Safewords: Davenport and Chiffon (18 page)

Zach put his elbows on his knees and dropped his head, running his fingers through his hair as he looked at the ground. “I'm so sorry, Dana. I can't undo anything I said or did. Please tell me there's a way to fix this. Kirsten always says you shouldn't get too cocky about having worked through your issues, because that's when they come back and bitch-slap you."

He raised to look at her, tears glistening and threatening to spill. “I was so smug that I'd resolved my fears while you were still figuring out how to deal with yours—so understanding since I'd already been there and put it behind me, but when the officer showed up, it was like I'd never worked through a damned thing."

Her heart rolled over, her stomach fluttering and in danger of losing her lunch. “And now?"

"I want you in my life, no matter the risk. I love you with all my heart. Please say you'll forgive me and come back."

Her gaze settled on the Tennessee River, the water rippling in the slight breeze as it flowed beneath the bridges. “I've thought about it a great deal last night and today. Logically, I can forgive you for everything, but emotionally I still want to just sit and cry at the memory of you stepping away from me when I tried to submit.” She shook her head. “I can't forgive you for rejecting my submission. I'm not saying I'll never be able to, just that I can't get beyond it right now, and I'm going to need help getting there, I'm afraid."

"Will you come back home while we work through it? Put the contract on hold, no power exchange until we can put it behind us?"

"I don't know what to do, Zach.” She took a deep breath and blew it out in frustration, finally turning towards him again. “I've got reservations up on the mountain for tonight and tomorrow night, Brent's planning to drive down and join Jacob and me. Would it be better for you and I to have time alone, or for us to be part of the foursome for the weekend, to help us figure things out?"

He looked thoughtful. “It might be good to have them there as a buffer. I trust them to help us communicate and work through stuff, and if we stay away from the house a few days maybe it'll be easier for you to come home?"

Home? Did she want to go back? She loved him, wanted him in her life, and understood he'd needed some time, but was still pissed—and hurt—at the way he'd taken it. “I'm not making any promises, other than to say I love you and I hope we can find a way to get past this."

They walked to Jacob and got Brent on the phone, working through the logistics of four vehicles. In the end, Jacob followed Dana to return her rental car and drove them up the mountain to get checked in, while Brent rode down in the ‘copter and Zach picked him up at the airport.

The four had dinner on the veranda overlooking the city, but conversation stayed casual and Dana felt as if her and Zach's problems were the elephant in the living room. On the walk back to the room Brent asked if they were up for a game—yes or no, without knowing what he had in mind.

She shrugged, figuring a game would be better than conversation if it were anything like dinner, and said, “Sure, why not."

She looked at Jacob for his answer, but he said, “I'm not in the habit of arguing with him. If he says we're going to play a game, I ask where I should sit."

She laughed and turned to Zach, who said, “As long as it's not strip poker."

When they got back to the room Brent told them to find a place and motioned to the seating area. There was a loveseat, but Dana sat in one of the three occasional chairs, pulling her right leg under her and propping her left on the coffee table. Jacob pulled a cushion from another chair and put it under her foot before sitting on the loveseat. At a loss, Zach sat across from her, looking like he'd rather be closer.

They heard Brent unzipping a suitcase before he joined them, dropping a Twister spinner on the table and taking his seat beside Jacob.

Dana immediately protested. “I'm in no shape for Twister, sorry."

"I'll spin first, whoever the arrow points to will choose truth or dare. If they answer truthfully or complete the challenge, then they spin, and the person it lands on chooses. Anyone refusing to answer—or fulfill the challenge—will accept five strikes of a belt to the ass from their choice of Zach or myself. If it's me then Zach will give them, and vice versa. Is everyone in agreement of the rules?"

Zach looked so grim she almost felt sorry for him. His eyes met hers, a ripple of hurt flashing through them as he said, “Sure, why not."

She had the distinct impression he was hoping Brent had a plan, and was only doing this to smooth things over. She looked at Brent and nodded, and was happy to see an encouraging nod from Jacob. Brent leaned forward and flipped the spinner, and she caught herself holding her breath for the four or five seconds it took to slow down and land on someone.

It pointed at Zach, and he chose Dare.

"I dare you to look down at your feet and stand. Keep your eyes to the floor as you strip to nothing and walk to her, kneel at her feet in the best submissive posture you can manage, and count to twenty slowly in your head before you look up to see whether she'll accept your submission. If she does, she'll kiss you; if she rejects it, she'll get up and walk away. Either way, you can put your clothes back on when it's over."

The muscle in Zach's jaw flexed. “That's quite a dare."

"Do you accept? Don't look at Dana; the dare was to look down right away."

Zach glared at him another three or four seconds before looking at his feet and standing, his fingers releasing the buttons of his shirt one by one. It took him longer to strip than she thought it should, and she could see his hands shake a few times. She wanted to tell Brent not to do this, but she understood the point he was trying to make.

Her heart ached for Zach as he clumsily dropped to his knees, spreading them and sitting on his feet, his hands behind his back, and his cock completely soft. She waited until he raised his eyes to look at her, saw the hope and fear in them, but steeled herself to make him wait. It took her a few seconds to get her legs under her so she could stand, and she took her time, circling around him before coming back to tower over him, his pale blue eyes looking up at her in supplication. She'd never seen him so vulnerable, and she bent down to kiss him, realized her body wasn't going to cooperate, and sat back down. His gaze fell to the floor and she placed her finger under his chin, encouraging him to look up again before she leaned forward and kissed him with all she had in her, rewarding him for putting himself out there for her. It was the first they'd touched since he'd helped her into the car at the hospital, and the feel of his lips on hers set her heart off like a hummingbird's wings.

She pulled back as she saw his hands moving forward, still too raw on the inside to submit to allowing him to touch her. She smiled, hoping it didn't look as sad as she felt. “Put your clothes on and go sit back down, Zach. You make a lousy submissive."

He returned her smile and stood, leaning over and kissing her on the forehead. “Thank you."

"You're welcome. Get dressed and spin the thing, so we know who's next."

His clothes went on much faster than they'd come off, and the spinner landed on Jacob.

"Truth."

"What are your feelings for Dana."

Jacob paled, and Brent's face flashed anger before giving way to curiosity.

Nothing about Jacob's countenance was submissive as he stared daggers at Zach and said, “You already know the answer."

Zach's eyes were just as intense. “Does Dana?"

"This isn't how I wanted to do this."

"You're refusing to answer?"

Jacob shook his head, finally breaking the macho stare. “No, but this feels more like Dare than Truth."

He stood and walked to her, kneeling so gracefully it took her breath away. He sandwiched her hands between his larger ones, and his eyes looked into hers with so much love and devotion she wanted to crawl into him, where it was safe. “Dana, I've fallen in love with you. I love you."

She leaned towards him, extricating her hands and wrapping her arms around him, pulling him closer, eyes still locked on his. “Oh Jacob, I love you, too. I haven't fully come to terms with what it might mean to love two men at the same time, but I hope we can figure out how to make it work for all of us."

Jacob circled her waist with his arms and she felt the tension flowing out of him. They stayed as they were for several moments and Brent said, “Okay Jacob, it's your turn to spin the dial."

Jacob pulled back slowly, and Dana did the same, giving him a peck on the lips before relinquishing him.

He settled beside Brent and was given a quick hug before gently flipping the spinner.

"Nope,” Brent said, “it's got to go around at least twice. Do it harder."

He sighed and flicked in irritation, making it revolve a dozen or so times before it stopped on Zach, who was downright stoic as he said, “Truth."

"Tell us about Alice."

Zach looked horrified, then pissed, and finally, deflated—rubbing an open palm over his eyes and forehead as if blindfolding himself a few moments. When he dropped his hand he focused on Jacob, “I'd accept the five with the belt, but now you've said the name she'll demand to know the story whether I take them or not. You're right; it does feel more like Dare. Touche."

Transferring his gaze to Dana, he began. “My best friend in middle and high school went to college a few years before being recruited into the navy. When he was chosen for the Seal program, I was both happy and terrified for him. He had an edge of cruelty he barely held onto sometimes, and I knew the military wanted to exploit it. He was a good guy, the kind who'd rescue kittens from tall trees at great risk to his own life, but if you wronged him, gave him a reason for revenge...” Zach sighed, shaking his head. “He could be damn scary."

"He and Alice started dating our senior year, and then attended the same college. They were together for four or five years before he proposed, and they finally married just before he went into the Seal program. For the next two years he'd be home anywhere from a few days to a few weeks, then would be gone another two to six months."

He ran his hand through his hair, his voice cracking. “I got a phone call from her one afternoon—he'd left again that morning, and she usually only called to let me know he was coming home. Her voice was weak, I could hardly understand her, but she asked me to help her. I drove to their house, but the door was locked and she didn't answer, though her car was there. I called nine-one-one, worried."

His voice caught and he stumbled into a long inhale, and Dana wished she could hold him, but couldn't bring herself to go to him. “Long story short, she was in bad shape—broken nose, busted lip, loose teeth, torn retina, damaged larynx, and internal injuries from being punched in the gut. She had welts and bruises all over her from where he'd whaled on her with his belt as she tried to get away. Her rectum was torn, her..."

His voice broke and he leaned forward as a tear finally escaped to run down his cheek. Dana went to him, not sure she could bend, so she pulled him up to her, wrapping her arms around him.

He buried his face in her neck, letting her hold him. “She'd asked for a divorce at dinner, and he spent all night and part of the morning beating and raping her. I took care of her through seven surgeries to fix what could be repaired, but her psyche and her voice are both pretty much screwed. I guess Jacob and Brent want you to know when I see serious bruises; it reminds me of what was done to her. But it's my issue, not yours. What he did wasn't consensual, and was done with an intention to damage."

Yes, but he'd kept something from her, information she needed, and they'd have to discuss that—later. Right now, she needed to get the rest of the story, and let him get it all out. “What happened to your friend?"

"The local DA pressed charges, tried to get him sent home to face them, but the military closed ranks around him and no one's seen or heard from him since. I know a little of what they'd been using him for, and believe they just put him in deeper—got rid of his old identity and gave him a new one. I've no way of knowing for sure, though."

"You're afraid of people seeing you in the same light you viewed your friend—as a monster."

Zach started to say no, but stopped mid-word, shock showing on his face as he recognized the truth of her words. “Damn, not even Kirsten figured that one out. I assumed it was just because I thought of her when I saw serious bruises, but... damn. You're right.” He smiled, touching her cheek softly. “Thank you for that. I didn't see Max as a monster, not after I realized you wanted it. Needed it."

Taking a deep breath he said, “This conversation isn't over, but you've just... I think I may be okay with giving you what you need, now. If you still want it from me."

Dana let go of him and walked back to her chair. Not able to answer his question, she said, “Great. It's your spin; get on with it so you can exercise your sadism on someone else."

He laughed and sat, flicking the spinner as if it were a gnat. It stopped on Brent, and Brent gave him a
do your worst
smile as he said, “Truth."

"Are you attracted to me?"

The smile disappeared, the room silent for much too long—Brent's face completely slack.

Dana looked at Jacob, worried at how he might be taking it, but his hand rested supportively on Brent's arm, and his eyes told her they'd already talked about this. She was reminded again of how there truly didn't seem to be any secrets between them. Well, except for the secret passage under the labyrinth.

When Brent finally spoke he said, “If I take the five you'll assume the answer is yes, and that won't do. But I don't know how best to respond."

"A simple yes or no will do."

"But, the answer is yes
and
no. My agreement with Jacob doesn't permit me to have sex of any kind with a submissive male. I can Top them at the club or a play party, but Jacob has to be present, and I must remain fully clothed. However, our contract allows me to have sex with other Tops as long as we use protection. Sex between two male Doms can get... aggressive,” he said, the pause clearly indicating he was making an understatement. “It's not something Jacob's comfortable giving me, and I occasionally need to get it out of my system. If you were gay I'd want you, but you're not, and I'm not interested in converting anyone.” He shrugged. “I could easily be attracted to you if I thought you were capable of returning the feeling, but since it doesn't appear you can... no, I'm not."