Run to Me (24 page)

This time, she made sure she didn’t get caught.

“I couldn’t go back to living with her after living with them.”

“What else do you remember?”

“I got on a bus to Colorado. Lied about my age and worked two jobs till I got my GED. Went to college at night and got a degree in psychology. It felt good to be on my own. I was bone-assed tired most of the time, but it was a good feeling.”

“I can’t believe you remember all of this.”

A grim smile tilted her lips. “Last night was a busy night.”

“I wish you’d have let me help you through it.”

Her eyes shifted to her plate. “I need to learn how to deal with them on my own.” She cleared her throat and glanced back up at him. “Unfortunately, things get blurry after that.”

“You don’t remember calling Noah and telling him you wanted to work for him?”

She gasped. “I did?”

His clear green eyes glinted with something like pride. “Said you were tired of all the bureaucratic crap. You were working for social services in Denver. You told him you liked how he got things done.”

“Did Noah tell you this?”

“No, you used to brag about it.”

“I did?”

“Yes. Guess you don’t remember that you were quite arrogant, too.”

She was astounded that she’d been so cocky and confident. Laughter bubbled through her, then caught in her throat at Ethan’s expression. “What’s wrong?”

Ethan released a shaky breath. “My God, Shea. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve heard you laugh like that?”

A full smile curved her mouth. “It felt really good.”

“Laughter and tears always came so easy for you.”

“You sound envious.”

He shrugged. “It’s not that easy for most people.”

“I know you’ve laughed, but you never cry?”

“Not in a long while.”

“Sometimes I feel as though if I started crying, I’d never be able to stop. Do you ever feel that way?”

Ethan stood and turned away from her. “No.” He gave a sidelong glance at her plate. “Are you finished?”

The stoic stone face Ethan presented didn’t fool her for an instant. What had hurt him so badly in the past that he’d locked his emotions up from the rest of the world?

“Shea, are you finished?”

“Yes, sorry.” She stood, knowing, as before, that once their discussion of her nightmares was over, they’d go their separate ways until lunch. “I think I’ll go get my sketchbook and sit out on the deck.”

Ethan watched her leave the room. From the deep shadows under her eyes, she needed sleep more than anything else.

Exhaustion beat at him, too. Last night had been an exercise in agony. Shea had refused his help, as she had for weeks. He wished it was just the return of her independent spirit, but he knew the truth. After he’d made it clear that she was only here temporarily and nothing would develop between them, she’d been determined to handle everything on her own. He counted himself lucky that she hadn’t demanded to leave. Not that he’d let her, but fighting Shea when she was hurt and angry wasn’t something he wanted.

Placing the dishes in the sink to be cleaned up later, Ethan headed to his small office at the back of the house. It was time for his weekly check-in with Noah. Closing the door quietly behind him, Ethan lowered himself into the leather office chair and picked up the phone.

“Anything new?” Despite his exhaustion, Ethan couldn’t help but be amused at Noah’s phone etiquette, so similar to his. No wasting time on niceties.

“Major nightmares last night.” He paused. “She remembered her childhood.”

“Hell, that’s a nightmare all to itself.” Noah’s grim tone was an acknowledgment that there was little he didn’t know about Shea’s past.

“She handled it well. A hell of a lot better than I could. She remembers all the way up to getting her degree. Doesn’t remember contacting you.”

“That’ll come soon.”

“Yeah. Anything new on Rosemount or from Dr. Norton?”

“Not much on Rosemount. We think he’s still in Mexico. Thought we had him … or at least some of his people. A few weeks back, got a tip two college kids were going to be nabbed. We rescued the kids, but Rosemount’s men got away. Only description we got was two white males, one medium-sized with blond hair and one large with black hair.” Noah blew out a snort of disgust. “Not a lot to go on.”

“Think he’s getting careless?”

“Maybe. Tip came in from one of our Web watchers. He saw an ad on one of the websites we know Rosemount has used. Thought it sounded similar to his kind of deal and alerted us. Turned out he was right… . Problem was, it took Jamie too long to find out where and who the kids were.”

“Jamie?” Ethan asked sharply.

“Yeah. I know what you’re going to say, but Gabe thinks he can turn him around.”

“Yeah, well, Gabe wasn’t there two years ago when Jamie sat with his thumb up his ass while one of our guys got killed either.”

“He says he’s not denying that the kid has problems, but he thinks he can make something of him. Gabe’s on assignment right now. When he gets back, he knows he’s got only a short amount of time to whip Jamie into shape. In the meantime, Jamie’s running down cybernappings. When he saw the ad for the two college kids, he brought it to me. Have to admit, I was impressed that he was on the ball like that.”

Ethan grudgingly admitted, “It’s been a while since I’ve seen him. Maybe the kid has changed. That’s as close as you’ve been to Rosemount in a while.”

“Thing is, since we got that close, I’m wondering if he’s going to go deeper.”

“Seems too arrogant to do that.”

“Maybe.” Noah paused for a breath and then said, “There is one piece of good news. I talked to Dr. Norton this morning. They’re still working on developing something for Shea that’ll return her memories without working adversely on her mind. One of the drugs they’re experimenting with has had good results for people who’ve gone through trauma. Even though the memory returns, it dims the fear, making it seem like it’s a movie.”

“Hell, at least she’ll be spared that, if nothing else. Anything else?”

“Might have something within a matter of weeks.”

Ethan heard the warning. At some point, either through drugs or just through Shea’s steely determination, she would remember all of her past. A sudden urge to see her had Ethan ending the call. “Thanks for the update. I’ll check back next week.”

“Stay safe.”

Ethan hung up the phone and stared at the notepad where he’d made his scribbles. The mole had been identified and was being lured. Gabe would be handling the setup and Ethan was to be ready.

Shredding the note, Ethan shot to his feet and headed to the back deck. Shea’s favorite spot. It was also the only place outside where she could go without him. Due to the sheer drop from the deck, it would be almost impossible for anyone to gain access.

Shea came out here almost every day for what she called her bit of private heaven. The scenery seemed to fill her with serenity. He tamped down the thought of how much he wanted to give her his own idea of serenity. Though he fought it every day, the desire he’d always felt for her was greater than ever. With no outlet, his fantasies and memories of her kept him awake late into the night. Even when Shea’s nightmares or his own weren’t keeping him awake, his unappeased libido refused to allow him rest.

He stepped out onto the wooden deck and found a sleeping beauty. For right now, at least, no nightmares plagued her. She looked peaceful and so damned beautiful, his erection rose and pressed with urgent intent against his zipper. Accustomed to the intense desire he knew would never leave, Ethan ignored his needs. About to walk silently back into the house to allow her to rest, he stopped short when he spotted her sketchbook beside her lounge chair.

Every few days, Ethan faxed sketches to LCR in the hopes that one of them would be recognized as Rosemount. Most of the sketches were only half finished. Her mind held on to the face for only a few precious seconds, barely long enough to get the full image in her brain.

Ethan picked up the sketchbook, hoping she’d been able to come up with something they could use. His heart made a hard thud against his chest on its way to his feet. Shea had indeed drawn a new image. More complete than any others. One she hadn’t drawn before.

He paid little attention to the spiral binding biting into his hand as he gripped the sketchbook. His whole world was about to slam down around him. And though the expression on the face looking up from the page had no emotion or expression, he couldn’t help but see a glint of accusation in the smoky blue eyes. Cole Mathison’s eyes.

“Ethan?”

Jerked out of hell, he moved his gaze to Shea. “You drew a new picture.”

She looked at the sketchbook and grimaced. “Yeah. Still have no idea who he is. Just another face that flashed through my mind. For some reason, this one was easier to draw than the others.” Her eyes widened. “Do you think it’s Rosemount?”

“What? No … I …”

Shea watched his throat work as he swallowed. A powerful emotion seemed to be working inside him. The cool green of his eyes had turned dark.

“What’s wrong?”

The sketchbook dropped from his hand. In the next instant, Ethan pulled Shea from her chair and into his arms. Before she could protest or agree, his mouth was on hers.

With a moan, Shea wrapped her arms around Ethan’s shoulders, pressed her body against his, and returned the kiss with all the fervor that had been building up inside her for weeks. Since that day he’d kissed her, she dreamed about kissing him again. Had been so afraid it would never happen. She felt as though she’d been waiting for this forever.

At her response, Ethan moaned against her mouth and deepened the kiss. Shea opened up, allowing his tongue to surge inside, slide, then tangle with hers. His taste was wonderful … coffee and Ethan. Desire swirled, then whipped through her, heating her blood and causing a hot, welcoming moisture to pool between her legs. Feelings she recognized as want and need made her pull away slightly. The deliciousness of the moment was something she wanted to savor.

“Shea?”

Ethan’s eyes glinted with desire. Was she ready for this? After all she’d been through, could they make love without horrific memories hounding her? The answer came with an immediate and resounding
yes.
Perhaps if it were anyone but Ethan, she couldn’t. But this was the man she’d once loved … the man she was falling in love with again. A sense of rightness blended with desire. She wanted Ethan to make love to her.

“Shea, please … don’t look at me like that. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I’m not scared, Ethan. For the first time in forever, I finally feel alive.”

His thumb came up and gently wiped the moisture from her mouth. Shea’s tongue peeked out and licked. A harsh, tortured groan came from deep inside Ethan. Shea opened her mouth, closed her lips around his thumb, and suckled.

“Shea.” His body pressed against her and she felt his rigid arousal.

As she suckled his thumb, showing him what she’d liked to do to the hard, throbbing organ pressed against her, Shea pushed against Ethan, opening her legs, and shifted till her mound fit against him just so. Her eyes fluttered closed as the mounting desire spiraled toward an ecstasy she could only imagine.

Ethan pulled his thumb from her mouth and cupped her bottom with his big hands. Eyes open, she watched his face as he pressed deeper. With each hard rub, tension built between her legs, inside the depths of her sex. She was going to climax, and Ethan’s fiercely intent expression told her it was what he intended, what he wanted. As she breathed out a groaning sigh, her eyes slid closed again.

“Open your eyes, baby. I want you looking at me when you come.”

Eyes wide open, Shea kept her gaze locked with Ethan’s as a glorious, pulse-pounding tension developed, winding tighter and tighter, stoking a hot glow of fierce need. The pleasure … so great, so profound, it was hard to fathom the exquisite intensity. At the edge, just when she was sure she would soon scream with the mounting need to just let go, climax slammed through her. Her breath hitching, Shea bit her lip and rode the hard ridge of his erection till the final surge of explosion, breathless pants, and small whimpers of need blended with nature. Ethan continued to watch her, his eyes glinting with something hot and wild, a fierce satisfaction etched on his taut face.

When the last orgasmic throb pulsed through her, she slowly released the grip on his shoulders. His erection was steel hard, but she already recognized denial in his face. He’d given her the release, but had no plan to take it further.

She drew in a shaky but determined breath. “Make love to me, Ethan.”

Pressing a soft kiss against her nose, then her mouth, he whispered against her lips, “No. That was for you.”

“And I’m not allowed to give back?”

He blew out a ragged sigh. “I can’t deny that I want you, but—”

“But what? Do you think I’m looking for some kind of commitment from you?”

Ethan pulled away. Before Shea could protest, he dropped into a cushioned chair and pulled her into his arms. Shea sank into his embrace, loving this new intimacy, wanting with all her heart for it to go further.

“You’ve been through hell, sweetheart. Still recovering. I don’t want to do anything that’s going to hurt your progress.”

She lay in his arms, quietly contemplating his words. She didn’t doubt that he wanted her. The hard throb of his erection pressed against her hip like a hot iron poker, clear evidence of his desire. And despite his denial weeks ago, he cared deeply for her. But something held him back.

Allowing him to use the excuse of her recovery wasn’t easy. She knew she was ready. Now she just needed to determine why Ethan wasn’t.

“Okay, I’ll wait.” She pressed a kiss to his mouth. “But when I tell you I’m ready, no arguing. No over-thinking or worrying. I’m not looking toward the future, just the here and now. Okay?”

The words were meant to reassure him that she expected nothing more from him. That the here and now was all that counted. So why did Ethan’s expression remain haunted and agonized?