Run to Me (26 page)

He stared down at her, surprised she even had to ask. “Hell, Shea, you overcame so many things in your life. Abuse, neglect. You triumphed. I had everything given to me and threw it away.”

Even in the dim light, he could see the fire spitting from her eyes. “That’s a load of crap. You could’ve gotten out of prison and resumed your life, but you didn’t. You triumphed, too—you just won’t give yourself credit for it.”

“I couldn’t have gone back to my old life. No one in my family will even acknowledge my existence.”

“Maybe not, but how many people get out of prison and risk their lives to save others?”

“I enjoyed it.”

“That doesn’t mean you haven’t done a lot of good.”

“Maybe.”

“Why did you leave LCR?”

“Screwed up an op.”

“What happened?”

“My temper got out of control. Took out some people instead of bringing them in… . Noah wasn’t happy with how I was handling myself. Thought I needed to be reeled in.”

“You stopped caring.”

“How’d you know?”

“Because I know you, Ethan. Maybe I don’t remember us … but I know you now.”

When she reached up to touch his face, Ethan jerked away and forced a deliberate harshness to his voice. “You don’t know me, Shea. You don’t even remember me. What you know is what I’ve told you. Big difference.”

Her slender body stiff with hurt, she backed away. “Believe what you like. No matter what I say, you will anyway.” She turned and stalked out of the room.

Everything within him wanted to call her back. Once again, he’d hurt her. If she had stayed, if he’d taken the comfort she offered, he’d have hurt her a hell of a lot more.

“Ethan!”

He was on his feet and out of his bedroom before Shea’s scream ended. Shoving open her bedroom door, Ethan halted at the foot of the bed. Shea was sitting up in bed, her hands over her face as her body shivered uncontrollably.

“Shea?”

When she didn’t respond, he grabbed her shoulders and shook her gently. “Tell me, sweetheart.”

Her hands dropped, and Ethan was stunned. The tears running down her face weren’t unexpected. What shocked him was the joy in her expression.
What the hell?

“He didn’t rape me,” she said.

His pounding heart almost skidded to a stop. “What? Who?”

“Rosemount didn’t rape me. I thought he did because I kept seeing myself naked with him. But he never once touched me in that way.”

“You’re sure?”

Emerald eyes gleaming with tears of happiness, she nodded. “Absolutely.”

“How do you know for sure? Have your memories come back?”

She shook her head. “No. This was a nightmare … like the others. Only this time, after I took my clothes off, I realized what he wanted. And I knew this was something he did over and over again. It wasn’t sex he was looking for … I was more of a companion.” A slight shudder went through her. “A pet. He called me
gatita …
kitten. He dressed me in pretty clothes, brushed my hair, talked to me, even sang to me … but when he touched me, it was more of a stroke of affection. There was nothing sexual about it.” Her eyes grew wide with wonder. “My God, I can’t believe this. He really didn’t rape me.”

His adrenaline-charged body was finally catching up with the excitement of the moment. Though it didn’t negate the horror Shea had gone through with the bastard, to know she hadn’t suffered the degradation of rape was definitely something to celebrate. Ethan eased onto the bed to sit beside her. “Can you remember anything else?”

She swallowed hard and let out a shuddering breath of air. “I remember being on my stomach and feeling the needle go into me.” She looked up at him, her eyes suddenly vulnerable again. “If he had tried to rape me, I wouldn’t have stopped him. I only wanted to be what he wanted me to be.”

Ethan brushed a damp strand of hair from her face. “That was the drug, Shea … not you. Thank God he didn’t want that.”

As if she hadn’t heard him, she said, “I wanted to just float away. Let everything go.” She shook her head. “I didn’t want to be me … didn’t want an identity. Pleasing him was my only priority … my only thought.”

“That didn’t happen.”

She drew in a shuddering breath. “You’re right. He didn’t rape me—that’s the most important part.”

“Do you remember anything else?”

She straightened her shoulders, her eyes becoming unfocused as she remembered. “I remember him drugging me. I think this was right after he captured me. When I came off the drugs, the torture began. I was hung up by my feet, totally naked. Soldiers would take turns hosing me down with hot and cold water. Then they would cut me down and leave me there, overnight. Flies and mosquitoes would swarm me. At daylight, they would start all over again.”

She gave a tiny sob and added, “Once, they put me into a cage filled with raw sewage and threw food at me. My wrists were tied most of the time and my hands were so numb I couldn’t catch any food before it fell to the ground. I was starving, but I couldn’t make myself eat sewage.”

Shea’s image blurred as tears filled Ethan’s eyes. What this beautiful, gutsy woman had gone through might destroy an average person. There was nothing average about Shea Monroe. Wrapping his arms around her, Ethan held her close and thanked God for the courageous woman in his arms.

Pulling away from him, she settled onto her pillow. Her expression a mixture of vulnerability and strength, she whispered, “Tell me something.”

He smiled at the request. What had once been “Tell me something good” had progressed into “Tell me something.” She wanted to know more than just the good things. Tonight, he would make sure she heard only good things.

“One time, about a year after we started working together, we were assigned a case involving a little boy. He’d been kidnapped for ransom. The money was claimed, but the kid wasn’t returned. We got called in, as usual, as the last resort.”

A small smile played around her mouth. “I hope this has a good ending.”

Braced on his forearm, he brushed fiery strands of hair from her forehead. “The best possible ending. After some careful interrogation, where you, by the way, were the lead interrogator, we discovered that the grandfather had set it all up. Not only was he going to keep the ransom, he also had a huge insurance policy on his grandson.”

She gasped. “That’s terrible.”

“True. But you coerced it out of him. You don’t remember this yet, but you were one of the best interrogators LCR had. Few people ever escaped from you without spilling their guts.”

“Really. Why?”

“You’re hard as hell to lie to.”

Her mouth curved into a slight smile. “You sound like you’ve tried before.”

Damned if he wanted to get into that tonight. “Once you got the truth out of the old man, you and me and … some others went in and rescued the boys.”

Her eyes brightened. “Really?”

“If it wasn’t for you, that kid would’ve died. You were the only one who believed it was an inside job, and you pursued it to the end.”

“So, I really have done some good things?”

“Sweetheart, you’ve done a lot of good things. More than most people accomplish in a lifetime.”

“I’m glad … I wish I could remember them.”

“You will. But until then, just ask me. I’ll tell you how remarkable you are.”

Gifting him with a smile he felt to his soul, she whispered, “Give me another memory?”

“Anything.”

“Show me how it was between us.”

His heart hitched. All his blood headed south. “What do you mean?”

“Show me how we were together. Let me see how good it was.”

“Shea … I can’t.”

“I told you I’m not looking for promises. But I need this … I need you.”

His mouth went dry. How in the hell could he say no when he wanted her more than he wanted his next breath? “What do you want?”

“Touch me. Let me touch you.”

A lump of apprehension clogged his throat. Ethan swallowed hard and said, “Close your eyes.”

She obediently closed her eyes.

He covered her mouth with his and pressed a soft, gentle kiss against her lips. A soft, surprised gasp escaped, which he joyfully swallowed. His lips feathered over hers, softly nipping and nibbling. With a groan of need, of surrender, Shea opened her mouth and Ethan delved deep, his tongue plunging and retreating. God, her taste … he’d never forgotten how delicious she was. He thrust deeper and then pulled back abruptly, afraid he was going too fast.

Panting slightly, she abruptly opened her eyes. “Why’d you stop?”

“I don’t want to scare you.”

She shook her head. “Ethan, there’s nothing you can do to scare me. Don’t you know you’re the only one I trust not to hurt me?”

Guilt sliced through him, slashing at his already scarred soul. Not hurt her? That’s all he’d ever done. He lowered his head again, afraid she’d read the truth in his eyes. Know him for the liar he was. Determined to give her pleasure, show her how beautiful and special she was, he traced her elegant jawline with his mouth and whispered soft kisses over her cheek, up to her delicate ear. “We used to make love for hours. Sometimes, we’d come in from a job and not even get our clothes off before I was inside you.”

Her voice, soft with wonder, floated over him. “I can almost feel you … almost remember what it felt like. Your heat … your mouth all over me.”

Swallowing a groan at his memories, Ethan switched off his conscience, and went with the consuming desire that was always just a caress away when he was with Shea. “You were always ravenous after a job. We’d make love, then raid the kitchen.” His mouth kicked up in memory. “Our kitchen table saw as much action as the bedroom.”

“I remembered one of those times … how you felt inside me. It was wonderful. I felt powerful, invincible.”

Fighting the need to rip her clothes off and show her just how good it had been, he held himself as still as possible. This was for Shea. His hands ached with the need to feel the familiar firm roundness of her breasts, the creamy texture of her skin, the goose bumps she used to get when he touched her in a certain way. He slid his hand up her top, the silky satin of her skin created a pulse-pounding pressure in his groin. “Your breasts … ah, baby, your breasts could make a saint come.” His hand closed around a sweet mound. “Your right breast is your more sensitive one … did you know that?”

An inarticulate sound escaped as she shook her head.

“I don’t know how many times I’d squeeze you, right here.” He demonstrated by taking her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. “Then I’d slide inside you … you’d come almost immediately.”

“Oh, Ethan … yes. Again. Squeeze me again, just like that.”

Ethan felt the tension inside her building, body tight, already close to climax, her back arched as she thrust forward. As one hand continued to squeeze the nipple tighter, loosen, and squeeze again, his other hand slid between her legs and pressed hard, right at the top of her sex. Jewel-bright eyes flew open as she arched higher off the bed and released a keening cry as climax engulfed her.

Within seconds of his own explosion, Ethan reluctantly let go of her breast, but allowed his fingers the delight of skimming down her torso one last time as he withdrew. With a regretful sigh, he turned away.

A soft hand grabbed his arm. “Wait. Where are you going?”

“Back to my room.”

“Why?”

“If I stay, I won’t be able to stop.”

“I don’t want you to stop. I need this, Ethan. I need you … inside me. I feel like I’ve been waiting for this since I saw you again. I may not remember what we had, but I know, at this moment, that I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you.”

At those words, need overwhelmed, then consumed all his good intentions. Denying himself, denying Shea had just ended. With a growl, Ethan scooped Shea from the bed and stalked to the door.

“Where are we going?”

“My room.”

“Why?”

Barely able to concentrate on walking, much less speak, he muttered, “Condoms.”

With a soft moan of approval, Shea wrapped silken arms around his neck and pressed soft, sweet kisses to his chin and jaw. When her small teeth nibbled at his neck, it took every bit of his determination to continue to his room instead of laying her in the middle of the hallway and giving them both what they needed.

Finally reaching his room, he dropped Shea on the bed and moved over her immediately. Unable to speak for the emotions surging inside him, Ethan smothered his groan of need by covering her mouth with his. His tongue forged through, thrust deep, dancing, retreating, thrusting again … tasting, devouring, and giving all he had to give.

All the while, Shea’s soft hands were busy caressing him. When her hand wrapped around his engorged erection, he almost came in her palm. It’d been so long, and Shea was the only woman who’d ever made him feel that he’d die if he didn’t get inside her.

Backing away slightly, he gazed down at her. “You’re sure?”

“More sure than I’ve been about anything since you rescued me.”

He was a man, not a saint. A very flawed man who wanted, needed, and desired this woman above anything else. Sitting up, he pulled his T-shirt over his head. His pajama bottoms followed.

Shea lay there, watching. Her eyes held only a dark hunger. No fear. No hesitancy. She wanted him.

Ethan took a breath to slow down. This was like the first time with her … the first time she would remember. He wanted it to be perfect, beautiful. As beautiful as she was to him.

At the first touch of his hand on her breast, a smile of delight curved her delicate mouth. She seemed to recognize the difference in his touch. Heat and desire had led them here. Love and possession took over.

His hands glided under her pajama top, leaving her silky skin bared. Needing to taste her sweetness, he lowered his head and licked a nipple. Her gasp of pleasure urged him on. Closing his mouth around the hardened peak, he sucked. Her moans and groans let him know she loved what he was doing, wanted more.

He lifted his head, breathed against her skin. “Once … I sucked so hard, you climaxed.”

“I can believe it … having your mouth on me …” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “When you suck on me, I can feel the sensation all through my body.”