's got in mind, where the money's coming from, all that. So I can go to your pa with it.

Me and Jack looked at each other. Not sure. But knew we had to have Ma on side.

The girl hadn't moved, pressed up to Jack. In the moment we wavered, she looked up, her face all over tears.

All right, Mrs Thornhill, Jack said. We'll have a chat then.

Just you and me, Jack, Ma said. You get on up to your room, Dolly.

Saw I was going to argue.

For once in your life just do as I say, she said. Me and Jack sort it out, then we'll get your pa. Won't take long, Dolly. To say what we've got to say.

So I went. Lay on the bed waiting for them to call me. Had us in Sullivan's, the hut patched snug. I could do without a fine stone house, servants and horses. All the things Pa set such store by. He'd be pleased in the end, Jack for a son-in-law near as good as having Will back. He'd let the girl come for visits. A day to start with, then a week, then a month.
Play the long game
.

I'd learn some words of her tongue. If I knew how to say a few soft things she'd trust me again. She'd come to be glad she had me for an auntie.

Time went by, I started to think they must be done. Tiptoed down the stairs, leaned my ear in at the parlour door. Heard Ma say something, couldn't make out what. There was a noise from the room, a thud like furniture going over and something like a cough or a cry. Then the door banged open and Jack was running into me. His face was strange. Swollen. As if from one minute to the next he'd got a mortal illness. Lashed out with his arm, pushed me away. Not a word spoken. Then he was wrenching open the front door, down the steps two at a time.

Jack, I called. Hoy, Jack!

Laughing, because I was frightened.

Jack, I said, will you stop!

He must of heard but he didn't turn. Brushed past Pa, walking up from the river, and ran to the jetty, too fast for me. Untied the skiff, jumped in. Pulled back on the oars hard enough to break them. Facing me as he rowed but with his head turned away.

Then the skiff was gone behind the reeds up the Branch, and only the lap of the water against the pilings.

M
A WAS
at the gate when I got back to the house, had the girl by the hand. The girl pulling at her, trying to bend Ma's fingers back so she could get away.

What did you say to him, I said. You said something.

Dolly dear, all I done was point out one or two things, she said. Dolly's got opportunities, I told him. Better opportunities than a feller half darkie with nothing behind him. Only fair to her to think about that, I told him.

He's gone, I said. Gone off in the boat.

Left it up to him entirely, she said. Left it to his judgment. Set the facts out before him and what he done, that's up to him.

Something in my head was being stretched, or squashed. Trying to follow what was going on. Ma bent down to snap off the dead flower from a bush as if nothing was out of the ordinary. A long stripe of sun lit up the gravel. Down in the paddock a dog barked and someone called out
Get away back!

Mild usual things, they couldn't be set in the same world as the horror on Jack's face. The spurt of the oars in the water, getting away from me. I'd been lying on my bed coddling dreams, and while I'd been doing that the joins between things had ripped apart.

Pa was in his usual place on the verandah. Had the telescope in his hand, but not looking through it. Watching me, and like a child I had the thought
Pa will put it right!

Think you'll find your pa and I see eye to eye on this, Dolly, Ma said from behind me.

I could see from his face, Ma had already got to him. He took a drink of his rum-and-water, set the glass down.