Safewords: Davenport and Chiffon (13 page)

He hadn't dealt well with the pain, and Brent had turned off the juice as the second jolt hit. He'd talked to him, calmed him down, and tried it one more time at half Dana's power load, but when it sent him into another panic Brent had taken him to bed and cuddled him. Jacob's voice was off because he'd screamed with such intensity.

As her fuzziness lifted, she had to get away from Zach until she could consider what she'd heard. She'd been worried about being a burden, but had focused on the whole micromanaging thing. Learning he felt obligated to hurt her in ways that obviously disgusted him... she didn't know what to think, but she needed to be somewhere else.

She moved to sit and he held onto her. “Scene rules are still in effect, where do you think you're going?"

"I'm thirsty, Sir. Can I have some water, please?” She hesitated, realized she couldn't keep so much from him. “Also, I feel a little antsy; can we maybe go for a walk?"

He looked at her a few seconds before answering, his eyes scrutinizing. “You've bounced back quicker than usual. Okay, scene's over, but get a sports drink instead of water. The cook made a breakfast casserole; I just have to stick it in the oven."

Brent rose, saying, “She and I can take a walk after we eat, that'll give us time together, and while we're gone I believe Jacob wants to talk with you."

Dana looked at Jacob, asking with her eyes what he needed to discuss with Zach, but he just smiled and waved her towards the door, so she bent forward and gave him a quick peck on the lips before crawling over Zach and heading to the kitchen.

"Why do I get the feeling Jacob and Zach are talking about something important?"

"Because you're intuitive.” He sighed and turned to her, stopping in the middle of the road, giving her a wry smile. “Jacob wants Zach to know he's falling in love with you. I believe he needs permission from Zach before he can be comfortable telling you. He was afraid I'd be upset, but I saw it coming long before Jacob realized it."

He rubbed his face in frustration and reached for her hands as he brought them down. “He won't be happy I've talked to you about it, but I need to protect him, and want to know how you'll respond, so I can...” He stopped, shrugging his shoulders and looking as if he expected her to understand his question.

"I've tiptoed around my feelings for him, to avoid having to dissect them too much. Is it okay to love two men at the same time? Would Zach decide this isn't such a good idea after all? Would
you
determine things were going too far?” She shook her head, hoped she was answering his unspoken question. “I think Jacob is a much stronger and braver person than I can ever be."

Brent's relieved smile told her everything was okay on his end; she just hoped Zach took it as well. “Should we go back and check on them? I'm not so sure Zach will be as laid back as you."

He laughed. “Relax, I've felt him out a little, and I'm pretty sure he'll be fine. He knows how much you care for our boy, and has worried you'd be hurt if Jacob didn't feel the same. Let's give them time to bond—I've been looking forward to having you all to myself."

They walked down the street, chatting comfortably, and she headed them off towards the golf course, and eventually found the trail leading to the Tennessee River. Brent didn't ask where they were going, or why they were climbing down a cliff, he just followed her as if it were nothing, holding onto trees when the footing was treacherous.

"Have you talked to Max recently?” Dana asked.

"Yes, I met with him this week to go over some contracts. He tells me the two of you've talked several times."

"He's a nice guy, and he seems to need a friend right now."

"Yes, he does. I haven't said anything to Zach, but I hope you've been upfront with him."

"Of course I have. Zach's surprisingly laid back about that sort of thing. I couldn't be as accepting of him with another woman as he's been with Jacob and me. He had a harder time understanding why I wanted a friendship with Max, but once I explained, he was fine."

"Like Jacob keeps telling you—he's a keeper."

Dana nodded in agreement, but felt a niggling doubt as she remembered the overheard conversation in bed.

Someone had put a concrete bench near the riverbank, and though she had no idea how they'd managed it, she was grateful as she sat and looked out at the river, watching the waves lap up on the rocks when a boat went by and stirred the water.

"Zach's worried about leaving you here while he's in China."

She didn't answer, just dipped her head in acknowledgement, her eyes still on the water, absorbed in the endless movement. Brent sat beside her, looking in the same direction. “Jacob doesn't have anything on his schedule the first five days—the two of us could come down for the weekend, and Jacob could stay another couple of days when I go back Sunday."

Still raw from the men's discussion while they thought she was sleeping, Brent's words hit her the wrong way. She'd had pride in her strength, and her ability to take care of herself. She'd lived alone for more than two years, and now they were worried about her flying solo for nine days? She felt her backbone straightening, and stood, walking to a tree near the edge of the river. She leaned against it to consider her phrasing, so she didn't say something she might later regret.

"Have you talked to Zach about this?"

"Yes, I wanted to make sure he'd be okay with you and Jacob alone together for so long, without either of us around."

She finally turned to him, hoping her eyes showed strength and not anger. “As much as I'd love to spend time with Jacob, I'm thinking perhaps it's more important I show everyone I'm a woman, and not a child who needs a babysitter when her man can't be around to take care of her."

He leaned forward, peered at the ground, rubbed his face. “I've offended you. I'm sorry."

He looked genuinely upset, still staring down, his shoulders slumped, and she couldn't stay irritated with him. “Maybe the three of us can get together for the weekend, but I won't take Jacob from you for three days. I have lots of work to do; I'll be fine. Really."

His smile was sad as he finally met her gaze. “Jacob will be disappointed, but I understand, I think.” He looked back down, scuffed his toe into the river rocks and stopped, something catching his eye. He bent to pick up a white and lavender shell, wiping the dust off on his jeans and running a finger around and up.

"Shells have a spiral inside, they seem so simple from the outside, but if you cut one in a cross section you see how complex the engineering actually is. In a way, I feel as if my relationship with you has developed in much the same way—simple growth, that's complicated if you stop to examine it."

She thought he was coming to a point, so she leaned against the tree, waiting for him to continue.

"When I met you, I felt close to you, and valued your friendship—and I don't meet many girls at BDSM clubs who become important to me.” Their eyes were on each other now, and he grinned at her, but she had a feeling he was stalling.

He took a breath and continued. “It hurt when I lost you. I met Jacob soon after, and wanted to call and tell you about him. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I've always had this special connection to you, and now that we both care deeply for the same person, it ties us together in a new way. Please, come sit with me—I'm sorry I insulted you, it wasn't intentional."

Dana walked towards him, saying, “It's not a case of ‘the lover of my lover is my lover'; so what are we to each other, exactly? This all started because of our friendship, but we get the least time together. You and Zach talk, and Jacob and I talk—but you and I don't get much one-on-one time.” She sat beside him and leaned into his embrace as he opened his arms. “I've missed you, too. And I'm sorry it took me so long to call you."

"No apologies. I know why you didn't."

She shifted in his embrace. “I can't imagine how Jacob can go from you to me. I mean, you're so large and...” She poked a bicep, her finger bending backwards when it encountered firm muscle. “Your arm is as big around as my leg, and doesn't have an ounce of fat on it. How can the same man enjoy being held by both your arms and mine?"

Brent laughed, and this time it was a happy laugh. “I have absolutely no idea, but I love him anyway. Who knows what makes some of us prefer one gender over another? He happens to not have a preference. I stopped trying to analyze it long ago. He needs someone stronger who can manhandle him, but he also craves the feminine touch."

His arm tightened around her briefly, a reassuring hug. “I don't know if there's a term for what you and I are to each other. There probably is, if we looked hard enough, but I'm not interested in putting that much energy into it. You're my friend, and I value having you in my life. You're also very important to the man I love, which triples your importance. I'm glad it's you Jacob has fallen for."

When they finally returned to the house, Jacob and Zach were in the workshop, though it took a few minutes to find them. They stopped outside the door and heard Zach patiently explaining the human body's electrical system, and what adding current into it did, in technical terms.

Brent stepped into the room and said, “Jacob, I told you I wasn't disappointed. I appreciate your wanting to understand it on a cerebral level in the hopes it'll help you handle the pain, but I've already decided you'll never receive more than pleasure from electricity again. I trust the two of you had a good talk?"

Jacob smiled a huge smile. “We did, Brent. How did your walk with Dana go?"

Brent drew him into his arms and kissed his forehead. “Our Dana is full of unexpected surprises, and I adore her for it.” He looked up at Zach. “If the two of you are finished down here, how about we head out to the bar-b-que place you've been telling us about?"

Saying goodbye to Jacob and Brent on Sunday evening was difficult, but made easier by the knowledge they'd be seeing each other again Friday. They'd decided Dana would ride up with Zach and see him off at the airport, and would spend the weekend with Brent and Jacob. She'd go home Sunday afternoon, driving back the next weekend to pick Zach up from the airport.

As she and Zach watched them drive away, she realized she'd have to find a way to convince Zach she didn't need the type of pain she was itching for.

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Dana merged onto the interstate the next morning and suppressed all thoughts of Zach and his revulsion over her need for pain, focusing on the job she was driving towards. She'd remodeled this house two years ago, but there were new owners and they wanted to change some—

The car came out of nowhere, crashing into the driver's door, her head slamming into the side window, making a sickening sound. Pain stabbed into her brain as she lost consciousness.

She heard sirens, felt something on her face, tried to fight it off. Voices. One of them telling her she was okay. The room swerved and everything faded to black again.

The next time she opened her eyes it was to blinding light. She strained to move her head to the side, but couldn't—it felt as if she were in a posture collar. Her head hurt, her eyes hurt, and there were people and noises all around her.

"It's okay Ma'am, you're in the emergency room. Do you remember what happened?"

She drew a blank; the pain was the only thing she could focus on. The kind voice came again. “You were in a car accident. You're in a neck brace until the x-rays come back, as a precaution. Does anything hurt?"

Dana tried to talk, but nothing came out. She took a breath that shot knives into her ribs, and managed little more than a whisper. “Left side. Everything."

A face came into her vision, looking down at her. “Can you tell me your name?"

"Dana.” Shouldn't they know her name? She didn't remember an accident, and her body was layered in agony—even breathing and thinking set nerves to screaming.

"You're going to be okay, Dana. You have a concussion, and you'll need stitches in the side of your head. We've got your left hand stabilized until we can get it x-rayed. We believe that's the extent of your injuries."

Those weren't the only things hurting. She pulled in a shallow breath to say, “Shoulder,” and reached for more air to say, “Knee.” What the hell was wrong with her chest? She pulled in another to say, “Breathing hurts."

Silence, and a man answered. “Order an x-ray on her knee. Shoulder's been done, should come back with the neck images.” He leaned over her and said, “The seatbelt saved you, but your chest will be sore. Your ribs aren't broken, but the cartilage between them got jerked around. Just take it easy."

Damn, she dealt with pain by taking deep breaths, how the fuck was she supposed to handle this? Especially without... “Zach. Where's Zach?"

A different voice. “If you can give me a number we can call him. The police are trying to run down next of kin, since you weren't conscious."

She rattled off the number.

"Is Zach your husband?"

"No. Live with him. Fiance. Sorta.” She was fading fast, wanted to stay awake, needed Zach. And she
hurt
. She closed her eyes, focused on the worst of it, realized that was the wrong approach, and pinpointed her thoughts onto her right foot, rotating it, moving it back and forth, shifting her awareness to her foot and nothing else, until the miseries of the rest of her body faded into the background.

She heard an alarm and the kind nurse was back, along with the suffering. “You okay, darlin'?"

They made her follow a light with her eyes; something had upset the doctor and nurses. Finally, she heard one of them say, “Cancel the pain meds until we figure out what caused the abnormal brain activity."

Dana didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but couldn't manage either. She reached with her right hand to get the doctor's attention. When his face came into view she said, “It was... trick... take my mind... off the pain. Meant to... No problem."

He bent down. “What trick?"

Trying to ignore the pain in her chest, she pulled more air in. “Right foot doesn't hurt... concentrate on it... focus... makes other pains fade... background."